He leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. Who was he kidding? Protect himself from what? Having Rina in his life? Having her integrated into every moment of his day? Missing her? It was too late for that. Too late for him to protect Kaitlyn from another maternal loss. She might not remember her mother but she would remember Rina. She loved Rina. And as his eight-year-old had wisely pointed out, he loved Rina, too.
He stood, not sure what to think or what to do next. The truth flooded through him. He loved Rina. That’s why he’d been so freaked by her confession, why he hadn’t wanted to change their relationship. If he loved her, she could hurt him. His ex-wife leaving had been a shock, but he’d gone on. Looking back, he hadn’t missed her nearly as much as he should have. But if Rina left, he would be destroyed and so would his daughter.
That’s what he’d been afraid of. Losing her. So rather than risk it, he’d pushed her away. As Simon had done with Montana. He had felt that if he decided the course of the relationship, he had the illusion of control.
He shrugged out of his white coat and grabbed his jacket, then stopped. He couldn’t just track Rina down and blurt out that he’d changed his mind. That now he wanted her. He’d hurt her and made her feel small. He’d tossed aside what she had offered and then made things worse by trying to keep her around as some kind of on-call child-care staff.
She was the woman he loved, he woman he wanted to be with for the rest of his life. He needed to prove himself to her, to win her. Which meant he needed a plan. A way to apologize and prove to her that she was all he’d ever dreamed about. A tough road, considering how he’d acted.
He started toward the door. He was lucky, he reminded himself. With the pet adoption, Rina wouldn’t have had time to go looking for someone else or even to start falling out of love with him. What he had to do was convince her he was worthy. Someone she could trust to be there, no matter what. And he knew exactly how to do it.
The noise in the Fool’s Gold Convention Center was nearly deafening. The cement-and-block-wall construction had originally been meant for a big-box store that had never come to town. About eleven years ago, the city had taken over the property and turned it into a convention center, which meant the acoustics weren’t perfect. Especially when nearly thirty dogs were barking, kids were running around yelling and a spate of angry hisses came from the kitty corner.
Through it all, Rina smiled, answered questions and confirmed that the paperwork for the adoptions had been filled out correctly.
Holiday decorations brightened their small section of the huge structure, the paper and plastic carefully hung out of dog-reach. She and her volunteers wore cheerful, red, long-sleeved T-shirts with bright letters proclaiming Adopt a Pet, with a cartoon cat and dog under the words. The real dogs wore painted nails and bandanas, the cats, festive collars. She’d left the iguana unadorned.
A crowd had been waiting when the event had begun and adoptions were steady. What confused her were the snippets of conversation she overheard.
“Dr. McKenzie came by yesterday afternoon,” Edie Carberry was telling a friend, while holding a carrier containing her new cat. “He made sure I understood the best way to take care of Marilyn.” The seventy-something grinned. “I named her after Marilyn Monroe. They have the same eyes.”
A family with a beagle mix on a leash stopped by to thank Rina. “We love him,” the oldest boy, who was all of ten or eleven, said earnestly. “Dr. McKenzie talked to us about responsibility. We’ll take good care of him. We promise.”
Their mother sighed. “He was impressive. Oh, and that certificate for a free exam in six months was great.”
“I don’t understand,” Rina said. “He came to see you?”
The woman nodded. “From what I understand, he went to see everyone who had already expressed interest in a specific pet. He wanted us to be prepared for the first few days of settling in and talked about food and exercise. That was more than enough, but then he offered a free exam. What a great guy.”
“I heard that,” her husband told her.
The woman laughed.
Rina chatted with the family a few more minutes, then went to find Jesse.
“What do you know about Cameron visiting prospective adoptive families?”
Jesse handed Rina a cloth bag that she started filling with cat food. Each pet was being sent home with a month’s worth of food.
“You didn’t know?” she asked, sounding surprised. “He spent part of Thursday afternoon and most of yesterday out talking to people who’d said they were interested in adopting. He didn’t tell you?”
Rina shook her head. “No. He’s offering a certificate for a free exam, too.”
Jesse smiled. “He wants your holiday pet adoption to be a success. You should be happy.”
“I am, of course. It’s just strange.”
He hadn’t said a word. Not that she’d seen him in the past few days. She’d had the excuse of being busy. Now she just had to get through the holidays, and then she could start forgetting she’d ever fallen in love with him.
Jesse took the full bag of food. “It’s a good thing. Maybe you should just accept that.”