Chapter 44
Anne had been helping me decide what I wanted to do for a living and how to achieve those goals. It meant I would be going back to my childhood home in Woodland Park where I could go to a community college nearby. Anne felt that I would be safe and that what little money my dad had left me, which was all he had, would be enough to pay for the basics of life. I had not been home since I had left so I wasn’t sure how I would adjust to moving back, but Woodland Park was home. I also knew I would be close to Amber and that Reece, who was planning on enlisting in the Marines for a three-year term, was going to spend part of the summer with me. I chose to focus on that as I drove back to Anne’s and I felt buoyancy and hope return.
As soon as I got home I hurried inside, dropped my purse in the foyer, kicked off my shoes, and jumped on the couch. I pulled out my phone and dialed Reece’s number. I had so much to tell him and I could barely contain my enthusiasm.
“Reece? It’s Willow.”
I heard him chuckle. “You’re so silly. Who else would be calling from your number?”
“When are you coming back? I really want to see you!”
He paused longer than necessary and I felt my heart skip a beat in anticipation.
“You do, huh? This is a surprise.” His voice was apprehensive and he paused again. “I’ll be home late tonight; I need to talk to you as well.”
Something was wrong and I felt my buoyancy begin to diminish. Had I said something wrong?
“Okay...go ahead and come over. I’ll be up late.”
“You always are,” he teased before hanging up after saying an out-of-character quiet goodbye.
Puzzled, I sat on the couch and looked out the window. The moon was casting its glow and the glow I had been feeling had now become as dim as the dark, night sky.
I was awoken by a gentle tap on my shoulder. I had fallen asleep on the porch swing outside and had been swaddled in Anne’s shawl. Reece picked up my legs and sat down beside me. I stretched and sat up.
“Just like old times, isn’t it?” He said.
“What time is it?” I asked.
“2:35 in the morning,” he answered. He was looking me over and I knew I must have looked a sight. I attempted to smooth my hair.
“Oh stop. You never look bad,” he rebuked while patting my knee. “We need to talk.”
“What’s wrong Reece?”
“What makes you think something is wrong?”
“Something is wrong,” I stressed. “It’s not like you to be so introspective.”
“Big word,” he said before falling into silence.
“That right there,” I pointed out. “You always have something to say so go ahead. I’m listening.”
For a moment all that could be heard was the creak of the swing as we swayed back and forth. I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t stand his silence. He was never silent! I stood up, wrapped the shawl tight around my chest and looked down at him.
“If you don’t tell me what’s going on in the next 60 seconds I’m going to scream!”
“Ah, now there’s the spirit,” he said with admiration before chuckling to himself.
He stood and inch-by-inch he closed the distance between us. I backed up to the railing, still staring at him. I felt him reach up to touch me but he pulled a twig from my hair instead. “Rolling around on the ground were you?”
I said nothing and he sighed.
“Amber and I made the decision to date each other today,” he announced. “I’ve been completely honest with her about how I feel towards you. She knows. There are no secrets.”
I stood there expressionless and he stood there looking exactly how I felt.
“She’s alone right now, having lost so much, and through all the years she has never questioned her feelings for me. I’ve cared about her since we were kids. I can’t let her down.”
My mind was swirling and my heart was screaming. Was he pointing out my previous indecision?
I started and then stopped. I couldn’t find the words. I never could when I needed them! The true ones wouldn’t come. I looked up at him and I knew he was waiting. I had to say something.
“I’m sure you’ll both be really happy.” I started to walk towards the front door.
“What kind of b.s. is this?” He said angrily. “Tell me how you really feel!”
I dropped my hand from the door and turned to him. “I can’t.”
“Bullshit!” he yelled. “Tell me the truth dammit!”
I opened my mouth to say something and I turned my head so he wouldn’t see that I was on the verge of tears. I was such a coward! I willed back my emotions so they wouldn’t fall down my face, then I turned to him once more. Our eyes were locked on each other. His glare was impatient and intense. I walked towards him and stopped.
I spoke the words I didn’t think I would ever be able to verbalize.
“Hold me?”
The ferocious glints in his eyes softened before he closed them. He reached for my hand and for a few brief seconds our hands revealed all there was to know. He pulled me towards him. My heart beat strong against his chest and I could feel his, too. I felt his breath on my hair and reveled in his tight grip. He wouldn’t let me go and I didn’t want him to. I didn’t want him to let me go ever. In that moment I was completely and devastatingly happy. And too soon it was over. The heat between us was interrupted by the chill of us separating.
“I want one final thing from you before I go and if you don’t give it, I’m going to take it because I know you want it, too.”
I reached up to brush a tear away and fought to control myself.
“I saw that,” he said.
I laughed through the tears. “You always do.”
The kiss that was meant for us had been interrupted by our shared understanding of what was right and what was wrong. The moment had passed. I felt an ache that nearly brought me to my knees. “You should go,” I said. “Go to Amber.”
Reece was resting near the railing and his arm was resting on the beam. He made a fist and leaned his head against his hand. Then he pushed himself off, turned away from me, and bounded down the stairs quickly and angrily. He turned to look at me before opening the door to his truck.
“It’s not over,” he stated with conviction. “But I’m going to do what’s right.” He got into his truck and sat for a moment before driving off. When he did I whispered through my tears, “We never even started...”