CHAPTER 18
The problem with open plan houses, is that you can’t make a grand exit, you can storm off in indignation but there are no doors to slam, which, let’s face it, is what you really need to do to get your point across and to let everyone know just how pissed off you are. The other problem is that there are no rooms where you can lock yourself away and have a good cry when the need takes and I think that right at that moment, that’s perhaps what I need to do.
I go into the kitchen and retrieve the wine glass I left there earlier, I pour myself a drink and lean back against the work top and look across to my family all gathered in the lounge area. I watch Len, Jim and Marley, all deep in conversation. I watch Bailey, pat Sean on the back, say something to him and shake his hand, then begrudgingly my eyes go over to my parents, they are sitting side by side. My Mum seems to be trying to explain something to my Dad? he has her hand in his and I watch as he brings it to his lips and kisses the back of it, he nods in agreement at whatever it is that she’s saying and they both look up at the same time toward me. She stands and the room falls quiet as she heads in my direction; I take a long chug on my wine and watch as she approaches.
“We really need to talk Georgia, I really need you to understand that what I did, I did out of love and concern for my daughter. What I did, I did to protect you.” I don’t want to cry, I want to be strong and defiant and nasty to her, I want to say spiteful, hurtful things, instead I just say what comes into my head as I really don’t have the capacity to think too much right now.
“I understand all of that Mum but what you also forgot along the way is that you’re my friend and friends don’t keep secrets from each other, even if they think it’s going to cause pain, they tell each other the truth, they share and then they’re there for you, then they help you to pick up the pieces and move on.”
“Well Jimmie lied to you too; you don’t seem to be angry with her.”
“Oh no, no, don’t even go there, Jimmie was asked, by you I might add, not to mention something. She didn’t blatantly, barefaced lie to me.” Sean appears from behind my Mum and comes and stands next to me, taking my hand in his. “Mum, I’ve had the night from hell, I really don’t want to talk about this anymore, I need to think, I need to get my head around the fact that for the last four years, someone has gone out of their way to f*ck up my life and you helped them to do it.”
She goes to say something but I hold my hand up to stop her and shake my head. “Please just go, I’m going to take tomorrow off and maybe next week too, I’m sure you and Ash can cope.”
“Don’t do this George, please talk to me.”
“I can’t right now Mum, just give me some time.”
“One day Georgia, one day you will be a mother and then you will totally understand my actions.”
I shrug and look at her. “Who knows?”
She lets out a deep sigh, then turns and walks away. My Dad gives me a cuddle. “Don’t be so hard on her Princess, she loves you more than life, she thought she was doing the right thing.”
“I know Dad, I know.” Is all I can come up with, I just don’t want to argue right now, not with anyone.
He shakes Sean’s hand. “Look after her Maca.”
Sean puts his arm around me and pulls me in tight, kisses the top of my head and says, “I will Frank, I will.”
My parents leave and I just want to go and throw myself down on the sofa but Sean pulls me back as I go to walk away from him, I wrap my arms around his neck. “We need to talk G.”
“Not tonight we don’t Sean; I’m exhausted, I just wanna flop.”
He bends his knees slightly so that we are at eye level. “Okay but tomorrow, we talk.”
“Fine,” I agree; he holds my hand as we walk back into the lounge and I sit down next to Marley, I lay down and put my head on his lap. Sean lifts up my legs and puts them in his lap, he pulls off my boots I was wearing and throws them on the floor, then starts to massage my feet; Marley looks down into my face.
“Eww George, you have the biggest bogies up your nose, they’re like boulders.” I smile up at him and shake my head.
“Well I can’t see anything up your nose; your nostrils are hairier than Dad’s.”
His hand flies to his nose. “F*ck off; I do not have hairy nostrils.”
We stare right at each other for a few seconds. “That was horrible, what just happened with you and Mum, intense and horrible, I love you and I’m so sorry, this all started with me getting off my nut and wanting to shag.”
“No.” I say quickly. “Do not say her name.”
“Well whatever George, I’m just saying, I should never have dragged Maca into it, and then none of this would ever have happened.” I sit myself up as Sean scoots up and sits in tight next to me.
“Marls, how many times do I need to say this, we were both at fault, neither of us should have gone back to that room with her, we both knew…”
“Enough, enough. That bitch has f*cked with my life for long enough, it ends now, I don’t want anyone blaming anyone for any of this anymore, including yourselves, what’s done is done. I hate her and if I ever get my hands on her, I will kill the bitch but I’m not letting her actions eat away at me anymore, she’s taken all she’s getting from me.” Baileys lying spread out on the two seater my parents were sitting on earlier, his long lanky legs hanging off the end. “I can’t believe the bitch got away with it all for so long.”
“Bails, I just said I didn’t wanna talk about it.”
“I can find her if you want George, let me have her name and I can get a trace on her.”
“Bailey, will you leave it,” Lennon snaps. “Just leave it, like George said, we all need to move on.”
Bailey huffs and folds his arms across his chest. “Well if you don’t want me to do it, ask your new boyfriend, he’s pretty good at tracking people down.”
Cam, f*ck! He hadn’t entered my head once since I fell through the front door; I realise the whole room has gone silent, Sean is completely still next to me, I’m too scared to turn and look at him.
“Bails, you really do need to rein in that big gob of yours tonight, these two have got enough shit to sort through, without you stirring the pot!” Lennon says to him.
My skin prickles and the hairs on the back of my head and neck stand on end, I just know that he’s looking at me but I don’t look round. “For f*ck’s sake, is anyone gonna skin up tonight or what?” Marley jumps off the sofa and heads out to the kitchen, returning with Lennon’s stash box.
“Help yourself Marls why don’t ya.”
“Cheers Len, I will.” He winks at Len as he proceeds to roll a joint on the coffee table in the middle of the room, he lights it up, takes a huge draw, then passes it to Bailey and continues to roll another.
I manage three hits before I feel the effects, then it hits me like a ton of bricks and all I want to do is sleep. “Can I stay here tonight Jim?” I ask.
“Of course babe, your usual rooms all made up.”
I don’t dare go home; Cam will be going absolutely mad and is probably waiting at my place for me right now. Cam, what am I going to tell him, things had been going perfectly until these past couple of weeks but now there was Sean? Sean who I love with all my heart. I feel whole, complete, fixed, just by being in the same room as him but we have a whole shed load of shit to sort through and if we have the slightest chance of ever getting back to together, then it’s only fair that I end things with Cam, while I try and fix things with Sean.
At some stage, I must have fallen asleep as I feel myself being carried up the stairs, I open my eyes slightly and see that I’m being taken to the spare room, I know that it’s Sean that’s carrying me, I can smell him. He lays me down and kisses my forehead and then sits down on the edge of the bed and strokes my hair off my face, I open my eyes and look into the eyes that I have missed so much. “Don’t leave; I don’t want to be on my own.”
I barely finish speaking, when he stands up and starts taking off his jeans, whilst toeing off his shoes. “Thank f*ck, because I don’t want to leave ya G.”
“No sex though Sean, I just want to cuddle.”
He stops and looks at me. “Gia, I wasn’t, I didn’t think, that’s not what I wanted to stay for.” His eyes look all over my body, the dress I’m wearing has ridden up my legs but they are covered by the thick black tights I have on, I watch as he adjusts himself through his boxers. “Okay, what I mean is, you’re as horny as f*ck and of course I’ve got a f*cking hard on.”
He shrugs and smiles at me. “You know me and what I’m like around you G, I just can’t help it, and nothing’s changed there.” I can’t help but smile at his honesty. “But that’s not what this is all about, I just want to be with you, I won’t even touch if you don’t want me to but I hope you do, coz I do, really wanna, really, really wanna touch ya, but I get it, you’ve got a boyfriend now, I just…”
He looks around the room, struggling to get out whatever it is he wants to say. “F*ck G, please don’t tell me I’m this close but I’m gonna lose you again.” He sits back down on the bed next to me, the only light is what’s coming from the old fashioned street lamp Jimmie and Len have on their drive, it bathes him in a soft golden glow and I unconsciously reach out and touch his hand, just to make sure he’s real.
“I can’t believe you’re here,” my voice is barely a whisper as I speak. He laces his fingers with mine. “I can’t believe we’re together, in the same room, touching.”
My belly feels like it has batwings flapping about in it, I’ve had a few wines and I’m slightly stoned and all I really want is to curl up and go to sleep with him and think about the reality of it all in the morning, when I have a clearer head. “Draw the curtains and get into bed, I’m taking my dress off and putting your t-shirt on, so don’t look.”
He tilts his head to one side. “I’m the one that’s taking their top off G, so don’t you be looking, I saw how your tongue was hanging out of your head in the kitchen when I showed ya me tats.”
“Don’t flatter yourself rock star, I was admiring your ink, that’s all… besides, you ain’t got nothing I haven’t seen before.”
He smiles at me as he stands up and pulls his t-shirt off and yes I do stare, because he’s fit and toned and standing right in front of me in just a pair of boxers. He hands me his top and I stand and take off my dress and pull off my tights. I never wear tights, I only ever wear stockings, especially for Cam, he loves them, I actually think they drive him a little bit insane when we go out and he knows I’m wearing stockings and suspenders underneath my outfit, he actually growls ever so slightly every time he brushes against me, just like a real tiger. Unthinkingly I take off my bra, then realise what I’ve done and quickly pull Sean’s T over my head. God it smells divine, this is the smell that I’ve been dreaming of for so very long; I pull the quilt back and climb into bed, Sean climbs in beside me, the room is now in complete darkness, but my eyes do gradually adjust.
“Come here,” he whispers, I curl into him, my head on his shoulder, his arm around me, our bare legs tangled together, in an instant, it feels so right, so perfect, like we’d never been apart. It would be so easy to just go with it, so, so easy but I’m not a na?ve little sixteen year old, I’m almost twenty-one and I know that’s not old by many people’s reckoning, but I bet there are forty-year olds out there that haven’t been through what I have in my short young life and the one thing I’ve learnt from all the drama of the past few years, is that the only person you can ever really rely on in this life, is yourself, and I’m not about to let me down, I have to protect myself from whatever tomorrow may bring.
Sean pulls me in tight to him and whispers in to my hair, “I love you Georgia Rae, good night, sleep tight.” I close my eyes and drift into a deep, contented, dreamless sleep.
When I wake up, it’s still dark, there’s no clock beside me so I know I’m not in my own room, my belly does a few flips as I remember where I am and who I’m with. Sean, I’m in bed with Sean, my boy, my beautiful boy, who I’ve loved, missed and longed for these past four years. I turn and face him. I can just make him out in the dark and I first study his face, he’s more handsome than beautiful now, his features much stronger than I remember, his boyish good looks are still there but his jaw is stronger and he has more stubble. I suddenly have the overwhelming urge to touch; he’s lying on his side facing me, one arm folded under his head, one around me. I reach out and using just my fingertips, I trace across his brow, over his cheek and outline his lips, he sighs softly and grinds his hips into me, then I’m totally amazed as he whispers, very, very gently, “Gia.”
I think for a moment that he has woken up but I lay still and stop touching. I realise that he’s still sleeping; he’s sleeping and dreaming of me. My heart suddenly aches as I think of the time that we’ve wasted, nights I’ve laid in bed and dreamt of him, even nights I’ve been with other men, it’s still Sean that I’ve dreamt of. I wonder if it’s been the same for him, despite all the beautiful women he has no doubt spent the last four years shagging. I wonder if all the while, he was dreaming of me. I wonder if they heard him whisper my name. I wonder if they wondered who Gia was. I don’t want to obsess too much about the other women but I know I will ask. I don’t want to know but I need to know. I don’t know if that’s a woman thing or if it’s just my nature.
“Tell me about your boyfriend.” Shit, I didn’t even notice he had opened his eyes and was watching me. It’s creepy that what was going through my mind was pretty much what was going through his.
“Is it serious?” What do I say, is it serious, was it serious? I think it was important more than serious. Cam was important to me because he had helped me move on.
Sean rolls away from me and puts on the bedside lamp, then rolls back to where he was, we mirror each other, side by side, one arm folded under our head, the other draped across each other’s hips.
“I need to know G, if you’re in love with this other bloke and, we’re… if all of this…” He looks all over my face as he tries to think of the right words. “If it’s too late for us G, then I need to know now, before I get my hopes up, before I start... ”
He pauses again and closes his eyes; he moves his hand from my hip, to the back of my head and pulls me toward him. He kisses my forehead and then rests his against mine. “Just tell me G, are we too late? Please tell me it’s not too late. I f*ckin’ love you, so much, but if, if, f*ck, I can’t even say it.”
I take his face in my hands. “Sean, like the tattoo says, ‘There’s no one else. There never was. It’s still only ever you.’”
He repeats my actions and takes my face in his hands. We’re so close that I can see the little flex of gold sparkle in his brown eyes. “I love you Georgia Rae Layton, so f*ckin’ much, I’m gonna give you the world, the whole f*ckin’ world but first, first G, I’m gonna kiss ya.” And he does, so, so, softly, so gently, all over my closed mouth, then he pushes inside with his tongue, he tangles it with mine, then swipes it over my teeth, the insides of my cheeks, like he’s trying to taste every bit of my mouth; he kisses, licks, sucks and gently drags his teeth over my lips, my jaw. He rolls over and kneels between my knees, then pulls me up to straddle him, I go to wrap my arm around his neck, but he puts them back down at my sides. Then pulls his t-shirt over my head and throws it on the floor, he uses the fingertips of both hands to trace over my face, jaw and neck, and he brushes so gently over my collar bone that I shudder. I don’t take my eyes from his, he mostly studies intently what he’s doing, but every now and then his eyes flick up and meet mine and my heart threatens to escape my chest with the way he looks at me, love, lust, desire, it’s all there. His fingers travel over my chest, then over my breasts, he circles my nipples a few times, and then cups them, he looks up at me in absolute wonder. Before he moves his mouth to suck on my right nipple, I arch my back, offering them up to him, he switches his attention to my left, except now it’s his teeth I can feel, he doesn’t bite, he just drags his teeth and his tongue over my nipple, all the while, pinching and rolling with his fingers, the right nipple that’s been abandoned by his mouth. I arch my back and tilt my head as I look up at the ceiling; I wrap my legs around him and grind against him. He moves his hands to underneath my arse cheeks and lifts me as he stands up from the bed, before lying me gently back down.
I’m lying sideways across the bed; Sean stands in front of me and takes off his boxers. I want to look but I don’t take my eyes from his, he leans in and takes off my knickers, he bends each of my knees up as he pulls them down, I go to close them and lay them back flat on the bed when he says, “No, no G, leave them up and open them, I want to look at you.”
I don’t hesitate, this man has kissed every part of my body, he’s watched me throw up, he’s watched me wee, f*ck, he’s actually held my arms while I’ve squatted in a bush when we’ve pulled over at the side of the road. He’s bought tampons to me in the toilet when I’ve unexpectedly come on, he’s seen me drunk, he’s seen me stoned, my heart suddenly hurts as I realise exactly how much we have shared. All of the memories I have locked away for so long suddenly come rushing forward, he’s suddenly there, right between my open legs, looking right into my eyes. “I’ve dreamt about this so many times G, how you would smell, how you’d taste but now you’re here, it’s all so much better. I wanted to take my time, I wanted to make this last but now, I just want to be inside you, f*ck Georgia, I really want to be inside you.”
I can’t speak, I reach out my hand to him and he holds it as he crawls up my body, not taking his eyes from mine he laces our fingers of both hands and places them either side of my head and slides straight inside me. I let out a little rush of air and I feel my eyelids flutter. “Gia, that feels so f*ckin’ good, so right, so perfect.”
He kisses me softly on the mouth, our lips and tongues the only parts of our bodies moving as we lay completely still, kissing, and just looking at each other, our breathing in complete synchronisation. “I’ve missed you, I’ve missed us, I’ve missed this, so f*ckin much G, this is all I want, all I’ve wanted for so long, just you and me, it’s like coming home.”
I give him a small smile. “Welcome home.”
He kisses my nose and gives a little shrug. “They say that home is where the heart is and mines never been anywhere other than with you, always G, forever and always my heart is yours and will be with you no matter what.”
I bite down on my bottom lip and try so hard to hold the sob in, but I can’t. My tears are already running down onto my neck and into my ears. He kisses both my eyes, and then licks the tears from each side of my neck. The room sways and I feel myself clench around him, he presses his forehead against mine and chuckles, it’s the most amazing sound. “Did you like that babe, my tongue on your neck?”
I can feel myself blush, he tilts his head and licks from the hollow of my throat, out across my left collarbone, then back and across my right, I squeeze my internal muscles again. “Georgia, you keep doing that and I will come without even moving, I swear to God baby that feels good.”
I look over his face and eventually into his eyes. “Sean?”
“Gia?”
“Would you make love to me please?”
“It would be my absolute pleasure Georgia, my absolute pleasure.”
He rocks his hips very slowly into mine and I rock back, we find our rhythm instantly, I tilt my hips so that I can feel him deeper inside and I love the sound he makes when I do this. He slides his hands around to my hips, his fingertips dig into my arse cheeks, his thumbs press onto my hip bones. I dig my nails into him, his shoulders, his back, then his bum, I pull him by his bum, into me, I want him as far inside me as he can get, no space, I want no space between us, so tight together that there’s not even room for air, nothing, just me and him, Georgia and Sean, Sean and Georgia.
My orgasm starts as heat warming my core, then spreads, my blood, my skin, my internal organs, everything burns, everything, every single part of me is on fire but there is no pain, just absolute pleasure. I feel it in every cell, in every hair follicle, pleasure like I have never known, I’m calling his name and telling him I love him and I can hear him saying similar things to me and then at the exact same moment we are both silent and just look at each other. At the exact moment I feel him come inside me, he whispers, “Gia,” and my second orgasm hits me, entirely different to the first. It’s short, sharp and unexpected and I whimper and I just know that I have tears again and in a whisper that I can barely hear, he sings a song to me, a song that came out not long after we first met, when I was just a girl and he was just the boy that I knew I would always love. A song that I haven’t heard in such a long time, it’s just the two lines but we change the words slightly, like we always did and sings the first line of Dire Straits Romeo and Juliet, then waits for me to sing the second, it was just a thing, that we did.
“Georgia Rae, when we made love you used to cry… ” He waits for me to sing my bit, I try to swallow down a sob but I end up singing through it…
“I said I love you like the stars above, I’ll love you till I die.”
And it’s suddenly all too much, he cries, I cry, we cling to each other and everything is just as it should be, Sean and Georgia, Georgia and Sean, us against the world.
We fall back to sleep with our arms, legs, bodies, hearts and minds completely tangled up with each other, no telling where one starts and the other one ends.