She nodded; she understood the absence of closure. “Arys said he’ll be by after sunset.” She hesitated and looked at the doorway as if expecting Shaz to appear. “They got into it pretty bad. Playing the blame game. You know. Arys wanted to heal you but Shaz wouldn’t let anyone but Fox touch you.”
I sighed. There was nobody to really blame for the drama and tension between Shaz and Arys but me. How did I get myself into these situations?
“Did Kale take care of you? He better have.” I grinned when a full-fledged blush accompanied her reluctant smile.
“He was a perfect gentleman. I didn’t once get the impression that he was wondering what I taste like.”
“Oh, he was. He’s just had a few centuries to practice hiding it.”
We laughed lightly together but it was strained. Forced. I could tell that Kylarai had cried upon learning of Raoul’s death. Her eyes were bloodshot, and the tangy scent of salt lingered on her skin.
When Shaz returned, she gave my hand a warm pat before excusing herself despite my insistence that she stay. As soon as we were alone and those green eyes met mine, I started to come undone.
On the bed with me, he took my hand so that it lay clasped within his. “Are you ok, Lex?”
“Yeah, I’ll live. I promise. Don’t blame Arys. It was all circumstance.”
“That’s not what I mean.” He shook his head, causing his platinum hair to fall into his eyes just the way I loved it. “Are you ok? Do you want to talk about what happened with Raoul?”
He gave me a look that said he knew there was so much more than I’d been letting on. Tears flooded my eyes, and I made a pathetic attempt to blink them away.
“I let him die thinking I hated him.” My lower lip trembled, and I felt the sob seconds before it broke from me.
I couldn’t say anymore, and he didn’t push me. As he pulled me carefully into his arms, I sunk against his comforting embrace.
For the first time in a long time, I dropped all my guards and allowed myself to feel raw emotion as I sobbed into the hollow of his neck. So recently, I’d held Raoul in much the same way as his hot tears streaked moist paths along my skin.
I hated that I hadn’t realized. I hadn’t known it was the last time we would ever have a chance to leave our bitterness aside. Perhaps, that was our closure. If only I’d known.
The entire day passed in bed with my white wolf at my side. When Arys came by that evening, I had just convinced Shaz to go to work. I insisted a day of healing had already done wonders for me. He didn’t want to leave me, but after I promised to stay home with Kylarai, he begrudgingly went and swore that he’d be back after last call.
Arys filled me in. He’d arranged Raoul’s house to look like a break in. The authorities labeled him a missing person of interest in the murders of his lovers. They could launch a nationwide manhunt, he would never be found.
Arys grasped my chin so that I was forced to meet his eyes. I felt the quiver of power begin deep down inside.
“I know it’s my fault that you were hurt so badly. I can’t tell you how terrible I feel.” The strange silence surrounding us thickened. “Your wolf is right. I don’t deserve to have what it is we share.”
His admission, though touching, was wrong. “Arys, that’s not true. I know you’d never do anything to intentionally endanger me. I trust you.”
I realized then that we were all carrying around guilt. And whatever for? It wasn’t doing any one of us a damn bit of good.
Arys was careful not to touch me too much. His sly, mischievous tendencies were absent, and without them, his comfort felt shallow. Still, he refused to leave my side until Shaz returned.
Once Shaz’s blue Cobalt turned into the driveway, the vampire leaned in so close that I was unable to resist him. He pressed his lips firmly against mine and pushed healing energy into me as he had before.
My pulse quickened and leapt as my blood pressure rose. Our auras blended and a rejuvenating breeze swept throughout my insides. The warm tingle that began in my stomach slowly spread to encompass my entire being, and I gasped when he broke the contact and rose to leave.
“I have to go.” He looked like he wanted to stay as badly as I wanted him to. “I have to feed this bloodlust before dawn. I don’t want it to rise between you and your wolf when you’re in such a weakened state.”
“I can’t shift for three days. Promise you’ll come to me if you can’t go that long.” I could see that he was itching to go before Shaz made his way inside, but I wanted his word.
He gave a silent nod but didn’t touch me, as if he didn’t trust himself. I longed for him and the energy humming around us, so I appreciated his restraint.
“Will you come by tomorrow if I’m not up to going out?”
“I promise.” He drew an X over his heart, blew me a kiss, and disappeared through the door. His footsteps were silent as he went.
Shaz’s frown told me that he’d passed the vampire on his way in, but when I held my arms out to him, the complaint died on his lips. I needed the comfort that only came from him. I never wanted to make the mistake with Shaz that I had with Raoul by hiding my true feelings.