To the Moon and Back

Chapter 28




‘What are you doing?’ said Todd.

Ellie carried on texting. They were on their way to his mum’s barbecue in Wimbledon. ‘I’ve been trying to get through to Roo all day. She’s still not answering her phone. I hope she’s all right.’

‘She’ll be fine. You look nice.’

‘Hmm?’ Her fingers flying over the keys, Ellie finished her message:

Roo, call me back. Are you OK? Worried about you!





Love, Ellie xxx.





She pressed Send, then glanced up and said absently, ‘Oh, this dress? Thanks.’ Now why was he looking at her like that? Had she done something wrong? Quick, think… right, she was his girlfriend, maybe he was waiting for her to come up with a compliment in return. She smiled brightly, touched Todd’s crisp cotton sleeve, and said, ‘Your shirt’s very nice too!’

***

‘Here they are! Oh, will you just look at this?’ Maria Howard’s excitement knew no bounds as she turned and saw them coming through the French doors that opened on to her back garden. Her arms flinging wide like an angel’s wings, she sent a mini wave of Pimm’s cascading into the herbaceous border. ‘My wonderful son and his beautiful girlfriend! Come here, come here… oh, Ellie, it’s so lovely to see you again! And don’t you look perfect together!’

‘Sorry,’ Todd murmured in her ear. ‘I did warn you.’

He had, but there was still no escape. Ellie found herself smothered in Maria’s Lauder-scented, flowery-bloused embrace. She was touched by the welcome, even if it did mean she felt a bit of a fraud. Everyone was going to think she and Todd were a proper couple in a normal relationship. Whereas in reality she was feeling more and more like an alien doing her best to pass herself off as a human being.

‘You don’t know how happy it makes me.’ Maria was now holding her at arm’s length, surveying her with pride. ‘Seeing the two of you like this. Poor Jamie, we all loved him so much. But he’d want you to move on with your life.’

Ellie nodded and said, ‘I know,’ a lump springing to her throat. The last time she’d seen Todd’s mum had been at Jamie’s funeral and her memories of that day were hazy. Before that, they’d met a few times. It was slightly intimidating, though, that Maria was gazing at her as rapturously as a future mother-in-law. Hastily, she handed over the card and present she’d brought along and changed the subject. ‘Anyway, happy birthday! You’re looking fantastic!’

‘Am I? Oh, you’re so sweet!’ Maria gave her another hug. ‘We’re going to have such fun… we can go shopping together! Now, come over and let me introduce you to everyone. They’ve all been longing to meet you. Todd, get Ellie a drink and something to eat… Sue, Sue, where’s Tanya? Look who’s here!’

The next hour was a whirl of new faces, struggling to remember everyone’s names, and being told over and over again what a lovely couple she and Todd made. People also gave her sympathetic looks, told her she’d been through so much, and murmured encouragingly how brave she was, before brightening and moving the conversation on to the much happier future. Maria’s sisters, cousins, friends, and neighbors meant well and they were nice people. There was much jolly talk about her and Todd, and jokey speculation about whether it was time to start looking out for a new hat. When Ellie ate a chicken drumstick and asked Maria what had been in the marinade, Tanya had exclaimed, ‘Ooh, bit of a cook, are you? Lucky old Todd!’

When she’d admired Sue’s necklace, Sue had clutched her arm excitedly and said, ‘I got it in Venice. Have you ever been there? Oh, you and Todd must go, it’s the most romantic place in the world.’ Prompting Dave and Hazel from over the road to chime in that Venice was where they’d spent their honeymoon, whereupon bouffant-blonde Rita from next door beamed at Ellie and said, ‘Now that’s an idea, isn’t it?’

Ellie smiled and did her best to dismiss it as harmless fun, but it was too unsubtle, too often, too much. It was like being trapped in a 1970s sitcom. Maybe if she and Todd had been a proper couple she’d love all the saucy double entendres and wedding talk, and it would be giving her a nice warm glow of belonging. But this was just making her feel claustrophobic. They couldn’t carry on like this; she was going to have to do something about it.

But not now, during Maria’s birthday party. That would just ruin everyone’s night.

Instead, she concentrated on being cheerful, enjoying the food, dancing along with everyone else to the music, and having fun.

At midnight, Ellie shared a minicab home with Brendan and Judy, friends of Maria’s who lived in Hampstead. Before leaving the party Maria hugged her and said squiffily, ‘You know what? I love the bracelet you gave me, but you’re the best birthday present I could have wished for. You and Todd getting together has made my year!’

Ellie had refused Todd’s earlier offer of a lift home, to enable him to relax and have a drink. When they said their goodbyes he kissed her and whispered, ‘Thanks. I’ll call you tomorrow.’

In the minicab on the way back to Primrose Hill, Judy insisted on getting her phone out and showing off a seemingly endless selection of blurry, postage-stamp sized photos of their three grandchildren. ‘Oh yes, they’re the light of our lives, aren’t they, love?’ She gave Brendan a dreamy smile. ‘Wouldn’t be without them for the world, would we? Bless her, Maria’s always asking after them; she’s been desperate to become a granny for years.’

Oh good grief.

‘When Todd moved to Boston she was petrified he’d meet someone out there and settle down in the States for good,’ Brendan chimed in. ‘She was so relieved when he decided to come home.’

‘And now he’s got you,’ said Judy. ‘Is it any wonder she’s over the moon? I tell you what, love, you’d never want for a baby-sitter with Maria around.’

Help…

***

It was past midnight and Roo’s stomach was in knots. Guilt wasn’t an emotion that had ever featured largely in her life.

Until today, this morning, when it had seized her in its viselike grip and changed everything. Oh yes, it was making up for lost time now.

And she, Roo Taylor, was going to change as well.

Moreover, this wasn’t a whim. It wasn’t like waking up one morning and deciding to have a bit of a spring clean or go on a diet. It was so much more than that. Because to date she’d led a charmed, stress-free, selfish life. And let’s face it, she hadn’t always been a nice person. Worst of all, she hadn’t even realized it, had simply carried on regardless, pleasure-seeking and doing things that had the potential to hurt others. She had drunk too much, taken too many drugs, slept with men she should never have slept with. And if they’d happened to have wives or girlfriends at home… well, she’d still gone ahead and done it anyway, because why the hell shouldn’t she? God, looking back on it now, she’d been a disgusting, despicable human being. Her behavior had been abysmal and she should have been thoroughly ashamed of herself.

Gazing out of the window at the empty darkened street, Roo dug her nails into her palms. Well, now she was. And she was determined to make amends. Her old life was behind her and the new one had begun.

She hadn’t even drunk any coffee today. Just tap water. That was how serious she was.

No more alcohol either. Ever.

Just lots and lots of visits to… church. Oh yes. If that was what it was going to take, she’d even keep doing that. She’d paid one a visit this afternoon, in the desperate hope that God would speak to her. It had been cool and musty smelling inside, with overtones of wood polish. The wooden pews had been slippery and uncomfortable. Dust particles had danced in the colored beams of sunlight shining through the stained-glass windows. A fly had buzzed around like a mini fighter jet. God hadn’t spoken to her, as it turned out, but that didn’t matter. Instead, her conscience had. In fact, actually hearing God’s voice might have freaked her out completely, so she was glad it hadn’t happened.

This way was better. She was going to do it herself.

Roo stiffened as headlights rounded the corner, lighting up the street. The minicab pulled up opposite and she held her breath.

Ellie was back.

Please let her be on her own. Yes, she was. Throwing open the window, Roo stuck her head out and called, ‘Ellie?’

Ellie swung round and looked up as the cab moved off down the road. ‘Oh, sweetie, I’ve been so worried about you! Are you all right?’

Was she about to lose her friendship for ever? Was she even right to be doing this?

Yes. She had to be honest. It was the only way.

Her chest tightening with fear, Roo said, ‘I’m OK. Look, I’m sorry, I know it’s late.’ Her voice cracked. ‘But can you come over?’