CHAPTER Twenty-Two
I was off for the next two days, so I was able to properly wallow in my misery. I was pathetic. It was bad enough that I had played every sad song in existence on a continuous loop, but I had also played my own renditions of dejection. I had no right to be sad when my unhappiness was self-inflicted. But I was a masochist. I needed the pain. I needed the constant reminder of what…he…had done to me.
By Tuesday, fed up with the doom and gloom of my bedroom, Angel stormed in with a determined expression.
“That’s it! Enough already, Kam! You are obviously miserable, and it’s making us miserable. Call him, please!”
I propped my guitar against my bed and frowned at her. “Why should I? He has officially seen me at my worst. Do you really think I can just bullshit my way out of a freak out like that?”
Angel fingered her blonde hair and flopped down onto my bed. “No. But I think you can be honest with him. And I think he would be ok with it.”
“Ok? Ok? Angel, how is any of this ok? How is screaming bloody murder in the middle of the night ok? How is hyperventilating to the point of fainting whenever a door is closed ok? How the f*ck is nearly drowning because I can’t stand up in a pool of shallow water ok?”
Angel’s big blue eyes glazed over with emotion at my outburst. “Kam…” she croaked, before swallowing down her hurt. But there was nothing left to say. There was no answer to my questions.
“He wouldn’t understand.” I looked away to keep frustrated tears at bay. “He thinks he would. He thinks he could be with me despite it all, but I know it’s impossible. And when he finally sees that, it will kill me. I have no room left in me to be hurt, Angel. I’m barely hanging on as it is.”
I looked back to Angel’s solemn face and sighed with resignation. “And how could I ever forgive myself for subjecting him to all my shit? He doesn’t deserve that. No one does.”
Angel’s slender arms were around me instantly, squeezing me as if her life depended on it. Fresh tears on her cheeks wet my shoulder. “Don’t you dare f*cking think that! Do you really think you are undeserving of happiness? Of love? That’s bullshit, and you know it! Blaine would be lucky to have you, Kami. It would be a f*cking dream come true to love you, scars and all.”
I clutched her arms that were wound across my chest, and let my own tears fall freely. I didn’t wipe these away. They weren’t just for me. They were for Angel, who wanted nothing more than to be loved for all that she was. She had experienced rejection of the worst kind. Her own parents had disowned her for being gay and tried to buy her off to keep her hidden. Her father was a US senator and an unrelenting conservative. Having a homosexual rocker for a daughter just didn’t fit his agenda. So, she had been sent away with a trust fund and a condo as long as she kept hidden from the media. She wasn’t allowed to visit for holidays or special celebrations. Birthday gifts were sent in the form of a wire transfer. It was as if she didn’t even exist in their lives anymore.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, feeling like a jackass. I really was. I was carrying on like someone had died because I was too stubborn to face my fears.
“Just try. Please. Do it for me. And for Dom. And for you—do it because you deserve it. You do, Kam. You deserve to be loved. Out of the three of us, you have the best chance.”
“Ok,” I choked out between silent sobs. “Ok, I’ll try. But you deserve it too, Angel. There’s someone out there for you. You are loved. Do you hear me? You. Are. Loved.”
We held each other for a few more minutes, trying to stifle the surge of emotion threatening to drown us. When Angel finally pulled away, she gave me a pensive smile. “Dom is meeting us at the bar in an hour. You’re coming too, no exceptions. This is your chance. Don’t let it get away.”
I nodded, though a big part of me desperately wanted to get out of going. I couldn’t do that to her. She needed hope. She needed to believe that there was still beauty in a world so full of ugliness. And if I needed to be the sacrificial lamb to restore that hope, then I would gladly take one for the team.
I put myself together as best as I could, considering my face was still a bit splotchy, and my eyes were a little red. I even slipped on a sundress and espadrilles, hoping it would give me a boost of confidence. No such luck. I still was terrified to walk into Dive after what went down Sunday. Everyone had seen me lose my shit. They knew something was terribly wrong with me. They would look at me with pity. They’d whisper. They’d see me for what I was.
Angel grasped my hand as we approached the entrance, and gave it a squeeze. “If anyone says anything, I’ll kick them in the nuts.”
I tried to twist my frown into grin. “And what if it’s a girl?”
“I’ll cunt punt the bitch,” she deadpanned.
A real, genuine chuckle broke through my lips as I let her lead me inside. I loved the awesomeness that was Angel Cassidy. And one day, someone else would too.
My eyes zeroed in on the bar, only to be met with a pang of disappointment. Trisha smiled at us as we approached, already preparing Angel’s signature tequila shot and light beer.
“Hey, Kam. What brings you in tonight? I thought you were off?”
My gaze ghosted in the direction of the back office. “Oh, um, just hanging out,” I stammered, swinging my attention back to her. “And I need to speak with Blaine. Is he here?”
“He was, but I think he went home. Everything ok?”
I knew she was just being friendly, but I couldn’t help but grow annoyed at her question. It was none of her business, and I was just sick of people asking me that.
“Yeah. Everything’s fine. Can I get a Coke, please?”
Minutes later, the A.D. girls filtered in, securing a booth tucked away in a corner. Dom arrived shortly after them, still dressed for his day job at a local center for at-risk teens. After everything he had been through, Dom had still found the courage to help others in need. Sometimes his job put him face to face with his demons, yet he fought through them in order to help others. His strength and selflessness knew no bounds, and I was proud to be his friend.
“I need a drink,” he stated sliding in next to me.
“Rough day?”
Dom shrugged before signaling for Lidia. “No rougher than usual. Just so sick and tired of kids getting bullied. It’s seriously getting out of hand. A kid came in, 15 years old and gay. The guys at have been really laying into him, and he’s reported them several times with no results. One of his tormentors—you know the type, a*shole jock with something to prove—corners him and tries to force himself on the poor kid. He said that if he told, no one would believe him because the little prick has a girlfriend. Anyway, the kid got away with a busted up eye and a bloody lip. I called the police and had him report it. Hopefully it helps to stop these little shits from torturing him, but we know how it goes…”
Dom’s eyes grew dark and desolate, the way they always did whenever certain triggers resurrected his own painful memories. I laid my hand atop his clenched fist and gave it a squeeze. He blinked rapidly and turned to me, his dazzling smile replacing the grimace that had marred his handsome face.
“So Kam, you call Blaine?” he said, low enough to escape curious ears.
I shook my head. “I was hoping to see him here.”
“Well, maybe CJ knows. He just walked in.”
I looked over in time to see CJ sauntering over, a nervous, tight-lipped grin on his face.
“Hey, uh, um…” he stuttered. “I just wanted to say, that, um…”
I held up my hand, halting any further explanation. “It’s all good, CJ. Nothing to worry about. Pull up a chair and join us. Better yet, you can have my seat.” I nudged Dom to let me out, earning a half-frown from him.
“And where do you think you’re going?” he asked, sliding out of the booth.
“To do what I should have done a long time ago.”
Minutes later, I was in Angel’s Lexus Coupe, cruising down the highway towards Blaine’s house. I had to do this before I lost my nerve, and with the sun setting behind me, I was running out of time.
The squeaky hamster wheel of scenarios in my head drowned out the subdued sounds of The Civil Wars on the stereo system as I tried to prepare myself for the worst. What if he wasn’t alone? What if one of his groupies had already taken my place? What if he was currently losing himself in her in an attempt to forget me?
The possibilities weren’t enough to get me to turn back. I needed to see it. I knew the scene would be enough to hurt me into never letting myself feel again. I needed that pain to be my constant reminder, to help me return to indifference. I had apparently forgotten about the agony I already harbored, allowing Blaine to take up space in my heart and mind. They had both been destroyed, but somehow Blaine had begun to repair the damage.
They say that a broken heart never really can be fixed. Yet his touch had sealed the gaping wounds and even filled the tiny fissures that couldn’t be seen. My heart may have not been completely healed, but Blaine had nurtured it with lingering smiles, whispered words and soft kisses. It had been out of order for so long, and over the past weeks, had slowly but surely begun to function again.
I pulled up to his house, palms sweaty and breath shallow. I could do this. I had to do this. I owed it to Angel for every lonely night she spent longing for someone to love her. I owed it to Dom for all the pain and suffering he had endured at the hands of someone who proclaimed to love him. And I owed it to myself for all for the love I had been too afraid to feel.
Love. It was the thing that bound us and tore us apart. It was our disease and the remedy of our shattered hearts.
It was a sonofabitch.
I counted down from 10 with every step I took towards his front door. I didn’t see his truck, but it could’ve been in the garage. I didn’t know what I walking into, and the uncertainty seized my joints, making me work for every single movement towards my fate. It felt like I was walking the green mile rather than the paved stone path to Blaine’s porch.
My pressed the doorbell before my brain could talk me out of it. No answer. I hit the button again and waited another 30 seconds. Shit. All that worrying and he wasn’t even there. I shook my head at the absurdity and rummaged through my purse. Then I left a folded piece of paper on his doorstep. At least he’d know I’d been by. And if he had moved on, maybe this would make him think about me. Maybe even enough to not want to forget the memories of our time together that I clung onto like a lifesaver.
“Kami?”
I slowly spun around, the air in my lungs abandoning me at the sound of his voice. Blaine stood just feet away from me, shirtless, and dripping wet with sweat. Black athletic shorts and running shoes were the only thing gracing his magnificent body. His tanned skin glistened underneath the setting sun, and his sandy brown hair stuck to his forehead. A single, solitary drop of sweat hung onto one of the longer layers over chocolate-brown eyes that watched me with appreciative surprise. I suddenly grew incredibly thirsty – parched, even—and only that drop would ease my dry throat.
“Kami?” he repeated, pulling the earbuds from his iPod out of his ears.
I didn’t realize that I still hadn’t said a word to him, too wholly captivated by his near nakedness. Blaine was gorgeous. Magnificent. The prototype of what a man would look like if fantasies were realities.
“Oh, um, sorry I didn’t call…”
“That’s ok,” he interjected, stepping towards me and bringing the dark ink adorning his body into focus. Intricate patterns and script kissed his fingers, arms, shoulders and torso. I had discovered more on his legs at the lake but never got the chance to study the designs. Now I was close enough to glimpse the reds, yellows, greens and blues that crawled up his left calf. Every piece was stunning and sophisticated.
“Is that for me?” he asked, pointing towards the abandoned piece of paper tucked in the corner of his doorframe.
“Uh, yeah. Figured it’d be better than leaving a note,” I shrugged.
He reached past me and squatted down to retrieve the little origami frog, giving me a whiff of his sweat slicked skin. His scent, coupled with the trace of mint and spice that I had grown to crave, was masculine and erotic. It was exactly what I imagined his sweat to smell like, and I wanted to bathe in the tiny droplets.
Blaine fingered the delicate paper and looked down at me with a half-grin. The heat from his body enveloped me, igniting fire in my belly. “Or you could’ve called me.”
I worked to keep my tight-lipped smile even. “Some things need to be said in person.”
He nodded, fishing out a key from the iPod armband that hugged his sculpted bicep. “Come on in.”
Blaine’s house was immaculate, just as it was before. Seeing it again brought back memories of his hands and lips caressing me, his strong arms holding me, and the tender words he uttered after I awoke in the dark. The look on his face when he shared his past with me, the intense feeling of wanting to take away his pain—it all came crashing back.
Blaine and I may have not known each other well, but we had grown close where it counted. He had witnessed my demons and revealed his own. Our connection wasn’t like the solidarity I shared with Dom or even Angel. But, something had bonded us, and I needed him in my life just the same.
“I need to take a shower,” he said from behind me as I took in the shelving that held his shot glass collection. My eyes zeroed in on the two blank ones, the ones he claimed were the most significant to him.
“That’s fine,” I breathed, feeling almost high from his scent.
“You can stay down here and watch TV if you want.” He made his way to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, downing it in just a few gulps. “You want some wine?”
“Sure.” A little liquid courage was just what I needed.
After handing me a glass of chilled white wine, Blaine clicked on the TV. He still had the little paper frog between his fingers, holding it like it was a precious gem. I smiled inwardly. Who knew a tough guy with tattoos and piercings could be so quirky and sentimental? It made him that much more attractive.
I surveyed the area once I was alone, sipping my wine as I looked at framed pictures of him and CJ, and even a few of Mick. I noticed several of a woman I knew was his mother. She shared the same sandy brown hair and warm brown eyes as Blaine. Of course, she was stunning, and her bright, beaming face brought a smile to my lips. When I stumbled upon a photo of her and a young Blaine, my breath caught. He looked so happy and innocent, the perfect picture of a young man with his whole life ahead of him. Even then, he was incredibly good-looking, and I imagined his mother having to beat the girls off with a stick.
“Her name was Amelia,” his rich voice said behind me, a touch of southern drawl conjured up with the memory of his mom.
“She was gorgeous,” I smiled at Blaine. He was dressed in low-slung cargo shorts and a sleeveless tee. The smell of his body wash filled my nostrils, bringing back memories of the suds all over my naked skin as I touched myself, imagining it to be his fingers. My face flamed, and I turned back to the photos. Shit. Leave it up to me to think about sex while talking about Blaine’s deceased mother. Class-y.
“She was,” he nodded. “Most of the men in town would try to date her, but I wouldn’t have it. No man was good enough for her. So, I mastered the art of being a sneaky little shit, and making their lives hell.”
“Not you, Blaine Jacobs! Look at that angelic face,” I chuckled, pointing to the younger version of the scary-beautiful man in front of me, sans tattoos and piercings.
“You’d be surprised,” he answered rubbing a hand behind is neck.
I took a deep breath and turned around to face him, resigning to confront the real reason I was there while the wine was coursing through me.
“Before you say a word,” Blaine interjected, “I want you to know that you still have a place at Dive. Just because things may not work out for us, doesn’t mean you have to leave. I can schedule you with Trisha or Corey, or you can work alone. Or…”
“Wait…what?” I frowned, taking a step back. “You… you think I came here to break things off with you?”
Blaine shrugged. “I don’t know. What was I supposed to think, Kami? I haven’t heard from you in days, and now you just show up, looking… fine. Better than fine. Shit, you look amazing. And here I am, going out of my f*cking mind worrying about you. So please, tell me what I was supposed to think.”
He didn’t sound or look upset. He seemed hurt. And I felt like a huge a*shole for making him worry.
“I’m sorry, I, uh, just needed some space and time to get my head together.”
“And now?” he asked with a raised brow.
“Now? Shit… I don’t know what. I, uh, you know…” Words failed me. Even the conversation I had on repeat in my head on the way over was long forgotten. I didn’t know how to do this. I didn’t know how to make him see that, though I was damaged, I still wanted him. And dammit, I wanted him to want me too. Not out of pity or obligation. But out of love.
F*ck. There’s that word again.
“You know…” I began chewing my lip nervously. I couldn’t do this. I didn’t even understand why I thought I could. No one could truly love a person like me. I was broken beyond repair. It would be selfish of me to expect him to be placated when I knew he deserved so much more. Someone normal and healthy. Someone who wasn’t afraid to love him as furiously as I wished I could.
“Shit, I’m sorry, Blaine. I can’t do this. I’m sorry.” I shoved my empty wine glass in his hands and turned towards the door before the first tears could be seen. I had to get away from here. I had to get away from him. With the impulse to stay and fall into his arms growing stronger by the second, I knew that my resistance wouldn’t hold much longer.
“Stop, Kami!” he called out.
I forced my legs to carry me to the door though my heart crumbled with every step. It was breaking, the new fractures disrupting its previously restored state. It was all my fault this time. I would have rather suffer alone than throw him into the thick of it.
I pulled the doorknob open, only to have Blaine slam it shut before I could escape.
“Dammit, Kami! Stop this shit! Will you stop trying to run from me all the time? It’s obvious that you came here to say something, so just say it. If you want to tell me how you feel, say it. If you want tell me I’m an a*shole, say it. If you never want to see me again, then f*cking say it! But I’m not just gonna make this easy for you. So if we’re done, you have to say the words.”
He pressed his front into my back, the heat of his anger seeping into my skin and causing sweat to break out all over my body. My breath caught at the feel of his hard body encapsulating mine.
“Blaine…I… I ca–,”
“Yes you can,” he gritted. “You came all the way here. Spit it out, so you can go back to not giving a shit about me, and I can start not giving a shit about you.”
I pushed against him and spun around, pinning him with my own angered glare. “What? You think I don’t give a shit about you? You think I came here because I don’t have feelings for you?”
“It’s obvious you don’t.”
I let out a frustrated huff, causing my nipples to brush his chest. “You don’t know a damn thing. It’s because I care that I’m even here. Do you think this was easy for me? Do you think this shit doesn’t kill me just to think about?”
Blaine took a step back and ran a hand through his wayward locks before stalking back into the room. “How am I supposed to know that, when you shut me out?” He looked back at me with enraged confusion. “Kami, I know nothing about you. All I see is this gorgeous girl who looks like she is carrying the weight of the world on her back. And every time I try to help shoulder that burden, every time I get too close, you try to run. So please… help me understand what I’m missing. Because I’m tired of trying to figure this shit out on my own.”
With my hands wrung tight in front of me, I stepped back into the living room. “You don’t know what you’re asking for, Blaine. You don’t want this.”
“Don’t tell me what I don’t want just to get out of talking. What are you so afraid of?”
Every tortured emotion that had been bottled up for the past month came rushing to the surface, bursting out of me like a violent volcano.
“Everything!” I screamed, tears streaming down my hot cheeks. “Everything! I am f*cking afraid of everything, Blaine! Don’t you see that? Don’t you see why you shouldn’t be with me? I am twenty-three years old, and I’m scared of the dark! Or how about this—I can’t even close the f*cking bathroom door. Do you realize how embarrassing that is? And let’s not forget about the best part…how I can’t even step foot into a body of water. That’s what you want to hear, right? You want to fix the broken girl. You want to make me a little pet project so you can feel better about yourself. Well, newsflash… I can’t be fixed. This is me. I’ll never be what you want, Blaine.”
Blaine was stunned into silence for long moments before he took a step towards me, his expression unreadable. “Why?”
Huh? What was he asking me? I glared at him through wet lashes and smeared mascara.
“Why?” he repeated.
“Why?” I snorted turning away from him. “Life happens. This is life, Blaine. And I don’t care what you say. That shit isn’t always beautiful. It’s ugly. And hurtful. And abusive.” I tried to wipe my leaking eyes, but the dam had broken. I couldn’t stop. If he wanted to know me, then he would. He would see the loathing that festered inside me. And when he realized just how scarred I was, he’d do what any sane man would do. He’d walk away.
“Life is cruel and evil, Blaine. There’s nothing pretty about being beaten repeatedly for no apparent reason other than existing. There’s no joy in being locked in a closet in the dark for hours on end while being taunted. There’s no happiness in being called every vile name you could imagine before you’re too young to even know what they mean.” My voice broke, quieting my tirade into a hoarse whisper. “There’s no beauty in being tortured and hated by the one man that was supposed to love you the most.”
He was in front of me before I could collect my bearings, brushing away my tears with the pads of his thumbs. “Your father did this to you?” he whispered.
I looked up at him through watery eyes, and could clearly see the compassion etched in his face. “Now do you see why you don’t want me? The real me? My own father despised me from the day I was born. And my mother was so messed up herself that she forgot I existed. She forgot to love me. I live in a world of constant fear where monsters exist, and there are no happily-ever-afters. Only pain. And sorrow. Hatred. You don’t deserve that.”
“And neither do you,” he uttered with a wavering voice. He pulled me into his hard chest and squeezed out another fresh wave of tears as he stroked my hair. “Neither do you, baby.”
“Blaine, please don’t do this. Please don’t be nice to me. Please don’t act like you want me when you don’t. It’s ok; I’m used to it.”
“Dammit, Kami,” he growled pulling me from his chest and grasping my shoulders. “Stop trying to push me away. Stop trying to make me not want you. Because guess what? I care about you. And I do want you. So f*cking bad.”
Before my mind could dissuade my heart, I looked into his brown eyes and let myself free fall into him. “Show me.”
Blaine’s hungry mouth captured mine as he pulled my body up into a kiss that shattered all other kisses. We were a mosaic of lips, tongues and teeth, drinking in each other’s agony. I wanted to kiss away his guilt and pain. He wanted to swallow my fear and loathing. And, as my legs wrapped around his waist, the hardness of him pressing into my heat, I let him. I let him because I wanted to be better for him. I wanted to give myself to him freely without worry or hesitation. I wanted Blaine to take it all away.
Our mouths still fused together and moving furiously, Blaine carried me to the staircase. With one hand fisted in my hair, the other grasping my backside, he walked us to his bedroom with ease. I didn’t even know we were there until he laid me down on his bed, settling on top of me. When his lips abandoned me, I nearly cried. Kissing him was finding bliss for the first time. And now that I had finally found it, I never wanted to let it go.
“You are so beautiful, Kami. And so strong,” he murmured against my neck as he dotted it with kisses. “If you only knew how amazing you are… I’ll make you see it. I’ll make you feel it.”
He stroked me through our thin layers of clothing, my dress bunched up to my waist. I didn’t care. I wanted it off. I wanted to feel his skin against mine. I wanted Blaine to fill me with the same bliss that fell from his lips.
As if hearing my unspoken plea, Blaine eased the straps from my sundress off my shoulders, revealing my bare, heavy breasts. He instantly palmed both before drawing a pebbled nipple into his mouth and sucking, swirling his tongue ring around the hardened skin. I cried out as sizzling heat engulfed the area before shooting down between my thighs. I squeezed his waist tighter, locking my legs around him at the ankles. I ached for him. I needed Blaine to put out the flames that each flick of his studded tongue ignited.
He teased the other nipple until the skin was so sensitive that it hurt. Then he eased up on his elbows and gazed down at my writhing body. “I know you said you don’t make love,” Blaine uttered, his gaze branding me with smoldering passion. “But I want you. I need you. So. Bad. Shit… Kami… I need to f*ck the fear out of you.”
The air left my lungs in a rush as I absorbed the delicious blow of his words. I was nodding furiously; out of control with my own desire for him to do any and every thing he pleased. “Yes,” I answered breathlessly. “Please.”
A long beat passed as we just stared at each other, our anticipation preluding frenzy. Blaine took my mouth again and claimed it with every stroke of his tongue as he slid my body up farther onto the bed. Gently, he placed my head on a pillow before pulling my dress down the length of my body. I lay before him unashamed and unafraid, in only my panties, as he appraised my body like a rare jewel.
“So f*cking gorgeous,” he muttered, as those hooded, chocolate-brown eyes took me in.
“I need to see you too,” I whispered unabashedly.
Without hesitating, Blaine pulled his shirt off with one arm, revealing the masterpiece that was his torso. If I hadn’t felt the warmth of his skin, I would have sworn it was cut from marble, the smooth hard planes and ridges a true work of art. I ran my fingers over his abs and chest, stopping to caress the small silver hoop in his nipple. He groaned and closed his eyes, motivating me to lift up on my hands and kiss it. I felt Blaine’s body tense and tremble as I licked and sucked gently, careful not to get too eager. Touching him was a practice in restraint because God only knew how badly I wanted to push him down and mount him.
Feeling the excitement growing too thick, Blaine pulled away, sitting on the heels of his bare feet. His gaze was molten as he eyed the scant lace thong covering my sex. When his fingers finally hooked underneath the waistband and pulled them down my legs, we both moaned. I was so ready for him that the throb was painful. The sight of my swollen * must’ve told him the same.
“God, you’re so beautiful,” he said, before his face disappeared between my thighs.
The first flick of his tongue made me cry out. The second made me scream his name. By the third, I was coming, pulling his already disheveled locks as he continued to devour me. He groaned his appreciation for my taste, sending vibrations through my sensitive flesh up to my belly. By the time he was finally done sliding that magnificent barbell through every delicate fold, I had come again.
As I lay mewling and shaking, Blaine leaned over me to retrieve a condom from the nightstand. We both stared at the foil packet for an awkward beat before our eyes flicked back to one another.
“I’ve never been with anyone without one,” he finally said, a tiny crease settling between his brows.
“Me neither.” I chewed my lip, conjuring up the confidence to ask for what I wanted. And I wanted Blaine. All of him. “I’m on the pill.”
Blaine swallowed before a small smile spread across his full lips. “You sure?”
I knew what he was asking, and I was. I had never been more certain about anything in my life. “Yes.”
He was lowering himself onto my body in the next instant, rejoining our mouths as his hands continuously explored my body. I reached down for the fly of his shorts, desperately needing to feel every part of him, inside and out. Blaine sat up a bit, giving me access to the buttons that sheathed his hardness. And once he was free, my eyes grew wide with delightful shock as I took in the sight of his beauty. Because, dammit, he was beautiful. Every long, hard, swollen inch of him.
He settled between my thighs. “I’ll go slow,” he murmured against my lips as if he could feel my tension. Relief flooded my joints. Blaine was incredibly well-endowed. Hell, he was flat-out big. Bigger than I had ever had.
The tip of him teased my slick entrance, slowly pushing through the barrier of tightness. Even through the slight pinch, I welcomed him inside me, my walls hugging him after adjusting to the intrusion. Blaine pulled out a bit before sliding in deeper, causing me to gasp at the foreign feeling of pure pleasure. I couldn’t focus on my insecurities. Fear was a distant memory. All I could focus on was the man cradling me, kissing me, as he filled me to the brim.
Blaine worked himself into me, stroking me deep and slowly. I caressed his back and shoulders before taking his face in my hands to look at him. His expression was a mixture of strain and ecstasy as I gazed at him though glassy eyes. He felt so…good. So good that he had conjured emotions I had never felt before. Emotions that I wanted to feel everyday from here on out.
I moaned and whispered his name while Blaine echoed my pleasure with sounds of his own. He was vocal as he rocked into me over and over, groaning, telling me I was beautiful, saying how good I felt, even growling as he sped up the tempo and pressure began to build. It was the sexiest thing I had ever experienced, and it heightened my arousal even more.
Tears sprouted at my eyes when the telltale signs of orgasm began to sweep over me, tightening my belly before blooming into an inferno that scorched each nerve ending. I clenched around him, matching the pulsing of his hardness inside me. Blaine shut his eyes tight and hissed as he pounded into me harder, melding pain with the intense pleasure, pushing me into another devastating climax. My back arched off the bed, and Blaine grabbed my hips until only my shoulders and head remained grounded. He surged into me harder and faster still, my garbled screams meeting the sounds of his own building orgasm.
Blaine’s body finally went rigid as he held still inside me. I pulled him down on top of me and wrapped my arms around his neck. I was spent, but I wasn’t ready to let him go. The feel of our wet arousal and sweat was slick between us, but I didn’t care. I wanted him close. I wanted to hold him like he had held me so many times. Like he was holding me now, kissing me, smiling down at me lazily.
“You are amazing. So f*cking amazing,” he whispered.
“You’re not so bad yourself,” I grinned.
He nuzzled my neck and nipped my skin, causing me to squeal-moan with him still twitching inside me. I squeezed him tight. I never wanted to let him go.
Just as the glory of afterglow began to sweep over me, my tired eyes ghosted over his shoulder.
The door.
It was closed.
But with Blaine on top of me, kissing my nipples, and working me back into a frenzy, I was too incredibly happy to even be afraid.