“I’m not like your mother,” he protested. “I could love any child, regardless of the problems.” But could he? A vision of the various birth defects he’d seen over the years flashed through his mind: missing fingers, retardation, muscular dystrophy. He wouldn’t accept something like that easily. He knew himself well enough to know that he’d fight to try to control it, to fix it. Did he have the right to risk putting a child through something like that? Maybe Leia was right. And if she was, would he someday blame her for their childlessness? He was going to have to consider how he really felt.
The rest of the dinner had been quiet, and Leia wanted other people around so she suggested they head back to the peninsula. They docked the boat in Kalaupapa, and she was the first one off the deck. “Let’s check on T?t? and Malia. Malia was going to start packing up our grandmother’s things for the move home tomorrow. I’d like to see how T?t? is taking it.” She led the way to her bike. He got on behind her and put his hands on her waist. Maybe this idea had been a mistake. The mint scent of his breath on her neck gave her a delicious shiver.
His voice in her ear vibrated with anger. “I never took you for a coward, Leia.”
She frowned and started the bike. “We’d better go.”
“You’re afraid of really living. You think God is supposed to lay your life out neatly without any pain. Did you ever stop to think that you’re the person you are now—strong, brave, capable—because of the things you’ve faced?”
“I want more for a child,” she said stiffly. She was tempted to put her hands over her ears and hum like Eva. Bane could be so argumentative. “You think you have all the answers, but you haven’t gone through what I have.” She started off with a jerky movement and putted down the road.
His voice in her ear didn’t let up. “And you haven’t experienced what I have. You grew up with both parents, while I was raised by my grandfather.”
“I know you didn’t have it easy either. I’m not asking you to give up your dream of children, Bane. That’s why I broke the engagement. Find someone else. Someone perfect who can give you perfect children.”
He was silent so long she realized he wasn’t going to answer. What was he thinking? She wasn’t sure she wanted to know. He wouldn’t give up his dream for her, no man would. She didn’t want him to sacrifice himself that way, and that’s what marrying her would be—a sacrifice. Bane Oana was born to be a dad. He took care of everyone around him, his brother and sister, his friends. He deserved a whole and perfect mate. And she wanted that for him—she really did. Or at least she did when she had her jealousy under control.
Twenty
When they entered Ipo’s cottage, T?t? was clear-eyed and interested in talking about the treasure. Bane tried to keep his excitement in check. “Can you tell us where it is?”
Ipo nodded. “It’s time for you to find the treasure. Look for a mango tree on the north side of the fishpond. Just to the right of there is what’s left of a giant tree trunk. Count off fifty feet to the west and then dig. The treasure is there.” She grabbed Leia’s hand. “But watch that no one sees you.”
“I will,” Leia promised. She glanced at Bane. “Want to go out looking for it? There’s a full moon tonight.”
“Can I eat first? I barely touched my dinner.” He rubbed Ajax’s head. “You’re hungry, too, aren’t you, boy?” The dog woofed in agreement.
“I’ll see what I can find.” Leia stood. “You need my help getting ready for bed, T?t??”
“I’ll get her tucked in,” Malia said. “Go feed Bane. We’ve got most everything she wants packed up. We’ll go in the morning.” She assisted Ipo to her bedroom.
Bane followed Leia to the kitchen. “Maybe I should cook. You might try something weird on me.”
Though he was trying to joke with her, he realized he still couldn’t look at her. It would take some time to process what she’d told him.
“Too late. I’ve been wanting to try a recipe for gon lo mein. It has oyster sauce in it.”
He curled his lip. “Gag a maggot. That doesn’t sound like something I’d want to try.”
“Live a little! You never know—you might like it. Remember the broccoli casserole I fixed that you thought you’d hate? It was on our second date.”
“That was a fluke. You always think I’ll like it if I just try it. I don’t know why you have to try new recipes. I like my tried-and-true favorites. Spam with hash browns, macaroni and cheese, teribeef sandwiches, huli huli chicken. Normal stuff.”
“This is normal.”
“For who? Not for me.” He rummaged in the refrigerator past little dishes of leftover casserole that were beginning to sprout colonies of mold, half-eaten containers of yogurt, and carrots that had begun to lose their color. Even Ajax turned up his nose at the yogurt, the only edible thing in the refrigerator. “There’s nothing good in here. I don’t think you’ll find the stuff you need to make that lo mein thing.”
“I brought it a while back.” She went to the cupboard and pulled down some cans, then stepped to the back porch and brought in a bag of frozen vegetables from the freezer. “Trust me, it will be good.”
“I don’t have much choice,” he grumbled. “Can you leave the oyster stuff out of mine?”
She lowered her brows and shot him a look. “No. Just sit down and be quiet.”