This Star Won't Go Out

I looked up from my thoughts just in time to see a man on a bicycle ride right where I would’ve been, had I not see him. But a girl with red hair did not seem to notice him, and the Bicycle Boy wasn’t going to go out of his way to avoid a collision. “Watch out!” I screamed, ready to jump in and push her out of the way if she didn’t hear me. Thankfully she looked up, saw me and then Bicycle Boy, and moved onto the street, where a passing mini-van came close to whacking her.

She walked right by me, her expression anything but stricken, and it seemed as though I was the only one in the world who had witnessed what Bicycle Boy had done. Rushing after her, I felt almost angry—furious even. I just saved her a trip to the hospital, if not her life (that’s a stretch, but hey)! I deserve a “thank you,” thanks very much!

“Ahem,” I coughed, not so conspicuously. She looked over at me, and I was startled to see bright green eyes looking straight into mine, with not even a hint of emotion.

She said, “Thanks for saving my life. It was, and will be, a great favor for my part.” She had stopped by this point, and I found it weird that she wasn’t more appreciative. “Thanks again,” she finished, shaking my hand, and then continued walking.

I was stunned. Again, she barely acknowledged me, and as she walked on her pale blue high boots, I felt like a toy she had played with, but when she got a new one, and put me in a yard sale. Running after her again, I felt I was a pull-a-long toy, now.

“Excuse me, miss, but are you alright?” Smooth, I know.

She looked at me suspiciously, her feet still moving.

“I’m . . . fine, thank you.” For the first time, she pulled a smile, and I was pleasantly surprised to see the way her red lips played with her pale skin. I looked down, again, at her boots, and this time noticed she was wearing red, tight pants. Whoa, they were really bright—no idea how I missed them before. Then I saw she had a tight, white tank-top on, (that looked very good on her, if you know what I mean . . .) with a black sweater, button-up type jacket, long, straight black hair falling on her shoulders.

Wow.



“Friends of Esther,”

SQUANTUM, MASSACHUSETTS, 2010





ACKNOWLEDGMENTS



We would like to acknowledge that this is Esther’s book. As her parents, we get to add our names to it—which we are happy to do! Our greatest wish is that you, the reader, will walk away with a deeper appreciation for the mystery of life, and the hope that comes with loving.


To Julie Strauss-Gabel, our editor, and to the entire team at Penguin Young Readers, especially Rosanne Lauer, Elyse Marshall, and Irene Vandervoort. Thank you for believing in us and for caring so much about Esther’s story.


To our agent, Jodi Reamer, thank you for making all the magic happen. Can’t wait to do it again!


To John Green, Esther’s friend and favorite author. Her star shines more brightly because you chose to champion her. Your generosity and compassion have made everything a little easier for our family. We can never thank you enough. You are as kind and brilliant as people think you are!


To the medical teams at The Jimmy Fund and at Children’s Hospital in Boston, thank you for the good work you did for us and continue to do for so many.


Thank you to nerdfighteria, and to Catitude, for being there for Esther, especially when things were really hard. You gave her a home online and you gave her hope irl. Without your love, there simply would be no constellation within which to set our Star!


To all the Shining Ones who helped with transcribing Esther’s journals, writings, online media, and other stuff. You are a gift!


To Alexa Lowey, Esther’s oldest friend, for all the memories and for creating the phrase we carry on our wrists and in our hearts, “This Star Won’t Go Out.”


Thank you to our extended Earl and Krake families, who supported Esther and us in every way, and who agreed from the beginning that our fuzzy haired, bundle of light was a gift to the world.


To our beautiful children, Abigail, Evangeline, Graham, and Abraham, who loved their sister perfectly and who miss her very much. Thank you for giving your mom and dad the space to grieve and to write. We know that your hearts are also breaking and even though we cannot protect you from pain, we will always love you, love you, love you, no matter what!


Finally, to Esther Grace. You were so easy to love! Rest in Awesome, Little One. We will definitely see you again.


You can read/watch more about Esther Earl, and Lori and Wayne Earl here:

Esther’s YouTube: youtube.com/user/cookie4monster4

Caring Bridge: caringbridge.org/visit/estherearl

Wayne’s blog: timeforhope.blogspot.com/


Esther Day:

John Green announces Esther Day: youtube.com/watch?v=ixr4YISTmck

Esther Day 2012: youtube.com/watch?v=VFX3uu6VyyU


TSWGO foundation:

Website: tswgo.org

Facebook: facebook.com/TSWGO

Tumblr: tswgo.tumblr.com





Thank you to everyone whose invaluable contributions made this book possible


LINDSAY BALLANTYNE is an inordinately tall female person from Colorado, where she works as a massage therapist. Her hobbies include yoga, concerts, boating with her family, and various projects for nerdfighteria, which is her second home. Twitter, tumblr, basically everywhere: itfeelslikegold.