The Shadow Girl

19




As we cross the northwest corner of New Mexico, the highway unrolls ahead of Ty’s car like a strip of black tape, and the moon shines down like polished silver. I tuck my feet beneath me in the passenger seat and lean against the door, staring ahead. Ty doesn’t try to get me to talk, and I’m grateful for that.

I bolt upright when my phone vibrates, and look at the display. Great. Pushing “Talk,” I say, “Hey, Mom.”

“Lily, thank God. Where are you? Addie called Wyatt to check in, and he said you went home sick.”

“I’m okay, Mom. Is Addie with you?”

“Yes. What’s going on?”

“Where’s Wyatt?” I ask.

With a note of impatience, she says, “He’s at the party waiting for me to call him back. He’s worried about you.”

“Everything’s okay.” Taking a breath, I say, “I’m with Ty.”

“What?” Her voice drops. “I told you to stay away from him.”

“Mom, I’m fine. He told me why he came to Silver Lake. I know all about Dad’s work, and that Ty’s mom used to be Iris’s music teacher.”

“Come home now, Lily,” she says quickly, panic punctuating each word.

I take a breath and steady myself for her anger. “I can’t. Kyle—Ty’s brother—he’s in the hospital in Baltimore in a coma. He’s not going to get better. I want to be there for Ty, Mom.”

“You’re not going to Baltimore!”

“Yes, I am! You know how it is to lose someone you love. Ty needs me right now.”

I wait for her to yell at me, or say she understands, or something, but she remains silent.

“I’m sorry, Mom. I know I should’ve told you, but you would’ve tried to stop me. I’ll call you in the morning, okay?”

“I’m furious with you right now, do you know that?” She sighs, and in a strained voice adds, “Call me the second you wake up. I mean it. And be careful, okay? I love you.”

“I love you, too.” I end the call and lean my head back against the seat.

“I take it that didn’t go well,” Ty says grimly. “You want to turn around?”

“No, keep going.”

Minutes later, my phone chirps a second time, and guilt and worry drop down on me like a bomb.

“Your mom again?” Ty asks.

“No. It’s Wyatt.” I answer the call. “Hey.”

“I wouldn’t be talking to you if not for your mother,” he says, his words striking like bullets. “Hasn’t she been through enough?”

I slump down in the seat. How is it possible for me to feel so miserable and selfish, and still not regret my decision? “I’m sorry I left like I did,” I say. “I didn’t know what else to do. You and Mom would’ve tried to stop me, and I had to go, Wyatt. I had to.”

“You’re right—I would’ve tried to stop you. But you know what? That was then. I don’t care what you do anymore.”

Tension crackles in the silence that follows, and when I speak, my voice is shaking. “I’m going to tell you where else we’re going, but you can’t tell Mom or it’ll only upset her worse. Someone needs to know where we are, just in case something happens. Will you keep it to yourself?”

“I said I don’t care what you’re doing.”

I watch the road markers skip past outside my window and try not to cry. “Ty’s taking me to see Iris’s boyfriend, Jake Milano. I found him, Wyatt. We talked on the phone. We’re meeting him in Oklahoma City before we go to Maryland. That’s where we’re headed now.”

“Why?”

“Because Mom won’t answer my questions.”

He huffs a bitter laugh. “And you think some guy you’ve talked to once on the phone can?”

“I have to find out,” I answer, hating my pathetic, pleading tone.

“Don’t you think that’s dangerous?”

“I’m not alone. Ty’s with me.”

“So you said,” mutters Wyatt, oozing sarcasm in my ear.

“I don’t blame you for being mad, but for Mom’s sake, please don’t tell her I’m going to meet Jake. She would totally freak out.”

The lights of some small town twinkle in the distance. The car engine hums. Wyatt says, “I’ll cover for you on one condition.”

“Name it,” I say, then hold my breath.

“Hand the phone to Collier.”

Apprehension sinks like a stone to the pit of my stomach as I extend the phone toward Ty. “He wants to talk to you.”

Ty takes the phone. “Hey, Wyatt.”

I nibble my cuticle, watching him.

“I’m listening,” Ty says, then, “Loud and clear.” He hands the phone back to me.

Pressing it to my ear, I say, “Wyatt?” but he’s already gone. I frown at Ty. “What did he say?”

“It’s between Wyatt and me,” he answers, his focus narrowed on the road.

“That’s not fair.”

Ty’s mouth twitches. “Let’s just say that if anything happens to you, my anatomy’s going to suffer a radical transformation.”



Sometime later, we stop at a gas station at the side of the highway. A fast-food restaurant is attached, so I buy burgers, a couple of soft drinks, and snacks while Ty fills the tank. We eat on the move, and when we finish, the road lulls me to sleep.

I wake to the sound of Ty talking into his phone. Rubbing my eyes, I sit up and stretch. The Incubus song “Black Heart Inertia” flows from his iPod and through the car speakers.

“We should be there the day after tomorrow at the latest,” says Ty into his phone. “Probably early, but if something slows us up, I’ll let you know.” A pause, then, “No, Mom. I don’t want to talk to him. Just tell him . . . tell him we’ll talk after I’m home, okay?” Another pause. “I love you, too.” He puts the phone away.

“How are your parents?” I ask.

“Hanging in there.” He stares ahead. “Mom said to tell you hello.”

I nod, unable to imagine what she must be going through. “How’s Kyle?”

“The same.”

“Do you think we should go straight there? I can postpone the meeting with Jake.”

“No, it’s okay. This is only going to sidetrack us a few hours. Kyle will hold on for a long time if he’s hooked up.”

Hearing the guilt and remorse in his voice, I remove my seat belt, lean across the console, and kiss his cheek.

“Put your seat belt back on,” Ty snaps. “I’m scared shitless as it is driving you anywhere after what I did to Kyle.”

I sit back and buckle up again. “It was an accident, Ty.”

His jaw clenches.

“You’re human. You made a mistake. You didn’t mean for anyone to get hurt, least of all your brother. He wouldn’t want you to blame yourself.”

“There’s no one else to blame. Just ask my dad.”

“Has he said he holds you responsible, or are you just assuming he does?”

“He doesn’t have to say it, I see it in his face.” Ty swallows, and his fingers clench the steering wheel. “After it happened, he couldn’t even look at me, much less talk to me.”

Softly, I say, “But he wants to talk to you now, doesn’t he? Isn’t that what your mother was trying to get you to do just now?”

When he doesn’t answer, I decide to give the subject—and him—a rest. I watch a cloud pass over the moon. We’re in the middle of nowhere, and I can’t see much of anything to clue me in to our location.

“Where are we?” I ask.

“In the Oklahoma Panhandle. We just left Guymon.”

I stifle a yawn. “Are we getting close? I can drive if you’re sleepy.”

“I’m okay. We’re not even halfway.”

“I can’t wait to get there,” I say, twisting sideways in the seat to face Ty. “We’re going to see Iris’s boyfriend! Don’t you think that’s amazing? She led me to him. She made this happen.”

He reaches over and tugs my hair. “It’s more than amazing. But Iris had some help from you.”

“Only a little.” Watching the scenery roll by, I gesture out the window. “This is the farthest I’ve ever been from home.”

“Not very scenic so far, huh?”

“It’s pretty bleak. What’s it like in Winterhaven? You’ve been there, right?”

“Yeah, I went to your aunt’s bookstore, remember?”

“Yes, but you never said why. How did you even know my dad had a sister?”

“One of the scientists who worked on your dad’s team at Cell Research Technology told me. That eccentric old guy, Dr. Beckett.”

Iris rouses with a start, instantly on full alert. Her reaction makes me wonder again if Dad and Beckett might’ve used some untested method to try to save her, like Dad did with that little boy. I’ve read the articles about Dad’s work at least a half-dozen times, and each time, I became more sure that could be a possibility. Only, I’m not so certain they were trying to find a cure for leukemia. I’m afraid they had another way of saving her in mind. If I’m right . . .

I swallow hard. “Yeah, you mentioned Dr. Beckett,” I say to Ty. “So what do you mean by eccentric? Is he crazy, or what?”

He lifts a shoulder. “I don’t know. There was just something weird about the way he looked at me that made my skin crawl.”

“Iris keeps telling me he did something bad to her, but she can’t remember what it was. She was afraid of him.”

Ty’s forehead creases. He turns to me, searching my face.

He’s wondering the same thing I am, I think, and dread tightens my chest. “I hope Jake can tell us what he did,” I say quietly. I’m not ready to voice my dark suspicions that Dad might’ve also been involved.

Ty looks back at the road, blinking. I get the feeling he wants to say something, but isn’t sure he should.

“So what did Beckett tell you about my aunt?” I ask.

“Apparently, he called her a couple times right after your folks disappeared. All she’d say was that Adam had left a message that he didn’t want her to try to find him, and that he and your mom were fine but wanted their privacy.”

“If she wouldn’t say more than that to Beckett, what made you think she’d confide in you?”

“I didn’t know if she would or not, but I had to try. I showed up at the bookstore, and by a stroke of luck, there was a Help Wanted sign in the window, so I applied. The clerk put me in your aunt’s office to fill out an application. That’s when I saw the photo of you and your dad standing next to his van with the two peaks in the background. It was on her desk.”

I recall how upset Mom became when I put that same photograph in the paper with Dad’s obituary. Her reaction finally makes sense.

“How did you know it was Dad?” I ask, baffled by how he was able to put it all together and find us.

“I recognized Iris.”

“Iris.” I blink at him. “You thought I was her.”

“At first. But something seemed off. The picture didn’t look old enough. I mean the clothes you were wearing . . . your hair . . . and then I gave your dad a closer look.” Ty glances at me. “My gut told me it was him, but it was you I couldn’t figure out.”

“Did you ask Gail about me?”

“I didn’t get a chance. After she came in and interviewed me, I reached for the picture and asked if the man was her brother.”

“And she said yes?”

“Are you kidding?” he says. “She jerked it from my hand and told me to get out. But I’d already gotten a good look at it.” Pausing, Ty adds, “Remember I told you it was Kyle’s goal to climb all the fourteeners? I recognized the two peaks as some we’d seen in books. They’re pretty distinctive.”

Amazed, I say, “You tracked Dad to Silver Lake just by seeing the peaks?”

“Well, it was his van that cinched it. In the picture you can see his logo on the door. I did a search on the internet for Winston Carpentry in Colorado and his website came up with the same logo and your address. When I saw the name Adam, I knew I was right.” Ty’s brows lift. “I took a chance and came.”

I shake my head and give a short laugh. “Wow. That was some good detective work.”

“I hoped it would pay off for Kyle,” he says quietly.

I feel Ty’s sadness like it’s my own. “I wish Dad could’ve helped you,” I say.

We grow quiet. The music on Ty’s iPod surrounds us. The dashboard lights emit a muted glow that illuminates the angles of his profile. Ty grips the steering wheel, still tense.

I think of Ian Beckett again, and fight down a surge of fear. “I know you have your own theory about why Mom and Dad left Massachusetts. Why won’t you tell me?” I ask.

“Let’s talk to Jake before we jump to any conclusions,” Ty says.

“It would take something pretty dramatic to make my parents change their names and break contact with everyone they cared about.”

My mind races with all I’ve found out in the past few days. I know Ty’s right and I shouldn’t jump to conclusions, but I keep circling back to the same shocking possibility—an untested procedure . . . and what that procedure might’ve been.

“I’ve been thinking about Dad’s work with the animals at the lab,” I say slowly, apprehension fluttering in my chest. “He and his team were trying to replicate endangered species, right? In order to save them.”

Ty glances at me. “Yeah, in a nutshell.”

“When you think about it, Iris was sort of like that after she got leukemia. Endangered, I mean.” I hold very still, letting the implication sink into him.

It doesn’t take long. Ty’s head jerks toward me. “Don’t go there, Lily,” he says sharply.

“Why not? You’ve been wondering the same thing, haven’t you? Maybe it’s time we got it all out in the open. If I’m right, do you know what that means?” I press my palm against my stomach and cringe. “Oh my god, I think I’m going to be sick.”

“Stop, okay?” Ty sits straighter. “What good is it going to do you to get upset over something that’s probably not even true? Like I said, let’s hear what Jake has to say.”

I give a quick nod, then crack the window to let in some fresh air, hoping it will clear the outrageous thoughts from my mind. Ahead of us, a truck’s red taillights stare back at me. Iris is so withdrawn that I don’t even sense her presence. I wonder if she’s worried about seeing Jake, or lost in memories of him.

Returning my thoughts to Mom and Dad, I tell myself that they were just grieving. That’s the only reason they wanted to leave the past behind. It held too many memories of Iris. But then, the article that Dad wrote about his work scrolls again through my mind. . . .



Experimenting with specialized DNA technology . . . trying to produce multiple exact genetic duplicates of endangered species of animals . . .



And suddenly I hear Mom’s voice saying, “It’s important that you blend in with the other students like an ordinary girl.”

A trembling sensation starts deep in my core as my uncertainties about Iris’s intentions join all the other fears in my ever-growing collection. All my life, Iris has told me that she can’t leave because she’s waiting for someone, and I’m sure now that the person is Jake. She said she had to watch over me, and I think I might have figured out why. I’ll find out soon enough if I’m right. We’re getting closer to the truth—and Jake—with each passing mile.

Iris . . . ? I wait, but she remains silent. In a way, I’m relieved. I’m too afraid to ask her what’s on my mind.

“Hey,” Ty says. “Are you okay?”

I shake my head. “When I was a little girl I thought Iris was my shadow,” I say in just above a whisper. “I could hear her, so I should be able to see her, too, right? Sometimes when I’d see my shadow, I was afraid she might break away and run in the opposite direction.” I smile at my younger self, but I still understand that fear. “And then when I got older,” I continue, “I never thought of her as a ghost or a spirit in limbo or anything like that. She’s always seemed more like an extension of me.” I take a breath and face him. “But maybe I’m an extension of her.”

Ty sends me an uneasy glance. “Quit torturing yourself, okay?”

I want to stop, but I can’t. I wish he’d pull over and wrap his arms around me and make this all go away. But that’s not possible. “What if after we find Jake and learn the truth, Iris doesn’t need to stay here anymore?” I say, asking him what I can’t bring myself to ask her.

Ty blinks at me. “I don’t understand what you’re so afraid of.”

“What if that’s what’s kept her here all along? Her need to see Jake one last time, and her need to remember the truth, so I could know it and protect myself.”

“You think after she does those things she’ll disappear and you won’t sense her again?”

I press my lips together and look away. “Maybe she’ll think I don’t need her anymore.”

“That’s not going to happen. Everything’s going to be okay.” Ty’s voice is warm and caring, but less than convincing.

“How do you know?” I ask.

“I just do.”

Suddenly, I think of Kyle and shame slams into me. “God, Ty, I’m sorry,” I say, facing him. “Here I am worrying about losing Iris when your brother—”

“No, it’s fine. I’m okay. But are you sure you’re ready to meet Jake? If you can’t handle it, I’ll call him and tell him it’s off for now. We can talk this out first, just you and me, then see him tomorrow. Or we can go straight to Baltimore and forget all of it.”

I draw a deep breath. Either I want the truth or I don’t. It takes only seconds to decide. “Keep going,” I say.