Nick rubbed her back and waited quietly for her to continue.
“I finally found a happy balance with food. I found if I exercised every day, I didn’t have to exist on just the bare minimum. No matter what number the scales showed though, I still cringed every time I stood in front of a mirror. I wore small clothing sizes, but I still felt like one meal could change that immediately. I have lived in terror of gaining back the weight—as my parents predicted—and of never regaining control.”
“The pregnancy pushed you to the brink, didn’t it?” Nick asked quietly.
“Yeah, it did. When I found out, that is all I could think about: that I would gain weight and destroy everything I had worked for. I was still doing okay though, until that dinner with my parents. That pushed me right off the deep end. Having them voice all my fears, and pound away at my hard-won confidence snapped something inside me. From that moment on, my entire focus was avoiding food. I lied, I hid it, I did everything short of gagging myself, and I’m not sure how far away that was. I’m scared to know what the breaking point would have been for me, Nick.”
“Beth, you didn’t cause what happened. I told the doctor everything and she assured me that, although it could have caused you problems eventually, your diet had nothing to do with vanishing twin syndrome.”
“I know, but in the back of my mind I will always wonder, and there is no way to change that. It was a wake-up call that I never wanted to happen.”
“I hope this doesn’t make you mad, but I have been doing some research and there are some great groups in the area for people with eating disorders.” When Beth opened her mouth, Nick held his hand up and continued. “I would go with you, princess. You don’t have to decide right away, but I want to help you.”
Seeing Nick visibly braced for her answer made her heart melt. “Thanks, baby. I think that’s a good idea. I do have a problem and I can’t continue to believe that I can handle it on my own. I don’t want to pass on this type of body-image problem to our children. I need to learn to like myself.”
“Princess, you need to learn to love yourself, just as I love you. I love you for you. Whatever size you feel comfortable with is for you to determine. I never want you to think you have to resort to starving yourself for me. You are Beth to me, not a number on the scales.”
Beth wrapped her arms around Nick and wondered how it was that every painful moment in her life had brought her to this point. She might have a long road ahead of her, but with Nick by her side, the only thing that was important was the ride.
Chapter Twenty-eight
Beth climbed in Nick’s new SUV and buckled her seat belt. They usually rode to work together a few days a week when they had the same schedule. Tonight they were going to dinner before heading home. When Nick turned away from the city, Beth looked around curiously. “Where are we going?”
“I have to run by Gray’s. I still have his garage door opener and he’s raising hell about it.”
“Why didn’t you just give it to him or Suzy at the office today?”
“Oh, I just forgot. So we’ll drop it off and then go to dinner.”
Even for Nick, that was a strange explanation, but Beth had learned long ago to just go with it. Suzy probably sent him a nasty text message and threatened some other body part if he didn’t return it immediately. When they pulled in a few minutes later, she stayed in the car, thinking Nick would just run it in and they would be on their way. When he opened the door for her, she looked up in surprise. “I can just wait here.”
“No, come on in for a few minutes. I . . . I need to go to the bathroom.”
Oh geez, have we reached the point in our relationship where we talk about our bathroom habits? “Well, okay. I guess I can wait inside.” Nick took her hand and pulled her into the kitchen. When he turned around and swung her up in his arms, she thought he had lost his mind. “Nick, what are you doing?”
He sat her on the counter and stepped back. Was it her imagination or did he look nervous? “Princess, you know I love you.”
My God, is he going to break up with me in my sister’s house? “Yeah, I know, and I love you, too.”
“Good, good,” he said, fidgeting. “So most people spend anniversaries where they had their first date. They, um, also do other things where they had their first date.”
“Okay, sure.” Why does he look so terrified? When he suddenly dropped to one knee, the breath left her body. Oh my God!