“It’s possible he did it to protect her.”
“Julianne, nothing my father did protected her.” His voice was cold. “She was young and had lived a sheltered life with her family. She expected he’d leave his wife and family for her. Obviously that didn’t happen.”
Julia tightened her arms around him. “What have you done to find out more about your family?”
“I sent an email to Carson, asking him to make inquiries about the Emersons and about my father.” He cleared his throat. “I made a few phone calls today and was able to schedule an appointment with Dr. Townsend. And a urologist.”
“I’m proud of you. I know you’re anxious. But no matter what you discover, we’ll face it together.”
He sighed and brought his hand up to cup the back of her head.
“If you’re serious about learning more about your mother, I’ll help you.”
She turned to lie on her back, staring up at the ceiling.
“My father has her stuff. I don’t think it’s a good idea to ask about it. He’s got a lot on his mind.”
“You’re right. Have you heard from him?”
“Diane sent me an email about my bridesmaid dress. I’m supposed to pick it up when we arrive.”
Julia was quiet for a moment, thinking. Then she spoke.
“Do you think God has forgiven you?”
His brow furrowed. “Why would you ask me that?”
“Because of our conversation in the shower. You seem to think your past hasn’t really been forgiven.”
He shifted next to her.
“When I was in Assisi, after we’d been separated, it felt as if God forgave me.”
“But you still look at yourself and don’t like what you see?” Her tone was gentle.
“Why should I? I have so many faults.”
“So do all human beings, sweetheart.”
“Maybe I’m more conscious of my own sin.”
“Maybe you haven’t accepted the grace and forgiveness you’ve been offered.”
He looked at her sharply.
She moved closer to him.
“I’m not saying this to grieve you. I see how far you’ve come, and it’s nothing short of a miracle. But part of that miracle is recognizing the magnitude of the grace.”
“I did so many terrible things,” he whispered.
“And God’s forgiveness is so small.” Julia glanced at him out of the corner of her eye.
“I don’t think that.”
“But you act like that sometimes—as if you’re still in Hell. As if God couldn’t forgive you.”
“I want to be better.”
“Then be better. Accept the fact that God didn’t bring you this far only to abandon you. He isn’t that kind of father. And you won’t be, either.”
Gabriel pondered her words for a moment.
“If what you say is correct, then you have no reason to fear being a mother. No matter what happened with Sharon or what’s in your past, grace is available to you too. I guess we both need to overcome our fears.”
He caressed her cheek before rolling her beneath him.
“You will be a wonderful mother,” he whispered before bringing their lips together.
Chapter Forty-two
Labor Day Weekend, 2011
The Hamptons, New York
Holy f**k!” Simon exclaimed, collapsing on top of her.
“Holy f**k is right.” She giggled, wrapping her arms around him. “That was amazing.”
Simon couldn’t disagree. He could barely feel his body, his orgasm had been so strong.
Of course, the fact that he and April Hudson were several mojitos past being drunk might have had something to do with it.
In the back of his mind, there was something he was supposed to remember. Something important. Something regarding April.
She climbed on top of him. “Let’s do it again,” she slurred, leaning over him. “It barely hurt. I don’t know why I was waiting . . .”
Chapter Forty-three
Labor Day Weekend, 2011
Selinsgrove, Pennsylvania
Your dad has been using this room as the guest room, but we were thinking of making it the nursery.” Diane opened the door to the small room that was next to the master bedroom.
Julia entered the room behind her, carrying a blue-and-white gift bag.
It was a few days before the wedding and she was helping Diane with things around the house.
“I wanted to paint the walls and have the room ready before the baby came. Now . . .” Diane moved her hand over her abdomen, back and forth.
“I don’t see why you can’t get the nursery ready.” Julia looked around the room, eyeing three familiar-looking boxes on the floor of the closet.
“He might not come home,” Diane whispered, close to tears.
Julia put an arm around her shoulders.
“The hospital and the doctors are familiar with cases like this. And there are a number of children who’ve gone through the surgeries that little Peanut will have to go through.”
“Peanut?”
“Since we don’t have a name for him, I’ve been calling him Peanut.”