Undertaking Love

Chapter Twelve




‘This has to be one of the weirdest weddings we’ve ever done.’

Emily glanced over at Jonny as she arranged the huge displays of dyed black and purple roses around the altar.

‘I love it. So dramatic …’ Jonny sighed as he wobbled around on the stepladders to adjust the fake cobwebs that shrouded the rafters.

‘Of course you do. It involves dressing up,’ Emily rolled her eyes and shuddered. ‘I’m not struck. It’s like a scene from Night of the Living Dead.’

It wasn’t Emily’s idea of romance, but then who was she to define love? She’d lost any authority on the subject the moment she’d allowed Dan anywhere near her. She admonished Bluey with a stern tut as he delicately pulled one of the black roses out of her artful display with his teeth.

Marla came through from the storeroom with her mouth full of hair grips and her arms full of heavy purple velvet, which they’d use to create the gothic aisle. Alaric and Gelvira weren’t your run-of-the-mill couple, but despite their ghoulish makeup and dark sense of fantasy, Marla had warmed to them straight away. They wanted a full-blown gothic extravaganza for their special day, and that was exactly what she intended to give them. The chapel looked resplendent in forbidding regalia, and Jonny was all too happy to conduct the ceremony decked out as the Grim Reaper.

‘How long have we got left?’ she yelled. It was tricky to make herself heard above the creepy organ music Jonny had stuck on the sound system.

Emily glanced at her watch. ‘Three hours or so? We’re on track.’

Marla joined Emily by the doors and together they surveyed the transformed chapel with a laugh.

‘It’s hideous.’

Emily nodded. ‘I know. Perfect, huh?’

‘Absolutely.’

‘At least there’s no danger of the funeral parlour upsetting these guests.’ Emily said, leaning back to glance out of the shrouded chapel window at their neighbours. ‘Looks like it’s all quiet over there, anyway.’

‘Let’s just hope it stays that way.’ Marla muttered.

She’d mailed a second copy of their bookings list to Gabe in the hope that he’d honour his original promise to do his best not to disrupt them, but after the fiasco with the window last week there could be no guarantees.

‘Jonny, you better get your gear on soon. The photographer from The Herald’s coming by early to take some atmospheric shots.’

Rupert had been as good as his word and arranged for the wedding to be covered by the paper. He really was a powerful ally to have on side.

‘Will you help me with my make up?’

Jonny batted his lashes at Emily.

‘Like you need it. You’ve got more eyeliner than I do already.’

Marla laughed and headed up to the office, glad of its plain white walls and stark cleanliness after the lurid scenes downstairs. The only thing that stood out on the bleached room was her black lace dress hanging behind the door and her blood-red skyscraper heels ready for the ceremony.

She hadn’t been able to stay mad at Jonny for long. Although he’d overstepped the mark by a long way with the campaign, she knew that his actions had come from a place of loyalty and affection. The way it had spiraled out of control had terrified the living daylights out of him. Over the last week she’d helped him to conduct a huge clean-up operation online, which was rather like trying to unpick the stitches of a very long scarf one by one. Finally they’d re-launched the chapel website with a huge banner thanking people for their support and officially closing the campaign. She could only cross her fingers and hope like hell that it was enough to put the whole affair to bed.

The fact that she wanted the funeral parlour closed down remained unchanged, but she wasn’t prepared to play dirty to get it.



‘I now pronounce you husband and wife,’ Jonny declared, then threw back his hood and hurled his fake scythe to the floor to join in the thunderous applause.

The ghoulish congregation were packing the chapel almost to its spooky rafters, and from her standpoint at the side of the room, Marla had a clear view of the pure love in Alaric’s heavily kohled eyes as he pulled his new wife into his arms. The Herald photographer whizzed from position to position in the background, keen to capture the wedding from every angle. She could see why: it would certainly make an eye-catching splash. The whole production had been like Gone with the Wind crossed with The Addams Family – it throbbed with a vein of true love that challenged Marla’s mistrust of marriage in a way that few of the more conventional weddings she had organised ever had.

Much as she loved the chapel, she’d fallen out of love with the institution of marriage a long time ago. Her parents had provided her with a close-up view of the reality of marriage throughout her childhood; at best, it was a soap opera with an ever-changing cast of principal players. She’d had several step-parents whom she’d never even met, because their appointment had been so brief. If she’d taken one lesson away from her parents’ example, it was that marriage was only ever to be regarded as a temporary arrangement. ‘’Till death us do part’ was nothing more than a fairytale, and she wasn’t a little girl anymore. She was all grown up and marriage was for other people.



Outside on the chapel lawns, ghoul-faced guests posed by the fake rusty railings and blood-splattered mock headstones that Jonny had organised to create the perfect ‘fright night’ backdrop for the photos.

‘You haven’t got a coffin, have you?’

Marla shook her head at the guy who lay on top of one of the fake graves. ‘Sorry, no.’

‘I bet they would,’ Alaric said, eyeing the funeral parlour.

A whoop went up around the crowd.

‘I’ll ask them! They can’t turn a bride down on her wedding day.’ Gelvira hitched up her scarlet velvet skirts and ran out across the pavement, hotly followed by her new husband and a motley trail of ghouls and ghosts.

Marla watched in horror, well aware that she didn’t stand a hope in hell of halting the stampede. She could only cross her fingers and pray that Gabe wouldn’t be there at this hour on a Saturday afternoon. He shouldn’t be. She knew that much, because she’d surreptitiously checked the sign on the door earlier. It was well after four, so god willing he’d be off in the pub with his jack-the-lad mate. Or sleeping in one of his coffins to avoid the sunlight. Or whatever else it was he did for kicks in his spare time.

The small flicker of hope died as Gelvira and Alaric disappeared through the black and silver doorway. Damn it! Why was he still open? Marla leaned back against the porch and groaned. Just when it had all been going so well.

Several minutes later the wedding party spilled back out onto the pavement. Gelvira’s boobs frothed over the top of her corset as she laughed and led her gothic troupe back over to the chapel.

‘Man, this is the best day of my life!’ Gelvira flung her arms around Marla in delight.

‘He’s bringing over a couple of coffins in a minute. Can you fetch loads of those black rose petals, please? I want to lie down inside one in my wedding dress.’

Inside the chapel, Marla could have screamed with frustration as she grabbed one of Emily’s huge rose displays from the altar. She took her temper out on the flowers as she yanked the petals off, managing to prick her finger on a thorn in the process.

Bloody Gabriel Ryan. Why couldn’t he have just said no?

She sucked the blood from her finger and watched through the window as Gabe, assisted by one of the bridal party, deposited the first coffin onto the grass and strode back over to his lair to fetch a second one. He’d fit right in with this crowd, she thought, not quite able to take her eyes off the sight of his retreating denim-clad backside.



Once they’d set the second coffin down on the grass, Gabe shook Alaric’s hand. His eyes flicked over the groom’s shoulder to Marla as she struggled through the doorway with a huge cardboard box in her arms. Even amongst the impressive display of gothic cleavage that surrounded him, her relatively demure black lace dress clung to her curves in a way that rendered it indecent. Gelvira jiggled up and down with excitement next to him and waved her arms at Marla.

‘Over here!’

Gabe clocked Marla’s gritted teeth through her smile as she headed their way. He grinned, happy in the knowledge of how much it would grieve her that her guests had chosen to call on his help.

‘Marla. This is an unexpected pleasure.’

Her eyes flashed with ill-concealed fury. ‘Thank you, Gabriel. For your help, I mean.’

He could see that the outwardly cordial words cost her dearly. He leaned over to lift the box from her arms and took the opportunity to whisper in her ear.

‘See? I told you. Good things can happen when we work together.’

He heard her sharp intake of breath and winked imperceptibly as he pulled back and upended the petals all over a laughing Gelvira, who had climbed into the coffin.

‘Bluey, no!’ Emily’s frantic shout rang out across the grass as the over-enthusiastic Great Dane bounded past her out of the side doorway of the chapel to join in the festivities. He made a beeline for the coffins and jumped straight into the empty one next to Gelvira on the grass.

‘Here, boy!’ Marla called out, aware that the sheer size of her fur boy was enough to spook most people. Even spooks. But Alaric, thankfully, fell instantly for the big hound with his droopy jaws and comic sense of timing. He stole a top hat from one of the guests and placed it on Bluey’s huge head, as someone else unwound their black tie and placed it around the dog’s neck. To everyone’s amusement, Bluey posed solemnly between the happy couple in their coffins.

‘One for the album,’ Gabe murmured to Jonny, who grinned and turned pink beneath his theatrical make up. He couldn’t help it. It might be fraternising with the enemy, but he was high on the success of the wedding and Gabe was too hot to freeze out.

Emily leaned against the porch and laughed, right up to the moment when Dan pulled up in the hearse at which point she promptly threw up behind the nearest mock-headstone.

Alaric and Gelvira finally roared off into the sunset on a Harley, whilst their guests splintered off to scare the locals and boost the pub’s coffers. Jonny vanished with a transvestite bride of Dracula and Marla packed off a still-distinctly-green-around-the-gills Emily off home to bed.

Which just left Gabe.