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Chapter Thirty-Four



We set down at Hartsfield-Jackson airport around eleven forty-five at night. Lisa managed to get some sleep on the plane, but I was studying my speaker’s notes for two days from now. At one thirty in the morning we met and walked together down the connecting corridor from the hotel to the convention center. I tried to do a cartwheel and failed. I felt like I was finally living. We were showing at E3 1998. We were really in it. At least there’s this, I thought. I didn’t finish law school, but I’m part of this.

We finished at six in the morning and woke up twenty minutes before the show floor opened at nine. I sat on the edge of the bed, leaning over, hugging myself. My body kept making these small spasms, a mini laugh or sob or heave. After a minute or two I felt ready to stand upright.

No point in changing one Black Arts T-shirt for another, so I put on my show tags and jeans while Matt did the same. The sunlight on the sidewalk was blinding, but the warmth calmed down the fatigue-shuddering.

I was waved through security and wobbled up a wide flight of stairs to the cavernous Georgia World Congress Center. There were tiny plastic cups of coffee on long tables in the convention center hall. By the time I made it to the show floor I had managed to achieve an almost pleasurable remoteness from whatever I was feeling. I was going to be functional. I made it to the show floor in time, but it took me ten minutes to find our booth, where Don glared at me a little. Lisa had left only a little while ago, after making sure the demo could run for a half hour straight.

We’d convinced Focus to pay for a small plot in Exhibit Hall C, near an entranceway for maximum traffic. We had a space about ten feet by fifteen feet against one wall. There was a plastic-molded-stone archway and two computers inside, one running Solar Empires, the other Realms of Gold. It had looked a lot larger last night. The hall was, in football-field math, maybe three long and one and a half wide. We were lost in it.

At eight fifty-five, the booths began to power up. What at first sounded like a very strange orchestra tuning up became a long, monstrous, rumbling crescendo, a synthesizer factory sliding down a mountainside only to collide with a monstrous pipe organ next door to a construction site inside an echo chamber. It reached a climactic, thunderous blare not unlike an eight-hour explosion or a daylong cage match between a robot and a monster truck. Every minute it seemed like it must start to die off, but it simply sustained itself, on and on.

I didn’t have booth duty until eleven, so I set off to walk the show floor. I could see already how miscalculated our booth was. Most booths had enormous screens mounted on scaffolding along with giant-size cardboard cutouts. Microsoft had a brushed-steel pavilion. Electronic Arts had erected a full-size professional wrestling ring on the show floor. Sony had claimed a mansion-size stretch of territory, upon which twenty-five-foot plastic busts of its signature characters looked down like gods. Several booths incorporated full-size automobiles or custom-built suits of powered armor; many were stage sets of scenes from games—blighted city streets or spaceship corridors. Glittering archways coated in LEDs pulled visitors in. In that company the Black Arts booth looked tawdry and sullen. Guests wandered through like bored toddlers, whipping the mouse back and forth across the pad and gazing up at the screen, disappointed. The games were too complex, depended too much on a long investment in time and attention. No one would stay to watch a colony launch a light-sail barge and wait the few minutes to see it dock at another star. A bearded man in a canary-yellow T-shirt stayed a moment to pan the view across the forest, then dropped the mouse and filed out, ducking eye contact.

“Let me know if you have any questions!” I shouted after him, but no one could hear anything. The booth on our left, an Atlanta company offering children’s games, had a speaker stack and a projection TV that played a video short on continuous loop, a shrill cartoon voice saying, “I’ve got the most star tokens! You can’t beat me! This will be the greatest Spin-a-Thon ever!” We heard this once every twenty seconds, which made roughly one thousand and forty times in the course of a day. On our right, four grimly serious Frenchmen had a display of looping CG film noir scenes and a patented way of branching movie narratives they couldn’t quite explain to me. Somebody else had licensed “Tubthumping.” I kept hearing the phrase “Ocarina of Time.” But most of the first day was watching conventiongoers file past, dull-eyed with overstimulation. Lacking as it did a strobe light or flamethrower, our booth didn’t even register.

People were aware of us, that much I could tell. It was no secret that Black Arts had lost its marquee talent—not just Darren but the whole upper echelon—and had replaced them with a bunch of no-names hired off the street. The fan community was already clogging the message boards with catcalls, predictions that we were going to turn the hallowed Black Arts name into a joke, kill the Realms franchise, and ruin everyone’s memories of the early games. There was a vocal minority arguing that this had happened long ago, that anything good about Black Arts ended with Simon’s death. It didn’t seem as if anyone even knew Lisa’s or Don’s name. For the fans, Black Arts was the Simon-and-Darren show.

I could sense the world turning. Carmack and id Software debuted Quake in 1996 and did the same trick they’d done with Wolfenstein 3D and then with Doom—they’d again become oxygen, become the standard of high-speed illusion, and their system was either being licensed or cloned twenty different ways, with different tweaks to the DNA. I knew the names of the derivatives because Matt tracked them on a whiteboard: Half-Life, Prey, Duke Nukem Forever, Daikatana. And there was already a Quake II engine coming.

There was a rivalry I didn’t understand but that everyone talked about, in which a designer named John Romero left id Software to form another company. Jared pointed him out to me, a small, long-haired, solid guy, butting through the crowd at the head of an entourage in red-and-white T-shirts. He showed me Carmack, too, who had a Kevin Bacon squint and walked with a stiff bounce, before he disappeared into a closed-door meeting. Ours wasn’t the only world whose creators were at war.

Four o’clock came, and even the show floor’s manic energy seemed to flag. Matt went out to collect sandwiches. A man and a woman accosted me. It took me a moment to realize they weren’t just in medieval dress—they were the first Lorac-and-Leira cosplayers I had ever seen. He was also the youngest man I had ever seen with a full beard.

“What are you shipping on?” he asked without preamble. I soon discovered that encounters with Realms fans came with an abrupt and total sense of intimacy, as if we all knew the important things about one another and there was every reason to cut to the chase.

“Windows only.” He gave a quick nod, as though I had confirmed a long-held suspicion.

“Who do you play?” the girl said.

“It’s a secret.”

“Do you meet Lorac?” she asked. They seemed to hang on the response.

“You meet Dark Lorac,” I said eagerly. “You meet everybody! It’s going to be awesome!”

“Cool, man,” he said, and offered me his hand. “I’m Mark.”

They nodded and moved on.

On the second day, a couple of journalists quizzed me on the game’s release date and system requirements, and copied down my e-mail address. One asked for my feelings about Darren’s departure.

“Darren is a legend in the game industry and we at Black Arts wish him well.”

“I heard the departure was pretty sudden.”

“I’m going to respect Darren’s wishes, obviously.”

“You’re not feeling a little nervous, then, stepping into his shoes?” He leaned in, I guess to express the idea that the two of us were having an intimate chat. I had the feeling he was doing something he’d seen a reporter do on television, and that he was somewhere under twenty years old.

“We—well, I think our product speaks for itself.”

Jared had been listening, and he added, “We’re pretty nervous that Darren’s going to see our game and cry like a little bitch.”

The reporter copied it down and thanked us for our time.

“Come back! You haven’t seen our weapons upgrades!”

Two or three times, I’d seen a man or woman spend ten or fifteen minutes at one of our kiosks, face carefully neutral. Not playing, exactly, but doing odd maneuvers like looking at the same object at different distances. I noticed their tags were turned around so I couldn’t see their name, title, or company, which at first I didn’t understand, but Jared explained—these were the enemy, the competition. Whatever Lisa had done, they were taking it seriously. They wanted to find out if we were a threat, if we could actually win.

“I’m just really looking forward to this Spin-a-Thon,” Jared said.

Ryan got all of us invitations to the different corporate-sponsored parties. Sony’s was in a parking garage and featured a band that I thought seemed addicted to doing Soul Asylum covers, until I realized they were Soul Asylum. Wasn’t one of them dating Winona Ryder? I looked around for her. Anything seemed possible. Nintendo had the B-52s.

I was picking up on things everybody else already knew. The booths were built out of marketing budgets to impress the journalists and most of all to attract retail buyers, the representatives for Walmart and Best Buy and Software Etc. Microsoft and Sony and SEGA and Nintendo were at war, rival hardware platforms gearing up to capture the upcoming sixth-generation console market. Activision, Acclaim, Eidos, Capcom, Electronic Arts, and the other big software publishers were fighting over different pieces of the software market. The hardware giants used high-profile game releases as lures to grab market share. Mario sold Nintendo game consoles just as Sonic the Hedgehog and Soulcalibur sold SEGA consoles. I began to see how much money was involved, and that we’d lost control of the whole thing. Not that we’d ever had any. This wasn’t about kids trading floppy disks anymore. As actual game developers, we were the only amateurs in the room. We were wandering around, thinking we were the point of it all, when the real contest had almost nothing to do with us. The grown-ups were finally in charge again. No, they’d been there all along, and I was just the last to notice.