Chapter Twenty
For the next month, I spent my recovery at Jake’s farm. Although I was wrecked physically, I don’t know when I’d been happier emotionally. Sure, I didn’t necessarily want to almost be beaten to death by a psychotic, jealous ex-lover of Jake’s, but in the same token, it meant I had time to spend with him and with his mom. The first week my parents stayed in the guest bedroom while I stayed next door in Jake’s bedroom. Although the barn boasted a finished loft that was as nicer than any apartment, Jake refused to sleep far from me, so he either slept in the chair beside my bed or on the couch in the living room. I’d offered to let him sleep with me, but he was too afraid of accidentally hitting or kicking my wounds during the night.
That first week I was smothered to death by Jake, my parents, and Susan. Even Rhys, Brayden, Lily, and AJ hovered over me. Don’t get me wrong. It was nice milking my injuries for my favorite home-cooked meals of my mother’s or little gifts from the guys. But after a while, it got really old being spoiled. I couldn’t even sneeze without everyone freaking out and rushing to my bedside. It was sweet, but it was also incredibly annoying.
Once I was literally back on my feet again, my parents reluctantly left to go back to Texas. They’d spent ten days away from their jobs to make sure I was on the road to recovery. They still weren’t happy with me recuperating at Jake’s, but they had resigned themselves to the fact that I was an adult and made my own decisions. We had a teary goodbye where I promised to come home at the end of the month.
Some days Jake would reluctantly leave me with Susan, so he could go to Atlanta with the guys to work on the new album. I had to admit that I enjoyed the time with her. She was truly an amazing woman of strength and courage. Physically, she had her good days and bad days, but emotionally she was upbeat each and every day. She was also really funny. When I felt up to riding in a car again, she took me to her dance studio and showed me around. Jake’s family came in droves to meet me and to bring home-cooked meals to Susan and to Jake. I’d never felt so much love outside of my own immediate family.
One afternoon after Jake got in from the recording studio in Atlanta, he found Susan and me on the front porch each reading a book. With a beaming smile on his face, he beckoned me with his hand. “I have a surprise for you.”
Wrinkling my nose, I replied, “You know I hate surprises.”
“You’ll like this one. It’s a special gift from my grandfather.” It didn’t escape me that a knowing look passed between Susan and Jake.
Reluctantly, I pulled myself out of the chair and walked down the length of the porch to meet Jake. He took my hand in his and led me across the yard to his barn. When he opened the door, a fluffy ball of a Golden Retriever puppy came galloping over to me.
My eyes widened in shock. “You got me a dog?”
“It’s a gift from my Papa. She’s the pick of his new litter.”
I squealed with delight as I went to pick up the puppy. “She’s beautiful,” I murmured as I rubbed my face into the soft fur.
“Does that mean you like my surprise?”
I grinned. “Oh I love this one.”
Jake tipped back his baseball cap off his forehead and eyed me. “So what are you going to name her?”
“Hmm, good question.” I stared into the puppy’s warm brown eyes. “What should I name you, sweetheart?” As she opened her mouth and yawned, it hit me. “Angel. She can be my angel.”
“But you’re my Angel,” Jake protested.
“I think there’s room for two Angels around here.”
“Whatever. She’s your dog.”
I couldn’t help my brow creasing in worry. “But what happens when I have to leave or go back on the road?”
Jake shrugged. “She’ll just stay here with all our other dogs until you get back.”
My heartbeat hammered so loud I feared Jake would hear it. I didn’t know if he realized that by saying my dog would always have a home at his house, he had just alluded to a massive level of commitment between us. “Are you sure that wouldn’t be an imposition?” I finally asked.
“Of course not. I mean, we have all these fenced in acres for her to run around and frolic in.”
I giggled. “Did you just say frolic?”
“Yeah, I did, smartass,” he replied with a smirk.
Setting Angel gently down on the floor, I then put my arms around Jake’s neck. “Thank you so much for the sweet and thoughtful gift. You made my day.”
He grinned. “You’re welcome.”
I leaned in and gave him a lingering kiss. Since the night I had been beaten by Bree, Jake had been gun-shy about kissing or touching me. More than anything in the world, I wanted his mouth and hands on me again like the night in the hotel room. I slid my tongue against his lips, urging him to open to me. When he did, I thrust my tongue against his. Surprisingly, Jake ran his hand down my back and cupped one of my butt cheeks, jerking me against him.
As our tongues danced around each other, I brazenly rubbed myself against the bulge growing in his jeans. I hiked one of my legs up and wrapped it around his hip, giving him part of his former wish to have my cowboy boots digging into his ass. Since I wanted to give him and myself the full experience, I melted against Jake, silently begging with my body language for him to raise me up. Fortunately, he appeased me by cupping my other butt cheek and hoisting me up to wrap my other leg around his waist. I arched my center against his crotch, causing him to groan into my mouth. “Angel,” he murmured as he kissed a scorching trail down my neck.
When his hand moved up my ribcage to cup my breast, I cried out. Thinking it was from pain, not pleasure, Jake froze. My vocal reaction had the same effect as pouring a bucket of ice cold water over Jake. “Oh f*ck,” he muttered before gripping my hips and unwrapping my legs from around his waist. Once he sat my feet back on the ground, he ran a shaky hand through his hair.
“Jake, please don’t stop!” I protested.
He shook his head. “You’re not fully healed. I hurt you.”
“No, you didn’t. I cried out because I liked what I was feeling.”
He stared at me for a minute. “It doesn’t matter. We shouldn’t be making out anyway.”
Cupping his cheek, I argued, “But I want to make out with you. You’re my boyfriend, and I love you.”
Staring down at Angel playing at our feet, Jake refused to meet my gaze. “No, we don’t. Not now and not any time soon,” he muttered before stalking out of the barn. Angel started after him, but then she came back to me. I pulled her into my arms and let the tears rolling down my cheeks dampen her fur.
I didn’t see Jake the rest of the afternoon until Susan called us to dinner at seven. To say that you could have cut the tension in the air with a knife would be a mild understatement. Susan chattered along, and I tried keeping up with her while Jake sat in a broody silence, shoveling in his food. Our plates were half-eaten when he sprang out of his chair. When Susan and I stared up at him with our mouths open in surprise, he muttered, “I’m going to the barn to work out.”
Angel followed him out of the dining room, but her whines echoed throughout the foyer when he slammed the front door. With an anguished sigh, I dropped my fork onto my plate, causing a noisy clatter. “Sorry.”
She gave me a sympathetic smile. “Sweetheart, you don’t need to apologize to me. Instead, you should be marching yourself right on out to the barn to sort things out with Jacob.”
My eyes widened at her suggestion. “Y-You know things are strained between us?”
“Oh honey, I know I’m dying, but seriously, I would have to be blind not to notice that.” Easing back in her chair, she eyed me for a moment. “He’s afraid to touch you, isn’t he?”
I gave a brief nod. “Since my accident, he acts like I’m some fragile piece of glass that will break at any minute. I know he loves me—he shows it in every way possible.”
“He’s conflicted about the guilt he feels for what happened to you. In his mind, Jacob thinks that by keeping you at arm’s length he’s somehow atoning for what he feels are his sins for your accident.”
“That’s so wrong!” I protested.
“I agree.”
“So what should I do?”
A mischievous gleam burned in Susan’s blue eyes. “You’re going to have to figure that one out on your own, honey. But I think your best strategy to clear the air and end all the tension is to force Jake to touch you again.”
I gasped as warmth flooded across my cheeks and down my neck. “Are you suggesting what I think you’re suggesting?”
Susan held up her hands. “I just said that you needed to go out to the barn and fight for your man.” She rose out of her chair. “If anyone needs me, I’m going to take a bath and turn in early tonight.” With a wink, she walked out of the dining room.
Chewing on my nails, I let Susan’s words sink in. I knew what I wanted to do, but I didn’t know if I had the courage to do it. After all, the cards seemed stacked against me for anything about my plan to work out right. I was twenty-one years old, in love with a womanizing rock star who was going through emotional hell because of his mother’s illness and the fact a psychotic ex-girlfriend had beaten me, and my idea of making things better between us was to give him my virginity. Surely that made me crazy.
But when it all came down to it, it wasn’t just the desire pumping through me whenever I looked at Jake or when we were close to each other. No, I was crazy in love with him. I’d been in love with him before my accident, and after the last month with him, I was even more in love with him than ever before.
So it was now or never. I loved Jake, and I wanted to be with him. Who knew what the future held for us? But deep down, I would always regret it if the first man I loved wasn’t the first I slept with.
“Alrighty then,” I muttered before rising out of my chair. I stalked down the hallway and locked myself into the bedroom. My mind was now made up. Susan had planted a tiny seed, and I was going to act on it by going to Jake in the barn and seducing him.
I knew the first thing I needed to do was arm myself with the necessary tools. I had to look like sex to him. Well, I guess that wasn’t exactly true since the last time we had almost had sex I was wearing an old t-shirt and yoga pants, not to mention the fact we’d gotten pretty frisky this afternoon when I was wearing jeans and a sweater. Regardless of what had happened before, Jake needed to know just by looking at me tonight what I wanted.
I snapped my fingers and made my way over to the closet. Digging in my suitcase, I pulled out the white baby doll nightie I’d bought when I got the white dress for Jake. I slid on the glittery thong before shimmying into the nightie. Gazing at myself in the mirror, I turned left and right, appraising my reflection. I guess I looked sexy. The pearl and sequined encrusted bodice barely held in my cleavage, and it felt like at any minute my boobs might pop out of the front, which was probably a win-win situation considering how much Jake professed to like my boobs.
Pulling my hair out of my ponytail, I then brushed it until it to where it cascaded over my shoulders in waves. I reapplied a light coating of makeup, and when I finished, I rolled some shimmering colored lip gloss across my lips.
I slid my robe over my shoulders and stepped into my boots. Cracking open the door, I poked my head out and surveyed the scene. Susan’s door was shut tight, so I tip-toed down the hallway and then closed the front door quietly behind me. The full moon overhead lit my way across the yard to the barn.
Although Jake had six horses, they weren’t housed in the barn. Instead, they were down the hill in the stables. The ‘barn’ was more of a finished house or his bachelor pad, so to speak, where he had work-out equipment, a living area to relax in, and then the loft upstairs to sleep.
With gangsta rap blaring out of the stereo speakers, Jake didn’t even hear the door close. Over and over, he pummeled the punching bag as sweat dripped off his head and onto his shoulders.
“Jake,” I shouted.
The sound of my voice caused him to still instantly. His arms reached out to steady the swaying bag before he turned around. “What are you doing out here?”
“I need to talk to you.”
“About what?”
I crossed the gap between us. I was sure he could hear the knocking of my knees as I feared my wobbly legs wouldn’t hold me up. Without taking my eyes off of his, my trembling fingers went to the sash of my robe. I untied it and then slowly slid it off. When it dropped to the floor, it felt like the sound was so deafening that it echoed around us.
Jake’s blue eyes widened as his gaze trailed over the negligee. He licked his lips several times and swayed on his feet before he finally spoke. “Angel, what are you doing?”
“Seducing you.”
The corners of his lips twitched, and I could tell he was fighting not to laugh. “You came out here in some racy get-up to seduce me?”
“I-I want to be with you. I want you to make love to me.”
Jake’s eyebrows shot up before he quickly shook his head. “I told you no earlier, and I still mean it.”
My mouth gaped open in surprise. “That’s your response to this?” I motioned to my jacked-up cleavage.
His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down a few times as he swallowed hard. “Yeah, it is.”
He then bent over and snatched my robe up off the floor. “Now put this back on and go to bed.”
“Jake, I’m not in pain anymore. I’m healed, and I can do this—I want to do this.”
“No.”
Tears stung my eyes, and I bit down on my lip. “You seriously don’t want me?”
With a grunt, Jake replied, “Oh my dick wants you more than anything in the world right now. But for once, I’m going to think with the head on my shoulders, rather than the one below my waist.” Jake gripped the edges of my robe so hard his knuckles turned white. “Trust me, Angel, I’m the last man on earth you should want to give yourself to.”
“But I do want to be with you. I bought this a month ago when Lily convinced me to wear a white dress. I realized that day I wanted to be prepared because I knew sometime soon I would want to make love to you.”
My statement caused an agonized groan from Jake, but he didn’t respond. Instead, he paced anxiously around the room. Finally, he whirled around and threw up his hands in defeat. “After everything that happened with Bree and your recovery, I’ve been doing some thinking—hell you could even call it soul searching.”
“So have I, and I—”
His blue eyes blazed with fury. “Don’t you get it, Angel? You deserve a hell of a lot better than me, both in and out of the bedroom.”
“Not that bullshit again. I’m so sick of hearing how you think you aren’t worthy,” I protested.
“It’s the truth, dammit! You’re this beautiful, pure spirit, and I’m corrupted and tainted from my past. I won’t put that on you.”
Taking a tentative step forward, I took his hand in mind. I brought it to my lips and kissed along his knuckles. “You’re not able to see yourself like I do. You’re deserving of my love, and I want to give it to you in all ways.”
His expression darkened. “But I haven’t made love since I was eighteen years old—if I even did it then. I only know how to f*ck girls, and there’s no way in hell I’ll f*ck you!”
Frustration and anger swirled within me. I swept a hand to my hip. “So just because you have a past and I don’t that means we can’t have sex?”
“Yeah, that’s right.”
“Well, that’s not fair.”
Jake tossed the robe at me. “Life’s not fair, babe. Get used to it.”
I threw the robe back at him, smacking him in the face with it. “No, I won’t. I’m not taking no for an answer!”
He smirked at me. “And just what do you plan to do? Rape me?”
“No, I intend on making love with you.” Stepping forward, I slid my arms around his neck and then pressed my body flush against his. Jake instantly tensed. Before he could push me away, I said, “Even though you don’t believe it, I know you, Jake. I understand that feeling and expressing emotions off the stage is hard for you—I’ve seen you screw-up way too many times, remember? More than anything I understand that now with everything that is going on with your mom and what happened with me, that you’re gun-shy, scared, and unsure of what you’re experiencing and feeling.”
I rubbed the back of my hand across his cheek. “But I want you to listen to me. I love you, Jake. I’ve never loved another guy in my entire life. I’ve given myself over to you emotionally, and I’m more than ready to do that with my body as well. So I don’t care whether I make love with you, have sex, or even f*ck.”
His eyes widened as big as saucers at my using the F word. I smiled reassuringly at him. “I just want to be with you.” I pulled his head down to where our foreheads touched. “Not only have you told me over and over again that you loved me, but you’ve managed to show me just how much you love me too. I don’t care if you’ve been with a thousand other women—that was the past. We’re the present and the future—right here and right now.”
Jake made a pained noise in the back of his throat. “Can’t you see I’m f*cking drowning in all this guilt?” He smacked his hand against his bare chest. “It’s because of me that you were almost killed. I don’t want anything else on my conscience, so I won’t ruin you by taking your virginity.”
I couldn’t help rolling my eyes. “Would you stop talking like I’m some fragile flower or something? I may be fifty percent angel, but I’m fifty percent hellcat too.” I curled my fingers into his sweat slickened strands of hair. “I’ll be your holy water—I’ll purify you and wash away the past. Just don’t deny me this.”
“Angel, I don’t ever want to deny you anything. I’d give you the world if I could. It kills me inside to have to tell you no.” He wrapped his arms tight around me. “It’s just I’m so afraid that my love can never be good enough for you.”
“Don’t ever think that, Jake. It’s all I need—all I want.” I gazed up at him. “Besides, you may be with me and decide I’m not enough for you.”
He shook his head. “I f*cking doubt that.”
“But I don’t know what to do…to you know, please you.”
Jake grinned down at me. “Please me?”
I felt my cheeks warming. “Get you off?”
His thumb rubbed across my cheekbone. “Babe, I doubt you’ll have any problems getting me off. You did just fine last time.”
“But you were helping me. I just want to be everything you could ever need and more both in and out of the bedroom.”
Jake then brought his lips to mine and silenced any remaining doubts. His tongue slid against my lips, and I opened my mouth, inviting him in. I wanted to taste every inch of him tonight. Our kisses deepened as our tongues danced and fought against each other.
With our mouths and arms entangled, I used my hips to nudge Jake toward the loft steps. I wasn’t going to give him another chance to talk me or himself out of this. When his butt knocked against the stairs, his lips pulled away from mine. His signature cocky smirk spread across his lips. “Ladies first.”
I giggled. “Why do I think this is less about you being chivalrous and more about getting to see my ass in this thong?”
He banged his head back against the railing. “Christ almighty, that sexy-as-hell-get-up has a thong too?”
“Mmm hmm.”
A sexy grin stretched across his face. “You’re killing me.” He then stepped aside for me to start up the stairs. With every step I took, I could feel his eyes scorching into my bare skin. It caused heat and moisture to grow between my thighs.
When we reached the landing of the loft, I started to wrap my arms around Jake, but he stopped me. “Wait, Angel, I’m all sweaty from working out, and I stink.”
I leaned in to inhale his bare chest. “You smell good to me.”
Jake chuckled as he pushed out of my arms. “If we’re doing this, we’re doing it right and when I’m not stinky.”
“If you say so,” I replied.
Tugging my hand, he pulled me to the bathroom. Just like everything in the barn, it was breathtaking with its marble tile and granite countertops. Jake turned on the shower knob, and a steady stream of water came jetting out. With his hands on the waistband of his shorts, his lips curved in a smirk. “Did you plan on joining me or just watching?”
“Um…” Did I want to shower with him? That threw me for a loop since that usually came after sex, right? Ugh, this was all happening wrong and not like I pictured it. And I sure as hell didn’t think it would be romantic to watch him shower. The sight of Jake lathering up while I stared at him sounded like something out of a bad porno. “Uh, I can just wait in the bed.” I then started inching back from the shower.
He was sliding his shorts down when I quickly turned to go. I didn’t make it far before he grabbed my arm and spun me into him. I squealed as the water drenched my hair and soaked my lingerie. “Don’t go, Angel. I want you to stay.”
At the desire and love that burned in his eyes, I found it hard to breathe. When I could finally speak, I replied, “Then I’ll stay.”
Jake glanced down at my wet nightie that was now molded to my body like a second skin. “You really bought this for me?”
“Yes,” I replied as my arms went around his neck. “Do you like it?”
“Hmm,” he murmured as his hands came up to cup my breasts within the bodice. “It’s beautiful—you’re beautiful in it.”
I smiled. “I thought you would like it because it was white, and you always say—”
“You’re an angel in white.”
“I’m your angel.”
Bending down, he gripped the hem of the nightie and pulled it over my head. Closing my eyes, I leaned my back against the shower stall as he took in my appearance. When he didn’t reach out for me, I opened my eyes.
Jake was staring right below my chest. When I glanced down, I gasped. Somehow in my nervousness and enthusiasm, I had thrown my negligee on over my chest wrap. My hand flew to cover my eyes. “Oh God, I’m such an idiot! What a way to ruin a moment,” I moaned.
With a chuckle, Jake pulled my hand from my eyes. “I assume it comes off just like the lingerie, right?”
“Yes.”
He winked at me. “Then stop worrying. I’ll just take it off.” Bringing his fingers to the clip, Jake then started unwrapping the bandage. I began to twist from side to side to help him get it off quicker. With a wicked grin, he said, “You know, this makes me think of that scene in the movie Shakespeare in Love where Will unbinds Viola’s breasts.”
I laughed. “The very fact you know that movie is very swoonworthy, Mr. Slater,” I teased.
“Hey, don’t be acting like I’m not a romantic. I was quoting Romeo and Juliet the first night we were together.”
I cocked my brows at him. “Right after I had to prove that you could get it up for a virgin.”
Jake winced. “I was such a douche to you.”
I leaned in and kissed him. “I’ve forgiven you for all your douche moments in the past.”
“Thanks, Angel,” Jake replied with a grin. Once he finished taking off my bandage, Jake’s expression darkened, and he sucked in a harsh breath. I knew he was surprised by how bruised I still was. Most of them had faded, but there was still a yellow and green discoloration all around my ribcage and abdomen.
I cupped his cheek and shook my head. “Please don’t do that. I promise you they don’t hurt.”
Dropping to his knees, Jake began feathering tender kisses along my ribs and across my stomach. “I’m sorry,” he murmured, his breath warming my already scorching skin.
I gripped the strands of his hair and gently pulled his head back to look at me. “Stop apologizing for something you couldn’t help. You’re not the one who did this to me, and I will never, ever blame you.”
He rested his cheek against my stomach. “I love you, Angel.”
“I love you, too, Jake.”
As his fingers grazed the waist band of my thong, he glanced up at me. I gave a short nod of my head before he tugged it down my thighs. We were both totally naked together for the first time ever, and I shivered with anticipation.
“Are you cold?”
“No, I just want you.”
A pained noise came from the back of Jake’s throat. He kissed my inner thighs before nudging my legs further apart. Staring up at me, he held my gaze as his tongue flicked out to lick across my folds. I sucked in a breath and let my head fall back against the shower wall as his warm tongue worked over me. He lapped and suckled at my * to where I was rocking my hips against him. He took one of my feet and pulled it up to rest on his shoulder giving him better access. The moment he thrust his tongue inside me I came apart and cried out his name.
Once I came back to myself, I figured he would stand up, but instead, he remained on his knees. He pulled away momentarily to tease my opening with one finger before pushing it inside. He added two and then three to swirl and move within me. With his free hand, his fingers skimmed over my stomach before coming to cup one of my breasts.
I was on sensory overload as my nipple peaked under his attention. His hand then snaked over to the other breast to bring it to a hardened nub as well. All the while he kept plunging his fingers in and out of me while his thumb made my * feel like it was going to explode.
Gripping the strands of his hair, I cried out his name over and over again as I came. If it were possible, I think I had experienced an even stronger orgasm that time. When I gazed down at Jake with hooded eyes, he frowned.
“What’s wrong?”
“Baby, you’re so tight. I’m worried about hurting you.”
“I’ll be fine,” I panted.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, dammit, now take me to bed and make love to me!” I demanded.
Jake chuckled. “Boy, you get bossy when you come, don’t you?”
“Please?”
“Well, I never actually took a shower.” When I started to protest, he grabbed the body wash. Pushing my hands together, he squirted some into my palms. “Wash me, Angel.”
Bringing my palms to his chest, I worked my hands over his pecs, down along his heavily tattooed arms, and then to his rock hard abs. As my hands skimmed above his waist, his stomach tensed while his erection bucked up against my hand. Eying it, I couldn’t help but start to feel some of the anxiety Jake had earlier. I pressed myself flush against Jake to reach around to wash his back before I let my hands dip down to grip his butt cheeks.
With our bodies so close, Jake began to slide his erection against my folds. I gasped and rocked back against him. Just as I began to get carried away again, he stopped. In a ragged breath he said, “We need to get to the bed.”
“Okay,” I replied.
When we stepped out of the shower, Jake didn’t even bother with a towel. He swept me off my feet and then proceeded to carry me to the bed. Gently, he deposited me on the side of the mattress. Drawing my knees up, I wrapped my arms around my legs while I watched as Jake opened the top nightstand drawer. He pulled out a condom and a bottle of something I didn’t recognize. At what I guess was my questioning expression, he replied, “It’s lube. It’ll make this first time easier for you.”
“I see.” I tilted my head up at him. “So you have a whole drawer of sex goodies in there?”
“It’s not what you’re thinking, Angel,” Jake replied as he ripped open the foil wrapper.
“And just what am I thinking?”
“That I use this loft as my swinging bachelor pad where I bring all my conquests and bang them.”
I hated myself for being that easy to read. “Are you sure, or are you just giving me a line so I won’t bail on you?”
He grinned. “I keep this out here because it’s the one place that’s off limits for Mama and her cleaning lady. I would prefer to keep this aspect of my life private.”
“Yes, it would break the poor cleaning lady’s heart to find out you were such a naughty boy.”
With a shudder, Jake replied, “Not to mention my mama.”
My laughter died on my lips as Jake began putting on the condom. Even though I wanted to look away, I couldn’t help being fascinated by the sight of him sliding it down his extreme length. When he finished, his eyes met mine, and he nudged my shoulder gently with his own. I then scooted on my butt to the center of the mattress. On his knees, Jake crawled along the bed until he was looming over me.
He kissed me tenderly before plunging his tongue into my mouth. Although I hadn’t kissed a lot of guys or men, I knew good when I experienced it, and Jake was very, very good. As he ravaged my mouth, I felt moisture growing between my legs again. Jake’s hands managed to be everywhere all at once. They were kneading my breasts, caressing my buttocks, or slipping between my legs to stroke me. I shivered in spite of the beads of sweat breaking out along my skin from the heat building within me.
As Jake settled himself between my thighs, I couldn’t help but tense up. This was it—the big moment, and I couldn’t help being nervous. I had to draw in a few deep breaths to calm me down and keep from going into full on panic mode.
When his erection nudged at my entrance, I pinched my eyes shut, bracing myself for the pain.
“Don’t close your eyes,” he whispered, his breath fanning against my cheek. My eyelids fluttered open to take in Jake’s intense stare. “I love you, Angel.”
“I love you, too.”
As he pushed inside me, tears stung my eyes both from the physical pain and the emotional enormity of the moment. “I’m so sorry, baby,” Jake murmured as he kissed away the tears that had escaped in salty streaks down my face.
“It’s okay. I want this…I want you,” I replied as I tried inhaling a few deep breaths. Once Jake felt like I was accustomed to him, he withdrew and thrust back into me. This time it was both painful and pleasurable. “Mmm.”
“Better?”
“Yes.”
He then began to move within me. After a few minutes, the pain evaporated, and I began to feel like raising my hips to meet his thrusts. That caused Jake to moan with pleasure. As we moved in perfect sync together, Jake brought his lips to mine and began to kiss me passionately. His tongue plunged into my mouth and mimicked his movements inside me. A hot flush ran over me from the top of my head down to my toes, and I couldn’t help tearing my mouth away from his to pant and moan with pleasure.
Although it felt so very, very good, I knew I wasn’t going to come like I had before. When I felt Jake’s body tensing, I wrapped my arms around his back, drawing him closer to me. “Oh Abby!” he cried as he shuddered with his release. I rubbed circles over his back as he continued to tremble within me.
When Jake pulled his head away from my shoulder, I smiled up at him. “That was so amazing, baby. I love you so much for giving it to me.”
“I love you too, but…” His brows furrowed.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“You didn’t come.”
My cheeks warmed at his comment. “No, but I think that’s kinda normal for girls the first time.” When Jake didn’t respond, I took his face in my hands. “I did twice before though.”
“Yeah, but…”
I smiled. “Baby, you just gave me the best experience of my entire life.”
He scowled. “You have nothing to gauge it by. I coulda been lousy as hell, and you’d think it was rainbows and unicorns.”
“Are you trying to ruin my making love for the first time just because your ego is bruised because I didn’t come?” I snapped.
His expression softened. “No, that’s not it.”
“Well, that’s what it sounded like to me.” I snatched my hands away from his face. “I’ve been waiting and wondering my entire adult life what sex would be like, and for me, you blew away all my expectations. So what if I didn’t come when you were inside me? It was my first freakin’ time, and for the first part, it hurt like hell!”
When I started to climb off the mattress, Jake wrapped me in his arms. “I’m sorry, Angel.”
“Yeah, well, you should be. A*shole!”
He chuckled. “Trust me, I am.” With his fingers, he tipped my chin up to look at him. “You were right. I was being a complete and total dick because I thought I had totally f*cked up your first time because you didn’t come.” He tenderly kissed my cheek. “It’s hard for me getting used to the all the emotions with sex. It’s overwhelming being your first.”
“So what you’re trying to say is you were under a lot of pressure?”
“Yeah, but it was worth it. It was f*cking amazing.” He grinned. “You were f*cking amazing.”
“Really?” I asked, my voice rising an octave.
Jake propped himself up on one elbow to stare at me. “You know what made it for me? It was the look in your eyes as you were experiencing every range of emotion from the physical pain to the emotional connection. Your eyes are so expressive, and I felt like I was really, really inside you.”
My heartbeat raced at his thoughtful words, and for a moment, I could only reply, “Oh wow.” I cocked my head at him. “So does that mean you like making love better than f*cking?”
Jake chuckled as his finger came to trace my lips. “Such a dirty mouth you have, Angel.”
“You’re avoiding the question.”
“I plan on continuing to make love to you as well as introducing you to f*cking.”
I grinned. “I look forward to that.”
“Now come here and let me spoon you again.”
I happily snuggled up to him. After all, who would argue with that?
***