Bella broke the silence. "I'll be the first to admit that I have no experience with relationships, but it just seems logical... a man and woman have to be somewhat equal... as in, one of them can't always be swooping in and saving the other one. They have to save each other equally."
It seems her knowledge is not as extensive as I first thought. Of course, in movies and books vampires had to bite their victims to turn them. It was easy for her to deduct these things. Instead of getting angry, I folded my arms on the side of her bed and rested my chin on my arms. Still, I will have to have a...talk...with Alice.
I thought about what Bella said though, about saving each other equally. She doesn't realize how much she has saved me, how she pulled me out of the deepest depression that even Jasper has ever seen. My whole family has fallen in love with Bella merely for what her presence has done for me.
"You have saved me," I said quietly, letting her in on my revelation.
"I can't always be Lois Lane," she insisted, ignoring me. "I want to be Superman, too."
Her statements still had me utterly bewildered. She wanted to be a vampire. Of all things in the world that she could ask for, she asks for the one thing I refuse to give. I was unsure of the best way to approach the subject. Bella, I might kill you in the process and you will burn for three days and beg for death before you finally turn into a vampire who never sleeps and is always aching to quench ones thirst. No, that is too much information.
"You don't know what you're asking." I stared at the edge of her pillowcase, afraid she might see my thoughts displayed across my face.
"I think I do."
"Bella, you don't know. I've had almost ninety years to think about this, and I'm still not sure," I tried not to succumb to the rage I felt bubbling under my skin. Why was she pushing this subject?
"Do you wish that Carlisle hadn't saved you?"
"No, I don't wish that." I used to, but now I realize my fate included Bella, and I would have never met her without Carlisle's rash decision to turn me. "But my life was over. I wasn't giving anything up."
"You are my life. You're the only thing it would hurt me to lose," she admitted, not the least bit embarrassed.
No matter how much she pleaded with me, I would never take her soul. It wasn't up for debate.
"I can't do it, Bella. I won't do that to you."
"Why not?" She croaked. "Don't tell me it's too hard! After today, or I guess it was a few days ago... anyway, after that, it should be nothing."
I glared at her. A positively dangerous look crept across my face.
"And the pain?" I asked, curious.
She flinched, obviously remembering the fire that burned through her veins.
"That's my problem," she said coolly. "I can handle it."
Insane.
"It's possible to take bravery to the point where it becomes insanity."
"It's not an issue. Three days. Big deal."
Shock so huge it rooted me to the spot and roughly burst through me. Three days. This was something that could have only been told by another vampire. It wasn't Jasper, he respects other's wishes. Alice, on the other hand...the very nosy, annoying, short vampire that receives visions, has been pressing the 'turn Bella into a vampire' campaign for a while now. I wonder what vision she is seeing now. It must be flickering, I haven't decided how I am going to get even with her for telling Bella about this. Venom was thundering through my veins.
Enough was enough. I didn't want to flat out tell her no. I wanted her to want to be human. Maybe she needed reminders of why she should stay human.
"Charlie?" I asked curtly. "Renée?"
A blank silence greeted my words. She was opening and closing her mouth like words wouldn't form. I waited for her response, but obviously, she didn't have one. Did she finally reach her senses?
"Look, that's not an issue either," she finally muttered an obvious lie.
Apparently she hasn't reached her senses.
"Renée has always made the choices that work for her -- she'd want me to do the same. And Charlie's resilient; he's used to being on his own. I can't take care of them forever. I have my own life to live."
Was she missing the key words here? If she were to stay human she would have a life to live. If she were a vampire, on the other hand, her life would just become this limitless existence that I refused to make her be a part of.
"Exactly," I snapped. "And I won't end it for you." My careful composure was slipping.
"If you're waiting for me to be on my deathbed, I've got news for you! I was just there!"
Lame justification.
"You're going to recover," I reminded her.
She took a deep breath at my words, returning my stare. There was no compromise in her face, and I wasn't budging either.
"No," Bella said slowly. "I'm not."
Anger vanished, fear replaced it. Was something else wrong with her...like cancer? Was she not telling me something? No, her life couldn't be like one of those sad stories you read about. My forehead automatically creased with worry.
"Of course you are. You may have a scar or two..."