Charlie curled her hands into fists. She told herself to keep breathing, that she would get through this conversation and then she could smash something.
“You need to get this fixed before you bring a child into your life,” Dakota told her. “That doesn’t mean you have to have a man around. I think you’d be a great single mom. But you do have to heal the wound. Otherwise, you won’t be able to teach a baby all the lessons you need to. Being a parent is hard enough. We’re all flawed. But you want to start from the best position you can and right now you’re not there.”
Dakota’s gaze never left hers. “I want the best for you. I want you to beat this.”
“I don’t like it,” Charlie told her, fighting faint nausea and more than a little shame. “I don’t like it a lot.”
Dakota waited.
Charlie rubbed her face then nodded once. “Okay. Maybe you’re right. Maybe this is a problem. The guy thing.”
Dakota’s mouth curved into a smile. “Just maybe? Do you know how many degrees I have?”
Charlie grinned. “Yeah, yeah, book smart. I know.” Her humor faded and she leaned forward. “I don’t know how to fix it. I’m not a therapy kind of person. I’m too impatient. I don’t want to talk about my feelings.”
“There are different kinds of therapy. Not all of them require you to talk about your childhood. I could help you find a trauma specialist who would only focus on the rape itself. When it happened, no one believed you. So you not only have to process the damage done by the physical act, but also the betrayal of those you should have been able to trust.”
Charlie wasn’t in the mood to process anything. “Can I just have sex with a guy and call it a day?”
“Would that make you feel healed?”
“Since I haven’t wanted to since, then yeah. That wouldn’t hurt.” Honestly, she couldn’t imagine trusting anyone enough to do that. Nor could she picture herself wanting to.
“Then sex is a great place to start. Any candidates?”
“No. Men aren’t my thing.”
“It doesn’t have to be a man.”
Charlie stared at her. “Ah, no. I didn’t mean it that way. Given the choice, I’ll go with a man.”
Dakota looked amused. “Just checking. Because whatever works.”
“You’re incredibly weird. You know that, right.”
“I can live with my idiosyncrasies.”
“And I should learn to live with mine,” Charlie said. “I’ll admit I don’t like what you’re saying, but in my gut, it feels right. So I’ll listen.”
“Let me know if you want my help in finding a therapist. I know a few who specialize in trauma. You’d have to go to Sacramento for sessions, but it shouldn’t take very many.”
“I’m not sure which would be worse. Therapy or sex.”
Dakota grinned. “Which is part of the problem. For most people, sex with a great guy would be the preference.”
“I guess.” She looked at her friend. “Thanks for being brave enough to take me on.”
“I’m here for you. I can also help you find a guy, if you’d like.”
“Ah, no, thanks. Great offer, but I think I should humiliate myself in private.”
Dakota tilted her head. “Why would there be humiliation?”
Charlie shook her head. “Now you’re going all therapist on me. Change of topic. How are the kids?”
“You’re trying to distract me.”
“Yes, and you’re going to let it work, because you love me.”
Dakota laughed. “You’re going to be the best mom. Seriously. Get this fixed, Charlie, because you have babies just waiting to come into your life.”
Charlie hoped she was right. The road to healing wasn’t going to be much fun, though. Therapy or a man? Honest to God, she couldn’t figure which road offered the least pain. With a man, she wouldn’t have to haul her ass to another town. With therapy she wouldn’t have to have sex. Of course it was possible her therapist would tell her to start dating, which meant the worst of both worlds.
She would get it figured out, she promised herself. Because she was ready to be part of a family.
* * *
ANNABELLE LEANED AGAINST Khatar. “For us to take our relationship to the next level, you’re going to have to be supportive of reality TV. There’s no other way around it.”
The horse rubbed the side of his face against her arm, as if nodding.
“Really?” she asked. “You wouldn’t mind a Project Runway marathon? Or a night of America’s Next Top Model?”
“Does he ever answer?”
Annabelle looked up and saw Clay standing by the fence. He was still the most incredibly good-looking man she’d ever seen, but she was getting used to having him around. Not that she had any interest in the man. For her the world had been reduced to a single man she couldn’t get off her mind.
“Sometimes,” she said with a grin. “I speak fluent horse.”
“There’s a talent.” Clay eyed the stallion. “I heard he was mean.”
“I did, too, but it’s silliness. Khatar is a sweetie.”
“He tried to kill a guy.”
Annabelle rubbed behind his ears. “I refuse to believe that.”
Summer Nights (Fool's Gold #8)
Susan Mallery's books
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- Just One Kiss
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