What Tears Us Apart

Chapter 38



January 11, 2008, Malibu, CA—Leda

LEDA GRASPS HER mother’s hand in the ambulance as the paramedics whir over her like vultures, picking and pricking, clawing and cawing. They’re giving her medicine, they’re trying to save her, but the beeping of the machines, combined with the siren of the ambulance—it’s all Leda can do to keep from screaming.

Estella’s eyes have lost some of their fog, her head lolls in Leda’s direction.

“Mother? Can you see me? Can you hear me?” Leda peers into her face, leaning in close amidst the roar. The paramedics pause in their mad dash to listen, too.

But the sound that comes from Estella’s mouth is an awful, muffled slur. She’s staring at something. Leda realizes her mother’s eyes are focused on her throat. She puts a hand to her chest. The diamond necklace. Estella left it on the table that day. Looking at the photos of her father, Leda had slipped it on. She’d done it for comfort, imagining the old man’s kind heart, believing he would want her to. She’d even let herself imagine Estella wanted her to have it, too.

“Want me take it off?” Leda asks, feeling her cheeks burn. So stupid. She should have considered Estella’s feelings, the symbol of her sins and regrets the necklace must seem to her. Leda moves to remove it, both hands on the clasp.

But Estella’s head lolls slowly left to right, her face pained. Leda stops fumbling with the clasp, brings her hands back down to her lap, and Estella’s eyelids flutter. With great effort, she nods her head. Once. Then her eyes close and the beep becomes a scream and the paramedics push Leda aside.

Leda’s breath is heaving. She fingers the necklace.

I will wear it, she promises. I will remember. I will try to do better.