Ava asked with obvious curiosity, “What made you think of it again?”
“Our talk the other night. When you asked me if I’d heard anything about him. Knowing now how scared you’ve been all these years, I wondered if maybe Brant and I had made a mistake in not giving the letter to you. We were both just mad as hell that he’d try to contact you. You’ve got to know, Avie, that the men in your life would do anything to keep you from ever being hurt again.”
Clasping his hand, she whispered, “I know that, Mac. And the rest of the file? Why did you keep all those reports from your men? I was surprised to find them.”
Mac flinched before he could control the movement. Ava’s file was full of nothing but pain for him. Would she be able to understand his reasons behind keeping something that so obviously hurt him? “I felt like the worst kind of stalker when those reports came in. Even though both you and your family were aware that you were under light surveillance from my company, it still felt strange to have that insight into your personal life. Truthfully, I’d throw a new report in your file and not read it until I needed a reminder of how you didn’t want me. That folder was my reality check. Whenever I was close to coming to you and making a fool of myself, I’d flip through those pages to remind myself that you didn’t feel the same way about me. You were happy and that was all that mattered.”
A lone tear trickled down Ava’s cheek as she put her hand on his cheek, stroking his hair tenderly with her fingers. “Oh, Mac, baby, I was never happy without you. I’m sorry I was so messed up inside that I thought I needed to prove that I wasn’t. I always felt safer knowing one of your men was watching over me, but also . . . I am guilty of using that knowledge to make you see what wasn’t there. I’ve hurt you so much you should hate me by now!”
Unable to bear her anguish, Mac pulled her small body onto his lap, wrapping his arms around her. He rested his head in the curve of her neck, inhaling her sweet scent. “It’s impossible for me to do anything but love you, Avie . . . My life will be spent always loving you, baby.”
* * *
For a long time, they were content to simply hold each other. Finally, Ava raised her head, kissing him lightly before speaking. “I’m not mad about the letter now; I understand what you and Brant were trying to do. From the way my grandfather handled everything, none of us ever really knew what to do or how to act going forward. I’m not saying that some embarrassing courtroom drama starring both Kevin and me would have been a miracle balm either, but it would have been some type of justice or at the very least closure. Since that never happened, we all need to make our own resolution . . . and it starts with me.”
“Baby, you’ve done amazingly well. Look at all you have accomplished,” Mac protested.
Ava smiled in answer, knowing that he would defend her until his last breath. God, she loved him so much it hurt to look at him sometimes. But she needed him to hear what she was saying. “I have done well . . . in business, but you and I both know that’s not the case personally. My life and the crazy things I’ve done to appear normal would make a damn good TV sitcom. Going forward, though, I don’t want to just try to appear normal. I want to live it.” Taking a deep breath, she prepared for the hard part of their talk. Mac wasn’t going to like it, but he needed to accept it for them to move forward. Actually, he was going to hate it, but if he could honor her wishes, then she thought they just might be able to turn the corner to a new chapter in their relationship. “Mac, I love you. But I need a little time to myself, a few weeks to get my bearings with everything that has changed in my life, and I no longer want any type of surveillance from you or your company.”
She winced as he came off the sofa like a rocket, tumbling her backward on the couch. If he wasn’t so obviously upset, she would have laughed at the absurdity of it all. How many women had this type of conversation with the man they loved?
“Ava! What in the hell . . . ?”
Ava noticed that he was again using her full name. He tended to save that for when he was upset or pissed off. She had mostly been Avie to him for her whole life. It never failed to make her feel special when he used the nickname. On the downside, she also noticed immediately when he didn’t. “Mac . . . sit down and let me finish please before you go off the deep end.”