Safe With Me

Chapter Eighteen

~Caleb~

I’ve avoided her all day. All f*cking day. And that’s not easy to do when the person you’re avoiding is the one you’re living with and doing your damndest to protect.

It’s not easy.

But for my own sanity, it’s necessary.

I heard her last night when she whispered that she loved me while I was buried inside her and couldn’t tell where I ended and she began. She didn’t have to say the words aloud, I could f*cking feel her, and to say it scared the shit out of me is an understatement.

So I did the only thing I knew and ignored it.

Because somewhere along the line I fell in love with her too, and now I’m too much of a p-ssy to admit it.

I slide out from under the sink in the kitchen, throw my wrench in my toolbox and wipe my hands on a towel. I’ve managed to work out twice, repair a loose board on the deck, re-caulk the bathtub in the kids’ bathroom, and repair a leak under the kitchen faucet, all since we all returned home from work and school this afternoon.

I even opted out of eating dinner with Brynna and the girls, insisting that I’d eaten a big lunch at work.

I’m f*cking starving.

I frown as Bix saunters around the kitchen island, sniffing for any scraps that may have fallen while Brynna made dinner and comes to me for an ear rub.

“Hey, boy,” I whisper and kiss his cheek while I rub him down. “How are you feeling?”

Bix nudges my chin with his head and sits next to me on the floor, enjoying the attention.

“You’re such a faker,” I mumble with a laugh. “You get more attention from those two little girls than you have in your whole life.”

He grins up at me and moans as I rub the sensitive area around his injured ear.

“Does that still give you problems, boy?” I ask with a whisper and gently massage the tender area.

“What’s wrong with him?”

I glance up, surprised to see Maddie standing in the kitchen and I didn’t hear her approach. She’s in a long nightgown, her dark hair is still wet from her bath, but it’s been combed to hang over her shoulders. She’s barefoot and is holding her doll close to her chest.

She’s all fresh and clean and just about the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen.

“Nothing, buttercup,” I respond and smile. “Sometimes his ear just hurts.”

“Oh,” She frowns and watches me rub Bix’s face. “Poor Bix.”

“He’s okay,” I reassure her. “What are you up to?”

“I want you to read us a story and tuck us in, so Mom said I should come find you.”

She watches me with wide sleepy eyes.

“Shall we take Bix up and read a story?” I ask her with a smile.

“Yes, please,” she responds happily.

I rise from my seat on the floor and motion for Bix to follow us up the stairs. Brynna is just coming out of the girls’ room as we approach and she hugs Maddie tight and grins at her.

“Good night, baby girl,” Brynna croons to her daughter.

“’Night, Mama,” Maddie responds and jumps up into her bed. Bix happily curls up on his bed between the two, but he’s not fooling me.

He’ll be up on one of their beds as soon as I turn the light out and leave.

“You and I need to talk,” Brynna murmurs to me before turning and walking down the stairs.

Yeah, we do, Legs.

“Come over here with us, jellybean, and we’ll read a story.”

Josie climbs into Maddie’s bed and the two little girls curl up together. “I want Ferdinand,” Josie informs me.

“Ferdinand it is, then,” I grin and find the book about the bull on their bookshelf before sitting on the edge of the bed to read.

Bix sighs as I begin the story about a bull who is content to just sit and smell the flowers under his favorite cork tree. The girls settle in and watch the pictures as I read, making my voice different for the different characters. They yawn, their eyes growing heavy.

By the time I reach the end, they both have their eyes closed and are breathing deeply with sleep. Rather than wake Josie and make her get up out of Maddie’s bed to get into her own, I lift her carefully and carry her to her bed, tucking her in.

Before I can pull away, she tightens her arms around my neck in a hug and whispers, “Love you, Daddy.”

My heart stops as she wiggles away, turns on her side, and sighs as she falls back to sleep.

Suddenly, I feel a sheen of sweat form on my forehead and pulling air in and out of my lungs is a struggle.

I need out of here.

I back out of the girls’ room, turn out the light and walk quickly down the hall through Brynna’s bedroom to the bathroom and turn the faucet on cold, briskly splashing it over my face, over and over again, not caring that I’m splashing water all over the floor, the sink, down my shirt.

I stop and lean my hands on the countertop, staring at my own refection, water dripping, panting, trying to drag enough air into my lungs.

Rat tat tat tat tat!

“Move, move, move! Retreat!” I called to my men in the wilderness of Afghanistan. “Get the f*ck out of here!”

“Marshall is down!” Lewis yelled at me from twenty yards away, shooting with precise calm at the Taliban that ambushed us.

“F*ck!”

“I’m going up the hill to try to call for help,” Bates, the fourth on our team informed me.

“No, we stay together,” I shook my head and aimed my rifle, taking out another of the enemy.

“We need backup, man,” Lewis called over.

“You’ll get hit,” I call to Bates as we make our way through the trees. “There are at least fifty of them!”

“We need backup,” Bates repeats and looked me square in the eye. “I’m going up.”

Before I could respond, he ducked and ran back up the hill to get to high ground for the communication unit to work and Lewis and I opened fire, covering him.

“Three O’clock!” Lewis screamed and I turned to my right, firing, taking out three more Taliban.

My eyes searched for Bates and found him, still making his way up the mountain.

Suddenly, I heard Lewis grunt and as I looked his way, he dropped to one knee, but kept firing.

“Are you hit?” I asked.

“Affirmative, sir,” he called back and continued to fire.

“How bad?”

He didn’t answer. Looking up, Bates had reached the top and was setting up the comm unit when suddenly a bullet caught him in the right shoulder, knocking him back. He grimaced, but pushed on, raised the CB to his mouth, calling for help. Another bullet pierced the hand holding the mouthpiece, but damn if he didn’t pick it up with his other hand and kept talking.

“Lewis! Bates is calling for help!” I called out. Lewis was on his stomach now, still shooting and taking down men.

My own rifle continued to fire as well, and for a moment, I thought we might survive it, just one man down.

Until a f*cking sniper landed a shot in Lewis’ forehead, killing him instantly.

“Motherf*cker,” I growled and continued to fire in earnest, sure that all four of us would die here on this mountain, and I’d be damned if we went out without a fight.

“Back up is coming!” Bates called down to me, just before another bullet caught him in the left shoulder and he slumped to the ground.

“You hold on!” I called out to him, my heart beating erratically. “Get down, Bates!”

“Roger, sir,” he responded and watched me with glassy eyes as I continued to take out the enemy around us.

A flash of light came straight for us and landed several yards away, knocking me out cold.

What am I doing?

I shake my head, pulling myself back into the here and now and splash more water on my face with shaking hands.

I’ve wanted Brynna since the first time I laid eyes on her. She’s f*cking gorgeous, who wouldn’t want to f*ck her?

But goddamn it, she’s more than that. Why did I think I could just have her in my bed, and not fall in love with her?

Why couldn’t I keep my f*cking hands off her?

I stare at the hollow, broken man in the mirror, knowing the answer already.

Because Brynna Vincent is it for me. There will never be another woman who can make me feel safe, make me feel happy.

Make me feel loved.

And her daughters are two little beacons of light in this dark hell I call a life that I just can’t resist.

And God knows I don’t deserve them.

Any of them.

Just the thought of Josie and Maddie calling me Daddy fills me with so much pride and so much fear I don’t know what to do with myself.

Things have gotten so far out of hand. We have to stop playing house. If not for my own sanity, for the sake of the girls because only heartache can come of this.

I couldn’t protect my men. What in the name of Christ made me ever think I could protect these precious women?

I stomp out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, punching the keys on my phone as I move, yank my bag out of the closet and throw the few articles of clothing and toiletries I have into it, zip it, and jog down the stairs, preparing myself to go toe-to-toe with the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

Because I’ll never be the best thing for her.

“What are you doing?” She asks with a scowl, rising from the couch when she sees me.

“I’ve texted Matt to come be with you and the girls. It’s time I go, Bryn.” Dear God, don’t look at me like that. She blinks and her eyes turn sad, but she crosses her arms over her chest and thrusts her chin in the air.

“Why?”

I shrug and pull my jacket over my arms.

“It’s time. I think I’ll take a job I’ve been offered in San Diego. You’ll be fine with Matt.” Every word is like a knife stabbing through my heart.

“So, I tell you I love you, my girls fall in love with you, and all you can do is run away?” She asks, her soft voice full of anger.

Betrayal.

“Look,” I begin and wipe my fingers over my mouth, not able to look her in the eye. “I can’t help it if you mistook me f*cking you for anything more than that.”

She gasps and I turn my back on her, my chest heaving, hating myself.

How can I do this to her?

“I figured I’d have some fun with you while I was here, but…”

“But what?” She growls between clenched teeth.

“But I don’t love you back,” I can’t turn around and look her in the face. God, I love you so f*cking much I can’t stand it.

I hear her breathing hard behind me and pray she doesn’t cry.

Doesn’t beg.

But this is Brynna we’re talking about, and she doesn’t beg for anything.

“I’m telling you right now, Caleb Montgomery, if you leave you will not be welcome to come back.” Her voice wavers on the very last word and it’s a kick in my gut.

I nod stiffly. “I’ve already texted Matt.”

“Am I supposed to f*ck him too, since he’ll be filling in for you?” She asks, her voice full of venom and anger, and she does exactly what she’s aiming for.

Stabs me right through the heart.

I’ll f*cking kill him if he puts a hand on you.

I clench my jaw and my fists and turn to look her in the eye. I do my best to keep my face impassive, but I know I’m failing horribly.

I’d never crack under pressure if I were being interrogated by the enemy, but this is breaking me, and I need to get the f*ck out.

“F*ck whomever you want,” I reply.

Her jaw drops and eyes widen, filling with tears, but she pulls herself together and narrows her eyes on me again.

“You’re a f*cking p-ssy,” she growls.

“I told you I’m done and I’m leaving, Brynna. What do you want?” I ask in anger, raising my voice for the first time.

“I want to be someone’s f*cking first choice, goddamn it!” She yells back at me. “I want someone to want to stay with me. To choose me!” Her eyes are wide and pissed as she stomps her foot and glares at me. “I thought you were that man.”

“You thought wrong.”

You are my every choice, Legs.

She turns away just as I hear Bix jump off the girls’ bed and begin barking. One bark, about every three seconds.

“I’m so f*cking…”

“Stop.” I hold up a hand, making her stop mid-sentence and listen. The house is quiet, except for Bix’s measured bark.

“Why is he…”

“I said stop talking,” I interrupt and she covers her mouth with both hands, watching me with wide eyes. Suddenly something shatters the back picture window, next to the sliding glass door, and I spring into action. I pull the pistol from my waistband and push it into Brynna’s hands.

“Take this and get upstairs with the girls,” my voice is low and hard. “Get all of you, including Bix, into the bathroom and lock the door. Do not open it unless I say to. Do you hear me?”

She shakes her head, eyes wide with fear and just stares at me.

“Go!”

“I love you,” she whispers and runs up the stairs.

***

~Brynna~

Get the girls. Get the girls. Get the girls.

I repeat it to myself, over and over, as I climb the stairs two at a time and race to their bedroom. Bix is standing at attention at the foot of their beds, hackles raised, teeth bared. He whines when he sees me.

“Mommy!” Maddie cries and launches herself at me just as I hear Caleb’s hard voice downstairs, swearing and grunting.

Someone’s in my f*cking house!

I quickly grab both girls and pull the comforter off the bed as I hurry into the bathroom. Bix joins us and I shut and lock the door.

“What’s happening?” Josie cries.

“There’s a bad man downstairs,” I say as calmly as I can. There could be more than one!

I throw the blanket into the tub and lift the girls inside, then join them. Bix stands a few feet from the door, growling, hackles still raised and teeth bared, standing guard.

I f*cking love that dog.

I pull my cell out of my pocket and dial Matt.

“Yeah,” he answers.

“Matt, we need you here,” I begin and Maddie lets out a loud wail, scared to death.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

“Someone broke in. Caleb’s downstairs alone. We’re in the upstairs bathroom.”

“I’ll be there in thirty seconds.”

He hangs up and I dial 911, fill them in on the situation and set the phone on the side of the tub, still connected to the operator, as we wait.

The girls huddle against my sides and I grip Caleb’s pistol in my hands, aimed at the door, and wait, panting and shaking in fear.

Oh, God, what is happening down there?

More glass breaks, and I hear furniture being toppled over.

I can hear muffled voices and more grunting in pain, and I pray with everything in me that Caleb is whole and safe.

After several seconds of no noise at all, there are two gunshots, and then a third, and then silence.

Tears run down my cheeks. I wipe them on the arms of my shirt and keep the gun trained on the door. Bix is still growling and barking, but suddenly, he stops and tips his head to the side, as though he’s listening carefully.

“Bryn?” Caleb calls from the other side of the door.

“Caleb!” Maddie cries as I stand and reach over to unlock the door and let Caleb in.

“Where is he?” I ask through my sobs.

Caleb simply shakes his head and pulls us all into his arms, squeezing us hard.

I pull away, and the girls cling to him, crying, afraid, and I want to follow suit, but the words he spoke moments before our world came falling in are still here between us.

He’s leaving us.

I’m not who he wants.

When the girls are calm, he whispers for them to hug Bix, and as they do, he pulls me against him, buries his face in my neck and holds on tight, but I still don’t wrap my arms around him.

I hold still and wait for him to finish.

“Brynna,” he whispers.

“Where are you?” Matt calls out frantically.

“We’re in here!” I call back.

Matt rushes into the room, other cops following close behind him, spreading through the house to be sure there is no further threat.

“You’re hit,” he announces to Caleb, his eyes hard, and I glance down to find blood running down Caleb’s arm.

“Oh my God, I missed this!”

“It’s just a graze,” Caleb shakes his head, his eyes still on me, full of worry and fear, but I ignore him and launch myself at Matt, hugging him tight.

“Are you okay, honey?” He asks me.

I nod, and turn back to Caleb. “You need to go to the hospital.”

“No, I’m fine,” he shakes his head and pats Josie’s back, who has latched herself around his waist, hanging on with dear life.

“The ambulance is on the way,” Matt informs us just as sirens come from the driveway. “They can patch you up.”

We finally all move downstairs after the coroner comes in and removes the body. The girls and Bix huddle together on the couch while Caleb is cleaned up by a paramedic and I give my statement to Matt and his partner, distracted by the mess surrounding us; broken furniture, glass littered on the carpet. Even the loveseat is sitting on its back. Blood is pooled on the hardwood floor in the dining room.

The process is long and exhausting, and as we all come down off the adrenaline from the break in, it’s all the girls and I can do to keep our eyes open.

“We can’t stay here until the window is fixed and this place is cleaned up,” I murmur to Matt.

“I’ll take you to a hotel,” he responds with a smile.

“They can stay at my place,” Caleb replies as he joins us.

“We’ll take the hotel,” I mutter, not meeting Caleb’s gaze with my own.

“I think…” Caleb begins but I cut him off.

“I don’t want to be at your house, Caleb. We’ll go to the hotel.”

His blue eyes harden, but I look away and swallow as Matt watches us both closely.

“I’ll take them,” Caleb murmurs softly.

“I…”

“I’ll take you,” he repeats, his voice hard and leaving no room for argument.

I turn away without responding and kiss the girls. “I’ll be right back, okay? I’m just going upstairs to pack our bags. You stay here with Bix and Matt and Caleb.”

They nod sleepily as I turn to Matt. “Make sure the hotel takes dogs. He goes where we go from now on.”

Matt smiles and nods. “Good girl.”

Once our bags are packed, Caleb loads us into his car. Matt has offered to stay behind and oversee the cleanup and make sure the window is boarded up.

“Bryn…” Caleb begins but I sigh and cut him off.

“You’ve already said all you need to say, Caleb. We’ll be fine.”

Although I don’t know if we’ll be fine. I don’t know that we’re out of danger. Who was that guy that broke in and tried to hurt us?

The check-in process is blurry and I feel like my feet are filled with led as Caleb leads us to our room. He’s carrying both girls, and I’m pulling our one suitcase behind me. Bix is at my side, even without a leash.

I think I forgot the leash.

The room has one giant king sized bed, but I requested that. I want my girls with me tonight.

Caleb tucks the kids in the large bed and motions for Bix to join them. I pull my own pajamas out of my suitcase and move into the bathroom to change.

“You don’t have to do that on my account,” he whispers.

“You never get to see me naked again,” I reply, noticing the way his jaw tightens and his eyes harden at my words. I can hear the sadness in my voice and I don’t have the energy to try to be brave.

He’s leaving us.

When I return to the room, I join the girls in the bed. Josie has begun crying again, and is clinging to Caleb.

“Where is the bad man now?” She cries softly.

“He’s gone, sweetheart,” Caleb croons to her. “He can’t hurt you.”

But he hurt you. I glance at his arm and frantically temper down the need to crawl to him and kiss his wound, to fuss over him and make sure he’s okay.

He doesn’t want me.

Finally Josie’s cries disappear and Caleb lowers her back into the bed. He’s stretched out on his side, on the other side of the girls, watching them sleep. Bix is curled up at their feet, and I’m lying opposite to Caleb, also on my side, but I’m watching him.

Memorizing every line of his body, every hair on his head.

Finally, he brushes their hair back and leans in to lay a soft kiss on each of their foreheads. He lifts his gaze to mine, and in his bright blue eyes is sadness and regret. He reaches across the girls and cups my cheek in his hand, wipes a tear with his thumb and takes in every inch of my face with his eyes. He sighs deeply and releases me, rolls away from the girls and stands, turns off the light and walks to the door.

As he pulls it open, he looks back at me and whispers, “I’m sorry, Legs,” just before he walks out and quietly pulls the door closed behind him.

For several long seconds I stare unseeing where Caleb left, then I roll away from my babies and bury my face in the pillow, letting my tears and grief flow out of me in violent sobs.

Caleb is gone.