I cursed aloud, a vent that had nothing to do with vampires or werewolves and everything to do with human nature. I ranted and raved my confusion and dismay to Raoul as if he could hear me because I feared that I’d lose my mind if I didn’t let it out.
In my time on the bridge, staring out over the park with my half-consumed coffee, I gave voice to the betrayal and disappointment inside, but no forgiveness. That mercy escaped me. I wept hot, salty tears that carried no trace of blood, just the pure cleansing release of my sorrow. I could not shake the insane anger I felt over the fact that Raoul was dead and, with him, the final confrontation I desired.
The conversation with Kylarai was easier than I’d anticipated. I handed her the letter and watched her grey eyes grow misty. After a long silence, she choked out, “Are you ok?”
I shook my head no, because I wasn’t, but forced a bitter smile anyway.
“Oh, honey.” Her arms went around me, and I allowed myself to soak up her sisterly affection. I didn’t realize how bad I’d been craving the comfort of pack, of family.
Kylarai and Shaz had been my family for several years, but now they felt like so much more. The knowledge of why my mother died did nothing to make me miss her less, though it did bring everything full circle by answering the question that I’d carried for years.
The fact that Veryl knew all of this wasn’t lost on me. I debated on whether or not to call him. As soon as the sun fell, I dialed his personal number. With the pain so fresh, I had to call.
“So, he told you.” Veryl didn’t sound in the least bit surprised. “He had said that he planned to.”
I bit my lip so that I wouldn’t say anything to him that I’d regret. “Veryl, I need to know more about Raoul. You’ve known he was the one that attacked me all this time. Why not tell me?”
He took a moment before answering, and I knew he was weighing his answers. “Alexa, there is much that I must keep quiet for a reason. I’m sure you understand. However, in this case, I worried about your well-being.”
The wheels turned in my brain as I tried to put it all together. “My well-being? How long have you known about me? I’m guessing it’s been much longer than the last five years I’ve worked for you.”
“Of course. Raoul atoned for what he’d done by taking you into his small town pack. He was to keep you safe as you developed into womanhood.”
And, as my abilities developed. I could almost hear the unspoken words that he wasn’t saying.
“You knew I could work energy.”
“Everyone can work with energy if they choose, Alexa. You were born conducting it, natural. That ability in a werewolf is priceless, of course I was interested in you.” His firm tone held no placation. He remained the practical businessman.
I felt burned that he had kept me in the dark, ultimately for his own purpose. Though Raoul hadn’t been the ideal role model, Veryl had ensured that I’d been safe through my first difficult years as a Were. None of this was really Veryl’s fault. It was Raoul’s.
“Can I ask you why you didn’t just kill him after he murdered my family?” My hands were sweaty as I tightened my grip on the phone.
“Those decisions are never the same for each situation. It was an isolated incident. And like I said, he and I struck a deal.”
Business, like everything, my fate was just business with Veryl. Did that vampire ever make decisions based on emotion or instinct? Was he always straight practicality?
“A deal? He killed my family in a fit of rage and almost killed me as well.” Bitterness was hard in my voice, but I knew he wouldn’t react to it.
“He didn’t… and now, he’s dead.” A short pause as he spoke quickly to someone in the background. “What do you want to hear, Alexa? I am sorry for the loss of your family, but I made the choice that I felt best at the time.”
I sighed. There was no point in taking out my undying resentment for Raoul on Veryl. That wouldn’t earn me anything. I couldn’t blame Veryl for treating it like he would any other situation. He wasn’t personally involved.
“Nothing. I’m just having a hard time handling this.” There, I was honest. I couldn’t see any reason not to be. “I think I need a few days to myself before I’ll be any good to you.”
“Take as much time as you need. And please, let me help with any expenses involved with this whole situation.”
I thanked him for his offer and said that I’d see him next week. After hanging up the phone, I sat on the edge of my bed and hung my head in my hands. I probably would have cried if I’d had the tears left to do so.
As it was, all I wanted to do was spend time alone in my room. I couldn’t recall the last time I’d been all alone with nothing but my thoughts and quiet contemplation. Unfortunately, life altering news had brought me to this moment of solitude.
How in the world was I going to come out the other side of this? I felt trapped in the middle of a problem with no solution. My solution had died with Raoul.