Gabriel looked at her closely.
“You have a lot going on right now. I’ve tried to help you catch up, and I promise I’ll do more.”
Julia gave him a half-smile. “I feel as if there’s a ‘but’ coming up.”
“Would it hurt you if I said this was something I wanted to do right away? Maybe after classes are finished the second week in December? I can have a graduate student deal with the exams.”
Julia scratched at the surface of the kitchen table with her fingernail.
“That’s when I have to submit my lecture for publication. I’ll be finishing up my seminar papers and turning them in. That’s the worst time for me to go away.”
“I was thinking this might be something I should do on my own.”
Julia examined her fingernails as if they were fascinating.
“You have no idea what you’re going to find out. I think you’ll need me.”
Gabriel smiled slowly.
“I will always need you, Julianne. But I think the first time I meet Kelly it should be the two of us. Then if there’s anything unpleasant, I’ll deal with it.”
“If that’s what you want. Can’t we visit her over Christmas or something?”
“I don’t think it’s wise to put this off. She might change her mind. Certainly, the sooner I know about my medical history, the better.” He gazed at her significantly. “I wouldn’t ask you to do anything that would put your program in jeopardy.”
“Okay.” She did not sound enthusiastic.
“We can ask Rebecca to stay while I’m gone. Then you won’t be alone. It will be a short trip. Two or three days, tops. I’ll see if I can schedule an appointment with the lawyer who handled my father’s estate and I’ll meet Kelly. Then I’ll come home.”
He took her hand, tracing her lifeline with his thumb.
“I can’t bring myself to call her my sister.”
“I think I should come with you.”
“You just said that you don’t have time. You need to get some work done. And I know that I’m distracting.” He gave her what he hoped might be a provocative look.
“You can be very distracting.”
“Good.” He lifted her into his arms and walked toward the stairs. “Prepare for some extensive distracting.”
She placed her hands on his biceps, stilling him.
“Put me down.”
“I’ll put you down when we get to bed.”
“I have something to say that you aren’t going to want to hear.”
“Then say it quickly and get it over with.” He tensed.
She wriggled in his arms, so he set her down on the stairs.
“Your trip to New York is going to open up a lot of memories. Of course I’ll do whatever I can to help. But one thing we haven’t talked about is forgiveness.”
“Forgive my parents?” he spat. “That’s a laugh.”
“Forgiveness frees you. It’s for you, as much as for them.”
He pulled away from her. “I can’t forgive them. They don’t deserve it.”
“Who deserves forgiveness, Gabriel? You? Me?”
“You, for one.”
“Apart from God, the only person who can forgive me is the one I’ve wronged. That’s the power we have. We can use that power for good—to forgive someone. Or we can use it to hold on to old wrongs and hurts so that they never heal.”
She reached out to him, grasping his hand.
“I’m not saying they deserve it. I’m certainly not asking you to forget or to pretend nothing ever happened. Just think about it.”
“I’ve already thought about it. The answer is no.”
“How can you ask Paulina to forgive you if you aren’t willing to forgive your parents?”
Air escaped Gabriel’s lungs as if she’d struck him.
“Don’t,” he whispered.
“Just think about it, my love. Think about your reconciliation with Maia and what that meant to you. And imagine what it would mean to your father to hear that you forgive him.”
Gabriel led her upstairs but did not speak.
Chapter Fifty-seven
While Julia finished her seminar papers and revised her lecture for publication, Gabriel met with his urologist for a checkup on December fifth, then flew to New York.
As soon as he’d checked into his room at the Ritz-Carlton, he realized his mistake. He should have brought Julia with him. The large and beautiful bed would be cold that evening. He hated sleeping alone. It always reminded him of their separation, a memory he loathed.
He placed a few phone calls—to Lucia Barini at Columbia, to his father’s lawyer, and to Julia. He was disappointed when his call went to voice mail.
“Julianne, I’m in New York. I’m staying at the Ritz-Carlton, room four eleven. I’m having dinner with Kelly tonight, and then I’ll be in my room. Talk to you later. I love you.”
Gabriel ended the call with a huff of frustration. Then he prepared to meet his sister.
Upon arriving at the Tribeca Grill, he was ushered to a table for two, at which sat an older, blond woman. When she looked up at him, he saw a pair of blue eyes that matched his own.
She fanned a hand to her mouth before standing. “I’m Kelly.”