All Summer Long (Fool's Gold #9)

CHARLIE CURLED UP on the sofa as best she could. Sometimes being tall was a pain in the ass. Right now she wished she was small enough to simply disappear. She fought feelings of shame, along with a sense of being broken in such a way that she would never heal.

She knew she’d been a fool and that she had no one but herself to blame. But that didn’t take away the hollow ache inside. The pain she felt with every breath. The loss that was so big, it threatened to swallow her whole.

Dominique sat beside her on the sofa, angled toward her. She didn’t speak or ask questions. Instead she passed tissues and plied her with single malt Scotch. It might only be eleven in the morning, but Charlie was well on her way to being drunk.

After Heidi and Annabelle had helped her inside, she’d cried until she had nothing left. Halfway through her explanation of what had gone wrong, she’d realized she needed to see Dominique. Annabelle had driven her over. The true measure of a friend, she thought. Doing what was right for the other person.

“It’s Clay,” Charlie said at last, wiping her eyes with a balled-up tissue and wishing she could stop crying. “It’s over.”

Dominique squeezed her hand. “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t know what happened. I thought we were doing fine, but then this morning, he ended things. He said he didn’t want us to be together anymore. That it was over.” More tears fell. “I don’t know w-why.”

Charlie fought the sobs, but they won. She bent at the waist, clutching her arms around her middle, trying to hold in what was left of her heart.

“I loved him, Mom. I loved him so much.”

Dominique reached for her and held her tight. She didn’t offer reassurances or say anything stupid like “you’ll be fine.” Instead she simply offered physical comfort without judgment.

Eventually Charlie was able to catch her breath and straighten.

“It’s my fault,” she whispered. “Not whatever went wrong. I have no idea about that. But loving him. He was too good to be true, you know? Too perfect.”

“It’s never wrong to love someone,” her mother said. “You’re a wonderful woman. He was lucky to have you and a complete jackass for letting you go.”

The unexpected words made Charlie smile through her tears. “Thanks. That’s so nice.”

“You’re welcome and I’m right. Ask anyone.”

“Not Clay.”

“Why would you want the opinion of a jackass?”

“Good point.” Charlie blew her nose. “I have to tell you something and I need you not to judge me. Okay?”

Dominique nodded. “I promise.”

Oddly, Charlie felt as if she could trust her. “Clay and I weren’t dating at the beginning. After the rape, I couldn’t imagine being with a man. I dated some, but I could never bring myself to be intimate. It was easier to avoid men, so I did.”

Charlie talked about how she’d decided she wanted to have a child and that her friend, Dakota, had suggested Charlie needed to heal herself first. That to be the best mother she could, she would need to be whole. While therapy was an option, Charlie wasn’t that patient and she’d decided to find a guy to help her get over her fear of physical intimacy. She’d chosen Clay.

“I’m impressed you had the courage,” her mother told her. “Continuing to hide would have been much easier.”

“Tell me about it,” Charlie said. She drew in a breath and gave a brief recap of her physical relationship with Clay.

“Once he got me, um, back to normal, I thought it was going to be over. But he said he wanted us to continue to see each other. Like we were dating. I believed everything was fine until this morning. When he told me...”

The raw agony returned, as did the tears. She tried to steady her breathing without breaking down and was nearly successful. Once again her tiny mother held her as if she would never let go.

“It hurts,” Charlie whispered. “It hurts so much.”

“I know,” Dominique said quietly.

They hung on to each other. Charlie tried to calm herself. To accept that this level of pain was her new normal. Others had survived much worse. Didn’t everyone have to get over a broken heart?

But rational thought didn’t help and she was left with the knowledge that she might love Clay forever. Much as her mother had loved her father over a decade after his death.

“I could have Justice hurt him,” Dominique offered.

“Who?”

“Justice. The bodyguard I hired. I have his number. I could call him and have him take care of Clay.”

Charlie managed to slow the tears enough to smile. “That’s great, Mom, but I’ll pass.”

“It might make you feel better.”

“If beating up Clay was going to help, I’d want to do it myself.”

Only she couldn’t imagine wanting to do anything but hold him. To be close to him again, feeling his body against hers.