She didn’t need ongoing proof that they were from different worlds and possibly headed in different directions.
She didn’t want that, she thought. But if Josh did, then that’s what he should do.
The show host announced the interview, doing a quick introduction, then the screen switched to the recording of Josh with Melrose.
“I’m here with Josh Golden, who dazzled us for years, winning every major race, including back-to-back victories at the Tour de France.”
Charity had seen the whole thing happening live, but it was worse on the flat-screen TV. “Oh my God! She wants to have sex with you. I knew it before, but you can see it in her eyes. The way she looks at you.”
Josh reached for the remote. “I can’t watch this.” He clicked off the TV. “I’ll get feedback tomorrow. Steve, my former coach, will let me know how it went.”
“He’ll probably want to know if you’re current on your shots.”
Josh rolled toward her and grinned. “Someone’s being defensive.”
“Apparently someone needs to stand between you and every single woman on the planet. I’m not sure if I should find this funny or have a total freakout.”
“Do I get a vote?”
She stared into his hazel-green eyes, then lightly touched his cheek. “I’m laughing on the inside. Did stuff like this really happen all the time?”
He hesitated. “Some. Before I was married. I was young and willing and so were they.”
She wondered if he could give an approximate count on the “they.” A hundred? A thousand? Did she want to know?
“Once I got into a relationship, the rules changed. I’m always faithful.”
She raised her eyebrows. “Seriously?”
“Never cheated once. I wasn’t tempted. I always figured if I was interested in someone enough to want to sleep with her, then there were problems with my current relationship. So I either fixed those or ended things. I was faithful during my marriage, and even during the divorce. I waited until the paperwork was signed.” He grimaced. “Angelique didn’t share my reticence.”
“She screwed up big time letting you go.”
He smiled. “Thanks for saying that, but she wouldn’t believe you. It worked out for the best. We never would have lasted. She wanted what I was. The guy on the cereal box with a bestselling poster. She wanted our names in the tabloids, photographers following us. I wanted something different.”
“You were followed by photographers?”
“Sometimes,” he admitted, putting his hand on her waist. She felt the warmth of his fingers through the oversized T-shirt she wore. “There are ways around that sort of thing. Live a normal life and for the most part they ignore you.”
“So what was the best part of your former life?”
He thought for a second. “Being on a team. Working hard, then kicking ass in a race. Waiting for the ranking, wanting to be number one and knowing if I wasn’t I would have to work harder. Sometimes I miss the screaming fans, but not as much as everything else. Mostly I miss being that guy.”
“You’re still that guy.” She thought about what he’d said. “What about all the travel? Not having a home?”
“Fool’s Gold is home.”
“You weren’t here much.”
“I didn’t have to be here to know I belonged.”
Probably because he’d grown up here. He could take the relationship, so to speak, for granted. But it wasn’t like that for her. She wanted permanent roots, ones she could see. She wanted to wake up in the same bed every day knowing that she would continue to wake up there year after year. The only changes she wanted were paint colors and carpeting.
“Will you go back?” she asked. “After the race, if it goes well?”
“I don’t know.” He smiled at her. “Whatever happens, this will be my home, Charity. I’m not running from you.”
“I didn’t think you were. You’re the type to run to something, not from it. Do you think about what it would be like now?”
“Some. I’d be different. Not take any of it for granted. There’s something to be said for wisdom, but I’m not sure it can completely make up for being older. A comeback would require a huge commitment.”
He continued talking about the “what ifs” of racing. If he was able to compete and if he did well. He didn’t mention winning because that was to challenge the gods.
Charity listened and did her best to be supportive, but in her heart, she felt the first whisper of a chill. The coldness surprised her. Didn’t she care enough about Josh to want him to be happy?
She already knew the answer to that, and wondered if it was something else. Something far more frightening than being selfish. As she turned over the possibilities, one of them became more clear than the others. A truth she couldn’t avoid.
She was in love with Josh.
Life was nothing if not ironic. She was in love with a man who made his living moving at top speed, when she only wanted to stay in one place. She’d done her best to avoid her mother’s trap, and here she was, completely caught.
“You okay?” he asked.