I shook my head. “No. No. I know they’re gone. I know...” I would never see them again. Stopping twenty feet from the car while it was still just the two of us, I turned to her. “I’m relieved,” I finally confessed. “I spent my entire life, worried about disappointing them, striving to gain their love. And now...now I’m free. I lost my job this week, and my biggest fear was how I was going to tell them. But I don’t have to worry about that now. I never have to worry about winning their approval again.”
Rita clucked her tongue and pulled me in for a hug. “This is my fault. I should’ve nurtured you more. I never should’ve let them intimidate me into keeping my distance. You were always such a good obedient girl, and all you ever needed was a hug, just a little compassion.”
“No. You did fine. I understood why you couldn’t do much. And I’ll always remember the times you did do something.”
Grasping my shoulders, Rita stared up at me from pale, watery eyes. “They never treated you right. I don’t know how you turned out as well as you did.”
Finally, I had to blink back some emotion. This was my true mother, right here. And she’d just given me all the parental approval I’d ever needed. “Thank you, Rita.”
After we returned to the house, my parents’ lawyer came to read the will. Rita was left a thousand dollars for every year of service she’d worked for them, and then they’d left the rest of their financial worth to the university where they’d both worked.
As those words were read aloud, the cold inside me only grew deeper. Rita gasped and covered her mouth. “No,” she breathed, turning to me with guilt in her eyes. “But...but what about Aspen?”
The lawyer winced. “I asked them about her when they had these drawn up. But they said they’d already given her all the tools she needed to survive. Their money was of no consequence to her.”
I wasn’t even that surprised. Still hollow, I merely lifted my chin and answered, “They were right. I don’t need their money.” It didn’t even matter that I’d been planning to ask them for a loan until I found a new job. They really had given me all the tools I needed to survive. I could do this. Somehow.
***
It only took me a few days to see to my parents’ affairs. As neat and tidy as they’d always been, they still needed someone to put all their wishes into action, so everything fell to me. I spent another day with their lawyer, making sure Rita was set, and all Richard and Mallory’s things could be sold to auction. Then I made sure a fund was arranged with the university where their money could go.
I stopped by their graves one last time before leaving town to say a final goodbye and attain my closure. A weight lifted from my chest as I climbed back into my car. It was so strange. I’d hit my rock bottom. I’d lost the love of my life, my job, and my parents. I had basically no prospects for the future, and the money in my savings account would probably only last me a month or two.
But I didn’t feel as if this was it, as if everything was over. Maybe I really was in denial. Except a seed of hope had sprouted in the voided place in my heart. It grew and budded, and I couldn’t stop this feeling that a new start was awakening inside me.
My cell phone rang as I reached the city limits, making my bud of hope blossom into a flower. It’d been a few days since Noel had stopped calling and started leaving messages. He still texted every morning, providing me with quotes for my collection. Yesterday’s had been my favorite yet:
“When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth.” - Jess C. Scott, The Intern
But aside from those texts, he’d stopped begging me to call him back, or forgive him, or come home. He’d stopped apologizing for the loss of my job. He’d stopped fighting fiercely for me. Then again, I hadn’t responded to any of his attempts, so he really didn’t have a reason to think there was something left to fight for, except I still loved him. I’d always love him.
My heart jerked in my chest as I scrambled for my phone in my purse in the passenger seat. Maybe Noel hadn’t quite given up after all.
The ID on the screen showed my old advisor and mentor, though. Shoulders slumping, I answered politely.
Dr. Thorn extended her condolences over my parents’ death. After I excused her apologies for not making it to the funeral, she finally found her way to the meat of her call.
“I know you’re probably getting along just fine over at Ellamore,” she said, making me cringe because I didn’t want to confess I was no longer employed there. “But we had a faculty member in the English department here decide to retire at the end of the semester, and you were the first person I thought to replace him with. You were always so enthusiastic about the curriculum, and you have the youth and vivacity I want here. So do you think it’s possible you would consider returning to us...as a professor?”
***