Chapter Thirteen
13
THE MORNING SUNLIGHT SHONE IN through the cracks of the blinds. Peeling my eyes open, I squinted. My cheek was currently plastered to Camden’s firm chest. I breathed in deep and smelled everything that was him. I lifted the corner of my mouth in a smile. His soapy scent was still clinging to his skin. I was tempted to lick him, just to see if he tasted as good as he smelled. It was a mouthwatering essence. If this was what waking up in Camden’s arms was like every day, sign me up. He had a hand resting on my hip, and one of my legs slung over his. I lay there, feeling his heart beating under my palm. He breathing was deep. I tried not to move, but carefully raised my head and glanced up at him. I took my time and let my eyes roam over his features. His strong jaw didn’t appear to be as harsh in the light and from the angle that I was laying. He had high cheek bones that gave him a chiseled look. Long, dark lashes fanned his eyelids, and his hair was sticking up haphazardly. He had a very subtle boyish appearance in his sleep. It was almost approachable and not so intimidating. I turned to rest my cheek back in the same little nook of his shoulder. It felt like a place that was meant just for me. Tentatively I let my fingers trace the pattern of his defined abs and carved chest. He was exactly the type of man girls like me admired from afar but could never attempt to have.
“I’ll have you know, that tickles.” His groggy sleepy voice sounded under my cheek.
I smiled, knowing that he could feel it. “Just looking at everything that’s Camden.”
He shifted slightly, giving me a lovely view of the V down his waist. “And what do we think of everything that is me?” he asked in amusement.
I spelled my name with my finger over and over on his golden skin, trying to think of the right words. “Well….” I paused. Might as well get this all out in the open. Camden and I did cross a barrier last night, and it might be time to define what we are. “I think that you are arrogant, stubborn, full of yourself, and can be a complete a*shole.”
He scoffed, “Tell me how you really feel.” I could feel his stomach bouncing up and down with light laughter.
I lifted my head to glare at him. “I wasn’t finished. Now shhh…” He put his hands up in a sign to continue. I put my head back in its special spot. “You’re all of those things, Camden. But you’re also kindhearted, warm, caring, protective, genuine, and funny. It’s like all of your negative qualities are overshadowed by your good ones. And even then, your bad ones can be spun into something positive. Like your stubbornness. Most guys wouldn’t put up with my sarcasm. They find it offensive and off-putting. But you somehow play off of it and turn it into this weird flirting thing that I don’t think I get, but am strangely attracted to.”
“Hmmm…I’m intrigued. Go on.”
“Well, last night you were sorta…here for me. I’m assuming that Dodger gave you a heads-up that we were coming home, but when we walked in the door, you had this look about you like you wanted to pound somebody’s face in.”
“That’s because I did.”
I nodded. “I know. That’s the side of you that confuses me.”
He brushed his fingers through my long waves. “What do you mean?”
“Camden, since I moved in here, things didn’t get off on the right foot. You were cruel with your words, and you acted like you wished I never walked into your apartment. Nobody has ever made me feel like the mere sight of me disgusted them.”
“Keegan, that’s not how it happened,” he argued.
“That’s how it happened to me. You said some very hurtful things to me, and they cut pretty deep. My weight seemed to be an issue for you, but yet your words now say the opposite. Do you see how I could be feeling like a yo-yo in my head?”
“Yes, but I’d like to have a chance to explain all of it.”
I shook my head. “Not yet. I need to get this out.” He sighed in resignation. “I like you Camden. Despite how the last couple of months have played out between us, there has been one constant. You’ve always been the protector. I don’t know why you took on that role, but you did. From the night I brought my little sister back home, to bossing me around and telling me what I could and couldn’t do at the gym, and then warning me about Luke. For some reason, regardless of how you came across to me in the beginning, you’ve always been there. You wedged yourself into my life when I wasn’t asking for it, and when I least expected it. As much as you piss me off, and I’ve secretly plotted how to murder you in your sleep, you’ve grown on me.”
I could feel the vibrations of his chest as he laughed at what I said. “Boy this conversation keeps getting better and better.” I reached up and tweaked his nipple. “Ouch!”
He grabbed my wrist and flipped me on to my back, pinning my arms on either side of my head. “Careful. If you’re wanting to play, I’ll play.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Then quit laughing at me.”
“Quit saying funny shit,” he retorted.
“Gah you frustrate me! I wasn’t trying to be funny, I was telling you how you make me feel.”
He maneuvered himself between my legs and rolled his hips till he rubbed against parts of me that were still sensitive from the night before. “So then tell me how I make you feel.”
My eyelids fluttered shut, and I bit my lip to hide my moan. “Stop distracting me,” I whined.
“Look at me Keegan. Let me see your eyes.” I opened them and gave him my full attention. “Good girl, now tell me how I make you feel. I won’t distract you.”
“Yeah right, you’re one big distraction,” I mumbled under my breath, and he chuckled. I sighed before continuing, “Look, somewhere along the line, something between us shifted. You went from just being my roommate, to the person that I look forward to seeing when I come home. If you’re not around, I’m wondering what you’re doing. When I go to the gym, I catch myself searching for you. There’s even been times when I can feel you come into a room, and I know your eyes are on me. It gives me butterflies, and I don’t know what to do about it. It’s been a lot of confusing emotions that I don’t know how to express because you have to be one of the hardest people to figure out that I’ve ever met.”
His brown eyes seemed to sparkle down at me. “Is it my turn to talk yet?”
I nodded.
“You sure are a contradiction in terms. But you’re not alone in how you feel. It all started when I saw you sitting in my apartment about to sign the lease and I thought, what the f*ck is Dodger doing now? But then you looked up at me, and it was like my whole world shifted. All I saw were your bright innocent blue eyes and that was it.” He sat back on his heels and rubbed the palm of his hand down his face. “I was so f*cked.”
“How so?” I asked.
The corner of his mouth lifted. “Because with that one look, I knew you were the girl who could ruin me.” Camden shook his head as though he were clearing his thoughts. “I shouldn’t have said the shit that I did, and for that I’m very sorry. I didn’t know how to take you. Here was this little tiny blonde who came storming into my space, needing a place to stay, and all I wanted to do was push you right back out the door. Ever since then you’ve been a tornado, uprooting all aspects of my life. I live by my routines, always have. Except now I find myself coming home early, because I know you’re here. I’ll come home to eat lunch just so I can hear you tell me about your day. Anything just to be around you. This is new territory for me, Keegan.”
“I accept your apology, but Camden, your words about my weight or referring to me being ‘easy’ were a hard pill to swallow. My self-esteem isn’t the highest when it comes to my body. My confidence is lagging.”
His jaw worked back and forth. Not in an angry sort of way, but more of a ‘how can I fix this’. “I was an idiot okay. I mean, I f*cking work in a gym. I know how self-conscious people can be, and I’m never one to judge. I don’t know how else to tell you that I never meant what I said. I was trying to get you to leave. You throw me off my game, Keegan. I’ve always been with girls that are tall and thin. You’re thin, but you have these graceful, plush curves that make my mouth water.” He ended his sentence by licking his lips.
I looked down and felt a blush creeping up my cheeks. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. I want you to be comfortable in front of me.” He tugged on the sheet. “I don’t want you hiding your body when I want to see everything.”
I shivered at his brazenness. Things were starting to fall into place where there were holes before. I hadn’t expected him to be so straightforward with his feelings. Still unsure and unsettled, I asked the question that had been looming in my head for days. “So where does all of this leave us? What is this happening between you and me?”
Camden grabbed my arms and pulled me up in a sitting position. I made sure to take the sheet with me and cover my naked breasts. He noticed and gave me a devilish grin. “Well, I can tell you where it doesn’t leave you and Luke. Or you and anybody else for that matter. I meant what I said last night. You’re mine. I won’t share you.”
I quirked my brow and took in his serious expression. The mention of Luke’s name grated on my nerves. “Am I supposed to share you? Cause I can’t Camden. It was already hard enough to watch you parade women in and out of here with no regard to my feelings. But if you’re claiming me in some weird caveman sort of way, then I expect the same from you. I’m not saying we have to put a label on this,” I motioned between us with my hand. “I just need to know that if I’m exclusive, you will be too.”
He tipped my chin up to meet his eyes as he descended dangerously close to my mouth. “I think I can handle that.”
Camden moved in to kiss me but I pulled back an inch. “I mean it Brooks. I’m a sensitive girl. You f*ck around on me, and Macie will have your ass.”
He barked a laugh that sounded so carefree and relaxed that it melted my heart. “Macie huh, and what about you, killer?”
I smiled. “I have my ways to make you pay.”
“Pretty sure you’re well acquainted with a bat.”
I slide my hand up his chest and clasped it around his neck. “You bet your ass I am,” I said as I pulled him down to me in a kiss that could have lit fireworks.
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Camden and I stayed in bed the rest of the morning and part of the afternoon. We only got up to use the bathroom or when he went downstairs to make breakfast and sandwiches for lunch. I would have given anything to still be there snuggled up against his warmth right now, but I had to meet Macie for dinner, and I needed to go pick up Sarah because we hadn’t really spent much time together in the past three days. I missed her. Being away from Sarah for longer than a day was hard. I saw her every day when I lived at home, but now it seemed that the time between our visits was growing, and I didn’t like it. Sitting in my car on the way to my mom’s I made a vow to make a better effort to bring her over or take her out places.
I made quick work of grabbing Sarah from Mom’s so I didn’t have to deal with the twenty questions about when I’d bring her back home and where we were going. The less she knew the better. She only wanted to know because it would be her excuse to leave the house and go do all of the irresponsible shit she normally did. I’d rather not give her the satisfaction. Mom and I still weren’t on the best of terms. I noticed that Sarah was being pretty quiet on the ride to the restaurant, which was completely out of the norm for my chatty sister. I glanced back at her in concern.
“Hey, how’ve you been?”
She shrugged. “Alright.”
“How’s school going? Are you still getting good grades?”
“It’s alright. Math is getting harder. The teacher is making us do fractions, and I hate them. When am I ever going to use them?” she said in an irritated tone.
“How about when you help me cook? You have to know the measurements so I know how much to pour or scoop,” I replied.
She brought her eyes up to mine in the mirror. “Yeah, but we don’t cook together anymore.”
I sucked in some air. Apparently my absence from her has been noticed not just by me, but her as well. I felt terrible. “Listen Sarah, I’m sorry I haven’t been around much lately. I’ve had a lot of things on my plate, and it’s taken me some time to get it all situated. I don’t mean to ignore you. Okay?”
Tears glistened in her little eyes, and she nodded. “I miss you. We used to be together every day. Now it’s just me and Mom, and she doesn’t even play with me.”
I swallowed the lump that was in my throat. “I miss you too. How come Mom doesn’t play with you?”
She brought her shoulders up and dropped them. “She says she’s busy and can’t. And some days she isn’t even home, and I have to take care of myself. I get bored when no one is there.”
This little bit of information was complete news to me. “What do you mean she’s not home? How often does she leave you by yourself?”
“A couple times a week.”
“Why didn’t you say something to me?”
“Because every time we’re together you are too busy. You don’t play with me like you used to either.”
I shook my head. “Sarah, if Mom leaves you at home alone again, I want you to call me. You aren’t old enough to stay in the house without an adult with you. When she leaves, is she gone for a long time or just a few minutes?”
“Both. Yesterday she was gone until after dark. I had to make my own dinner.”
Oh my God. My mom was leaving my eight-year-old little sister at home to fend for herself? This was not acceptable! We didn’t live in the ghetto or anything, but it was not like we knew many of our neighbors either. Anything could happen to Sarah while she was gone. I flashed back to being her age and having to take care of myself. I liked to believe that I had a little bit more responsibility and knowledge than Sarah did by then because I’d been doing it for a while. I had no one else there to make my meals or take me to the park. She wasn’t as self-sufficient. I’ve tried to teach my baby sister what to do in case of an emergency, and to not talk to strangers, but I wasn’t sure that if something happened, she’d really know what to do. I was going to have a long talk with my mom about this. At what point did her social life become more important than her own flesh and blood? If she was incapable of taking care of her kids, maybe she shouldn’t have had any in the first place.
Meeting her eyes in the mirror I made sure Sarah was hearing what I was about to say. “I’m going to talk to Mom. I can’t have you staying alone by yourself. It’s just not right. I mean it when I say you will call me and let me know if she is gone so I can come pick you up. Okay? And I’ll be around more often. Nobody is more important to me than you. I love you, Sarah.”
Her lip quivered. “I love you too.”
We pulled up to the restaurant about five minutes later. My mind was muddled with thoughts of how I was going to approach this with my mom. I hated talking to her like I was the parent and she was the child. But Sarah needed someone in her corner. I’d take one for the team if it meant keeping my little sister safe and happy. Macie’s car was already here, so Sarah and I went inside and found her sitting in our usual booth toward the back. She smiled and waved at us when we walked in.
“Hey kid, how’s it going?” Macie asked Sarah.
“Good. Can I have dessert before dinner?”
I rolled my eyes. “What do you think the answer to that is going to be?”
“Aww, come on Mom,” Macie teased. “A little splurge never hurt anyone.”
“Seriously Mace? I’m trying to instill good behaviors here. You’re like the little devil sitting on her shoulder chanting, ‘walk on the wild side… eat cake.’”
She picked up her glass of water and sipped it. “Who doesn’t like cake for dinner?”
“Please, please, please…” Sarah begged.
I put my face on my palms. “Why do I bother?” I lifted my head in time to see Macie wink at Sarah, and Sarah grinning like an idiot. I totally lost this battle.
“Yesssss!” Sarah hissed.
“Hey.” Macie pointed her finger at her. “You’re giving me a bite of that cake, kid.”
Sarah laughed and agreed.
After we put in our orders, conversation was slow. I was waiting till my little sister was knee deep in a game on my phone so I could ask Macie what was going on between her and Dodger.
“Are we going to talk about it?” I asked casually.
One perfectly plucked brow lifted in question. “I don’t know, are we? If you’re wanting me to dish, you’re going to have to spill some secrets too. Like what in the hell happened last night? And hello… Camden? You ran into his arms Keegan. What haven’t you been telling me?”
“Huh uh, you first. You’re going to need a few drinks in you before I tell you everything.”
“That sounds promising,” she said sarcastically.
“Whatever, now go. Tell me what the blow up was about between you and Dodger. So he still hasn’t you know with you?” I glanced over at Sarah to indicate that we needed to keep this a PG chat. I so wasn’t ready to have the talk with her.
She let out a dramatic whimper. “No! He’s being stingy with the sausage.”
I grinned. “Do you think that maybe he’s just not ready for it yet? Not every guy out there likes to move fast.”
“Uh, I know all about Dodger’s history and just how fast he likes to move. My freaking Chemistry partner said her best friend hooked up with him at a party last year. Apparently it was mind blowing. Speaking of which, there’s not been any of that going on either!”
I couldn’t help the giggle that slipped out. “So there’s be no fooling around at all?”
“None. My poor love tunnel needs some TLC.”
“What’s a love tunnel?” Sarah asked, still looking at my phone.
My mouth dropped, but Macie answered without missing a beat. “It’s the river that runs through the Venetian hotel in Vegas. It’s pretty cool.”
“So why do they call it a love tunnel? And why does it need TLR?”
“It’s TLC, which stands for tender loving care. TLR is that stuff that cleans pipes? Wait…that could totally work too in my situation,” Mace said with a twinkle in her eye.
I kicked her under the table. “Focus!”
“Right, anyway it’s a love tunnel, because it’s supposed to be like a romantic gondola ride that they do in Italy.”
We paused, waiting for Sarah to response, but turns out she was into her game and didn’t hear a word. Thank God. I shook my head at Macie and mouthed ‘careful’ to her.
“So are you going to give him some time then, or are you going to move on?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I really like him Keegan. He’s not like the other guys I’ve been with. It’s like he really wants to know me, the real me.”
I reached across the table and took her hand. “It scares you doesn’t it?” Macie nodded. “Thought so. Maybe it’s time for you to allow someone in. Dodger’s not going to hurt you. At least not intentionally. Give him a chance.”
She bit her lip and gave my hand a squeeze. “K.” There was a moment of silence before she said, “Okay, enough about me. I want to know everything.”
Our waitress was just passing by so I got her attention and said, “We’re going to need a few drinks.” She took the order, and I started talking.
Two drinks, dinner, and forty minutes later, I finally finished telling her every last little detail about the party, and what happened between Camden and me. She sat back in her seat with a dumbfounded look on her face. “Holy shit. You did it before I did.”
I blinked at her. “That’s what you took away from all of that?”
“No not entirely, but I totally feel like I should give you a congratulatory hug or something.”
“Macie… it’s not a big deal.”
“The hell it’s not. We’re talking about Camden Brooks here. Have you seen what he looks like?” her voice squeaked.
I laughed. “Oh yeah, I saw plenty of him.” We both giggled. “That’s not what I meant though. Camden and I aren’t going to give what we are a name, but we are definitely exclusive. I want to know about the Luke situation.”
She narrowed her eyes. “He’d truly be better off if Camden or Dodger got a hold of him. If I see him, there will be no mercy. Nobody does that to somebody I love and walks away with all their body parts intact.”
I’d find what she said funny, except I knew that she really wasn’t kidding. Macie could be quite the scary little thing when she wanted to be. “Just leave it alone. I’ll deal with him by myself.”
“I get that you want to, but the jerk needs to pay for what he did. I can’t believe that happened, and I was freaking there!”
I nodded in agreement. “It’s not your fault. But I’ll take care of Luke. I just need a couple of days to think about what needs to be said to him about all of it.”
“Alright, I’ll give you some time. But if I see him around campus, I can’t promise that he will be in one piece when you do say something. I’m already plotting his very tragic accident.”
I laughed. “I can handle that.”
We stood up from the table and made our way out to our cars. There were brief hugs all around, and I loaded Sarah up and took her back home. On my ride to the apartment, I got butterflies knowing that I was going to see Camden. For the first time in a long time, I felt like the possibilities were endless. I was truly happy, and I liked having something to look forward to.