He needed to show her they could work while he was here. That even when he left, they could still have a relationship of sorts when he was away. He’d visit more often, stay for longer periods of time. Surely he could make that good enough and have it both ways…
“Come here.” He walked her into the bathroom, turned on the shower, and faced Chloe. “I really want to say something about you being such a dirty girl…” He smiled and tugged on her sodden dress. Mud streaked all over her legs and in her hair. She looked like a wild Amazonian goddess.
“If you did, I’d counter with you’re the one who makes me dirty,” she said lowly.
“Is it bad that I like that?”
She shook her head. “No, I like it, too.”
He took off his shirt, then his jeans, and when they were both naked, he led her under the spray of the water. He lathered up soap in his hands and washed her neck. His thumbs slid along her jaw, massaging and cleaning away the mud.
It was incredible how she responded to him. They were naked, yet this wasn’t sexual. It was almost…nurturing. He was happy to just touch her. Revel in her beauty and wash her. Keep her close.
“So, we both want to be dirty together,” he started. “Why don’t we?”
She peeked open an eye. “What?”
“Give in to me,” he whispered.
“I gave you your date. And romance.”
“I know. But I want more.” His hands roamed from her chest to her arms, spreading the bubbles. “I don’t know when I’ll be called out on the next mission, but I want you to spend however long I have left here with me. We can—”
“Pretend there’s more between us than there actually is?” she snapped.
“That’s where you and I differ. I know there’s more between us.”
“There can’t be,” she said. “You know how bad that’d be.”
“So you want to keep doing what we’re doing without ever exploring more?”
Her wide eyes searched his face. She wanted to say something—it was on those pretty lips, but she held it back and glanced away. He grabbed the soap and placed his lathered hands on her chest.
“Tell me the truth,” he said. “What is it you want? Beyond the sex, beyond a casual and temporary relationship. What do you honestly want?”
Her hands stilled. “I want to be the fantasy…not the reality.”
Her words smacked straight to his gut. She’d rather live in suspended bliss with no thought of a deeper connection than risk being real with him. Maybe they were further apart than he’d thought. But behind her perfect skin and sweet face was a hint of fear. Was she afraid of him? Afraid of more? Could he convince her this long-distance type of relationship could work?
Before he could ask, her green eyes fastened to his. “What is it you want, Gage? Beyond the date, what do you honestly want?”
The truth hit him hard. “I want you to miss me when I’m gone.”
Her chest rose on a sharp breath. In a few words and a single admission, the difficulty of their situation blared like fog lights in a storm. Dread gathered in his stomach.
Could they both have what they wanted?
Maybe this was why fantasy was better. Reality could hurt.
They didn’t say anything else. Just finished cleaning up while their words and tonight’s events settled over them. He wrapped Chloe in a towel and took her to bed.
“I should go,” she whispered.
But he tucked her under the covers and climbed in behind her. Because God help him, he couldn’t send her away. Not when she was so close.
Would they ever have a shot at anything more than this fantasy? It seemed less and less possible.
He hugged her against him. “Stay here tonight. In my bed. In the fantasy.”
She didn’t say anything, but she didn’t try to leave, either. Her soft, even breathing was all the answer he needed for now. Because at least for tonight, she’d stay. In his arms. In the fantasy. Even though he couldn’t get reality out of his mind.
Chapter Nine
Chloe opened her eyes and stretched. The soft covers floated around her like a cloud, surrounding her in warmth, tranquility, and…
Panic.
She was in Gage’s bed. The soft light of late morning filtered through the room and warmed her face, but he was nowhere to be seen.
What had happened? She’d had sex with Gage…in the mud, during a rainstorm. He’d taken her to his place, and then they’d showered and gone to bed without having sex again. What had he been thinking? What had she been thinking? Showering without sex. Sleeping in the same bed without sex. The only people who did that were people in relationships. The kind of people she’d insisted she and Gage could never be.
She should have left him last night as soon as she saw where this was going. Instead, she’d lain there, her head against his chest, and had fallen asleep.
What had she been thinking? What had he been saying?
Everything in the light of day felt more like a mess than last night, which was an actual mess. He wanted to see where things went between them? Like on a serious level? Dating?