Chapter 11
Rule
“The first time I came home and saw you sitting in the kitchen with Remy I remember thinking what in the hell has he gotten himself into? You were so pale and scared, your eyes were twice as big as normal and you looked like a little bird that had fallen out of the nest. Remy had always had a soft spot for the neglected so I wasn’t surprised, but I was flabbergasted at how quickly the rest of the family took to you. I always thought it was going to be us Archer’s against the world forever and then there was you and it all kind of broke apart and I became even more of the black sheep than I had been. Rome adored you, mom and dad just took you and Remy as an evitable unit and I was left out in the cold as usual. I think I just took all those feelings of separation and alienation and transferred them onto you. Remy and I were always two parts of a whole and when you came along that went away to some extent. I think I was jealous that he spent so much time and effort being your hero and not being my brother.”
“The first time I saw you I was terrified. I had seen you and Remy around school and everyone always talked about the Archer twins like you were some kind of mythical creatures. Remy was so athletic and had all the right friends and the best grades, you were always in trouble, running around with older kids and constantly getting called to the office for skipping class or whatever else you were up to. Remy saved me and brought me home, he made me laugh when nothing in my life seemed remotely funny and he was kind when no one in my life had ever even tried to be nice before. He sat me in the kitchen told me not to worry when his brothers came home he would keep them in line and then you and Rome came barreling through the door. Rome looked at me and shook his head he asked Remy if I was another stray and you, you just looked right through me like I was a ghost and asked him if he still wanted to go with you and Nash for pizza. I thought you were beautiful in such a different way than Remy. You guys looked so much alike but you turned your looks into something so interesting I couldn’t look away. I stared at you for a full fifteen minutes and then when you and Rome left you looked at me and said ‘Geez Rem get her a cup of tea or something she looks like Casper the Friendly Ghost. Remy just shook his head and sat down across from me he knew then, he always knew, he told me, ‘Rule is a good guy, Shaw, the best actually. I love him more than anything in the world but he’s also a sixteen year old guy and an Archer. Don’t barrow heartache when you can avoid it.’ For years and years he told me over and over that I was being foolish that I shouldn’t get wound up about you when your priorities were elsewhere and then about a year before he died he changed his tune. When you moved to Denver together suddenly he was all about me going to DU after school, all about me getting to a point where I could tell you how I had felt about you. Suddenly he was Remy the matchmaker, it was weird and then the accident happened and I never got a chance to ask what changed his mind.”
“Well I’m glad I know now and I still think you look like Casper.”
“I’m glad too and I don’t mind when you call me Casper, its kinda sweet. Besides when you first started it I thought I was special, none of the other girls ever got a nickname you just called them sweetie, or babe, or honey.”
“You are special, you were special then too I was just too stupid to see it.”
“I don’t think I would have been ready for you then.”
“Are you ready for me now?”
“Any time.”
The hushed conversation gave me a whole new insight into the girl that was starting to mean so much to me. It also brought up a lot of questions that I couldn’t ask of my deceased brother. I wanted to know why if he had known she had a thing for me, he let me and the rest of the family happily believe they were an item for all those years. It seemed deceitful and shady and so not like Remy. I also wanted to know why he hadn’t said anything to me about her, I thought we shared everything and not that I had been in a place in my early teens to offer Shaw anything it still seemed odd he hadn’t mentioned anything about her feelings to me so that I might have treaded more carefully around her instead of trampling across her feelings like a herd of buffalos.
The quiet conversation took place early in the morning while she was stumbling around my room trying to get ready for school. She only had her fancy dinner with mom clothes and didn’t want to run back to her apartment so I told her to take one of my t-shirts out of the closet. It was fun to watch a hot chick scramble around half naked and pick through my pretty basic guy wardrobe. She ended up in her leggings and boots and my Black Angels t-shirt that hung almost to her knees and suddenly getting up to take her to school seemed a lot more fun. She dodged my grabbing hands with a laugh while trying to pull her hair into a ponytail. This was the kind of interaction I missed by only engaging in meaningless one night stands. I liked playing with Shaw, liked having her using my bathroom and being all up in my stuff and the more I thought about it the more I realized I had missed her in more areas of my life than my bed this last week.
She pressed a quick kiss to my mouth and told me she was going to make coffee and something for breakfast so I struggled to get up and searched around for my phone to call Mark. I wasn’t going to waste any time trying to put as many roadblocks between Shaw and Davenport as I could. I pulled on a pair of dark jeans and a shirt and went into the bathroom to splash cold water on my face. The phone rang while I brushed my teeth and Mark picked up just as I was spitting into the sink.
“What’s up kid?” I was checking out my stubbly face in the mirror and decided since I didn’t have any hair at the moment I was just gonna let it go, maybe try and grow it into a goatee or something.
“Hey Mark, sorry to bother you but I have a problem and I need some advice.”
“You piss off that pretty girl of yours?”
I laughed and leaned against the sink. “Yeah but I managed to fix that all on my own, but she is the reason I am calling. She has a lunatic ex who doesn’t seem to want to take no for an answer. He’s been showing up at her work, following her around, calling her a million times a day and he’s a friend of the family so her parents keep making excuses for her to be around him. This weekend he cornered her when she was alone shook her up and grabbed her. He left bruises on her arms and made a bunch of threats about what he’s going to do to her if she doesn’t take him back.”
“I’m surprised you’re not in jail.”
“Well she didn’t tell me about until after we left her parent’s house and I’ve already told him in no uncertain terms to leave her alone.”
“What’s his name?”
“Gabe Davenport.”
There was a low whistle and I could practically see Mark pacing back and forth. “He wouldn’t happen to be Judge George Davenport’s son would he?”
“Probably. He keeps throwing around that there isn’t anything I can do to him because of who his dad is.”
“He might be right. I would say we need to get a personal protection order in place as soon as possible, but there is a good chance if Davenport sees his son is involved it might not get passed.”
“That’s bullshit.”
“It is, but we still need to try otherwise there won’t be anything on file. You need to keep a clear head about this kid. The name Davenport is pretty powerful in our legal system and you don’t want to end up on the wrong side of it.”
I ran an agitated hand over my head. “I’m not going to let him anywhere near her Mark, plain and simple.”
“That’s fine but don’t go looking for trouble. She’s going to be a sitting duck if you go after the son and end up locked up.”
“I’m pissed Mark, not stupid. I want her safe and his guy taken down a notch or two but I’m well aware that me rearranging his face isn’t going to accomplish either of those things, however if he comes at me I make no promises.”
“If he comes at you take him out, but remember guys like this use laws and regulations to fight not bare knuckles and fists. Tell Shaw to be extra careful, tell her to try and be around someone else at all times, look at getting her a Taser or some mace and tell her if he shows up or put his hands on her again to call the police. She can get a harassment order in place if he keeps hounding her and once the police are involved there isn’t much a judge can do to make the report go away. Give her my number just in case, tell her to call me if she has questions or just needs to talk. Like I said that’s a special girl you got there, Kid. You wanna keep an eye on her.”
“I’m doing my best.”
“I know you are and Rule,” I waited a moment while he finished. “It’s good to see you finally settling down. You’ve always reminded me a little of my son, wild and carefree but you needed something to give you purpose. For my son it was fighting for our freedom and protecting his country, for you I think it’s figuring out you are worthy of the kind of love and affection a girl like that can offer. You two take care I’ll be in touch.”
I hung up the phone just as the door swung open and Shaw stuck her head in. “Come on let’s eat so we can go.”
I looked at her, I mean really looked at her and that slippery stuff in my chest suddenly settled right in the center. Her green eyes got wide when I tugged her into the bathroom and pulled her between my spread legs so that she was up against my chest and I rested my chin on the top of her head. Sometimes the difference in our height was just delightful.
“Are you okay?” She put her hands around my waist and gave me a tight hug.
I let out a breath that felt like I had been holding for a hundred years. Suddenly I knew that no matter how my parents felt, no matter what happened in the future near or far I was for once doing the absolute right thing. “Yeah, I’m good. Better than good actually.”
“Okay well I don’t want to be late so come eat some pancakes and take me to school.” She gave my ass a little pat and bounded back out of the room. I shook my head on a little laugh and followed her out. Rome was up and sitting at the table listening to her tell him about the bizarre brunch yesterday but Nash was nowhere in sight. I had let both of them know what was going on with polo shirt yesterday and I think they were both on hyper alert so that I didn’t go off the rails. My brother gave me a questioning look as I sat down, but I wasn’t about to go into detail while Shaw was prancing around feeding us breakfast.
“You still good to come to get her car with me?”
“Yep but I’m going to swing by mom and dad’s while were there, you wanna come?”
I flipped him off because he knew the last thing I wanted to do was see my folks. “Can’t anyways I have an appointment at noon.”
Shaw placed plates in front of both of us and took a seat on my right, she gave me a warm smile and I knew besides feeling right that this is what I had been missing for so long. I felt at home, this girl, my brother, my friends all the things that I had surrounded myself with suddenly made so much sense and I had a clarity that had been missing since Remy’s death. I loved my family, but I had never felt like I was part of them, this world I had developed, this life I was living it was a good one, filled with solid people that saw me for who I was and cared about me anyway. My throat got tight and I had to hide the swell of emotion behind a glass of orange juice otherwise I risked blubbering like a baby. I cleared my throat, “I’m gonna run Shaw to school then come back and get you is that cool?”
“Sure. I’ll go kick Nash and see if wants to hit the gym with me while you’re gone.”
I glanced at Shaw. “You’re going to have Ayden take you to work after school, right?” She nodded at me and continued to eat her breakfast. “Good. I’ll come get you from the bar when your shift is done. Your car will be here so you can decide if you want to stay or go to your place later.”
She lifted a shoulder and let it fall. “I don’t get out until two, its Monday night football so we’re busy. I’ll probably just stay here, besides you need to take me to get a phone tomorrow.”
“Why does he owe you a phone?” I glared at my big brother but she answered before I could tell him to shut it.
“I broke mine on accident and Rule offered to replace it.”
“He did? That doesn’t sound like my little brother.” I know he was just trying to rile me up but awesome sex and having Shaw close at hand with a plate of pancakes in front of me made that an impossible task. I smirked at him and leaned back in my chair to reach out and put my arm across the back of Shaw’s.
“I’m turning over a new leaf.”
He snorted, eyes that were so similar to mine gleamed with repressed humor. “For you to be considering someone else like that is more like turning over a whole freaking tree, not just a leaf, but good for you. Being considerate is a nice change for you.”
“Screw you.” Shaw rolled her eyes and let her fork clatter to her plate.
“You’re both ridiculous and I’m going to be late so let’s go.”
I leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. “Let me grab shoes and we’ll head out. Go grab your stuff. Thanks for breakfast.”
“Sure.” She ran out of the room and I pushed to my feet. I glowered at my brother.
“I do know how to be nice.”
“Only when you want something.”
“True enough. I want her.”
“Looks to me like you got her.”
“Now I just need to figure out how to not screw it up.”
Rome got up as well. “You won’t Rule. When it matters you never do, just remember that. Hey what did your cop buddy say?”
“That she needs to keep her eyes open and he wants me to get her a Taser or mace. He thinks the little punk is pretty insulated because of his old man but he pretty much said if he tries anything with me I can lay him out. It sucks, he shouldn’t be allowed to put his hands on her and live to tell about it.”
“We’ll keep her close and keep it under control, you know we got your back in this lil bro.”
I made a face and lowered my voice because I heard Shaw coming back down the hall. “If anything happens to her Rome I’m going to lose it, I mean I know I kind of went off the rails when Remy died, but something tells me if that girl ends up hurt or worse there won’t be any recovering from that for me.”
I think he was probably going to answer something back but Shaw popped up at my elbow and none to subtlety tugged on me to let me know she was ready to go. She waved to Rome and hustled me out to the truck. It was cold out so I wrapped and arm around her and tugged her close to my side. She rubbed her cold nose on my neck and laughed when I swore at her.
“You need a hat.” My newly shorn head was actually freezing but I was a tough guy so I just pulled the hood of my sweatshirt up and raised the eyebrow with the hoops in it at her.
“Better?”
“Whatever macho man. Thanks for getting my car.”
“No problem, just make sure you keep an eye out at school today. I don’t want polo shirt way laying you on your way to class or anything.”
“Polo shirt?”
“Davenport, he always has on a stupid polo.”
She laughed so hard I had to hold her upright and give her a boost into the truck, not that I minded because it meant I got to cop a feel of her superb backside.
“That he does. I’ll make sure I walk to class with someone. This girl Devlin is a bunch of the same classes as me and we have a couple study groups together so I’ll just stick with her. I don’t think she’s a fan of Gabe either so that should make asking her easy.”
“Cool. What kind of phone do you want? I don’t want you to have to wait until tomorrow to have one. I’ll go on my way back from Brookside and pick one up.”
She shrugged and messed around with my I-Pod until the smoky sound of Lucero filled the cab. “I don’t care. The same as my old one is fine. I need my contacts switched over though.”
“I’ll take care of it.”
She grinned at me and scooted over so that she could put her hand on my knee. Her fingers tapped out the rhythm of the country tinged rock as we made our way across town to the university. It took about twenty minutes in light traffic, but it was getting ready to snow and I could see having to push my first appointment back because of weather since I was driving out of town. She wanted me to just park on the street and drop her off, but I wanted to keep her in sight as long as possible so I parked the truck at a meter and told her I was walking her to her first class. She rolled her eyes but didn’t argue when I opened her door and helped her hop down.
I tucked her back in the curve of my body and walked across the campus with her, thinking this was the only time I had been on a college campus for a reason other than a party. Several people called out a greeting to her or waved hi, she replied in kind and I didn’t miss the speculative looks we got since I’m sure we made an odd pair and her classmates probably weren’t used to seeing her out of her normal rich girl gear. We stopped outside an impressive looking building and she tilted her head back so she was looking up at me. Her green eyes were bright, her hair was in a sexy tangle from me and from the brisk Colorado air and her nose was a charming shade of pink and I don’t think I had ever seen anything cuter.
“Drive safe. I agree with your brother I think you should try and see your parents while you’re there.”
I didn’t want to argue with her so I just kissed her hard and fierce with enough tongue and enough force to let her know she would be on my mind throughout the day. I thought maybe she would freak out about the public display of affection but it only took between one heartbeat and the next for her cold hands to climb up my chest and wrap around my neck. She kissed me back with just as much fervor and when she fell back to her feet she was breathing hard and had a pretty flush under her pale cheeks.
“You be safe too. I’ll see you later. I’ll bring your phone by the bar after work. Remember don’t be alone whenever you can avoid it. And Shaw,” she met my gaze with humor lighting up her own. “I like you going to school in my clothes, that’s totally hot.”
She stood back on her tip toes and kissed the end of my chilly nose. “Agreed, and you suck for changing the subject but I can take a hint so I’ll see you later.”
I watched her walk up the stairs of the building, she paused at the top where a girl was seemingly waiting for her. She smiled at the girl and told her hello. I heard the other girl ask her in a surprised voice that was loud enough to carry down to where I was waiting, “Who was that?” I was curious as to what her answer would be considering that wasn’t something we had ever really talked about.
Her laugh carried sharp and clear through the winter air. “That’s Rule.”
“I didn’t know you had a new boyfriend.”
“Well he isn’t exactly new, but yeah.”
I was her boyfriend. She was my girlfriend. How weird was that? I hadn’t had any girl in my life long enough in twenty two years to call a girlfriend I didn’t even have friends that were girls really, Shaw was the closest thing that had ever come to filling that role as well. I was her boyfriend and that made me want to dance a jig and pump my fist in the air. Instead I winked at her when she turned back to look at me and laughed when she in turn stuck her tongue out at me. Why hadn’t I realized before that letting someone in would make me happy, that she made me happy. I couldn’t remember the last time I had laughed so much and even in bed she made it fun. She made things better and I knew I wanted to do the same for her.
I sent Rome a text that I was on my way and he replied back he and Nash were just finishing up at the gym so he should be ready to go when I got home. I changed the music to the Bloody Hollies and rocked out on the way back to the Victorian. I ran in to grab her phone out of her bag and collect my brother and in no time we were on the highway headed to Brookside. The first few flurries of snow started to pelt the windshield when we were just entering the interstate and I swore knowing what it was going to do to the commute and my schedule for the rest of the day. In fact before we even got to Brookside Nash called and told me both my noon and two o’clock appointments wanted to reschedule because of the weather so I no longer had the work excuse as a reason to bolt home without trying to see my folks.
Rome not being stupid blatantly listened in on the call and looked across the cab of the truck expectantly. “It won’t kill you to stop by and just say hi for a minute. We can even go there first so they don’t ask why we have Shaw’s car with us.”
“I just don’t see the point.”
“The point is that no matter how you feel they’re still our parents and you don’t just get to give up on them.”
“Why not? They gave up on me the minute the good twin was pronounced DOA.”
“Stop it and grow a pair. You can tough out a five minute visit with mom and dad if only to say at least you tried. It’ll make Shaw happy to know you made a minimal effort at least. Remember their more like her parent’s than her real parent’s so if the two of you are going to do what you’re doing for the long term you’re going to have to show her that even if mom isn’t going to budge that at least you tried.”
He was right and it totally made my stomach turn over. Right now Shaw was all about building a bridge and forcing my mom’s hand when it came to dealing with me and accepting me but after seeing how awful her biological mother treated her I had no doubt the divide between her and my parents wouldn’t be longstanding which meant I had to figure out how I fit into that puzzle. Trying wouldn’t kill me but it was sure as hell going to be awkward and uncomfortable, for all of us I was sure.
“Fine we can stop by but don’t get your hopes up. I haven’t heard from either one of them since I left brunch that day.”
“Archer pride is a dangerous thing. If we aren’t careful it’s going to destroy our entire family.”
I just grunted in response and tried to tell myself that doing this was not only going to make Shaw happy but clearly it meant something to Rome as well and if there was anyone in the world that I would do anything for it was my brother. Rome never asked me for anything and had given me his support and his approval endlessly even when it put him at odds with the rest of the family and I owed him at least the opportunity to try and mend what was fractured. We drove the rest of the way to their house in silence; I could see Rome giving me surreptitious looks out of the corner of his eye the entire way. I think he was waiting for me to drive past the exit or freak out and change my mind but I kept telling myself that I didn’t need my parents to look at me the same way they looked at him to go home and be okay. Before that tore me apart and made me act like a troubled adolescent with a chip on his shoulder, now I knew I was going home to a kick ass job, a rock star brother, a smoking hot girl that happened to be totally into me issues and all and to a solid group of friends that were willing to put up with me and have my back no matter what and while the hole that Remy’s death left would never really be filled, I was living a good life and they should be proud of me and if they weren’t they could just piss off.
Both my folk’s cars were in the driveway when we pulled onto their street. I hissed a breath out between my teeth and tried not to flinch when Rome clapped me on the shoulder and gave me a little shove. “Come on, we’ll be quick.”
I jumped out of the truck and my boots sent little tufts of snow scattering. I could see my breath in the air indicating the weather was going to get worse before we headed home which was kind of how I felt about my situation here. I knew Rome had a key but since I was with him he stopped at the front door and knocked relegating himself to stranger status just like me. I heard shuffling around and it took a few minutes for my dad to come to the door. He peered out at us in surprise and I had to admit I was secretly pleased he looked equally surprised to see Rome as he was to see me.
“Boys? What are you doing here?”
He pushed open the screen door and motioned us into the warm house. I was rubbing my hands together to warm them up so he didn’t even try to give me a hug after he embraced Rome which was fine by me because I wasn’t sure we were at the hugging phase of our relationship anymore.
“Rule had to run an errand before work out this way so I thought we would stop by and say hi. You guys aren’t busy are you?”
“No your mom is upstairs.” His gaze settled on me. “I’m surprised to see you son.”
I wanted to throw out something flippant but in the vein of trying to make peace I gave a lopsided grin and answered, “Yeah I bet. Rome thought it would be cool.”
“Rule this is your home, you are always welcome here.”
I wanted to say I hadn’t felt welcome in well over three years but I just nodded and said, “Thanks for that dad.”
“What kind of errand did you have to do an hour away in the snow?”
I rubbed a hand over my head and looked at Rome sideways. “Uh I actually told Shaw I would come get her car for her. She left it here when she was visiting her folks.”
“Shaw was in Brookside this weekend? You might not want to let your mom know that. She’s having a hard time with the line Shaw drew in the sand. That little gal is just as stubborn as you boys and I don’t think Margot was prepared for her to stick to her guns the way she has. It’s awful nice of you to help her out Rome.”
I rolled my eyes at the automatic assumption Rome was the one she called on even though he had already told him it was my errand. I wasn’t going to say anything but Rome chuckled and patted my dad on the back.
“Not me old-timer. Shaw and Rule have called a truce. You should see them; they actually act civil and spend time like normal people do together. He’s the one that told her he would get the car, I just got roped into being the second driver.”
My dad looked over Rome’s broad shoulder at me with shock clear on his face. “Really? You two were always at odds, even when you were young.”
I shrugged. “I’m trying to grow up a little bit. She’s been in my life a long time I’m trying to put that into a new perspective. We get along fine.” Plus spending time with her naked as often as possible was my new top priority in life and doing things that made her happy and kept her safe also had the bonus of making me happy which was such a new feeling I wasn’t sure what to do with it yet.
“Well maybe you can tell her how hard it’s been for your mom without her around. Getting her to come by for a visit would be lovely.”
“She has her reasons for staying away dad.” My tone sharpened reflexively but I kept my face smoothed out trying the belay the tension that was growing as we walked into the living room where my mom was watching TV on the sofa. Her eyes snapped from Rome to me and then back. Even from across the room I could feel the displeasure radiating off of her.
“What are you doing here?” She didn’t even look at Rome her eyes were glued to me and her anger was like a whip across my skin. I shoved my hands in my pockets and met her gaze with a level one of my own. I wasn’t going to let her get under my skin this time; I owed it to my brother and to my girl.
“Just came by to say and see how you’re doing.”
“I don’t want you here.” Rome went stiff beside me and I heard my dad take in a quick intake of breath but I wasn’t surprised.
“I know but I thought it wouldn’t kill me to try and fix things.”
“Why bother you just ruin everything.” Her voice was raspy and I swore I could see the hatred she harbored hanging off of each syllable. My dad took a step forward but Rome pulled him back. “Margot that’s enough. The boy is our son not a stranger we’re going to just put out on the street because you’re unhappy with him right now.”
“Dad it’s cool, I know how she feels and she’s never hidden it.”
“What do you expect Rule? Because of you your brother is in a box in the ground and the girl I think of as a daughter won’t have anything to do with me. You’re a poison to this family.”
Well that was a little harsher and a little blunter than she normally went for but it was finally out in the open. I rubbed my fists in my eyes and bit out a sigh. My dad and Rome were trying to talk over each other, both trying to get her to retract her awful statements and telling her that none of it was true but it was to no avail.
“Hey, hey everybody stop. It’s oaky, come on Rome don’t act like you’re shocked. She always blamed me because I called him that night for a ride, it’s cool I get it. In fact I blamed myself for a long time too until I realized it could have been a million other reasons. It was an accident, an accident that took someone we all loved but still an accident. She could blame the truck driver, she could blame Remy for speeding, she could blame God for the rain or even the doctor in the O.R. for not being good enough at his job but no, she blames me and always will and its fine if that’s what she needs in order to keep it together I can shoulder that load.” All three of them were looking at me with wide eyes. It was probably the most I had said to my parents in one sitting in over five years and there was no yelling or no temper tantrums. “Shaw is a smart girl and has strong convictions so I refuse to let you put your actions and consequences with her on me. She told you straight up what you needed to do in order to maintain your relationship with her and you refused. No one is to blame for that but you.”
“You don’t know anything about Shaw. She is in a totally different league than you; she and Remy were both on a far better path than you ever dreamed to walk.”
I just shook my head sadly and jerked my head toward the door. “Mom you have no clue. Shaw’s the most loving, kind, compassionate person in the world she would chew off her own arm before trying to put herself above someone she cares about. She doesn’t give a flip about this path or that path as long as everyone she loves is going somewhere and at the end they are happy. I’m outta here. I have shit to do. Dad it was good seeing you, surprisingly the first three minutes of this visit were pretty good, Rome I’ll be in the truck.”
I turned to walk back down the stairs and out the front door but her chilly voice stopped me cold. “Stay away from Shaw, Rule. You’ll just end up hurting her like you did your brother.”
I wanted to tell her it was way too late for that warning that I was beginning to know Shaw inside and out, that she was becoming a critical part of me but I just met her cold gaze with one that I’m sure held resigned sadness. “Good luck ever getting her back into the Archer family fold with that kind of attitude mom. Keep it up and it’ll be a cold day in hell before Shaw ever steps foot in this house again.”
“Why she would choose you over this family is beyond me.”
I gave her the only answer there was. “Because she thinks I’m worth it.”
I gave Rome a bland look and moved around him being careful to avoid my dad. I didn’t look back to see if either of them followed me but when I got outside I let out a pent up breath and looked at the street blanketed in snow. Her words hurt, they always had but instead of feeling self-destructive and alone like I normally did I could fully see now that the issues were all hers and there was nothing I could do to change her mind unless she actively sought out help. Too much time had passed with me playing the role of the accused for me to offer any form of clarity up to her.
“Son,” I was startled at the sound of my dad’s voice. He had stopped to grab a jacket but followed me to the driveway. Rome was nowhere to be seen. I shifted my feet in the powder and shoved my hands deep in the pockets of my hoodie. “We need to talk about this.”
“So much for this always being my home as well, huh dad?” I regretted it as soon as I said it. There was still a little boy somewhere deep inside me that wanted his parent’s approval and no matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t get him to shut up. “Sorry, that was stupid.”
My dad shook his head and for once I saw genuine remorse in his gaze. “I had no idea it had gotten this bad with your mother, Rule. I’m not a fan of the crazy hair or the obsessive tattoos all over every part of your body and it bugs me to no end that you purposely dress like a hoodlum just to annoy us but I’ve never blamed you for what happened to Remy. You were two very different boys, always were but I loved you both the same. I heard what your mother said at the funeral but I convinced myself it was just grief, just a mother’s overreaction to losing a child too young. I honestly thought she would find her way clear of the sorrow and depression but after today I see where Rome is coming from. We need help, she needs help. I would never ban a child from my home pink hair, blue hair, green hair none of it ultimately matters because I love you and I just want you to be happy and live a good life. I would prefer you stop aggravating an old man every chance you got while doing it, but I don’t want you to think that I ever wish it was you and not Remy that night. It should have never happened to this family, but it did and you are absolutely right that it was an accident.”
I stared at my dad like he was a stranger. It was cold and I could barely feel my toes but my blood was pumping fast and hard in my veins. “You’ve never said any of that to me before. You normally just get mad and leave the room or let mom tear me apart at every turn.”
“You’ve always been hard for me to relate to Rule. Rome was my buddy, Remy was everybody’s best friend and you, well you made your own path when you were just a little fella and I never felt like you needed any kind of guidance from me to get where you wanted to go. Your mother is fragile, more so than I thought and while I knew that what has been happening over the last few years hasn’t done us any good as a family I guess I kept hoping she would just snap out of it. The harsher we were the more you fought back, you never let her get to you the way I think she wanted and while I should have stopped it years ago I guess I see now how much damage what we were doing could have done to you.”
“She wants me to be Remy.” Saying it out loud to him felt like letting go of a lifetime of tightly held secrets.
He coughed and rubbed his thick hands together. “She wants the easy relationship she had with Remy with you. Remy wasn’t argumentative or problematic, he just went with the flow. Rome knew we didn’t want him to join the military but he did it anyway because he’s stubborn and determined to make a difference in the world. You were never easy going and complacent. You hated curfew and any rule we imposed on you, you were always creative and quirky but hard to relate to, we said go left and you went backwards, she doesn’t have a son left that she can just dictate and manage. She misses having someone to mother and Remy never minded her doing it for him and neither did Shaw, but now Shaw has chosen a side and Margot is devolving rapidly.”
“Dad I can’t come back here, not like this. I appreciate everything you said today, in fact I wish you had said it years ago and maybe I wouldn’t have a history of bad behavior and questionable choices littering my history the way I do now, but I’m not going to be her scapegoat anymore.”
He sighed and looked at the door as Rome came out looking thunderous. “Something tells me you aren’t the only Archer that is making that call.”
“Shaw too. I’m not going to let mom use her as a pawn in this mess.”
“Yeah neither am I. She’s like a daughter to me.”
Rome joined our little huddle and boy did he look pissed. My eyes tended to be light and go silver or gray whenever I felt a strong emotion, my brothers blazed a bright blue the color of the base of a flame.
“She’s out of her damn mind. Seriously dad she needs therapy and possibly drugs. I can’t believe she said that shit to Rule.”
My dad sighed again and shifted sending tufts of snow that had gathered on the shoulders of his jacket drifting to the ground.
“I know son. I just told Rule I recognize the problem is worse than I thought.”
“I only have a few weeks leave left; you better let her know I won’t be back unless she gets her head on right. I tried to tell her and she just started spouting nonsense about Rule brainwashing everybody she cares about. She has straight up vilified him, her own child. I refuse to support her treating him that way.”
“You’re both good boys. For right now you two take care of each other and I’ll work on your mother. I love you both. Don’t give up on us yet.”
We all shared a back pounding round of hugs before Rome and I climbed back into the truck. I had to let the massive motor heat up before the heater would pump out warm hair so while we waited I stared out the snowy windshield in contemplation while Rome rattled on about our mom. He was repulsed by her reaction to my surprise visit, I wasn’t. I was however stunned by everything my dad had told me. I couldn’t remember the last time anyone told me they loved me besides my brothers. I had forgotten how nice it made me feel.
“You wanna take the Beamer or the truck since it’s coming down pretty good now?”
“The BMW. I’ve seen you drive little brother, you won’t make it back to Denver in one piece in that sports car.”
He had a point and I wanted to get back in one piece because I wanted to get Shaw a phone and pick her up from work and spend the night in bed with her wrapped around me making her whisper my name over and over in that husky voice and maybe, just maybe getting someone to tell me they loved me would apply to her because I wasn’t sure, but that slippery feeling in my chest sure felt a hell of a lot like love.