Sunset to Sunrise (Alexa O'Brien, Huntress #7.5)

“No problem. Happy to help.” He was very casual about it, but I could see there was more to it. Before I could question it further, he returned to his place at the bar and resumed drinking tequila as if he’d never left that spot.

I followed along, my curiosity growing. I continued to stare at him, making no attempt to hide my intrusive gawking. Willow put back three shooters before he turned his head to look at me.

“I know what you’re thinking. So just say it already.” He gestured to the empty stool at his side. “Have a seat. Let’s talk.”

“You’re here for Alexa. Aren’t you? Like a guardian or something.” I blurted it out, finding no tactful way to broach the subject. Taking the seat next to him, I waited patiently for his response.

It was slow in coming. Willow nodded once and silently downed two more shots of liquor before replying. “Yes. I was. Before I made the choice that caused me to fall from grace.”

“She has no idea,” I said. It wasn’t a question but an observance.

“No,” Willow agreed. “She suspects something, but she doesn’t really know. It’s better if she doesn’t know yet. For many reasons. Now that’s it’s too late and I’ve fallen, I could tell her. Maybe I should.”

“What happened?” I asked knowing full well it was none of my damn business. Still, I held out hope that he would share this with me.

Willow spun a lime wedge on the bar. He stared at it as if it held the secrets of the universe, lost in whatever he was seeing in his memory. “I fell in love with a human. It caused me to fall. And then Shya murdered her. It was his way of punishing me for refusing to join him. I lost my guardianship over Alexa, but I never left her. I couldn’t.” He looked at me then, self-loathing shining in his eyes. “I let her down, and she doesn’t even know. But I know. So do many others. Like Shya. So I’m here for her now in any way I can be. Because I can’t let him do to her what he did to the woman I loved.”

It took a lot to stun me into silence. That however, managed to do it. My mouth opened and closed. So many possible responses formed in my mind, but none of them seemed appropriate.

Alexa’s friendship with Willow made more sense now. She trusted him. For a woman who trusts very few people, me included, that said a lot. Subconsciously she must recognize him as her guardian but consciously she had no idea. How could that be?

“I’m sorry.” I didn’t know what else to say. The words sounded hollow and felt wrong on my tongue.

“Don’t be,” Willow said with a sad smile. “Shit happens. Right? I don’t want anyone’s pity. I just want to do all I can to help her.”

“Me too.” I heard myself say it, but it didn’t sound like me. “It’s too late for me though. I’ve wronged her in ways I can’t even stand to think about.”

It was my turn to avert my gaze. A memory rose up of Alexa struggling beneath me, fighting so hard to get away while I forced myself on her. The scent of her blood drove me, demanding I take what I wanted.

I pounded a fist on the bar. It was over, and it was too late to take it back. Reliving it would only drive me into a fit of maniacal hunger. Dear God, I was such a lost cause.

“You love her. The choice you made tonight proves that. And she loves you. You know this.” Willow studied me, his gaze heavy upon me.

He made it awfully hard to sit there and feel sorry for myself. I couldn’t even begin to imagine how deep his love for a human woman must have been that he would risk becoming fallen. However, he did make me feel less solitary in my pain.

Forbidden love is a bitch. It divides and conquers, leaving suffering in its path of destruction. The way Willow clung to the tequila was much like the way I clung to the peace I only knew in the grips of the kill. Though I wouldn’t have wished it on anyone, it was somehow reassuring to know this torment was not mine alone.

“Yeah, I know.” I sighed, trying to resist the urge to scan the crowd for a plaything. The lure of temporary escape was strong. “I could live a thousand lifetimes and still never deserve her. It’s hard.”

“Maybe it’s not about what you deserve. Maybe it’s about what you’re willing to give regardless of that.”

“Oh no you don’t,” I said with an awkward laugh. “Don’t get all deep and meaningful on me. I can’t handle that shit. I’ll be across the room with my face buried between some hottie’s legs before you can blink.”

Willow chuckled, a wry, bitter sound that echoed my own. “While you do that, I’ll sit here and count drinks.” He raised a shot glass and said, “One.”

We laughed together before descending into silence. Each lost in our own tortured thoughts, we shared a quiet moment that was almost nice.

The sound of shattering glass broke me from my thoughts. I emerged from a memory of warm summer rain and the scent of wolf. Of all the Alexa memories living inside me, that one was the best and the worst. I would never forget the one and only night we made love.