“You’re wrong. I didn’t care. I don’t care. I love you both.” She stared into his eyes. “That’s a whole lot more than caring.”
“Then stay.”
“No. You don’t get to have it both ways. I’ve spent a year waiting for you to realize I was the one. That’s enough time wasted.”
With that she turned and left. Her heart pounded hard in her chest and she wasn’t sure how long she could keep from crying. The sense of emptiness and loss nearly brought her to her knees. But behind the pain and fear and need to turn back and say, “Yes, fine, half a life is good enough for me,” was the belief that she’d made the right decision.
It hurt now. It more than hurt. But with time and a little determination, she would recover. And, she thought, a little help from Fool’s Gold wouldn’t hurt either.
Chapter Four
Jo’s Bar was a gathering place for the women of Fool’s Gold. While the men had a room in back with a pool table and sports playing on TVs, the main portion of the bar was dedicated to women. The walls were painted a skin-flattering mauve, the large-screen TVs featured shopping channels and female-friendly reality shows and the menu included plenty of calorie-light options. During the day, one corner was turned into a play area for toddlers. While Friday and Saturday night brought in the couples crowd, the rest of the time, Jo’s Bar was a place for women to feel comfortable. Or have a good cry.
“You did the right thing,” Jesse said soothingly. “I know you did.”
Rina clutched the tissue in her hand and did her best to stop the steady stream of tears. At the rate she was going, she’d be dehydrated and require emergency medical care within the hour.
“It doesn’t f-feel right,” she said, her voice cracking on a sob. “It feels horrible. Everything hurts. I can’t do this. I can’t go on without him.”
Jesse raised her eyebrows, which made Rina laugh. Well, it was more like a hiccup, but still it was an improvement over the crying.
“That made me sound like a stalker,” she admitted. “Of course I can live without Cameron.” Her humor faded. “I wish I didn’t love him. Or that he loved me back. This sucks.”“Yes, it does. It hurts and you feel awful.”
Rina looked at her friend and sniffed. “Are you trying to make me feel better? Because it’s not really working.”
Jesse touched her arm. “Dealing with this will get easier. Once the holidays are over, you can find a place to move your business to and start to cut ties.”
Rina nodded and wiped away tears. “You’re right. I’m not going to give up seeing Kaitlyn, though. I want to talk to Cameron about working out a schedule. Maybe I can take her a couple of afternoons a week.”
“See, you have a plan.”
Or at least part of one, Rina thought glumly.
The sound of several women laughing caused her to look to the bar side of the room. At least thirty women were setting up for what looked to be a bridal shower. Rina remembered all three of the Hendrix triplets were getting married over the holidays. Not that she begrudged them their happiness, but ouch.
“This hurts,” she admitted. “What a stupid time of year to put it all on the line. I love Christmas. It was always a big thing in my house and I know my grandparents are looking forward to it.”
“So you’ll be with them and that will be nice.”
“I know, it’s just…” She swallowed and fought more tears. “We’re supposed to go Friday to pick out the tree. That will be hard.”
Jesse leaned toward her. “I know it will.”
“You’re not going to try and talk me out of it?”
“No. If you think you can stand it, you should stick with what’s planned. For Kaitlyn. She adores you and getting a Christmas tree is a big deal for an eight-year-old.” Jesse studied her. “You’ve seen him?”
“Since I made my pronouncement yesterday? Briefly. When he came home from work and again this morning when I went to get her ready for school. He hasn’t said anything.”
This morning he’d simply handed her a cup of coffee and said he would see her at the office. Kaitlyn had been the one to remind her about their date to pick out a tree.
“I’m avoiding him at work,” Kaitlyn said. “It’s a month, right? I can stand this for a month.”
Jesse shifted in her seat. “He came to talk to me this morning.”
Rina stared at her. “And? What did he say?”
“That he wasn’t online anymore. Looking.”
Looking, as in… “Oh. You mean he’s not trying to find someone.”
“Right.”
Rina picked up her glass of wine, then put it down. She was sure it was wonderful, but she’d yet to take a sip. The thought of it made her stomach flip, and not in a good way.
“I wasn’t sure if I should tell you,” Jesse admitted.
“Don’t worry. I’m not going to get my hopes up. Cameron isn’t a bad guy. He’s stupid, but not evil. I made it pretty clear that rejecting me and going in search of an online girlfriend in the same day was awful and I’m guessing he believed me.”