Without warning, the trembling began again. Her chest got tight and she had to consciously deepen her breathing.
Raoul glanced at her over the papers. “You okay?”
She nodded because speaking seemed iffy at best.
He dropped the sheets. “What’s going on?”
“Could I have some water?” she managed.
He stood and crossed to a small refrigerator. After collecting a bottle, he returned to the table and handed it to her.
“Thanks.”
“What’s going on?” he asked again as he settled across from her. He took her free hand in his and lightly pressed his fingers to the inside of her wrist.
The contact was light, yet warm. She felt something. A little tingly sensation. Right. Because she had time for that now.
“Your pulse is way too fast,” he announced. “You’re upset about something.”
The tingling disappeared. She snatched back her hand and opened the water.
“I’m fine. It’s nothing.”
He didn’t look convinced. “Is it about the embryos?”
She closed her eyes and nodded. “I went to see them this morning.”
“How?”
“I drove to the lab and asked if I could see them.” She opened her eyes and sighed. “They said no.”
“Did that surprise you?”
“A little. I knew they were small but I thought maybe I could peek at them through a microscope or something.” She shifted in her seat, trying not to remember the incredulous look the lab guy had given her. As if she were an idiot.
“Apparently that’s not possible without thawing them. And if they’re thawed without being implanted, they die.” She drew in a breath. “When I explained why I wanted to see them, he gave me a bunch of info on IVF.”
“You told him about your friend?”
“Uh-huh. Then I read the material.” She pressed a hand to her stomach, hoping to ward off another wave of nausea. “Apparently the body has to be prepared.” She set the bottle on the table and used her fingers to indicate air quotes. “Which takes a whole lot more than a stern talking-to. An assortment of hormones are sent into my body. After that, there’s the implantation procedure.” She swallowed. “I won’t get into detail.”
“I appreciate that.”
She managed a slight smile. “Then you wait. Or I wait. In two weeks, I take a pregnancy test. With luck, there are babies.”
She felt the panic surging inside of her again. “I don’t understand. Why would she trust me with her children? Do you know that Jake can purr? He gets all fluffy and relaxed and purrs.”
“Jake’s a cat?” Raoul asked cautiously.
“Yes. I’ve had him over two months. He never purred for me. He barely even looked at me. Then he goes to Jo’s and purrs like his life depended on it. Which maybe to him it did.”
She shook her head. “I don’t get it. Crystal wanted those kids more than anything. After her husband was deployed to Iraq, she talked about getting pregnant when he got home. I went shopping with her and we looked at nursery furniture. She was so excited. After Keith died, she was still determined to be a mother. But that didn’t happen. Now I’m supposed to raise her children? And the whole in vitro thing. It’s not a hundred percent. Some or all of the embryos might not take. Which is a polite way of saying they’ll die. What if that’s my fault? What if there’s something wrong with me? What if they’re the same as Jake and they just plain don’t like me enough to hang on?”
She could feel herself slipping past panic and into full-on terror. She glanced at Raoul to see if he’d completely freaked out, only to find him staring at her. Intense staring, she thought, feeling a little awkward and exposed.
“TMI?” she asked softly. “Too much information?”
“You said Keith and Crystal.”
She nodded.
“Keith Westland?”
Now it was her turn to stare. “Yes. How did you know?”
He stood and walked the length of the office, then returned to stand in front of her. He was tall enough that it was uncomfortable to stare up at him. She stood.
“Raoul, what’s going on?”
“I know him,” he said flatly. “Knew him. Keith is a pretty common name, but he talked about his wife, Crystal. He talked about this town. That’s why I came here in the first place. He’s the reason I agreed to play in the celebrity golf tournament last year. I wanted to see where he’d grown up.”
“Wait a minute. How could you know Keith? Crystal never said anything.” Pia was reasonably confident that her friend would have mentioned being friends with someone like Raoul Moreno.