Maybe it was me. Maybe I wanted to hate him because I’m in love with his wife, and if that’s the case, what kind of a man does that make me?
IN PITTSBURGH, I FINALLY go to confession. I break down in the confessional and sob like a baby, telling the priest about my parents, my night of debauchery, and my adulterous thoughts. The somewhat startled priest mutters a few there-theres and then tells me to pray the rosary and forget about Marlena. I am too ashamed to admit that I haven’t got a rosary, so when I return to the stock car I ask Walter and Camel if either of them has one. Walter looks at me strangely, and Camel offers me a green elk-tooth necklace.
I’m well aware of Walter’s opinion. He still hates August beyond all expression, and although he doesn’t say anything I know exactly what he thinks of my shifting opinion. We still share the care and feeding of Camel, but the three of us no longer exchange stories during the long nights spent on the rails. Instead, Walter reads Shakespeare and Camel gets drunk and cranky and increasingly demanding.
IN MEADVILLE, AUGUST DECIDES that tonight is the night.
When he delivers the good news, Uncle Al is rendered speechless. He clasps his hand to his breast and looks starward with tear-filled eyes. Then, as his grovelers duck for cover, he reaches out and claps August on the shoulder. He gives him a manly shake and then, because he’s clearly too overwhelmed to actually say anything, gives him another.
I’M EXAMINING A CRACKED hoof in the blacksmith tent when August sends for me.
“August?” I say, placing my face near the opening of Marlena’s dressing tent. It billows slightly, snapping in the wind. “You wanted to see me?”
“Jacob!” he calls out in a booming voice. “So glad you could come! Please, come in! Come in, my boy!”
Marlena is in costume. She sits in front of her vanity with one foot up on its edge, wrapping the long pink ribbon from one of her slippers around her ankle. August sits nearby, in top hat and tails. He twirls a silver-tipped cane. Its handle is bent, like a bull hook.
“Please take a seat,” he says, rising from his chair and patting its seat.
I hesitate for a fraction of a second and then cross the tent. Once I am seated, August stands in front of us. I glance over at Marlena.
“Marlena, Jacob—my dearest dear, and my dearest friend,” says August, removing his hat and gazing upon us with moist eyes. “This last week has been amazing in so many ways. I think it would not be an exaggeration to call it a journey of the soul. Just two weeks ago, this show was on the brink of collapse. The livelihood—and indeed, in this financial climate, I think I can safely say the lives, yes the very lives!—of everyone on this show were in danger. And do you want to know why?”
His bright eyes move from me to Marlena, from Marlena to me.
“Why?” Marlena asks obligingly, lifting her other leg and wrapping the broad satin ribbon around her ankle.
“Because we went into the hole acquiring an animal that was supposed to be the salvation of our show. And because we also had to buy a train car to house her. And because we then discovered that this animal apparently knew nothing, yet ate everything. And because keeping her fed meant that we couldn’t afford to feed our employees and we had to let some of them go.”
My head snaps up at this oblique reference to redlighting, but August stares beyond me, at a sidewall. He is silent uncomfortably long, almost as though he’s forgotten we’re here. Then he remembers himself with a start.
“But we have been saved,” he says, gazing down at me with love in his eyes, “and the reason we have been saved is that we have been doubly blessed. Fate was smiling on us that day in June when she led Jacob to our train. She handed us not only a veterinarian with an Ivy League degree—a veterinarian befitting a big show like ours—but also a veterinarian so devoted to his charges that he made a most amazing discovery. A discovery that ended up saving the show.”
“No, really, all I—”
“Not a word, Jacob. I won’t let you deny it. I had a feeling about you the very first time I laid eyes on you. Didn’t I, dear?” August turns to Marlena and waggles his finger at her.
She nods. With her second slipper secured, she removes her foot from the edge of the vanity and crosses her legs. Her toes start bobbing immediately.