"I'm surprised. I thought Florida ... and your mother...well; I thought that's what you would want."
The many nights I watched her sleep, as her worries and thoughts were spoken freely, let me know how much she truly cared for her mother. Also, when she talked about Renée it was if a parent were talking about a child. Was she just tired of the responsibility of her mother? That was uncharacteristic of her, so probably not the culprit to her reasoning to stay in Forks. The word crush rang through my mind again and so I couldn't be the reason, either.
When I finally looked up she was staring at me uncomprehendingly. "But you'd be stuck inside all day in Florida. You'd only be able to come out at night, just like a real vampire."
A real vampire? What am I, chopped liver? The humor quickly passed. It was time to convince her to go back home...to Florida.
"I would stay in Forks, Bella. Or somewhere like it," I explained." Someplace where I couldn't hurt you anymore."
She stared at me with a blank expression, like she was having trouble processing my words. Was it the drugs? Maybe this conversation should wait until she was more aware and alert. I was just making excuses. Her lips turned down into an unfathomable expression as the monitor magnified her heart beats which were quickly increasing. The beeping nose and the pounding in her chest were reaching a dangerous point, going so fast I was nervous. Her breathing picked up along with her heart. Soon, she was gasping, hyperventilating. Her eyes began to water as her face contorted into a horrible grimace of pain. The soft lines of her face were suddenly sharp and defined. I didn't know what to do, what to say.
That beeping doesn't sound good. I better go check it out. A different nurse came marching into the room. Maybe she had a remedy that I didn't. She looked over the monitors to see that her regular heart beat, and the insane palpitations that were pulsing wildly through her, were not the same. Wow, she looks like she is in a lot of pain. Jeesh, what a tortured face. . "Time for more pain meds, sweetheart?" she asked sweetly, tapping the IV feed.
"No, no," Bella choked out, the pain still clearly in her tone. "I don't need anything."
Of course, she didn't want to seem weak.
"No need to be brave, honey. It's better if you don't get too stressed out; you need to rest." The nurse waited, but she just shook her head.
"Okay," she sighed. "Hit the call button when you're ready."
This better not be his fault or I'm going to kick him out of the room so she can get some rest. The nurse's stare bore into me, like she was trying to burn a hole through my skull before she glanced at the machinery like she was warning me she could hear it. She left the room. I'll be listening.
Ignoring the overly observant nurse I placed my hands on Bella's face to bring her attention back to our conversation. Her eyes were full of moisture, the look in them wild with unease and anxiety. Her heart was still bounding wildly ahead.
"Shhh, Bella, calm down." I tried to soothe her.
"Don't leave me," she begged me, her voice cracking with the pain. Her pupils dilated in terror as her lips trembled uncontrollably.
When she begged like this, how could I deny her anything? All my plans, all my thoughts...every second of deciding to leave her crumbled into little pieces.
"I won't," I promised. "Now relax before I call the nurse back to sedate you."
Still, her heart continued to thunder along, not relaxing one bit to my words. Great, I was going to give her a heart attack. All my efforts to keep her alive and just the mere thought of my absence would send her over the edge. A second was all it took to change everything: the atmosphere in the room, my mission here, the reason I leaned toward the glorious soul in front of me... What had been for one purpose before was now for another. To stay. To keep her alive. To prevent her heart from exploding with the pain that I was feeling too.
"Bella." I lightly brushed her face apprehensively. "I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right here as long as you need me," I promised.
"Do you swear you won't leave me?" She whispered a small splutter of terror. She was gasping for air as her heart continued to beat out of control, her pulse continuing to reach a danger point.
Her reactions robbed me temporarily of breath. It was oddly disembodying trying to understand her fear, because it was me who couldn't live without her. It shouldn't be the other way around. Before the nurse decides to kick me out of the room I had to calm her down. I took her face between my hands. Her warmth crept up my body slowly as I brought my face only inches from hers before whispering to her, "I swear."
Her breath was filling the air between us. It was very appealing, but in this moment I was too worried about her heart and her breathing. Each second the rhythmic motion of her breath and her heart slowed. I refused to let go of her until she had calmed down. When the monitors had quieted I sighed in relief.
"Better?" I asked, surveying her face.