"Yes," he whispers, and I watch his gaze fall. "But Giovanni seems to think I don't deserve to be here."
"Giovanni doesn’t think any of us deserve to be here, but there's one thing he can't change... you fight to be here just as he does. You don't have to kill people or abuse your position, but you have to be tougher and respect yourself. Manuel, you're not weak. I know that, and I'm sure Gio knows that, too. Just find a little strength to play him at your own game." I watch my brother survey my face, obviously trying to see if it’s just that easy. “I don’t ever expect you to kill someone to be a part of my family. The same goes for Enzo and Carlo.”
“But with Zane here, it’s looking worse for me,” Manuel says as he stabs his spoon back into the defrosting ice cream. “He’s making it uncomfortable for a lot of people and he’s making me look bad.”
“Zane is here for other reasons than upstanding you.” I find myself getting angry at how belittled my brother has come to feel. “He’s here for me, but he has to do this right in order to.”
“And when he’s done with that?” Manuel asks, his tone stiffening in agitation. “Are you going to leave us like Bruno?”
“Manuel,” I begin to say, my voice nothing more than a guilt-riddled whisper as I realize my brother is suffering immensely at the plans already set into motion without any of us noticing. “I’m never going to do what Bruno did. If I leave, it’ll be with you by my side. You do know that, right?” I ask and he shrugs. “Shall I let you in on a little secret?”
“What?” he asks me, his eyes scrutinizing me slightly.
“Back when Papà first gave the hit on Zane, I asked Carlo to free me from this house. I was going to cut free and run with Zane. Admittedly, do exactly what Bruno had done just to secure some sort of future. But when you came out gay and I saw how much hatred that inspired in Giovanni, I asked Carlo to forget about me and get you out instead.”
“You’d have done that?” he asks and I nod. “What happened to change it all?”
“I found out Papà had lied about everything. The men I killed weren’t all guilty. Some were just innocent men who Papà didn’t want to kill himself, so he sent me.” I gulp, hating the true horror of my killer past. “I never want for you to become corrupt as I am. I realized that when Giovanni beat you. I would do anything to make sure you’re the one who gets out and gets the good life because we’re all too far gone. I still don’t want that.”
“And that’s where Zane comes into it?” Manuel asks, suddenly a lot calmer than before. I just nod and finally he gives me a bright grin. “He really loves you, huh?”
“I guess he does,” I mutter and turn back to the ice cream. “It just can’t end well for us. I love him, I know I do, but for him to risk so much of his life for this? For me?” I ask rhetorically, shaking my head. “It’ll all end in tears.”
“Is that why you won’t get too close?”
“Fairy tales aren’t made for us,” I reply sadly, offering him the same motto that I have grown to believe in. I then melt into a small smile, not wanting to make my brother a disbeliever in love. “That’s a lie.” I look at him to garner all the honesty in me because I need him to believe in what I’m about to say. “There’s still hope for you. You’ve managed to abstain from doing what Papà wants where all of us have caved. You’re the strongest of us all, Manuel. You’re the one who can have the life that Bruno has because you’re not tainted like the rest of us.”
“You’re not tainted,” he remarks, forcing me to laugh. “You’re not, Lia.”
“I am,” I say and divert my attention back to the ice cream before me. “Look at what I’ve done. I’m never going to be free of that and it’ll be something I carry with me forever. I’m the weakest of us all and that’s not a feeling I ever want you to feel.”
“You’re not if you feel something.” Manuel is quick to respond. “You’re not emotionless which doesn’t make you weak. You’ll never be corrupt to me because you still feel something.”
“Funny you should say that. Zane said exactly the same,” I muse weakly.
“Well, it’s true!” he chirps up, putting his spoon down and now turning to me. “Gio doesn’t care who he kills, just that he gets to. Papà, too. They love that feeling they get from exerting power to the extreme, but you don’t. Amelia, you just do it out of obligation. I look up to you because you are strong and you still fight back. Papà made you something men in this world want... strong, beautiful, killer. He exploited that, but you still love undyingly. Can’t you see that? Because Zane clearly does.”
“When did you become so wise?” I ask, feeling incredibly proud of my baby brother.