CHAPTER 22
AUGUST 1999
Sean and I were sat at a little café in Chapel Street Melbourne, Australia; we had just enjoyed an enormous fry up and were now sipping on our coffees and watching the very interesting sights and sounds of this part of Australia. It was an absolutely freezing cold, but a bright and sunny day; we had no idea when we arrived eight months ago, on a stinking hot thirty eight degree day that Australia could get so cold. We’d been travelling all around the country since our arrival, and had seen waterfalls in Kakadu, and watched the sun set and rise again over Ayers Rock. We’d dived with sharks, inside a shark cage in Western Australia, and we’d surfed at Bondi, spent New Year’s Eve on a yacht in Sydney Harbour, driven along the Great Ocean Road, surfed again at Bells Beach and sat freezing on a beach on Phillip Island watching a colony of Fairy Penguins coming back to dry land after a day out at sea fishing. We spent the last three weeks discovering the city of Melbourne and its surrounding areas.
We’d fallen in love with Australia when Carnage had toured here almost two years ago and we vowed to come back and have a look at the whole country, not just Sydney and Melbourne where the band had played. The people were so friendly, the country and the scenery were stunningly beautiful and vaster than you could ever imagine. Victoria was the smallest state and yet you could fit the whole of Great Britain inside it.
Sean and I had been away from England and our families for almost a year now, we’d decided to take a year out, leaving the madness of Carnage and the fame that came with it behind us while we travelled, before coming back to England and trying for a baby.
After Sean had proposed to me, we kept our news secret until after Jimmie and Lennon’s wedding as we didn’t want to take any of the attention away from them or attract any more attention to ourselves. The press intrusion had been relentless, sometimes the stories they printed about us were half-truths, but mostly they were complete fabrication and often very hurtful. We mostly ignored them or had a good laugh over them. We’d been split up, according to the press on an almost weekly basis. Sean had had numerous affairs, quoted as being in places with different women, when he was in fact, at home, or even on a different continent with me. The best story was that the reason we hadn’t had children yet was because our marriage was a sham and Sean was gay; that was the one that we laughed most about and the one that had caused Sean to have the most piss taken out of him amongst the band, my brothers and our friends.
The real reason we had in fact held off having children, is that we were simply enjoying life too much. We loved travelling; being on tour with the band was hard enough without adding children to the equation. We’d seen this first hand with my brother’s kids.
Jimmie and Lennon had produced a son within a year of being married, and in keeping with Layton tradition, his name had a musical link. When little Jimmy was born, everyone assumed he was named after his Mum, until his little sister was born eighteen months later and named Paige, then along came Ziggy, named after Ziggy Stardust, not Marley but both worked, then last year Harley was born, named after one of my Dad’s favourite singers Steve Harley.
Marley and Ash had stayed together, although their relationship was nowhere near as happy and settled as Jim and Len’s. They’d split up and reconciled so many times over the last ten years I’d lost count, although they seemed much happier of late as the band were touring less and the press attention wasn’t as intrusive. They’d never married, but had three children a boy called Joe, after Joe Strummer from The Clash and two girls, Connie after my Mum’s favourite singer Connie Francis and Annie after Annie Lennox. Add to this Tom and Billy’s kids, there were times that there’d been a total of ten children in tow whilst the band toured, most of whom I have to say, behaved better than the band members. Witnessing first-hand the stress of travelling with the kids and the limitations it put on what you could and couldn’t do, the places you could and couldn’t visit. We had just decided to wait, the same as we ended up doing with our wedding, which eventually happened in October of 1999. The band had just ended their American tour and the whole lot of us, all of my family, including my parents, Bailey and his new girlfriend Sam, Billy, Tom and their families, headed down to Florida for a much needed holiday, where we decided on the spur of the moment to get married.
Everyone we wanted to be there was in the same place at the same time for a change, so, we got in touch with a Justice Of The Peace, got ourselves a licence and were married just as the sun set on St’ Pete’s beach on Saturday the 27th of October. It was a simple service, we wrote our own vows, each of us struggling to get our words out with the emotion of the day bearing down on us. Sean being the lyrical genius out of the two of us had every one in tears in an instant.
“Georgia Rae, I love ya, I’ve loved ya since the day I saw you hanging upside down on the monkey bars, flashing me your pink knickers, you were eleven years old and you stole my heart from my chest and the breath from my lungs. I only ever feel complete when you're near, you own me Gia, heart, mind, body and soul, completely. I love you like the stars above and I will love you till I die, but these words, all that I tell you today, all that I declare before our friends and family today, they still aren’t enough, because like I’ve told you before, the words haven’t been invented yet to describe what you mean to me, what I feel for you. There’s no one else, there never was, it’s still only ever you and I will spend every minute of every day, loving you, worshiping you and doing my best to make you happy, doing my best to be the Husband you deserve. I love ya Georgia Rae, please be my Wife?”
He stopped twice to regain his composure, watching Sean cry as he declared his love for me in front of our friends and our family almost floored me, I pointlessly fought so hard not to cry. For me, the most amazing thing was, we hadn’t read or even discuss our vows and was amazed at how we had thought along the same lines, mine sounded like a shortened version of Sean’s, I spoke between sobs.
“Sean, from that very first day I set eyes on you, I’ve known you were my one true love, you own my heart, my mind, my body and soul and I will love you till I die. I’ll spend each and every day trying to be the Wife you deserve. You make me a better person, and without you I’m lost, incomplete. Please, will you be my Husband because there’s no one else, there never was, it’s still only ever you, I love you Sean McCarthy, please marry me.”
“What’s up G, what ya thinking?” Sean looks across the table at me; he has the hood of his leather jacket pulled up. He shaved his beautiful hair off when we got here and amazingly, he had hardly been recognised the whole trip. In fact, on one occasion, it was me that was recognised and not him. I ended up signing autographs and having my photo taken with Sean’s fans while he hid in a tourist shop on Sydney’s Circular Quay, but he had let it grow since May now and we had started to garner the odd second glance from passers-by so Sean had taken to either wearing a hat or keeping the hood of his jacket up.
Sean’s skin is so dark from all of the sun we’ve been exposed to, he almost looks Arabic, the way his hood drapes over his hair, framing his dark skin and eyes, my belly does a few forward rolls as I digest the fact that this stunningly beautiful man, who’s adored, loved and lusted after by millions of both men and women around the world, is in fact, my Husband. And I’m under absolutely no illusion as to how much he loves me. We’ve spent almost a year in near isolation from anyone else, just Sean and Georgia, Georgia and Sean, as it should be and I can’t help but smile.
“I was thinking about our wedding.” His face lights up.
“The day or the night?” I shake my head at him, he’s just turned thirty two and still such a boy.
“Our vows.” He moves his chair closer to mine and puts his arm around me.
“I meant every one of them,” he says, I give him a broad smile.
“I know you did and you’ve lived up to each and every one of them.”
“And so have you, I couldn’t be happier, could you?” I think about it for a few seconds, apparently a few seconds too long, my Husband can read me like a book and now his smile has vanished, his eyebrows pulled together in a look of concern. I have a confession to make and I’m not sure how he’s going to take the news, it’s something we have discussed, but as yet have made no firm decision on.
“What G, what is it?”
“I ran out of pills.”
“Pills, what pills, you got a headache?” I laugh.
“No, contraceptive pills.” His eyes widen.
“Ahh shit, right, well we can just get you in to see a doctor here and get you a prescription. I can’t see that it’ll be any hassle, if it is, I’ll make some calls and get some Fed Ex’ed over.”
“In June,” I add and wait for his reaction, he looks totally confused.
“What, you don’t need them till June?” I smile at him, I’m as nervous as shit at what I’m about to tell him.
“I ran out of pills in June, we’ve been having unprotected sex since June.” He looks at me blankly for a split second, then his face lights up, his eyes spark with, everything that I hoped to see in them.
“You wanna make a baby?” Oh God that sounded so sexy that all I can do is nod and smile stupidly. He stands up, throws twenty dollars on the table, grabs my hand and pulls me out to the side of the road as he hails a taxi.
“What are you doing?” I laugh as I speak.
“We’re going back to the hotel to pack, it’s time to go home baby, I’m not having you flying long haul with my baby in your belly, it won’t be good for either of you so the quicker we get home, the quicker we can get on with the job of making a mixed up version of you and me.” He opened the door of the taxi and guided me in.
As soon as we are settled in the back of the cab and on our way back to our hotel, Sean is on his mobile to the private jet company and books us a plane for six that evening.
Just to make sure that I’m not flying pregnant, he makes the cabbie stop at a chemist on the way to the hotel and buys two pregnancy tests, luckily I need to wee pretty much as soon as we are in our room and we sit on the edge of the bath tub and stare at the little stick I hold in my hands.
“What if it’s positive, you gonna make me stay here for the next nine months?” He grins his lopsided grin at me.
“Well first, I would kiss you till your lips were numb, because I would be the happiest man in the world and second, I… I don’t know I’d just carry on being the happiest man in the world.”
We stare as one line appears on the stick, not pregnant, I feel a little surge of disappointment, so I look at him and shrug. “The pill will take at least six months to clear my system, January, that’s when we’ll get pregnant, but let’s get home and get trying any way.”
He tilts his head to one side. “Naaa, let’s get trying now.”
He drags me back to the bedroom and jumps on me, but the look of disappointment on his face didn’t go unnoticed, but I’m not worried, I’ve been on the pill for sixteen years, I’m not expecting to get knocked up yet, besides, I want to see in the new year with a bang. It’s the first time in years neither Jimmie or Ash are pregnant over Christmas and we can actually all have a proper celebration in New York where the band are playing at a special New Year’s Eve concert to see in the year 2000.
Around thirty long hours later we are back at our home in Hampstead, North West London. I call my Mum, Jimmie and Ash and let them know we are home. We spend the next week hardly leaving our bed, not because we are continuously having sex, although a lot of that does go on, but because we are so jet lagged from the flight and the time difference. Sean runs his business dealings from his phone whilst still in bed, I mostly sleep.
* * *
The following weekend is when we were due home and I’d completely forgotten the boys were off to France to play at some sporting event. I really don’t feel like getting on another plane so soon after the trip back from Australia so instead I arrange a girls night out with Ashley and Jimmie, as luck would have it, the boys record label have invitations to a new club opening in Shoreditch.
We all meet up at the Docklands penthouse, the boys still own it and we all use it at various times after nights out in the city when we need somewhere to crash. It feels like years since we’ve all gotten ready together like this, probably because it is. We take forever as we talk and drink and have a general catch up, we’ve spoken on the phone almost daily since I’ve been back in the country but I haven’t seen them in almost a year and there are a few tears as soon as we set eyes on each other. By the time we finally make it down to the car, where Dave is waiting to drive us, it’s already eleven thirty pm and we’re all well on our way to being legless.
The club is a warehouse conversion, pretty much like every other building in and around East London but it looks great, the sound system is pumping and the girls are desperate to dance. I did a pregnancy test this morning, just to make sure and as it was negative, I joined my girls in a couple of lines of coke before we left and I’m now feeling the effect and can’t wait to hit the dance floor. The place is full of celebrities, actors, models, footballers, pop stars and the usual bunch of glamour models that always seem to get invites to this type of thing. The waiters and waitresses come around with an endless supply of champagne and there’s a free bar for anything else. While the girls are still on the dance floor, I head to the toilets and on the way back decide to grab us a round of shots. I stand at the bar waiting to be served when a shiver goes through me, before I get the chance to wonder what could have caused it a deep voice says right into my ear.
“Good evening Kitten, hope you’re well?”
My stomach hits the floor for a few seconds but then my cocaine enhanced confidence finds its voice and without even looking at him I say, “Tiger, how the f*ck are you?”
“Really Kitten, that’s so unladylike.”
“Tiger, I think we established many years ago, that I’m no f*cking lady.”
He’s quiet for a few seconds, in which time I finally turn my gaze to him, he looks af*ckinmazing, he’s wearing a black suit with satin lapels, a black shirt and a black satin tie. He’s standing so close that I can smell him, he smells delicious, still wearing the same Givenchy aftershave that he always has, it instantly reminds me of my bed at my flat above the shop, and all the things he did to me in it.
“You look beautiful Georgia, absolutely stunning.”
“You don’t look so bad yourself Tiger, how ya doing? You look a whole lot better than the last time I saw you, that’s for sure.” I want to reach out and touch his face, run my hands over the beard he has growing there, it really suits him. “I love the beard.”
He ignores my beard comment. “I owe you an apology and a thank you, regarding the last time you saw me.”
I shrug and knock back the first of the three shots that have been placed in front of me. “No apology necessary, no thanks required, you would have done the same for me.”
He nods his head slightly, in a way I remember so well. “I would and more, I would’ve done so much more for you, given the chance.”
“Don’t Cam, I’m so sorry the way things turned out, the way you found out, please don’t make me feel worse than I’ve done all these years.”
He puffs his cheeks and blows out a long breath; I feel it over the side of my neck and know in an instant my nipples are painfully erect. I need to get away from him, but before I can, he pulls me into his side; I look up at him, about to ask what the f*ck he’s doing when a camera flashes in my face.
“Cam what the f*ck are you playing at?” I don’t wait for his answer, I just turn and head back over to where I left the girls dancing, grabbing a glass of champagne from a passing waitress as I go. I’ve drunk it all down by the time I reach the dance floor, and I spend the next hour knocking back more champagne and dancing.
While I dance my mind drifts and I think about the life Sean and I have lead over the past ten years. We’ve been so lucky, we are lucky to have found our way back to each other; we’re happy, content and still so in love. I hate being apart from him for any length of time; especially when he travels overseas and I don’t go with him. Mobile phones have made things easier, but despite talking to him sometimes five times a day, I still miss him. That’s why usually I go with him, but I just didn’t fancy the flight this weekend and he will only be away for one night. It’s a small sacrifice for the lifestyle the band’s success has given us, not just the money and all the materialistic things it can buy but the doors it opens for you, the places we have been able to visit, and the people we have met. We’ve been to award ceremonies and sat at a table with Jagger and Richards, we’ve been to film premiers and been in the same room as De Niro. I had slow danced with the British Prime Minister at a charity event and then spent an hour talking about music to Nelson Mandela, who had the spark and wit of a thirteen year old boy and who to this day, remains my ultimate human being. Sean and I have appeared on magazine covers both together and apart, we’ve been interviewed about our lives and there has even been rumours that we’ll soon be approached to not only write our autobiographies but to contribute to a film that’s apparently going to be made, loosely based on our lives. Why people are so interested in me, I have no idea. Sean I can understand, but I’m just his Wife. I’ve done some work over the last ten years, mainly for various charities, but other than that, I’ve just been at Sean’s side and I have loved every minute, I don’t need more.
Despite all of these great and wonderful things, its nights like tonight that I’ve really missed, just a plain old simple night out with the girls, as plain and simple as it can be when the wives of one of the world’s biggest bands embark on a night out. Dave drove us here and is lingering at the bar, just to make sure we are okay. He has just come over and advised us that as a lot of the celebs are now leaving, the doors will be opened up to the general public and perhaps it would be best if we went upstairs to the VIP area, where we won’t be harassed. The weird thing is, I still consider myself part of the general public, I still get tongue tied when I speak to one of my idols, I nearly wet myself when I met Weller for the first time. Sean and Marley have a picture of me staring at him in wonder as he speaks to Lennon about something or another, I can’t remember. I’ve never fancied the bloke, it’s just that his music is something that I grew up listening to and I’ve always thought that he remains to this day, one of the greatest song writers England has ever produced.
I’m snapped out of my thoughts by a camera going off in my face.
“F*ck this,” Ashley says. “Dave’s right, let’s go upstairs.”
I gesture to Dave that we are going to the VIP lounge and the three of us hold hands as Jimmie leads the way; we were given wristbands when we first entered the club so just walk straight into the floor to ceiling glassed off area. I spot Cam at the bar straight away and groan inwardly; I haven’t seen him once since the day I tried to help him, no contact whatsoever and yet he still has an effect on my body and I don’t know why. I love my Husband, I’m in love with my Husband and I hate myself for having this reaction to another man. I have thought about him over the years; Bailey told me that he rang my Dad the morning after he ran into Sean and me at Kings and sold him his share immediately. Further down the track he’d told me that he had bumped into him and Cam had asked how I was doing and if I was happy. That information made my heart beat faster too at the time and now here he was, tall and handsome, leaning against the bar talking to a tall red head who I think was an actress or a television presenter, I’d seen her face somewhere before anyways.
‘Shit G, Mr TDH is at the bar,” Jimmie squeezes my hand as she speaks.
“F*ck,” Ash adds. “He’s still Mr TDH too; just look at him George, that man is sex on legs.”
“Yeah, he spoke to me at the bar earlier, we got papped together, that’ll be interesting tomorrow when I try and explain to Sean why I’m all over the Sunday papers with my ex.”
We are offered more champagne by a topless male waiter and each take one, we find a tall round table and put our drinks down on it and stand and chat. I ask about my nieces and nephews, who I can’t wait to squish and confess to the girls that I’m off the pill and that we are actively trying for a baby, they both shriek in excitement.
“Well it’s about time,” Jimmie says. “I thought perhaps there was something wrong and you just weren’t telling us, I was going to offer you my eggs, my womb even if you needed it.”
I’m stunned into silence; my eyes instantly fill with tears. “You’d do that for me?” I ask her.
“Of course I would, why have you left it so long?”
“You can have my eggs,” Ashley adds. “But f*ck being pregnant again; I wouldn’t do it for myself, let alone any other f*cker.”
I laugh at Ashley’s bluntness; along with me, she’s rubbed shoulders with the worlds beautiful people, but she hadn’t changed a bit from the wild child I’d met at school fifteen years ago, even motherhood hadn’t tamed her.
“We waited because we love our lifestyle, no disrespect to you two, but I’ve seen how hard it can be when the boys are on tour and you have to either bring the kids or arrange babysitters. Now that things aren’t so manic with the boys, I’m ready… we’re ready. We’ve got that last bit of travel bug out of our system by taking this last year off and now we’re ready to be grownups,” I smile as I speak, unable to hide my excitement at the thought of becoming a parent, at the thought of Sean holding a baby in his arms, of a brown eyed baby boy with a mop of curls, just like his Dad’s used to be. I can’t wait.
“Well I’m really pleased for you both; you’ll both be amazing parents.” Jimmie gives me a cuddle.
“F*ck, a little MacBaby running around the place, that’ll be one good looking kid G. I mean Maca’s smoking hot and if I didn’t like cock so much, I wouldn’t kick you out of bed either babe.”
“Thanks Ash, I think.”
“What the f*cks a MacBaby?” Jimmie asks.
“It’s what you get after you have unprotected sex with McCarthy.” Ashley winks.
“And if you’re really lucky, you’ll even get a MacGasm,” She laughs as she speaks.
“Oh I’m more than lucky girls; I’ve been having multiple MacGasms since I was fourteen. I was an underage slut.”
“MacSlut,” Ash and Jimmie say together and we all burst into laughter.
God, this feels so good, a girls night with my sister in laws, who also happen to be my best friends, life doesn’t get much better.
We all clink glasses and talk about this and that for a bit longer before hitting the small dance floor as tune after tune of eighties and nineties club classics are pumped through the sound system.
“I need to wee,” Jimmie says.
“I’ll come too,” I add, obviously being girls, one in, all in but as we approach the ladies room in the VIP bar, we see that there’s a queue, I go back to the bar and ask the bar man if there’s a toilet nearby.
“Here, go out of here and turn left, use the toilet in my office.” Cam holds a bunch of keys in front of my face; I turn and look at him.
“You own this place?”
“I do.” I simply nod, take the keys from him and call to Ash and Jimmie to follow me.
Cam’s office, is very similar to that at the wine bar, very old fashioned, gentleman’s club looking and it smells so much like Cam; we all take turns using the bathroom and I can’t resist spraying a squirt of Cam’s aftershave onto the inside of my wrist after I find it sitting on the edge of the sink. We lock up behind us and start to head back toward the bar and that’s when I see her.
I feel faint at first, light headed, it rolls from the tips of my toes to the top of my head, it stops me dead in my tracks I watch her as she pleads with security to let her into the VIP bar and then the light headedness is gone and I can see very clearly and think and feel even clearer, my rage doesn’t even start at red, it’s way beyond red, it’s white hot and searing and I have to get to her. I drop the keys and my bag and I think that for a few seconds, I might actually fly, I move so fast. I think that my feet actually leave the ground, and I’m on her in what seems like a second. I vaguely here Jimmie calling my name, then just a rush of air and my own heart beat in my ears. I grab her hair with my left hand and punch her with my right, she goes down onto the floor and I throw myself down on top of her, straddling her chest, I punch again and again. Then I lift her head by her hair and bang it into the ground. I don’t see her face, I don’t see anything, I don’t feel anything, but I keep punching, clawing, pulling at skin and hair continuously, until I’m pulled backward, through the air. My vision comes back first, there are club security leaning over an unconscious woman. Dave has my arm on one side, Cam on the other; Jimmie is in my face telling me to calm down. Ash is just glaring at the woman on the floor, who is now moving, she starts to try and stand and I catch sight of her face and rush toward her again. I’m screaming something, but I’ve no idea what, I land a great right hook on her jaw and she flies backward, caught by the bouncer. I’m once again dragged back in the opposite direction and pulled into Cam’s office. I scratch and spit and scream obscenities all the way. I’ve lost it. I scream at Cam to shoot her, to give me a gun so that I can shoot her, my eyes scour the desk and I spot the scissors and I make a grab for them, telling anyone that’s listening that I’m gonna cut the bitches throat. Never in my life have I felt rage like it.
I’m pulled down into someone’s lap. It registers that it’s Cam after a few seconds, I can smell him, I stop fighting and try to calm my breathing, there’s still a commotion going on around me, doors opening and closing, people talking.
“I need to get her out of here,” I hear Dave say. “The f*ckin’ press are gonna be all over this.”
“Is there a back door?” I hear Jimmie ask.
“Where is she, have you kicked her out? Cos if George ain’t killed her, I f*cking will!” Go Ash!
“Let’s just sit tight for a minute, I don’t know what state she’s in and this one still needs to calm down.”
I hear a door open and someone says, “She’s saying she wants the Police called boss, what dya want me to do?”
“For f*ck’s sake,” Cam says quietly.
“Where is she?”
“One of the barmaids is with her in the staff room.”
“Keep her there, I’ll go down and talk to her, see if I can change her mind.” It’s all quiet for a few minutes.
“If I let you go, do you promise not to go psycho on me again Kitten?” I nod and open my eyes, they slam into his, looking down at me. He has a slight smile on his face.
“You’re a f*cking mad woman Georgia, dya know that? I’ve never seen a girl punch like that.”
“That’s what happens when you’re taught to fight by three big brothers,” I reply, shakily.
He loosens his grip around me and I turn and look at everyone in the room, Jimmie is sitting on the edge of Cam’s desk shaking her head at me, Ash is sitting on the leather sofa.
“Feel better George? I know I f*cking do, that bitch had it coming, if you hadn’t of chinned her, I f*cking woulda. Mind you, I didn’t recognise her, she looks about fifty. I’ve only seen the pictures from when she went to the papers but I swear she looked dog rough compared to then.”
I look at Dave who’s on his phone and does not look happy. “Do none of your husband’s ever answer their phones?”
Sean always answers his phone, before I can speak Jimmie says, “Len always answers, no matter what time it is, in case it’s an emergency with me or one of the kids.”
“Marley never picks up, he’s a f*cking nightmare,” Ash complains.
“Please don’t ring them.” I look pleadingly at Dave. “It’s the middle of the night, Sean will just go off on one and so will Len.”
“Georgia, if you’re about to get nicked, I have to call him, he will have my balls if I don’t.”
“She won’t get nicked, I’ll sort it. Who’s this bird anyway, what did she do to piss you off so much?” Cam asks.
“Whorely,” we all reply together. Ash had never met her, but she knew the name.
“She accused my Husband and brother of rape, and then told my Mum a bunch of crap that kept me and Sean apart for four years.” Sadness is the only word I can use to describe the look that washes over Cam’s face.
I slide to my feet as he stands. “Wait in here, I’ll get rid of her, then you can leave out of the back doors.
Twenty minutes later he’s back. “F*ck Georgia, her face is a mess.”
“George didn’t do that, that’s how she looks anyway, ugly cunt,” Ashley pipes up and we all laugh, except Cam, who cringes at Ashley’s use of the C word.
“I’ve convinced her to leave the Police out of it, and I’ve offered her a lifetime VIP access to the club, but I have a feeling she’ll be billing you for a new nose.”
I shrug. “Well she can go f*ck herself; she’s getting nothing out of me.”
“Kitten,” Cam says quietly. Dave shifts on his feet, obviously not comfortable with Cam’s term of endearment.
“Right, well, I’ll go and pull the motor round the back, you girls come down when you’re ready. Cheers Cam, thanks for sorting this out, I’m sure Frank or Bailey will be in touch.” He nods his head in Cam’s direction.
“You tell my Dad or Bailey about this and I will slap you Dave,” I tell him.
“Georgia, love, you did it in front of a f*ckin’ audience darlin’, subtlety has never been a strength of yours. I don’t think I’ll need to tell anyone about this, the Sunday papers will do that for me. That’s why it’ll be best if you get hold of Maca and tell him yourself.”
F*ck. Shit. Bollocks. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll ring him; he can ring the label, or speak to the lawyers, whoever, see if they can do some damage control.”
I’m probably going to cause Sean all sorts of problems with my actions, but I don’t regret it. I actually understand in that moment, the rage Cam must have felt when he shot that man in the pub car park in front of me, if I had a gun on me tonight, I could’ve quiet easily shot that bitch. I may have regretted it later, but only because of the trouble it would’ve gotten me in.
I’m not sure if it’s the drugs, drink or adrenalin in my system but I can’t help but feel a little bit of resentment toward Sean, this all started with him and if he has to clean up my mess and the repercussions of my actions tonight, then so be it. I suffered for years because of his stupid irresponsible actions.
“Say it was me, I don’t give a f*ck,” Ash adds, bringing me back into the room I just shake my head at her.
Dave leaves and five minutes later, we make to leave, the girls say goodbye to Cam and thank him. I go to give him a hug when he says, “Can you give me a minute Georgia, and I’ll walk you down in a sec. I just want a word?”
I make eye contact with the girls and nod. “I’ll be down in a minute.”
They leave and I’m left alone with Cam and my pounding heart, he bought me an ice pack for my aching knuckles earlier, bitch had a hard jaw, and I adjust it over the pain in my right hand.
“Despite the circumstances, it’s been really good to see you Kitten.” I smile at him.
“You too Cam.” He takes the ice pack off of me and puts it on his desk, next to where he’s leaning; he takes my hand and kisses my knuckles.
“Angry Kitten, you really need to learn to control that temper baby.” My heart skips a beat at his words, at the sensation of his lips on my skin and I know it’s time to leave.
“If he hadn’t have come back, would it have been me, would you have stayed with me?” I pull my hand from his and shake my head.
“I’m not doing this Cam; it was ten years ago, I’m married, I’m with Sean.”
“But I still affect you don’t I? There’s still something there, I feel it and you’re lying if you say you don’t.” He’s stating facts, not asking questions.
“It doesn’t matter what I feel, I’m married to Sean. I love Sean. Thanks Cam, thanks for everything tonight, I’m sorry if it’s caused any trouble for the club and I’m sorry for the past, I have to go.” I reach out for the door handle.
“Did you love me Kitten, even a little bit?” I don’t hesitate with my answer.
“Yes Tiger and I think I still do.” I pull the door open and jump when it’s slammed shut from behind me.
He pulls me around by my shoulder and his mouth is instantly on mine, his tongue seeking out, and then almost attacking mine. His hands are over me, they slide up my hips, over my waist, they cup my breasts and I offer no resistance to any of it. I just stand with my arms at my sides at first, then they are up and in his hair, grabbing, pulling him away, he starts pulling my dress up my legs and I stop pulling his mouth away from me and instead start pushing it toward me. My dress is suddenly up around my waist and Cam’s grinding into me, I’m grinding back, he bites down on my nipple, hard, viciously almost, through the silk of my dress. I undo the zip of his trousers and reach inside, he’s hot, throbbing and huge; he doesn’t use his fingers on me first, he doesn’t need to, I’m soaking wet already. He pulls my knickers to the side and rams into me. I cry out in pain, and… in absolute pleasure. He lifts me off the floor with each thrust, my head bangs back against the door, on just the fourth thrust I feel my orgasm start to grip me and everything begins to tighten.
“F*ck, Kitten, look at me, f*cking look at me.” I stare straight into his eyes as we f*ck, hard, nasty, dirty, adulterously f*ck against Cam’s office door. “Come, come with me, now Kitten, come.” He rams roughly into me a few more times, my legs now wrapped around him, I grind back, once, twice and explode. I make a noise that’s not quite a scream, not quite a sob, not quite a moan but a mixture of all three. Cam comes, spurting hot inside me, with tears in his eyes, I drop my legs to the floor, move away from him and pull down my dress and stand and stare at him, panting.
“Oh God, oh God, what have I done, what have I done?” I sob. I grab my bag and leave but he’s right behind me, tucking himself in.
“This way… this way Georgia.” He pulls me roughly by the arm, back toward the emergency exit sign, he pulls me down a flight of stairs, then stops in front of a door “Let me have your number, we need to talk.”
“No, no number, we don’t need to talk, not about this, not ever, it should never have happened.”
“You f*cking love me Kitten, you know you do.” His hand rakes through his long dark hair, he must be in his forties now but he’s still so handsome, still so very alpha male.
“I know that, I f*cking know that, but it makes no difference, I’m with Sean, I love Sean. This was a mistake that will never happen again. Stay away from me Cam, do not try to contact me, just stay away.”
Once again I’ve caused that defeated look on his face, I push past him and outside to the Range Rover, where Dave and the girls are waiting, I slam the door behind me.
“Let’s go.” I call out. We drive back to the penthouse in silence, the loudest silence I have ever heard in my life.