The Hole in the Middle

Chapter 18: FRIDAY, DECEMBER 9, 2011

I take advantage of the pause to check in on the personal drama unfolding on my BlackBerry, and discover, as I feared, that the more I try to contain the situation with Geoff, the further it spins out of control.



Geoffrey Durnford

To: [email protected]

Sent: Friday, December 9, 2011, 12:05 PM

Subject: Thinking of you



I haven’t heard back from you. I’d like to continue our conversation. What time will your meeting end?



I remind myself that Zoe’s advice, which I have sworn to heed, is undoubtedly right. I can’t have a scene with an employee over a rash and totally unprovoked declaration of affection, and certainly not over email. It’s better to take the indirect approach and let him down easily. And anyway, I feel sorry for Geoff. He has no way of knowing that he missed the audition for the leading male role by approximately sixteen years in my road-not-taken fantasy. This thought calls to mind, in thrilling detail, the dream sequence that I’ve committed to excising from my consciousness. I remind myself, very sternly, of the many excellent qualities of my devoted and utterly attractive husband, take another slug of disgusting coffee and turn my attention to the door, which swishes open to admit the next candidate.

At first glance, Margaret Anderson is the farthest thing from striking, with pale, doughy skin and an unruly mop of graying hair. She is, charitably speaking, stout, and I know in my sinking heart that nothing Margaret is going to say will be able to sway Barry. It is a terrible fate to be a plain woman. But as Margaret takes her seat and surveys the group around the table, something amazing happens: she smiles. And Margaret Anderson has a smile that transforms her in a second from forgettable to magnetic. Everyone turns toward her like flowers opening to the sun, and there is a moment of silence, broken by the sound of Barry choking on a mouthful of water.

Margaret launches in, and within moments is creaming the competition with her fundraising experience and her plans for the Baxter. My shoulders relax as I realize that she doesn’t need my help. I’ve only met two other people who could command a room like this. One is grinning far too widely at the end of the table, and the other … damn. I’m thinking about him naked again.

Jesse Walker

To: [email protected]

Sent: Friday, December 9, 2011, 12:26 PM

Subject: Dinner



Don’t forget that Anya is sensitive to dairy and garlic.



J. Sophie Whelan

To: [email protected]

Sent: Friday, December 9, 2011, 12:35 PM

Subject: Re: Dinner



Wouldn’t dream of it.





Geoffrey Durnford

To: [email protected]

Sent: Friday, December 9, 2011, 12:40 PM

Subject: Are you avoiding me?





Jenny catches my eye and mimics a typing motion with her thumbs. I drop the BlackBerry into my lap, fold my hands on the table and plaster an expression of rapt attention onto my face as Margaret explains her strategy for donor engagement. I don’t think of Will once.

“Thank you,” says Barry. “Those are all of our questions. At this stage in the process, we invite you to make a closing statement.”

“Not quite all of the questions, I think,” says a voice at the end of the table. Barry looks up, a warning in his eyes.

“Ms. Anderson,” says Lil, “I understand that you are a single mother. This has been a matter of some … concern to certain members of our committee. It is my understanding that some members of the committee are worried about your ability to participate in evening events as a result of your parenting responsibilities. I thought you might wish to have an opportunity to respond to the concern directly.”

“You are not required to answer that question,” Barry sputters. “It is highly inappropriate.”

“On the contrary,” says Margaret. “I’m delighted to answer that question. I always think it is preferable to have people ask than to have them wonder and draw conclusions without information. I am a single mother of a fourteen-year-old son. And for many years, I have had a very elaborate set of arrangements that allow me to work demanding jobs and still raise my son. Primarily, I rely on my mother, who lives with me, and who has been an active partner in my parenting. The fact that I am a single mother has never affected my ability to attend events, or to discharge any of my responsibilities to my donors or my employer. I do think that it has made me a more compassionate manager.”

“Thank you, Ms. Anderson,” says Barry severely. “That is all for today. We will be in touch.”

“Would you like to make a closing statement of some kind?” asks Jenny.

“Certainly,” says Margaret. “The Baxter has some remarkable strengths, and it should be at the forefront of donor’s minds in this city. The fact that this is not the case suggests to me that your major gift program has been neglected over the past few years. I think it’s quite common for organizations like this one to over invest in events. Events can bring the existing community together, but they don’t replace the important work of meeting with donors and persuading them to support the life-saving health care that takes place here. This is what I do best, and I think it’s a good fit for what you need. I believe deeply in the work that the Baxter does, and I’d love to be part of it.”

Jenny shows Margaret out, and the rest of us settle in for what is obviously going to be a long meeting. Barry is whispering furiously to Carl at one end of the table, while Carolyn and Marvin are in a huddle by the coffee station. Lil sits slightly apart from the group, looking queenly. “Alright, everyone,” says Jenny, as she resumes her seat. “I’ll facilitate the discussion. Let’s deal with the strengths and weaknesses of each candidate first, and then we’ll deal with them comparatively.”

“I’ll begin,” says Barry. “In my opinion, we were incredibly fortunate to have attracted Stephen Paul in the first place. He is by far the most qualified candidate, in terms of professional experience and stature. He’s just what we need: tough, strategic and business-minded.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” says Carl. “His focus on strategic planning is clearly well-placed, and his vision is realistic and achievable.”

“With respect,” says Marvin, “I don’t believe that I heard him articulate a vision. I think he said that he’d rather not do that without engaging in some kind of process first.” He looks at Carolyn. “What process was it? Stakeholding?”

“Stakeholdering, I believe,” says Carolyn. “I don’t mind telling you that I didn’t understand a word that man was saying. It was complete gibberish.”

“I agree,” says Lil. “I question the wisdom of having as our lead fundraiser someone who uses the word ‘actionable’ when he means ‘able to be done’. ‘Actionable’ means ‘giving rise to legal action’, for heaven’s sake. The man’s routine butchery of the English language might actually get us embroiled in a lawsuit.”

Carl bursts out laughing. “You can’t be serious. Give the man a break. I didn’t know the meaning of actionable until just now either.”

Lil sniffs. “Your ignorance is nothing to celebrate,” she says.

“Let’s talk for a moment about his professional experience,” says Jenny. “No one is disputing the fact that Mr. Paul has had a lengthy career in senior business roles. But are people confident that his specific experience is relevant for the position here?”

“I can’t say that I am,” says Anusha. “I’ve been thinking about what Sophie said in our last meeting – that fundraising organizations are different from charitable foundations. I didn’t hear Stephen say anything that persuaded me that he knew how to run a fundraising department.”

“I can assure you that it’s not rocket science,” says Barry, giving The Blowfish a workout at the end of the table. “If he can run a public company, he won’t have any difficulty running our fundraising operation. And I think we should be very careful about how influenced we are by Sophie’s opinions on the subject. She is hardly a fundraising expert herself, and her views are basically hearsay. In a court of law, you wouldn’t be able to consider that evidence at all.”

I consider Barry’s red cheeks, and think of my mother: Barry should be careful or his face might freeze that way. Surreptitiously, I pull my BlackBerry out of my purse and begin typing under the table.

J. Sophie Whelan

To: [email protected]

Sent: Friday, December 9, 2011, 12:56 PM

Subject: Overcome



Having homicidal ideation about Barry the Blowfish again. Is it wrong to want him to get hit by a bus?



“Happily, this isn’t a court of law, and in the context of the search committee, Sophie’s views as a staff member in the Advancement Department are considered relevant and useful,” says Jenny coldly. “The very reason that we require search committees to have staff representation is so we can have access to direct information about how specific departments work.”



Zoe Hennessy

To: [email protected]

Sent: Friday, December 9, 2011, 1:06 PM

Subject: Re: Overcome



Would he suffer?



J. Sophie Whelan

To: [email protected]

Sent: Friday, December 9, 2011, 1:11 PM

Subject: Re: Re: Overcome



Absolutely. That’s the point. Do you think it would be more painful to be dragged, or to have the bus back up and run over him again?



Patti has been silent throughout the meeting, but now says: “I feel compelled to mention that we have two equity candidates and that Stephen Paul is not one of them. If we end up hiring an older white male we are going to have to be convinced that he is far and away the best person for the job. I’m not hearing people say that so far. Why don’t we talk about the others and come back to Stephen?”

Zoe Hennessy

To: [email protected]

Sent: Friday, December 9, 2011, 1:20 PM

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Overcome



Homicidal ideation is better than suicidal ideation, but still unhealthy. Though not as unhealthy as being married to an a*shole like Richard.

P.S. I’ve disinvited Richard to your dinner party tonight. I’ll see you at 7.

P.P.S. Discussion re Will Shannon to be continued later. Do you know what you are doing??



“That depends,” says Barry, petulantly, “Is Sophie going to put her BlackBerry away and join the discussion?”

“Apologies,” I mutter. “Childcare issues, all solved now.” I slide the BlackBerry back into my purse.

“Right,” says Jenny. “What are people’s views on Karim Assaf?”

“Very impressive,” says the female Board member, whose name I still haven’t figured out. “I’ve been to several events at the CAC since he took over, and they’ve been terrific. He’s got a tremendous vision for where he wants to take this organization.”

“But is it where we want to go?” asks Marvin. “We need to raise large amounts of money for pretty pedestrian things like staff positions and equipment. We are very different from an arts organization. Listening to Mr. Assaf made me wonder if his experience is easily transferrable.”

“I think your concerns are overstated, Marvin,” says Carl. “We raise a lot of money from our Gala every year.”

“That’s true,” I say. “But we don’t raise anywhere near as much money from our Gala as we raise from our other fundraising efforts. Events are a pretty inefficient way to fundraise. They cost a lot, and they consume huge amounts of staff time. I personally wouldn’t want to see us do a lot more events.”

“Of course, Sophie is biased,” Barry interjects. “She’s supervising the Gala at the moment, somewhat against her wishes.”

“Isn’t that all the more reason to take her views into account?” asks Carolyn. “I’m also concerned that Mr. Assaf is too junior in his career for a move like this. I don’t think he has the experience to build our major gift program. Our average donor is well over sixty years old. In my opinion, Margaret Anderson is far and away the most suitable candidate. She has fifteen years of relevant experience and her fundraising plan makes sense. And I could understand the words she used.”

“I agree,” says Marvin. “I thought she seemed like a terrific person. Lots of positive energy and ideas, a very pleasing personality. I think our donors will like dealing with her and she’ll be able to talk to the medical staff.”

Barry looks shocked. “No one is suggesting that she isn’t nice. She’s obviously nice. But nice isn’t going to bring in the bucks! We need someone who is prepared to look our donors in the eye and shake them down. You need someone who knows how to make a deal. Stephen is clear the front-runner on that score.”

“Speaking as a donor,” says Lil, “I think that the shake-down strategy is over rated. I’d much rather deal with someone who can make a rational case for why my assistance is needed than someone who tries to bully me into it. I’d much rather take Margaret Anderson’s calls than Stephen Paul’s.”

“Is this about ‘equity’?” says Barry. “Because if you are turning down one of the leading business figures in the country because he’s a white male, it is political correctness run wild. And anyway, it’s not at all clear to me that a woman should be given special ‘equity’ consideration. It’s not as though there are no women in management here.”

“I’d like to point out that you are the one who was prepared to disqualify Ms. Anderson on the basis of her family status,” says Lil. “But to answer your question, no, this is not about equity. It might be if I thought the candidates were close on other measures. I don’t.”

“I don’t think we’re giving enough consideration to Mr. Assaf,” says the female Board member. “He’s young, dynamic and he wants to put the hospital on the map. If he can do for us what he did for the CAC, we’ll be bringing in tons of new donors.”

“I didn’t hear him say that his major gift program showed any signs of increasing,” I say. “He threw a bunch of great parties, and he managed to get a bunch of new members – but they offered discounted ticket prices to members, so the increase to the bottom line is probably negligible.”

“Well,” says Jenny, “This might be a good moment to take a straw poll and see if we are arriving at any kind of consensus.”

“Nonsense,” blusters Barry. “That would be premature. I think we would all benefit from a period of reflection. I suggest that we adjourn the meeting and reconvene in a week’s time.”

“I disagree,” says Lil. “We will get to the right decision a lot faster if we let people vote while their impressions of the candidates are fresh in their minds.”

“That is consistent with our regular practice,” says Jenny. “I’m very reluctant to expose committee members to pressure – however well-intentioned – to back one candidate or another. People should commit to a candidate based on their honest reactions to the interviews and not because they have had outside discussions with other members of the committee. Not that I’m saying that anyone would do that, you understand, just that it is a risk if we adjourn.”

Barry’s face is purple, and everyone around the table is studiously avoiding any eye contact with him.

“Let’s just get an initial feel of the room,” says Jenny, “and that will tell us how we should proceed. How many people support Mr. Paul for the position?”

Barry and Carl raise their hands.

“Two,” says Jenny. “How many people support Mr. Assaf?”

The female Board member raises her hand.

“One,” says Jenny. “And how many people support Ms. Anderson?”

Six hands shoot up: Carolyn, Marvin, Anusha, Patti, Lil and me. “Six,” says Jenny, “plus my vote is seven.” She pauses. “That was intended to be a straw poll, but we have such a strong majority vote that it may not be necessary to continue. Does anyone feel that further discussion might change their vote?”

“I’m on the fence,” says the female Board member. “It’s possible that with further discussion, I might vote for Margaret Anderson.”

“And with further discussion, you might come to support Stephen Paul,” says Barry.

“No, I don’t think so,” says the female Board member, and Barry looks deflated.

“That being the case, it seems that we have a new Vice President,” says Jenny. “My office will prepare an offer in consultation with the Board and we will report back to you if and when the candidate accepts. And the Communications people will need to start thinking about the press release and public announcement.”

“Of course,” I say. I am trying not to smile too broadly. Barry is still my boss for a few more weeks and I shouldn’t rub it in.

Barry inclines his head, acknowledging the defeat, and says: “I may not agree with the choice that we’ve made here today, but I respect the will of the majority. This is an important moment for the Baxter Children’s Hospital, and we need to present a united front. I’ll start the ball rolling on the public announcement today. We’ll need some strong, professional communications advice on this.” Barry looks at me. “Don’t you agree, Sophie?”

“Absolutely,” I say. “This is a great opportunity to create some real buzz about the hospital and we don’t want to miss it. When would you like to meet to talk about the PR strategy?”

“Oh, you misunderstand me,” says Barry, smiling slightly. “I don’t think a meeting will be necessary. I just need you to send me the contact information for the best PR folks in town and I’ll get in touch with them myself.”

I have an odd shrinking sensation, almost as if Barry has punctured the bubble of elation in my chest. My cheeks are hot with humiliation. “You don’t want my office to help with the announcement?” I say.

Barry regards me with undisguised malice. “Oh, I think we’ve had the benefit of more than enough help from you this week,” says Barry. “And as I said, it’s an important moment. We can’t leave the job to amateurs.”