Burned

Chapter 21—Inside the Fire

THE FRONT DOOR is completely engulfed in fire and smoke and, as I run towards the house, I have to cover my face with my arm to protect it from the heat. There’s no way this fire didn’t have help. The place is going up faster than f*cking Wilcox’s barn full of dry hay. Being that it’s also an older house, I know we don’t have much time before the entire thing crumbles to the ground.
I hear a blood-curdling scream from inside the house as I make my way to the side yard and my heart plummets to my feet.
“FINNLEY! FINNLEY!”
I don’t even realize I’m screaming her name until a solid band of muscle wraps around my chest from behind, pinning my arms to my sides and pulling me away from the inferno.
“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING? DO YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH?” D.J. screams in my ear as he continues to pull me away from the house, away from Finnley.
“GET THE F*ck OFF ME! GET OFF ME, GODDAMMIT SHE’S IN THERE!”
I struggle against his hold, clawing at D.J.’s arm as I attempt to buck him off while he tries to talk some sense into me as he roughly drags me further and further away from where I need to be. He has no f*cking clue. He doesn’t get it. I lost every bit of sense the moment that call came into the station. I can still hear the sound of that one, painful scream ringing in my ears. I can’t hear anything else but the crackle of the fire and men shouting orders from the front of the yard. Even though the sound of her tortured cry coming from somewhere in that burning house was enough to bring me to my knees, at least I know she’s still alive. She’s still in there waiting for me to get to her.
“You need to calm the f*ck down and use your head! You’re going to be no good to her if you go racing in there like a f*cking idiot and get yourself killed!” D.J. yells.
He gets me twenty feet away from the house before I finally get one arm free and slam my elbow back into his stomach. His hold loosens just enough that I can turn around, slamming both of my hands into his chest.
“I’m not going to tell you again, D.J. Get the f*ck away from me right now!” I shout in his face, shoving him again.
I quickly turn and race along the side of the house, looking for another way in. I spot a large picture window about chest-high towards the back of the house and sprint to it, my legs moving so fast that I barely have time to stop. With a quick glance in the window, I see no signs of fire in the room, but it’s quickly filling with smoke. Reaching down into the landscaped flowerbed right below the window, I grab a decorative rock the size of a bowling ball, heft it up over my head and send it smashing through the window.
I immediately duck down as the smoke that filled the room comes billowing out.
“F*ckING SON OF A BITCH! KEENER! GET THE HOSE ON THE SOUTH SIDE OF THE HOUSE! MARTINEZ, BRING AN EXTRA AIR TANK!” D.J. shouts from behind me.
Pulling my long-sleeved shirt down from where it was bunched up around my elbows, I cover as much skin as possible before using my arm to swipe along the bottom of the window frame, removing as much of the glass as I can.
I hear a shout from the road about the fire hydrant not working and the blood runs cold in my veins. Being a station in a small town, our trucks are filled with very little water. We rely on the city hydrants for our supply and if that doesn’t work, we have to call in a tanker from a neighboring town. If the men can’t get water on this house immediately, there will be no saving it. I have to get Finnley out - fast.
Gripping the open window ledge, I heft my body up, swinging one leg over until I’m basically straddling the windowsill, hovering half in the house and half out.
“Goddammit, Collin will you just wait?” D.J. begs again, grabbing onto my arm and attempting to pull me towards him on the ground. “The tanker will be here in a matter of minutes.”
Shaking his arm off of me angrily, I twist my body until my lower half is completely inside the house, my feet finding purchase on the carpeted floor.
“She doesn’t have minutes, this house is over a hundred years old. I want you acting as the lead paramedic when she comes out, so make sure you have your shit ready. If anything happens, you make sure Finnley gets out first, do you understand?”
“I don’t—”
“THAT’S A F*ckING ORDER, DRAKE!” I shout, cutting him off.
I watch as all the argument leaves his face. D.J. always used to joke that I’m like one of his parents. The only time we ever use his given name is when we’re pissed at him.
Martinez comes racing up at that moment and thrusts an extra air tank into D.J.’s hands. He quickly lifts it up into the window and I grab it.
“Don’t be a f*cking hero, you stupid son of a bitch. If it’s too bad in there, you get the f*ck out, you hear me?” D.J. tells me as he slowly starts to back away from the window.
“Yep, you got it.”
We both know I’m lying but at least D.J. has the sense not to call me on it right now. With one last look, we both turn and head in opposite directions.
I immediately drop to the floor where the smoke is less dense, sliding my arms through the straps of the tank and getting it on my back so my hands are free. I army crawl across the room, poking my head out into the hall to assess the situation. From this vantage point, I can see into the living room. Well, what’s left of the living room. It’s one big wall of fire and almost every square inch of the floor is up in flames. When I heard Finnley scream moments ago, it sounded like it came from upstairs, so I’m praying to God she isn’t in that f*cking living room. Luckily, the stairs aren’t located right in the living room, but in a hallway a few yards away from it. As it is, I’m barely going to be able to get to the stairs leading up without burning my skin off.
I keep low to the ground and move as fast as I can, pulling the neck of my shirt up over my nose and mouth, cursing myself for not using my head and grabbing my air mask. As soon as I get to the hallway, I feel the heat from the blaze like a punch to the face. It’s so hot I can feel it singeing my exposed skin. It steals the breath from my lungs and my eyes, already blurry from the smoke, begin to water even more. Through the wall of fire, I can just barely make out a gaping hole in the front of the house. In an orange, hazy glow I see the guys through the hole scrambling around the front yard. The flames are quickly licking up to the second story and even if they had managed to get the attack line hooked up to the hydrant out front, I’m not sure it would have helped. I watch as a support beam from the front wall comes crashing down over the opening, blocking the entrance. I cover my face and head as ash, sparks and fire shoot towards me like a blast from a firework when the burning beam smashes into the opposite wall. With a quick glance upwards, I see the fire quickly eating up part of the ceiling and I know if I don’t hurry, the entire second floor above the living room will go up in flames and come crashing down.
I move as fast as my legs will allow, flying up the stairs and taking them two at a time, shouting Finnley’s name as I go.
“FINNLEY! FINNLEY, BABY, I’M HERE! FINNLEY!”
I’m having trouble breathing by the time I get to the top step. The smoke has filled my nose and lungs and each breath I take feels like knives are being dragged up and down my throat. I know I should stop and take a hit of the air from the tank on my back, but there’s no time. I need to get to her. She’s been in here longer and she’s going to need it more than me. I’ve done this before. I’ve been trained to deal with smoke inhalation, I just need to stay calm and keep going.
There are three bedrooms and a bathroom upstairs and I head towards the door closest to me, coughing and spitting out smoke and ash-filled saliva as I go. Knowing that I can’t touch the doorknob in case there’s fire on the other side of it, I step back with one leg and prepare to kick it in. A noise directly behind me gives me pause and I pray with everything inside of me that the small thump was Finnley and she’s okay.
I quickly turn and a fist connects with my eye. I hear a crunch and feel my eye immediately start to swell. I don’t even bother pressing a hand to the area to try and ease the pain that’s radiating right up to my skull.
Jordan laughs as I glare at him, my hands clenched into fists at my sides. As much as I want to beat the shit out of him for what he’s done, I don’t have time. My only concern, my only thought right now is that I need to save Finnley. I would have been perfectly fine leaving him standing here with that smug look on his face, but of course he wouldn’t make it easy on me. As I turn to walk away, he grabs onto the back of my shirt, clutching the fabric in his hands to hold me in place.
What the f*ck is it with people trying to stop me? Don’t they understand that NOTHING can stop me from getting to Finnley?
Without a word, I twist out of his grasp and quickly turn, the momentum of my body bringing my arm and fist flying towards his face so fast he doesn’t even see it coming. With one solid punch to the side of his head, he goes down like a ton of bricks.
As much as I hate him, as much as I want to shove him down the stairs to be swallowed up by the wall of fire, I know I can’t leave him out here in the hall. I’m a civil servant and I took an oath, swearing to do everything I can to save every single person whether they are an innocent child or the piece of shit that started the fire in the first place. I will drag his worthless ass out of this burning building because it’s my job, but I will absolutely make sure I get to Finnley first.
Figuring there’s no way Jordan would have left Finnley alone, I go into the room he came out of when he confronted me, stepping over Jordan’s unconscious body as I go. The smoke has gotten so thick I can barely see an inch in front of my face and with only one good, working eye, that’s not a good thing. Pulling my leg back, I kick in the door to Finnley’s bedroom. The smoke from the hall immediately billows into the room and I drop down on all fours to crawl inside.
“Finnley! Are you in here? Please, baby, answer me!” I shout as I crawl blindly through the room, moving my hands all around me in the hopes that I’ll feel some part of her under my fingers.
Coughs wrack my body as I continue moving around the room, feeling my way and coming up completely empty. My heart drops as I quickly turn and make my way back out into the hall and over to the next bedroom.
With a quick glance downstairs, I see the fire has made its way down the hall and to the bottom step. Pieces of the house crash down from the ceiling and walls, completely engulfed in flames, and I know the only way we’re going to be able to get out of this house is through one of these upstairs windows. Unfortunately, the fire is so strong on the first floor that my men are never going to be able to get close enough to put a ladder against the house. They won’t be able to reach the second floor and we won’t be able to get out. There’s no way the floor up here is going to hold much longer considering how fast the fire has spread along the ceiling on the first floor. If I don’t find her quick and figure a way out, we’re going to come crashing down to the first floor, right in the middle of the fire.
Grabbing onto Jordan’s still passed-out body, I drag him away from the stairs, deeper into the hall in case the fire makes its way up here before I can get back to him.
Bringing the neck of my shirt back up over my nose and mouth, I try to breathe in as little of the smoke-filled air as possible as I kick down the second door. Just like before, I immediately drop to my knees and start feeling around the room, shouting for Finnley.
Right when I start to lose hope and my body starts to shut down, reacting to the amount of smoke I’ve inhaled and the adrenaline slowly leaving me, my hand brushes against the warm, smooth skin of a leg.
“Finnley! Baby, can you hear me?” I shout as I quickly move my way up her body, my hands sliding up her legs. I wince when I feel rough, blistered skin every so often along the outside of one leg and I can’t stop the sob that escapes my lips knowing she suffered burns.
My hands continue moving upward, realizing she’s naked and there are more burns peppering most of the skin of her upper thighs, hips and waist. I want to scream and cry for her and what she went through before I got here, but I don’t have time. I have to get her out of here. I have no idea how long she’s been unconscious and no idea the amount of smoke she’s inhaled.
I make it up to her face when I hear a loud creak and the sound of the floor on the other side of the house caving in. I can hear muffled screams and shouts from outside and I know I need to hurry.
Ripping the air tank off of my back, I quickly unhook the mask from the side of the tank and press it down over Finnley’s face. The light from the moon coming in the window right above her is enough for me to just make out the features of her face and to see that the clear plastic mask isn’t fogging up with the heat from her breaths and her chest isn’t moving. These air tanks are demand valve, which means the person needs to be breathing in order for the air to hit their lungs.
“No! Oh Jesus, no! Finnley!” I scream through my tears as I lean down, pressing my ear against her chest to listen for her heartbeat, my own stuttering when I hear nothing but deadly silence.
Just then, the window above my head shatters. I quickly cover Finnley’s face as pieces of glass rain down on top of us. I look up just as D.J. sticks his head inside the now open window.
“Can you lift her to me?” he shouts into the room, the sound of the house burning down around us so loud that I can barely hear him.
Getting up as fast as I can, I slide my arms under Finnley’s back and legs and bring her up to my chest. I can just make out the red splotches of burned skin all over the lower half of her body as I bring her close to me and I feel something inside me break into a million pieces. I cradle the warmth of her body tightly to me, kissing the top of her head as I lift her through the broken window and into D.J.’s waiting arms. He moves her up and over his shoulder to make it easier to climb down the ladder, her head and arms draped down his back with his hand clutching firmly behind her knees.
Before he disappears from the window, I turn and yank the comforter off of the top of the bed, racing to the window and draping it over Finnley’s naked body.
“She’s not breathing, D.J.! F*ck! Just hurry!” I yell after him as he moves down the ladder with the ease of someone who has done this a million times. I see men from two additional fire departments battle the blaze together all around the ladder now that the tanker has arrived. They’re able to keep the fire away from this area for now, but I know it won’t hold much longer.
DJ looks back up at me one last time before he gets to the bottom. “I’ll take care of her Collin, just get your ass down here before the entire place blows.”
Once the two of them are safely on the ground and I see D.J. racing towards the ambulance parked in the street, I turn and quickly make my way back through the room, trying not to slam into furniture since visibility in here is nil. The only thing keeping me sane right now is the knowledge that D.J. is a trained paramedic and so f*cking amazing at it that I always ask him why the hell he never became a doctor. If anyone can help Finnley, it will be him.
The smoke has gotten impossibly thicker and I know I don’t have much time. My lungs burn with every breath I take and I’m starting to get lightheaded from not having any good, clean air in my system for so long.
Jordan is still unconscious out in the hallway and doesn’t even budge as I grab both of his wrists, pull them up over his head and drag him back into the room I just came from. As soon as I get to the window and crouch down next to him to heft him up over my shoulder, his eyes suddenly pop open and he shoves me roughly away. My body is so weak that I immediately fall backwards, my ass slamming into the ground.
Jordan begins coughing violently as he crab-crawls away from me, screaming at me as he goes. “STAY AWAY FROM ME! STAY THE F*ck AWAY FROM ME!”
I dive forward, grabbing onto his ankle and yank him towards me.
“Stop being an a*shole! I’m not going to hit you again. We need to get the f*ck out of this house right now before it collapses.”
He kicks his leg out, his foot connecting with my chest and I drop my hold on his leg while he scrambles up to his feet.
“No, no, no! Leave me, just f*cking leave me!” he shouts.
I jump up to my feet and charge him. This motherf*cker is the reason all of this happened. He started this fire, he hurt Finnley and now he won’t f*cking cooperate so I can get us both out of here without being killed.
I grab onto the front of his shirt and pull him towards me as hard as I can. He loses his footing and stumbles to the ground. I don’t even bother trying to get him back up on his feet. While he screams and struggles against me, his feet digging into the carpet, I pull him towards the window using every last bit of energy left in me.
“COLLIN! WHAT THE F*ck ARE YOU DOING, GET DOWN THE LADDER!” I hear D.J. yell from down below.
“Get your sorry ass up right now!” I shout down at Jordan as he continues to try and struggle away from me.
The sound of a small explosion downstairs rattles the entire house, sending me backwards. I let go of Jordan as my ass slams into the windowsill and I have to throw my arms out to either side of the window to prevent myself from tumbling backwards out to the ground below.
Smoke curls around me as the flames from down below make it upstairs, climbing along the hallway and bursting into the doorway. Jordan turns and stares at the fire, frozen in shock as it inches it’s way across the floor towards him.
“I just wanted you to burn,” Jordan mutters to himself, staring wide-eyed at the fire that’s dangerously close to his legs.
I could tell as soon as I saw him out in the hallway when he first confronted me that something wasn’t right with him. His eyes were unfocused and he had all the telltale signs of someone under the influence of something bad. He’s not making any sense right now and, as much as I want to continue shouting at him to get the f*ck out of the house, something tells me he’s so far gone that he doesn’t even care anymore.
I soften my tone just like I would with any other victim I encounter out on a call to do what I can to ease their fears. “Hey, it’s alright. I don’t care about any of that. Let’s just get out of here, okay?”
Jordan shakes his head back and forth as he continues to stare at the flames. “I wanted your heart to blister with the pain of losing her, just like mine did. I know I never deserved her, I know I f*cked everything up, but she was mine. You shouldn’t get to make her happy if I couldn’t.”
The inflection in his voice has a singsong quality to it like he’s reading from a children’s book and that’s when I know he has officially lost his f*cking mind.
I want nothing more than to just turn and race down the ladder right behind me and let him burn down with the house, but my conscience won’t let that happen. Everyone deserves to be saved. I push away from the window to try to grab him one more time when he speaks again.
“I never meant to kill her. I never meant for any of this to happen. I deserve this. I deserve to feel the heat and the fire and let it burn every inch of me for what I’ve done,” he mutters.
The fight leaves my body along with my good intentions. The heart that used to beat with the love and hope for the future that was finally within my grasp has been tossed into the fire right in front of me, scalding and melting with the burn of my pain.
“I wanted your heart to blister with the pain of losing her.”
He won. He got what he wanted.
My body slumps backwards until my ass hits the windowsill again.
He killed her. He killed her. He killed her.
Up until this moment, I still had hope that she would be okay. I still believed she could be saved. I knew D.J. would do everything within his power to bring her back to me. My only goal was to get Jordan safely out of this house so that I could make my way to her.
This weak bastard sitting on the floor a few feet from me with the fire just inches away from his feet, he killed the only thing in my life worth living for. He couldn’t handle the idea of her being happy without him, so he masterminded the ultimate revenge. He took her from this world, from this life, from me. I’ll never again see her smile, hear her laugh or feel her lips against mine. I’ll never get to tell her how much I love her, how much I’ve loved her every single day since I was fifteen years old. All those dreams, all those plans we made for the future while I held her body against mine and felt hear heartbeat under the palm of my hand… ruined, all of it ruined. She’s gone and nothing will ever be the same again.
Everything inside of me that I’ve known to be true, every instinct that told me no matter what he did, I needed to save him, it all disintegrates and I can’t find it in me to care. I want him to die. He deserves to die. He took the only woman I’ve ever loved from me before I even had a chance to tell her.
I’ve made the decision to get onto the ladder behind me, climb down to safety and leave a man behind to burn. The ethics instilled in me, the ones I’ve imparted on every single man who has ever come through my firehouse, fade into nothing in the blink of an eye.
I turn my body to the side so I can swing one leg out of the open window until I’m straddling the sill. I look at the back of Jordan’s head one last time, knowing as soon as I get on that ladder and leave him in here that I’ll never be a fireman again. By turning my back on him, ignoring every single vow I’ve ever made, I’m saying good-bye to the only dream I ever had until I found my way back to Finnley. It’s only fitting that I lose them both in one day.
Jordan’s head suddenly whips around when he sees me exiting the window. I can tell by the wild look of fear in his eyes that he suddenly realized what was about to happen to him. He was going to be left behind; left to burn alive.
Jordan lunges for me.
The entire foundation of the house begins to shake and I hear people screaming down below. I move to get on the ladder and, all of a sudden, a hand grabs onto me and pulls. The house beings to fall and I follow right behind.
Down
Down
Down, until there is nothing more.