Touching Melody

12

Maddie

We Made a Pact





I’m not sure how we get to his room. My vision is blurry. I think four Jell-O shots were two too many. My stomach is in knots, rebelling against the sugar and the alcohol swimming inside. A moan escapes my throat.

“How you feeling?”

My head snaps in his direction. “Kyle,” I whisper. The room spins, and he helps me sit up.

“Give me your feet, I’ll help you with your shoes.” His voice is tender. Smooth, like chinchilla fur, and I think about petting him.

Instead I focus. He wants to help me take off my shoes. And I realize my feet are killing me. There are probably a thousand blisters. “Please.” I lay down. The pillow smells like him. It’s earthy, manly, with a hint of vanilla. I take a deep breath through my nose.

He unhooks my shoes, slips them off. “These are deadly.” He chuckles.

“They’re Gina’s.” I close my eyes, but the blackness spins faster. “Whoa.”

“Hang on.”

I hear him move away, and I miss him. Water runs in the background. He returns quickly.

My eyes peel open. “You’re back.” My hands find his arms. He helps me up.

“Take these.” He hands me a plastic cup and two white pills.

“What are they?” I try to gauge his facial expressions. “You aren’t trying to drug me, are you?”

He kneels so I can see his face without looking up. “I wouldn’t do that.”

I focus on his eyes and sigh. They’re such a strange shade of blue. Like the way ice looks at sunset. “Why don’t you know who I am?” I slide off the bed, onto his knees.

He catches me, wraps his arms around my waist, and pulls me against him. My dress is around my waist but I can’t make myself care to fix it. His body feels so good, and I promise myself that I’ll stay here forever.

Kyle shakes his head. There’s something in his expression. Like he’s trying to make a decision. His movement spins my head on a merry-go-round.

“It’s been too long.” He pushes some hair off my shoulder, sending tingles over my skin. His hands are so tender, and I can’t help but imagine them everywhere. Against my hip, dragging along my thighs.

I shudder. “Kyle.” I close my eyes, tilting my face toward his. “Kiss me. I’ve waited so long.”

He inhales. Touches my lips with his fingers. “When I kiss you, I want you sober enough to remember it.”

“My first,” I say and giggle. “You’ll be my first. We made a pact.”

He lifts me onto the bed. I feel a blanket cover me, and I want to be sad. I’m no longer in his arms. But I can’t keep my eyes open. Too tired to be mad at myself.

This doesn’t seem very kinky. It’s more heavenly.





Kyle



My heart’s pounding, and I’m at a loss. Maddie is here, in my bed. Her hair lies across her face like a silk scarf. Her hands are tucked under her cheek. She mentioned the pact we made. A long time ago. When we barely understood what we were promising each other.



“Why is my dad such an a*shole?” I wipe angry tears off my face. Stare up at my boring white ceiling. Watch the light flicker. The bulb’s been about to die for weeks.

Maddie shuts my window and plops next to me on my bed. “I watched him leave. He seemed… um, grouchy.”

I snort. Rub my jaw in the spot where my dad hit me. “That’s an understatement.” But that’s Maddie. Always kind. Always tries to see the best in people. Including me.

She pats my stomach, and I tingle. Maddie has a way of making me feel better, no matter what’s happening. “I’m sorry, Kyle.”

“Yeah, me too.” I shrug. Push the pillow behind my head into a ball and lean against it. “But what can I do?”

She rifles around in her bag, pulls out an ice pack, and hands it to me.

I’m sure shock is the expression plastered across my face. How does she always know exactly what I need? I press the cool pack against my jaw, and sigh. It feels good. “Thanks.”

“Wanna listen to my new CD?”

I smile. Because despite my ass-of-a-father, being around Maddie makes it impossible to be sad. “If it’s a song about bringing sexy back, Freckles, I swear I’ll snap it in half.” I laugh, and she smacks me on the arm with the case.

“Rude! I guess I’ll just put it away.” She goes to stuff it back in her bag, and I grab it from her hands.

“The Fray?” I ask, looking at it while holding it above her head so she can’t reach it.

“Give it back.” She giggles. One of my favorite sounds.

I stand on the bed, holding the CD out of her reach. She stands too. Tries to get it back. Her hands pulling on my arm as we jump. She trips in the covers and falls into me. We both go down, and she ends up on top of me. Our faces are inches apart.

“Give it,” she says again, her voice quiet.

I can feel her heart beating rapidly against my chest.

“Kiss me first,” I say.

Her gaze takes in my lips. Focuses on my eyes. I’m mesmerized by the way her features change so I can almost always tell what she’s thinking. Like right now she’s thoughtful. And just as turned on as I am.

“Like on the mouth?” she asks. A finger absently strokes her bottom lip.

I grab the finger and kiss it. “Yeah.”

It seems like a perfectly natural thing. She’s my best friend. The person I care about most in this world. Kissing her would be awesome.

Her eyes find my lips again. “Um,” she says, climbing off me and the bed. I sit up, waiting for her response. Hand her the CD. She walks to the player, puts the disc in. Turns up the volume. When she turns back, she’s smiling. “I—Okay,” she says, tucking her hands in her back pockets.

“Let’s make a pact.”

The music blares from the speakers. Maddie sits next to me. “What? Like a kissing pact?”

Love is an emotion I’m not familiar with, but as I watch Maddie’s eyes, the way her cheeks scrunch when she smiles, I think that’s what I feel for her. But I’d never tell her that. It’s uncool. Unmanly.

“Kissing.” I pause, considering how I want to say what I want to say. “Everything. We’ll be each other’s first. At it all. We can practice, get really good. You know, for when we’re older.”

She squashes her eyes shut, then nods. “Okay.”

“Repeat after me.” Maddie opens her eyes. Smiles. “Ready?”

She nods.

“I, Maddie Martin, swear to save all my firsts for Kyle Hadley. Including, but not limited to…” I trail off, and wait for her to copy my words.

“I, Maddie Martin, swear to save all my firsts for Kyle Hadley.” My breath hitches when she says my name. She’s beautiful. Maddie continues, “Including, but not limited to.” She blushes, and the shriveled mess that is my heart swells.

“Kissing. Hickeys. Uh, touching,” I say.

“Kyle, don’t be a perv.”

“I’m just trying to cover all the bases,” I say, realizing I really want to cover all the bases, with her and no one else. Maddie is the best person I’ve ever known. More than just beautiful, she’s kind and fun and sweet.

“Fine.” She shakes her head. “Kissing. Hickeys. And touching.” She repeats. “Anything else?”

“Sex, for sure.”

Her face gets even redder. “Holy crap. I had no idea.”

“Say it.” My body is warm, and so, so turned on. Never in all my eleven years have I ever felt so much for one person.

“Sex.” Maddie covers her face with her hands. From behind her hands she clears her throat. “Repeat after me.” She peeks around her fingers. “I, Kyle Hadley, do swear never to tell anyone about this pact.” She smacks my thigh, and I grab her hand in mine.

“I, Kyle Hadley, swear never to tell anyone about this pact.”

She nods. Then surprises me. “When should we start practicing?”

My heart is racing. A thickness surges in the back of my throat. “Saturday night?”

“Okay. Just kissing though.” She smiles, her huge, dazzling smile. “Brace-face.”

I swallow, squeeze her hand lightly. “Freckles.”

“Frizz Head.” She smacks me in the arm.

“Fish Lips.”

“Hey,” she says, and laughs.

“I’m teasing. You have the most beautiful lips…” I trail off, my eyes focused on them. I want to kiss her now. Right this second.



As I watch her sleep, I realize the feelings I had for her at the age of eleven have grown. And I still want to kiss her. More than anything. The emotions are stronger than I ever believed possible.

We never got the chance to practice. Her parents were killed a couple of days later, and she was gone.

Regret momentarily bruises my chest. I didn’t keep my promises. But I know there’s no sense dwelling on it. I can’t change the past any more than I can fix it.

I pull off my pants, slip off my shirt, and slide into bed beside her. She rolls over, facing me. Still fast asleep. I can’t help but study her, the angle of her jaw and the arch in her brows. Her long lashes. Even with smeared makeup, she’s so beautiful. One of her hands reaches out. I take it and wrap it in mine. Kiss each fingertip.

“Maddie. Can you hear me?”

She nods slightly.

“I’m so glad you’re here. Please let me be a part of your life.”

She sighs, and I can’t help it. I rub my thumb against her lips. Stroke her jaw, brush the hair off her face. The urge to kiss her is almost unbearable. But I resist. Not yet.

I close my eyes. Allow myself to relax. It dawns on me I’m content. Happy. With that knowledge comes apprehension. In my life contentment equals change. And that usually isn’t good.





Maddie



I wake abruptly, my head pounding. Open my eyes and push back a scream.

Where am I?

There’s pressure across my middle, and I look down. Even in the dark I can make out an arm. A guy’s arm. It’s resting across my stomach. I turn my head ever so slightly and see him.

It’s Kyle. He’s lying on his stomach. Half his face buried in a pillow. Nervous dread swallows me whole.

What have I done?

Carefully, so carefully I try to scoot out from under his arm. I can’t be here. I can’t. I can’t. But I have no idea where here is. I don’t remember leaving the party. Did we walk? Drive?

Everything after the fourth Jell-O shot is wiped. Panic sets in. Did he drug me? Did we do it?

Please, no.

And, Gina! I ditched her again. She probably thinks I’m the worst friend. She wouldn’t be wrong. Sick horror fills my throat.

I scoot further away.

His hand tightens around my waist. “Don’t go,” Kyle mumbles.

“I-I. How did I get here?”

His eyes open and he lifts up.

My eyes register he isn’t wearing a shirt. His hair is beautifully rumpled. His face is soft, young, and I see the boy I love in his features.

Oh my.

He seems to notice where his hand is and grips my waist tighter, pulling me closer. “Nothing happened,” he says, probably reading the terrified look on my face.

“Okay,” I answer, grateful. Every part of my body wants to believe he’s telling the truth. My first time is definitely something I want to remember. My heart is beating so fast I fear it’ll burst through my chest, my skin, and reveal all my secrets.

His face shifts closer to mine. My first thought it to reach up and trace his jaw line, his nose, and those lips. Run my fingers through his untamed hair, down the muscles on his back, his arms, and his chest.

“You asked me to kiss you.” His face is close, so close I can almost taste him.

My face flushes hot as the sun. I’m afraid I’ll burn him with my humiliation. “I’m sorry.” I peer at him. “I shouldn’t have.”

“I can do it now.” His voice is gruff, coursing with the desire I feel but can’t show.

My heart is bleeding, tearing itself into pieces. I want him to kiss me. I do. More than anything. But if we were to go there, then what?

“Don’t worry about it,” I say, looking away.

Kyle blows out a frustrated breath, and stands. I can’t help but notice he’s in nothing but boxer-briefs. They hug his legs, his butt in all the right places. He picks up a shirt and jerks it over his head. His body fascinates me, the way his back muscles flex when he moves.

“You should be more careful. Don’t drink more than one shot and one drink at the next party. And don’t ever leave a party by yourself with someone you don’t know.” He shoots me a glare, his jaw tensing. “You’re lucky I didn’t take advantage of you.” He runs his hands through his hair. Picks up his jeans and pulls them on. I’m stupefied again. Watching him move is like hearing a heartbreaking melody. He’s the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.

I swallow. His words have me boiling with shame. He’s right. Every word he said is almost the exact lecture I received from my aunt when she dropped me off. But what he’s too dense to see is that I already know him. I already love him. We made each other promises.

You were children, my mind shouts.

“I’ll take you home. You’re living in the dorms?”

“Yeah.” I untangle the sheets and climb out of his bed. I’m still in my dress. Obviously nothing happened. That says a lot about the guy. He could’ve done whatever he wanted, but he didn’t. He took care of me, kept me safe. “Thanks,” I add.

“Don’t thank me yet. You left the party with me. People saw us together. Just about every person at that party knows what happens when I leave with a girl.”

My mouth drops open, and I think of the girls he was with in the cafeteria. The ones wearing the slut shoes. Gina said he likes kinky sex. My thoughts are spiraling into a dark place I never even imagined. Two girls. Handcuffs. Whips. I glance at Kyle. He doesn’t look like that kind of guy. But then I’m clueless. Maybe most guys like what he likes.

Is he saying people will think I’m into whatever he’s into? Ugh, it’s so frustrating. While my mind is swimming in wild thoughts, my thighs are lit up like the Fourth of July. Obviously sex is about a lot more than having babies.

“Mind if I turn on a light?” Kyle asks, pulling me out of my contemplations.

“No.” I can’t seem to find my shoes, or more specifically, Gina’s shoes.

The light flickers on and I catch him staring. “So, there might be talk—about you. I’m sorry.”

He’s apologizing? I can’t believe it. There’s no doubt that if Stuart had taken me back to his place, the scenario would be different. I might not be a virgin any longer.

And I can’t help but think of Gina. Is that what she meant when she said she asked for it? My stomach twists and my head whirls. I have to sit back down.

He walks over and picks up a glass full of water and two white pills. “I tried to get you to take these last night.”

I take the glass and the pills.

“They’re pain relievers. Nothing dangerous.” I hear the smile in his voice and look up.

“Thanks.” I drink them down in two swallows and set the glass back on the nightstand. The water is refreshing. He’s refreshing. I don’t see or sense an evil bone in his body.

But then Gina didn’t say he was evil, just kinky. I’ve decided I’m going to ask him about it, what it means. And I open my mouth just as Kyle walks to his door. He opens it and waits for me to walk through.

I sigh. Pick up Gina’s shoes. I’m not going to put them back on. My feet still throb.

“So where are we?” I ask, ignoring the pounding behind my eyelids.

His place is nice. Nothing fancy, but it isn’t disastrous. There are a few dishes in the sink. Empty beer bottles on the counter. The living room has a flat screen, a couch, and two recliners. They look worn, but definitely not trashy. There’s a half bath off the living room, and two more doors on the other side. I’m guessing behind them are bedrooms, and I wonder if he has roommates.

We walk through the living room and he opens the front door. A gust of cold wind blasts my face, making my eyes water. I step out, but he seizes my arm.

“Hang on.”

I close the door against the icy early morning air and raise an eyebrow. “Did you forget your keys?” My uncle is forever doing that, especially since he bought a new Titan a few years ago, and he just has to push a button to open the car door.

Kyle doesn’t answer. Rushes to his bedroom.

The kitchen has a counter with two stools underneath. So the person in the kitchen can cook and talk to everyone sitting in the living room. My aunt would say the space is functional.

“Put this on,” Kyle says, coming back. He hands me a thick red sweatshirt.

My eyes light up. He’s surprised me again. “Thank you, Kyle.” I pull it over my head.

He steps closer, and gently tugs my hair from the sweatshirt opening. “It’s way too big, but it’ll cover you up, keep you warm.”

For some reason tears fill my eyes. It shocks me. I’m not much of a crier. I can’t decide whether it’s because I’m glad or sad to find out he’s still so kind—the way I remember him.

Either way, I can’t resist flinging myself into his chest, wrapping my arms around him. He may not know me, but I know him. I know him so well. And I’ve missed him desperately. So much so that I can’t believe I ever thought I’d be better off without him.

“Thank you.”

He doesn’t do anything. Just stands there. Finally I feel his arms encircle me. And it isn’t a courtesy hug. He presses me against him. For a second I think maybe he’s remembered, but he squashes that thought. “You aren’t like regular girls, are you?”

I shake my head, but don’t release him. Inhale a deep breath and pretend he knows me, and that he’s overjoyed to see me.

I could tell him, look him in the eyes, and say, “No, I’ll never be normal. Because of your father. He killed my parents, and got away with it.” Suddenly my heart jumps. Does he know what his father did? I’d like to think he has no idea. But I can’t be sure. And then I remember why we can’t be together. I’ll always doubt him. Seeing his face will remind me of his father, of the evil in his family tree, and I can’t live with that.

“I’d better go,” I say, pulling away and opening the door.

He looks confused, but swiftly recovers. “Sure.”

Kyle leads me to a black Jeep. Somehow I know it fits his personality—rugged, efficient, and intense. He opens the passenger door and helps me in. My uncle always said, “If a man gets your door, he’s a keeper. It’s a sign he’ll treasure you.”

Once he’s inside, Kyle starts the car and we drive in silence. Turns out he lives off campus, though not far.

“Which building is yours? McKinley or Irvine?”

“Irvine,” I answer, keeping my eyes facing forward.

He stops in front of the building and puts the Jeep in park. “Thanks for hanging out with me last night.”

I open the door, forcing myself not to look at him. I’m so torn. I want to smile, tell him I think he’s wonderful, and ask if he wants to hang out. But my brain won’t shut up. Because even if he doesn’t know what his father did, even if he’s completely innocent, it doesn’t change the fact that he is his father’s son. I can’t forget that. “Thanks for taking care of me. I can’t believe I was such an idiot.” I step out. “See you in class.” I move to close the door.

“Hey, you still haven’t told me your name. You owe me.” His eyes twinkle, and for a moment I think he actually knows who I am, but is pretending otherwise. “I could just call you Lover Girl. You’re really, really affectionate.” He snickers.

My face gets hot as a shooting star. I try to remember what I did last night that was so affectionate. He said we didn’t do anything. Didn’t even kiss.

I almost lose my temper; tell him I don’t owe him crap. If he wanted to, he could easily figure out my name. It wouldn’t be that difficult. He’s the TA of my English class. But I decide to tell him the truth. “My name is Maddie. Maddie Martin.” I want to add, “Remember me now? We were next-door neighbors for eleven years. Best friends. Up until your dad shot my parents.” I don’t, though. I slam the door and walk to the building entrance.

I swipe my keycard. The door clicks and I pull it open. His Jeep is still at the curb. I haven’t heard it pull away, and I wonder what he’s thinking.

Is he happy?

Surprised?

Angry?

I’m can’t be sure. Once again I realize a lot has happened in seven years. I really don’t know him. And as I walk to the elevators I mentally kick myself. I still haven’t noticed his shoes. They’ll tell me a lot.





Kyle



Even in rumpled clothes and her face smeared with makeup, she’s totally hot. When I tell her she owes me her name, her eyes light up like twin fires. Smoldering. And I have to shift in my seat. It's crazy she can turn me on so easily.

She tells me her name and I get the feeling she wants to say more. I almost come clean, tell her that I already knew her name—that I’m sorry for teasing her. It seems to hurt her that I’ve been pretending I didn’t. But now I don’t want to tell her because I’m worried she’ll be mad.

Maddie slams the door, and I don’t get a chance to say anything.

I watch her walk into the building. If she had a phone I’d call her, text her, tell her the truth.

But she doesn’t.

At least not yet. And I get a brilliant idea.