A Castle of Sand (A Shade of Vampire 3)

CHAPTER 5: SOFIA

The moment Derek returned, the first words that came out of his lips were: “I need to go to the lighthouse.”

We often retreated to the lighthouse whenever he felt particularly plagued by his own darkness. I wondered what his father could’ve told him to once again make him doubt himself. I exchanged glances with Ashley, Paige and Rosa. We had all been seated on the living room couches, talking over the things that Cameron and Liana had said earlier.

“And you should get dressed in something else.” He added, “We’ll spend the night there.”

“We need to have a talk when you get back,” Ashley spoke up when I rose from my seat and walked toward him.

I caught the way Derek swallowed hard upon seeing her. A pang of jealousy hit me over the way he looked at her, like he wanted her. I reminded myself that it was only because he’d already had a taste of Ashley’s blood and that it had nothing to do with his affections toward me.

“Since when was it your place to make such demands, Ashley?” Derek snapped at her.

I was surprised by his outburst, but before I could react, Ashley was up on her feet. “My place? What exactly is my place?”

I wish she would’ve just kept silent. Derek wasn’t in the best of moods and was already poised for a fight.

“You know who and what I am to this island, Ashley, and despite the liberties I allow you, you also know where you stand.”

Though I was relieved that Ashley didn’t respond, I couldn’t help but wince at his statements. He rarely ever pulled rank on us any more—especially when we were in the privacy of his home. When we were in public, we still had to put on a show sometimes: he was the master and we were his slaves and we gave him the deference he deserved as prince of the island, but when we were alone, we were ourselves and he was Derek. For him to question Ashley and put her in “her place” for simply speaking her mind was unlike him.

“Derek…” I gently brushed my hand over his elbow. “Come on… let’s go.”

To my relief, he cast one final glare at Ashley before storming toward his room. I kept my cool and remained silent as we both got dressed and packed a change of clothes. Whenever we went to the lighthouse, we lost track of time.

I didn’t utter a word as I pulled on a light blue dress. I didn’t even speak when he nodded his head toward me and told me that it was time to go. He was anxious to get to the lighthouse. While I loved the structure itself, the trip there never failed to take my breath away because it involved jumping free fall over the edge of the Crimson Fortress’ hundred-foot wall.

Derek always got a kick out of seeing how terrified I was by the jump, but not this time. He was too wrapped up in his own tension to tease me about it and all I could do was wait for him to let me know what was going through his mind.

Normally, we would’ve taken a leisurely stroll along the rocky boulders and stone path that led from the wall to the lighthouse, but this time, he held me by the waist, pulled me against him and sped us both right to the top of the lighthouse.

I took a deep breath the moment he set me on my feet. He switched the lights on and the octagonal room, which I embraced as my second home in The Shade, lit up. I drew the red drapes covering the large windows set on every other wall. I had to admire the beauty of the starry night sky within the lines that defined the island. From the vantage point of the lighthouse, it was easy to see where the night stopped and where the day began. A bright lantern hooked to the building shone light over the open seas.

I turned around to find Derek lighting up dozens of candles around the room. He then moved toward the fire place and lit up a fire to ensure I didn’t feel cold. I dropped the backpack we had brought with us onto the hardwood floor and made my way toward the velvet couch in the corner of the room.

My eye caught the large leather-bound book set atop the wooden coffee table in front of me. The book contained the chronicles of The Shade. A lot of it was written journal entries—mostly Derek’s. It was a peek into his mind, into the internal torment raging within him over the things he saw, and the things he had to do. I could still remember how terrified he was when he first revealed its contents to me.

“Do you remember what’s written in there?” Derek finally broke the silence that accompanied us since we left the penthouse and headed for the lighthouse.

“Of course.” I nodded before shifting my gaze toward him. I was surprised to find him unbuttoning his navy blue shirt, pulling it away from his body, before tossing it onto the floor. He gave me a sharp narrow-eyed glare.

Embarrassing as it was to admit to myself, it took effort to shift my eyes away from his chiseled torso and up to his face.

“How can you still look at me that way after knowing about everything I did?”

I swallowed hard. “You’re not the same person. Not anymore.”

“Why are you so sure of that?”

I was getting tired of the interrogation. “Where is this coming from, Derek? What happened?”

He took deliberate strides toward me and pushed me onto my back on the couch. My heart skipped a beat. What’s going on?

“Derek?”

He climbed on top of me, his hands creeping up beneath my dress and over my thighs.

“Do you have any idea the kind of self-control I need to have to not suck your blood whenever we make love?” His hands were now on my waist, his thumb brushing over my navel.

“Yes… I know… I’ve seen you struggle not to…”

“No…” he said through gritted teeth. “You don’t know. You won’t ever understand… not unless you become a vampire like me.”

My heartbeat doubled. “Get off me, Derek,” I demanded, firmly placing a palm over his bare chest and trying to push him away from me.

Instead of getting off me, he let his entire weight fall on me, making it difficult for me to breathe. He began whispering in my ear, “You shouldn’t trust me, Sofia. I can lose my mind and break you any time.” His hands were still beneath my dress.

In my mind’s eye, I could see my beautiful sandcastle being hit by its first wave and the despair I felt caused a lump to form in my throat. I then felt another emotion take hold of me. Anger. I could play this game right along with him. If he thinks I’m just going to lie here and tremble, he has another thing coming. It was a struggle to squeeze my hands between us, but I managed to and began unbuttoning his jeans.

“Well, I do trust you, Derek. Deal with it, because really…what can you do about it?”

“Break your trust.”

“Then go ahead,” I challenged him. “Do it.”

I knew I was gaining ground over him when I felt him suck in a breath. His hands tightened over my waist.

“How do you intend to do that, Derek? Break my trust? You’re going to force yourself on me?” I unzipped his jeans. “Feed on me? What?”

“Sofia...”

I gasped when he jolted upward, pulling me like a rag doll in the air and setting me on his lap as he sat up and leaned back on the couch. His breaths were coming in pants, his hands still enveloping my waist. He was struggling to look me in the eye. I, on the other hand, kept a firm glare right at him.

“You’re driving me crazy. What’s wrong with you?” His jaw was tense, his words coming in between deep breaths, his hands moving from my waist down to my thighs.

If it weren’t for the intensity of expression on his handsome face, I would’ve thought he was joking, but he wasn’t. He was dead serious.

“You do realize that becoming a vampire is the only way we could ever be together…”

“And what is all this, Derek? Your way of convincing me?” My hands were laid over his broad shoulders. My blood was boiling inside me, anger still the predominant emotion I had toward him as my jaw tightened.

“You would be able to fight back if you were a vampire. You would be stronger.”

I scoffed at this notion. “Really? Against you? Please…vampire or not, you can still easily overpower me. Rip my heart out. Break me like a twig.”

“That’s what my father did to one of his slaves…broke her neck like a twig. Right in front of me. He didn’t even blink an eye.” The torn expression on his face moved me.

“Do you know what he told me after?” His gaze was still distant, his eyes refusing to meet mine. “He blames me for what he has become. He told me that it was me who made him this way.”

“Your father may be many things, Derek, but he certainly doesn’t have the right to play the part of a victim.” I grabbed both his hands and began pulling them away from my body. “Get your hands off me.”

He obliged and laid his palms on the couch. Part of me wanted to get off his lap and position myself on the far end of the couch—away from him, but I needed to see his face and look into his eyes. It frustrated me that he still refused to look at me.

“Let me turn you.” His statement was half a command, half a request.

“No.”

“If you want to be with me, why won’t you agree to this? If you still think that someone like me is capable of good, then why not become like me?”

I leaned my forehead against his as I weighed my words carefully, trying to understand my own trail of thought even as I responded to his question. “Because I’m not as strong as you are, Derek. If I had to go through everything you’ve had to go through, I don’t think I’d be able to take it. It would destroy me.”

“You’re wrong.”

“I can’t risk losing myself that way.” I gazed at his face, wishing he would just look at me. He didn’t. He kept his eyes on a distant area behind my left shoulder. Annoyed, I grabbed his jaw and made him face me. “Look at me,” I hissed, my grip over his chin tightening.

When his eyes settled on me, the sorrow behind them rendered me speechless.

“I’m looking,” he stated, a muscle in his cheek twitching as he fought to keep his gaze upon me.

I kissed him on the lips. Gentle. Soft. Caressing. “I’m useless to you as a vampire, Derek. This is what we have right now. It may be temporary, but it’s beautiful. Can we not just relish it while it’s ours?”

“I don’t want to lose you.”

“You won’t. I’ll always be yours. Always.”

One look in his eyes and I knew that he wasn’t convinced. He was still looking at me as if I were about to slip right through his fingers. I wanted to assure him, but I didn’t know how to. Perhaps it was time that he too should accept that we would someday have to let go of what we had. The idea made me ache inside, but it was reality. It was how things were meant to be.

Still, I meant it when I said that I was always going to be his, because I knew without a doubt that I could never love another man the way I loved Derek Novak.