Forget About Midnight (Alexa O'Brien, Huntress #9)

When Jez and I had gone through the files I’d swiped from Veryl, she’d been completely unfazed to discover her parentage was documented. She’d known all along that a demon had fathered her. At the time she’d seemed to shrug it off as something she’d accepted and ceased to think about.

“When I called the power to heal you, I had to really go deep and feel your energy.” I paused, knowing there was no way to say it other than to just spit it out. “I felt something dark inside you. It felt calm, dormant even, but definitely dark. Kind of like it was… waiting.”

Jez’s face crumpled up into something like disgust. She ran a hand over her hair and through her long, golden ponytail. “Motherfucker. I always knew it. Somehow I knew. Guess it was too much to hope that I wouldn’t be like him.”

“But you’re not like him, Jez. You’re you. Although, you may have some traits from him.”

The laugh that filled the Jeep was bursting with bitterness, loathing, and grim amusement. “It’s waiting to make me just like him though, isn’t it? You know what the most fucked up part is? I’ve been having a lot of weird dreams since then. It makes sense now. Whatever demon seed is in me, it’s waking up. I am so fucked.”

She was laughing but in a crazed, manic way. I gave her a minute to wind down. It wasn’t easy, that moment when she learned, without a doubt, that there was something demonic living inside her.

“You’re not fucked,” I said when she’d calmed down. “My power comes from demons. That’s how vampires were created. By the dark. And yes, it’s a struggle. But I’m not all dark, and neither are you. Whatever part of your father is inside you is just that, only part. You will handle this. I promise.”

“Yeah? Just like you’re handling it?” She wasn’t being unfair. There was no animosity to her tone. I would have doubted me too if I were her.

“I’ll be honest with you, Jez. The things I’ve done, the blood on my hands, it makes me wonder how I will face myself in the mirror when I hate what I see there. I was called to battle evil, but instead I’ve become it. I feel like I’m in a war that I have to win, but I don’t know how. Every night, I care less than I did the night before.” I stopped, unable to believe that had all just spilled out.

“Shit, Lex.” Jez shook her head, sympathy creasing her brow.

I rushed to clarify before she could think too much on what I’d just shared. “I don’t mean to get all dramatic and self-loathing on you. I just mean, I understand. I’m right there with you. A hybrid. Two natures in conflict. But if they can’t live together, then only one can win.”

Her head bobbed as she nodded and turned in her seat so she was facing out the front. She gripped the steering wheel until I thought she might tear it right off the column.

“So we find a way for them to live together,” she said, sounding defeated. “I’m sure that won’t be insanely difficult or anything.” She restarted the Jeep and began to drive, as if she needed to busy herself.

It was my turn to laugh bitterly. So far I had failed quite miserably in my attempt to balance my two opposing natures. “It’s going to be the hardest thing we’ll ever have to do.” I studied her in the dim interior, searching her for the fierce cat I knew lay inside. “What kind of dreams have you been having?”

She drove without responding for so long I began to worry they were too horrible to speak aloud. Then in a breathy whisper she said, “I dream of seeing myself with black eyes.”

A chill crept down my spine at her words. “Jez, when I go into the FPA lockup, promise you won’t come in after me, no matter who else does. That place is evil, and it could wake up your dark side.”

She screeched to a halt at a red light, and I put a hand on the dash to stop myself from being thrown into it. Her green eyes flashed solid wildcat. “That’s a terrible idea, you know. You can’t help Juliet once you’re inside. They might not even let her go. Or, they might not even have arrested her. This could all be a ploy to get you in there.”

All of these were things I’d already considered. Turning myself in was a huge risk. I knew that. What choice did I have? If they did have my sister, I couldn’t leave her there. I’d already left her once, and that’s how they’d gotten ahold of her. At the time, I hadn’t known she had survived the wolf attack. Still, I should have made sure.

“It could be. If I go down, I’ll find a way to take Briggs with me.” There was nothing else I could be sure of, but I was sure of that. “Will you be ok for a night or two?”

She shrugged and gunned the engine when the light turned green. “I’m sure I can manage. Just be careful in there. Ok?”

My mind raced as I began to worry about leaving Jez to deal with her addiction alone. Kale wouldn’t be around to keep an eye on her now.