“No, Suzy, please don’t. The last time you were here, she locked her door for the rest of the evening, which drove me up the wall. We just need to give her some more space. She’s eating and taking care of herself so we can’t risk upsetting her right now.”
“Shit, yeah, okay. I’ll give you a few more days, but this can’t go on forever. I’m worried about her.”
“I know you are. So am I. I’m just trying to keep her calm. It hasn’t been that long since we found out, so she just needs more time.”
* * *
Beth ate on autopilot. She didn’t taste food anymore; she didn’t care what it was. The only thing that mattered was saving the baby that she still carried in her womb. If not for that, she felt sure she would curl into a ball and never come out again. The only emotion she felt was anger at herself. The sorrow had dimmed as the blame intensified. Had it been a boy or girl, before she ended its life?
The one thing she could remember about the doctor’s appointment now was how proud she had been of losing weight. All those weeks of denying herself had seemed worth it as the number on the scale flashed. How far would she have gone if her appointment had been a few more weeks away? Would she have starved both babies in her paranoia of gaining weight?
Nick tried to tell her that it wasn’t her fault, but surely he must blame her. He had to be lying to reassure her. A part of her knew that she was being unfair, but that fairness no longer seemed important to her. Her life now revolved solely around taking care of this pregnancy. She didn’t want to return to work, she didn’t want to talk to friends or family, and she only tolerated Nick because he took care of the things that she wasn’t willing to, like grocery shopping and anything that would require her to rejoin the outside world.
She vaguely remembered Suzy coming by. Just as Nick had, she’d tried to reassure her that she wasn’t to blame for the loss of the baby. Beth had tolerated her until her sister had finally given up and gone away. After that, Beth had locked the door, afraid of who would be visiting next. She didn’t want pity, sympathy, or understanding. No one understood what she was going through or where her head was, and it pissed her off when they acted as if they did.
When the baby was born, she would leave Myrtle Beach and relocate somewhere away from all the prying eyes. Nick could go back to his old life and she would raise the baby on her own. Who would really miss her? Suzy had her life with Gray now, and her parents certainly wouldn’t shed a tear. Just thinking about them made her body burn with rage.
If there was anyone other than herself that she blamed, it was them. They had set the wheels in motion and she, unfortunately, had followed right along behind them. She was finished with trying to win their approval. She fully planned to never see them again, and knowing their level of parental involvement, it wouldn’t be a hard plan to carry out.
She loved her sister, but Nick would be the hardest one to walk away from. In those moments when her resolve wavered, she missed being in his arms. After the first few nights, he had given up sleeping with her and had taken spare blankets from the closet and slept on the couch. She expected him to pack his bags any day . . . and leave. Their whole relationship was based on sex, so why was he still here? Maybe some misplaced sense of guilt.
The days had long since started to blur together and she no longer knew how long she had been away from work and her regular life. Her focus was on the baby she carried. She laid a palm against the noticeable swell of her stomach. No longer was she concerned about the number on the scale. If she was never as thin as she was before her pregnancy, it didn’t matter. She ate regular meals and made sure that she nourished the life within her.
Beth walked to the bathroom and looked at the reflection in the mirror. She barely recognized the woman looking back at her. Her face was pale and devoid of makeup. The long tank top she was wearing hugged her stomach and left little doubt that she was pregnant. Her yoga pants were the only thing she could still wear besides her dresses and tops. None of her slacks would button any longer, and she didn’t care.
When the bedroom door slammed behind her, she squared her shoulders and hardened her heart. No matter how much she missed him, she couldn’t let Nick see her weakness toward him. It was better for them to both make the break and move on.
“Is this a private pity party or can anyone join?” Beth spun around to see Suzy with her hands on her hips, standing in the doorway. “I’m really surprised you haven’t put up some black curtains or started burning incense.”
“What . . . How . . . did you get in?”
“Well, your guard has also lost his mind, so I snuck in while he was gone. He’s probably getting himself chewed up and spit out.”
Wary now, Beth asked, “What’re you talking about? He went to the store.”
Shaking her head, Suzy said, “Oh, no, he’s not. He is gone to protect his princess from the root of all evil: our parents.”