His rejuvenated power smacked me, and I gasped. The surface sting gave way to a low burn that tickled its way down my spine.
“Is that what you want this to be about? Us?” I forged ahead with my defense. “It wasn’t about us. It was about not letting Shya hurt you.”
Kale leaned in close, his face inches from mine. “It was about us. I saw it in your eyes, that fear for me. A fear that only stems from love. And, love is nothing if not selfish.”
“I did what I had to. I saved your life. I won’t be sorry for that.” My temper was starting to flare. His accusations were hitting some nerves that made me uncomfortable.
“I would rather have died.”
At his confession, I went cold inside. My gut reaction was to shield tight, to block him from sensing how much his words had hurt me. Keeping it from showing in my eyes wouldn’t be so easy. The best way to hide my pain was to allow it to become anger. The whiskey coursing through my veins helped.
Through clenched teeth, I snarled, “I’m sorry you’d rather be dead than have me show affection for you. If you need to hate me to make this easier on yourself, fine. But, I will not feel bad because you’re not dead right now. You have no right to expect that of me.” I pinned him with a reproving stare. “If you’d been the one to decide my fate, would you have let me die?”
For a moment I was afraid he’d say yes. I saw the hard set to his jaw and the ice in his eyes. With an exasperated, “Fuck,” he shook his head, and his gaze dropped. “You know I wouldn’t.”
“Then don’t you ever again ask me to watch you die.” My voice trembled.
Silence fell between us. Kale slid onto the barstool next to me. As close as we sat to one another, we were worlds apart. I knew then with sobering certainty that we were forever changed, irreparably damaged.
“I can’t live with the fact that you owe Shya in my place. It isn’t right.” Kale didn’t look at me when he spoke. “Your other half must be waiting. So, why are you here drowning your liver in whiskey?”
“Because the alternative is messy.” I picked at the label on the bottle I held as that truth fell from my lips. Booze was a poor substitute for blood.
Sitting beside Kale with his honey-drenched energy, I couldn’t help but think about the night we’d killed Abigail. That night was coming after us now, with a vengeance. The memory steered my thoughts down that forbidden path to the night we made love in the rain. I was reminded of the deep satisfaction that could be found in the pleasures of body and blood. I blushed and turned away so he wouldn’t see.
Awkwardness settled in to steal my words. There was a good chance I’d say something we’d both regret, so I bit my tongue and sipped my whiskey.
“I’m sorry about what happened with Shya.” Kale broke the silence between us, with a gesture toward the dragon on my wrist. “It’s not right that he marked you because of what I did.”
I shrugged and held him with a watchful stare. “It’s not right that you pulled a stunt that got us into a situation like that.”
He stiffened, giving away so much in that small motion. I was sure, if I dropped my shields and let his warm energy wash over me, it would be flavored with pain and rage. The emotions lurked there in his eyes. Kale felt betrayed because I’d refused to give him the easy out that he sought.
How the hell was I supposed to feel guilty about that? My intent had been to save him. Maybe he didn’t want to be saved, but he had no right to punish me for refusing to pull the trigger.
“I did what I did for you. And, the dreamwalker. It wasn’t supposed to blow up in my face.” With a deadly calm, Kale took my hand in his. He studied the dragon before running a finger gently over it. “I understand why you made the choice you did, Alexa.”
A fiery tingle raced up my arm, and my breath caught. He had done all he could to avoid touching me in recent weeks. Now he caressed me boldly, stirring a part of me to life that I’d tried so hard to vanquish.
I knew how passionate Kale’s touch could be. The way it felt to have his hands upon me, holding me tight while he buried himself inside me again and again. I felt the memory shining in my eyes and hoped he wouldn’t see it.
“I think I understand,” he continued. “I know your intentions were good, but I can’t help but feel… betrayed. That run-in with Shya got pretty bad, and it worries me. What if it’s worse next time?”
“It won’t be; Shya got what he was after. Look Kale, I know nobody holds a grudge quite like a vampire.” A growl laced my words. “But, I will not feel bad about this. I won’t!”
Desperation tainted his heady energy. I gave up trying to shield against him. It felt so much better to let him in.