But that’s the problem, right?
It’s meant to be final. There is no going back. There’s no safe retreat, no miracle that could change it, no ability for one last chance to say some sentimental words to part on. There isn’t a rewind button or a do-over because, if I had either, I would mutilate Giovanni and make him cry his way to death. I would make sure he felt his life slipping away like he did to me. I would punish him for every sick deed he threatened upon any of us and I would never leave him the opportunity to spiral into the sadistic beast he always wanted to be. He issued death as if it were a good friend of his. He allowed it in, allowed it to captivate our lives and leave us all hanging in the balance.
Death is like a thief in the night. It’s silent, relentless, and after every last remnant of joy from those who possess it. But once it has exactly what it wants, it clings so tightly you fear you’ll never know what life without it will be.
Right now, I fear I’ll never know a life past the grief I feel at losing Manuel.
I roll my eyes closed as the tears begin to weave a fine line through my lashes. Beyond my own physical pain, the resonating hollowness in me is a pain I’ll never forget. The pain my body feels is nothing close to the pain my heart is clenched tightly in. I feel like my heart doubts its own beat. As if it does so, life will resume as normal and nothing is normal about life anymore.
"You should be sleeping."
I bring my gaze down as I turn my head stiffly to the side and feel my breathing hitch. Enzo. He’s sitting across the room, directly next to the door, looking like an absolute wreck. His hair is scruffy, his normal clean shaven appearance is replaced by abject stubble giving him a scruffiness he never suits. When he looks at me, I take note of the red rimming his eyes. They’re red raw and full of tears and it further affirms the one thing I panicked over – how will we ever recover from this?
“Enz,” I whisper, my eyes watering more so just at the mere sight of him.
“You gave that man quite the scare,” he responds, unmoved apart from the swift head nod to Zane, who sleeps beside my bed. There’s a sense of detachment to him and it rocks me to the core to hear how lifeless he’s become. So much has changed in such a short succession and the only constant is the man sleeping beside me. While my family falls apart from around me, he’s remained by my side, calling my name and vowing to never leave me.
“I know,” I reply, my tone remorseful as I remember that harrowing cry Zane screamed out with. “Are you okay?” I ask, finding words failing me most here.
“Fine. Better than you, right now,” he grunts, sitting forward slightly. “I take it they told you...” he trails off, his eyes unable to meet mine.
“Yeah,” I whisper, taken aback by his harsh tone toward me. “Why did this have to happen?”
He shrugs, a very uncharacteristic trait for Enzo.
“Why does any of this life have to happen, Amelia?” he asks, the use of my full name bites at me, wounding me further. “We should have seen it coming.”
“We were changing things, though,” I reply, my voice betraying me as it travels softer than the conviction I wanted to empower. “You were changing things. You told me so.”
"What was the point? What's there to change now?" he asks me, his voice rabid with intense emotion. "Gio proved that power wins. What we've been doing is nothing short of a waste of time."
“No,” I whisper, pushing myself up. I’m crippled by the amount of pain that bursts through my stomach. I whimper but bite down hard on my lip to shift more. I sense Enzo moving, rushing forward, but now is not the time for any physicality. “You do not get to condemn this family when you’re the one who fought so hard for us.”
“I fought so hard that I managed to get Manuel killed and you in this state,” he tells me, his tone elusive of anything but bitterness. “I’m such a fucking protector, I allowed Giovanni to win. You and Manuel were stupid to ever believe that I was ever going to save any of us.” I watch as he throws his hands onto his head, tearing wildly at his own hair. His hands fall, leaving his shattered expression to stare at me. Everything he is feeling is raw as it sits etched into every contour of his handsome features. “I failed you all. There is no coming back from that for me. I let you down, Amelia. This is proof you’d all be better off without me.”
“You’re letting him win now,” I snap, feeling my own bitterness rising. “You don’t get to do that!”