The Good Life

Chapter FOURTEEN



After my visit with Violet I started replaying the argument with Jake and thinking about all of the things he said. What was that crap about me choosing Caleb over him because of money? That may be how it looked to Jake, but that was not how it went down. Caleb came from an upper-middle class family. They had more than some but it took almost everything they had to put him through school. There were times in the beginning of our marriage when I didn’t even have quarters for the laundry machines. Jake was way wrong. I wasn’t a gold-digger!

He wasn’t wrong about everything he said though. When I started thinking back, he was right about me running away. That day I’d caught Skank Queen in bed with Riley, I ran off to CMU instead of facing my friends at his birthday party that night. Originally I had only applied to UNC because I liked their school colors (I know, I know; I tend to make decisions for very random reasons), but when I got my admission letter shortly after Riley’s birthday I accepted because I didn’t want to go to U of M where most of my classmates were going, just to deal with the same looks of pity every day. I wanted to go where no one would know about my rise and fall in the high school hierarchy game. I thought, to hell with Riley and his homies. And I left. I guess I did run away.

When I found out about Destiny’s child, I ran to Jake to keep my mind off it.

When Caleb told me he wanted a divorce, the first thing I did was run off to the beach only to run even farther to Michigan.

I went for one job interview, saw someone I didn’t want to see and basically gave up job searching all together.

Jake was right! I had been running. Every time things didn’t go my way, I left. Even if it was just going to the mall, I always left to find a distraction. And poor Jake, he’d basically been the distraction a number of times. It was like I’d been using him, and he didn’t deserve that. He deserved someone who wanted to be with him always, even when times were great, not just when they’d been dumped. It suddenly occurred to me that I was a total jerk. All this time I’d been using him and abusing him, and he’d let me do it. I didn’t know why he’d put up with it all this time, but I made a promise to myself that it was going to stop.

I had to stop running. I needed to face the fact that I hit the bottom and start climbing my way back up. I would get my job back at The Bar. The summers weren’t as busy, but during the school year I could easily make several hundred a night, and if someone wanted to think I was a loser for that, screw them. I couldn’t tell Violet to stop worrying about what people thought if I wasn’t going to take my own advice.

I picked up my phone to call Jake, to thank him for pointing out a huge problem and to tell him about my new attitude. That was when I saw I had a missed call from my lawyer.



I called Jake twice and he didn’t answer. That was fine. He had to come home eventually, and I’d be waiting for him when he did. I knew he wasn’t bartending since it was a weeknight, so I figured he’d be home when he was done making his statement.

I had thrown some pulled pork in the slow cooker before I left for the park. I mastered the pork butt while I was at UNC. They call it “barbeque” down in North Carolina, just barbeque. Once that was ready, I “pulled” the pork and shredded carrots and cabbage for the cole slaw.

I spent the evening unpacking the bags I’d haphazardly packed that morning and repacking them in a neater way. I brought them downstairs and put them by the back door when I was done so they’d be ready to grab when I left in the morning.

And then I waited … a long time. I was watching Chelsea Lately in the living room when I finally heard his Jeep pull into the driveway. I got up and went into the kitchen to greet him at the back door. I felt like jumping into his arms and wrapping my legs around his waist like I’d seen people do in photos a lot but never in real life. But he wasn’t alone. My brother walked in behind him.

Oh yeah. They were friends after all. I guess they would hang out together every once in awhile. But this really wasn’t something I wanted to talk about in front of my brother so that meant I had to wait until Adam went to sleep. Oh well. At least he didn’t walk in the door with Carmen or some other shooter girl with perfect legs.

“I made some barbeque,” I told them. “And homemade slaw.”

“Fantastic!” Adam said and grabbed a plate right away.

Jake looked less enthusiastic, but even a guy who is mad at you doesn’t turn down food. Throughout getting his plate, filling it up and eating, he avoided my eyes the entire time. I didn’t like it. Not one bit. He was making me angrier every second. And the strangest thing about it was that I wanted him more the madder I got.

I told them I was going to bed, but I really just wanted to get away so I could wait for Jake to come upstairs and ambush him. That doesn’t sound totally stalker-esque does it?

I played some apps on my Kindle while I waited. Grrr … hurry the hell up already!

Finally, FINALLY, I heard a beep on my phone.



JAKE: Are you awake?



Just seeing his name made my stomach feel like I was going downhill on a roller coaster.



ME: Yes

JAKE: Can I come in?

ME: Of course



I got out of bed and opened the door so Jake wouldn’t have to knock, and Adam wouldn’t get suspicious. When Jake reached the top of the stairs he slipped into my room like a snake, and I quickly closed the door behind him, leaving us in darkness except for the light on my Kindle Fire screen.

I hugged him because I’d really hated our argument earlier, and I was glad he was home. He smelled like beer. I know this is weird, and I’m pretty sure it has something to do with all of the sexual experimenting I did when I was in high school, because beer was usually involved, but the scent of beer on a guy’s breath was a huge turn-on for me. And being in the dark, and so close …

But I made a promise that I wouldn’t use him as a distraction anymore, and I wasn’t going to break it on the first day. At least, it wasn’t my intention to. But Jake didn’t pat my head this time. He hugged me back. Tightly, too.

“I’ve been waiting for you all night,” I whispered into his neck.

“Me too,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry.”

“Me too.”

Then he kissed me. It was rougher than usual. He was aggressive.

He wrapped his hands into the bun on the back of my head and held my face so tightly to his that even if I’d tried to pull away, I couldn’t. Not that I tried to pull away. I had enough self-control not to start anything with him. But once he started it, it was over. I wasn’t trying to stop him. The only thing I tried to do was catch my breath before he took it from me again.

He snapped my head back with a quick pull of my hair and I gasped. He kissed my shoulder, my neck, and just under my chin.

“Why?” he asked quietly when his mouth was right by my ear.

“Why what?” Why was he talking? I couldn’t even think, let alone form words.

“Why are you sorry?” he asked.

“We’ll talk later,” I told him. “Right now I just want you to f*ck me.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said. He threw me onto the bed and, not long after, he ripped those ruffles right off my butt. Better late than never.



“We seriously have to stop doing this,” I said quietly. We’d been quiet the whole time since my brother was home. There was something seriously hot about quiet sex in the dark. It’s way underrated.

But my inability to keep it in my pants was not as hot. I was beginning to sound like a broken record. If my life was a movie, the viewers would be throwing popcorn at the screen right now. I was even annoying myself. Make up your damn mind!

He had been lying next to me but sat up in self-defense. “You’re the one who told me to f*ck you!”

I sat up, too, and pulled my comforter up over my chest to keep warm. “Shhh! That’s because you’re the one who got rough with me and kissed my chin. You know you can’t pull my hair like that and kiss my chin and then not f*ck me! It wouldn’t be right!”

“What did you think I was going to do when you pulled me into your dark bedroom? Don’t act like you’re innocent in all this. You even had on those ruffles. But I’ll take the blame if you want. I’m not the one who keeps saying we need to stop.”

I smiled and shook my head at him in disbelief. “This. Is the best argument. Ever.”

“I agree.”

“At least we agree on one thing.”

He lied back down, got comfortable and patted the bed beside him for me to lie down, too. So I did. I crawled under the covers facing him and enjoyed the comfort of being close to him.

“Why were you waiting for me all night?” he asked.

“I wanted to say thank you,” I said quietly.

“For what?”

“For telling it to me straight.”

“About the running?”

“You were right,” I said. “I have been running. I just didn’t realize it. No one ever called me out on it, and I’m glad you did. Now I can stop running and learn to deal with things instead.”

“You’re welcome. I guess. But if you’re not running anymore then why are your bags sitting by the back door?”

“My lawyer called. We’re gonna have a face-to-face with the other side to see if we can work something out.” I sighed because all of this divorce and lawyer stuff was annoying. “My lawyer thinks I should get more than fifty percent because I’ve been a homemaker all this time, and I’m the one who is going to have to get a lower paying job and get used to a lower paying lifestyle. Caleb’s not agreeing on the bigger settlement, so we’re having a sit-down. I don’t care either way. I just want it over with so I can move on. But when someone says to come to The City, I don’t argue.”

“When are you leaving?”

“Tomorrow,” I told him. “The meeting is Wednesday morning. I was gonna ask if you could drive me to the airport so I don’t have to pay for parking. Adam has to work.”

“I could just drive you to New York.”

“You … want to come to New York?”

He shrugged. “I don’t bartend until the weekend, and I can reschedule some photo shoots. I’ve never been there, and I’d love to get some shots for my portfolio.”

I sat up, suddenly not tired anymore, and clapped my hands together in excitement. “Omigod! You have to come then. I can buy you a plane ticket with all the money I made being your underwear model!”

He looked away from me. “I can’t fly. You know.”

I’m such a douchebag! How could I forget?

Jake’s grandparents, his mom’s parents, died in a plane crash when he was six. He and his mom lived with them so Jake was super close to them both.

After the accident, he was plagued with nightmares for many years, and refused to ever set foot on a plane. I thought it was weird that he would come to the lot by the airport with me if he was so afraid of them. I guess they didn’t bother him as long as he was on the ground. But he swore he would never, ever step into one. Being on an airplane was his worst fear.

I lied back down and reached for his fingers next to mine on the bed. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”

“It’s fine. You up for a road trip?”

“Always!” I said, eagerly. “But there’s one thing you should know.”

“What’s that?”

“I am not going to have sex with you.”

He laughed.

“Ever again.” I said, determined.

“Please, Roxie, don’t challenge me. It’s only going to make me want to prove you wrong.”

“I mean it!” I said, even if I knew he could easily prove me wrong if he tried. Especially with that take-charge-and-throw-me-around shit.

“Does that mean you want me to leave?” he asked.

NO! Never! I shook my head.

“And by the way,” I said to change the subject, “what you said earlier, about me being a gold digger –”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” he said. Even in the dim room I could tell he looked pained and annoyed. “I told you I didn’t mean it. There’s no reason to go over it again.”

“No, there is,” I said. “You don’t know how it was. Caleb wasn’t rich when I met him. He was a normal college guy. We really struggled in the beginning. I got my wedding dress at,” I coughed because it was so hard to get the horrible words out, “David’s Bridal on clearance for ninety-nine dollars!”

I waited for him to scream in horror or give me a look of disgust after I revealed that shameful secret, but his expression didn’t change. Must be a guy thing.

“When we first moved to New York,” I continued, “we were so broke we ate meatless pasta for dinner nearly every night, and I had to wear my jeans like three times in a row because we didn’t have quarters for the laundry machines.”

“I was wrong.”

“And I have never been ashamed of you.”

He groaned. “I take back everything I said earlier! Can you drop it?”

“No, I want to explain this to you,” I said. “Bartending is a respectable profession. It requires a lot of skill.”

He sighed and rolled over to face the ceiling. I guess he was giving up on getting me to drop it.

“Serving food and drinks is not as cool of a job,” I explained. “It doesn’t require any skill, except patience. And the ability to smile in someone’s face when you really want to squeeze lemons in their eyes. It’s a fine job for someone in school, someone younger. I just feel that, at my age, I should be able to get a more professional job.”

“I get it,” he said through clenched teeth.

“The reason I have been too embarrassed to get my job back at The Bar is because I feel like working where I worked eight years ago is moving backward, ya know?”

“If you were moving forward in the wrong direction, maybe moving backward isn’t a bad thing,” he said.

“No, maybe not,” I said thoughtfully.

We were both quiet for a few minutes. Long enough for him to relax again. He took my hand in his and started running his finger up and down the inside of my palm.

Then I remembered something else he said yesterday.

“And one more thing,” I said.

He dropped my hand and groaned. He knew where this was going. “Just let it go.”

“I didn’t choose him over you.”

He took a deep breath. I could tell that my usually calm and patient friend was starting to lose that infamous patience. He sat up again. “I’m going back to my room.”

“No,” I said, pulling him back down. “I won’t talk about it again. Just have your facts straight. I didn’t choose him over you because I didn’t have you to choose. You told me long-distance relationships were stupid. You said it was best for us both to move on. So I did. And there is no reason to talk about it again.”

“Agreed.”



I have always been a huge fan of road trips as long as the weather was nice. Winter road trips were awful, sucky, nuggets of crap. Summer road trips were the most fun to be had in a car.

Never mind. What was I saying? Jake and I had plenty of fun in cars during The Summer of Jake and Roxie. Most of the time when the car wasn’t moving … if you know what I mean. And a few times when it was, wink wink. I know, it’s totally juvenile, but I mentioned before that we had to get creative at times. I had more fun with Jake in cars and trucks that summer than I ever had in my Manhattan bed, even with the best sheets and comforters money could buy.

Anyway, I’m digressing. Our first stop was McDonald’s because both of us had a few drinks last night and stayed up way too late. Everyone knows a McDonald’s Coke is the best hangover cure you can get through a drive-thru. Knowing I was about to set out on what I hoped would be a great adventure, I was in a fantastic mood. When we got to the window to pay, I told the girl working the drive-thru that I was going to pay for the order of the person behind me, too.

“What’d you do that for?” Jake asked.

I shrugged. “It’s the little gestures that can really make a person’s day.” I didn’t mention that GLL Challenge #3 was to do something nice for a stranger.

After McDonald’s, we stopped at the gas station to fill up … on candy. It would be criminal to go on a road trip without gummy bears.

Jake did most of the driving while I was in charge of entertainment. The eight hour drive went by quickly, thanks to my expertise in road trip playlists and conversational games. He was so easy to be around, especially when we were just hanging out and acting like friends and not having any dramatic meltdowns.

We arrived in NYC (aka My Soulmate) at around 4pm. I moved to the driver’s seat to give him a drive-by tour of some of Manhattan’s most popular spots. We drove through Times Square, downtown and the former site of the World Trade Center, as well as Battery Park and the Statue of Liberty, Grand Central, Rockefeller Center, and Central Park.

I know this sounds ridiculous, but being back in The City made me feel like a completely different person. In Ann Arbor I was pathetic and whiny, but NYC gave me a confidence I’d never been able to find anywhere else. No job? Big deal. No husband? Big deal. New York does that to people. It’s like a drug. It makes people happy.

Jake was having a good time, too. He did non-stop clicking on his camera during the drive-through tour and also had a permanent smile on his face.

By the time we’d driven around the island, I was starving and ready to get out of the car. We had a double room reserved at The Plaza Hotel. I’d tried getting us a room at the Soho Grande or Tribeca Grande, but they were booked. The Plaza would have to do (sniff sniff). It was probably better that we stayed on the Upper Side anyway – less chance of running into Caleb up there. The last thing I wanted was for Caleb or his lawyer or any of his friends to see me with Jake. It wouldn’t look good, especially since I was there to try to get more money from him.

I was used to being a spoiled princess, so I walked into the hotel with my head held high and acted as if I belonged there. When we got into the room, I lied down on my stomach on one of the beds and checked out the room service menu.

“What do you feel like for dinner?” I asked him. “We can go out, eat downstairs or order room service or delivery.”

“Um …” he looked dumbstruck by all of it. He wouldn’t have been any less obvious if he had the word “tourist” tattooed on his forehead. “You’re the one who knows what you’re doing. You decide.”

I rolled over onto my side and propped my head up on my wrist. “I’m way too hungry right now to bother getting ready to go out so I vote for room service.”

He agreed to room service for dinner as long as we could go out later on so he could take some pictures of the city at night. We were driving home tomorrow after the meeting so he only had one night in New York. I wanted to stay longer (like forever), but I was only supposed to use Caleb’s travel expense account for divorce-related stuff, like meetings and court. I didn’t think it would be right to stay longer than I needed to and bill him for it.



“I love room service,” I told Jake once the food arrived and I was digging into a bunch of yummy carbs. We each sat cross-legged on our own beds while we ate. “Sometimes it’s nice to be able to enjoy a fine cooked meal while wearing cutoff shorts, yesterday’s makeup and a ponytail. Don’t you think?”

“I would rather die than wear cutoff shorts,” he said like a smartass. “But yeah, this steak is great. I can see how you got sucked into this world.”

“I didn’t get sucked in,” I said, defensively. “It’s not some kind of cult, Jake. I chose to live here. And even though my marriage didn’t work out, I don’t regret moving here. This is where I belong.”

“I didn’t mean the city sucked you in. I was talking about all of the rich people stuff. Like this hotel. And room service. You seem like a completely different person when you’re here. I feel like I don’t even know you right now.”

Hmm. He was right. He really didn’t know this version of me. “Do you want to know me?”

He set his fork on his plate and looked at me thoughtfully and then shrugged. “I’m not sure.” That’s Jake. Always honest.



When we were done getting ready for the night, I took Jake on a photography/barhopping night in NYC. My annoyance with him and the comment he’d made about not wanting to know me left me confused and frustrated. I took my frustrations out on my hair and face. A person can always tell what kind of mood I’m in by the amount of makeup on my face. If you see black eyeliner, walk the other way.

I put on my new hot pink peep-toes, the ones I’d bought at Barney’s the day Caleb told me he wanted a divorce. I hadn’t been able to wear them yet, and this city was made for shoes like these. People in Ann Arbor wouldn’t know the difference between a Louboutin and a Balenciaga while some women in New York could name your shoe designer from three blocks away.

I introduced Jake to the world of NYC transportation by using both taxis and the subway. I also showed him all about overpriced drinking. We went to bars in Chelsea, Murray Hill, the Meatpacking District and waited thirty minutes to get up on the garden rooftop bar at 230 Fifth where he oohed and ahhed and snapped like I knew he would.

By the time we got downtown to see Hope at her martini bar, we were both pretty buzzed. She didn’t know I was coming and screamed out loud when she saw me.

“Who is this stunning young man you’ve brought into my bar?” was the first question. No hi, how are you, what are you doing here – just who is the guy.

“Hope, this is Jake. Jake – Hope.”

“Oh,” she said with a nod of recognition. “The roommate slash ex-boyfriend slash lifelong friend of the family who you accidentally had sex with?”

“Yeah,” I replied. “More than once.”

“Nice going!” she said in approval. Jake was standing right next to me and even though the music was loud, Hope was also loud, so I was pretty sure he could hear the conversation. Especially when he looked at me with that shit-eating grin I loved to hate.

“Come on, I’ll buy you a drink,” she said, pulling me over to the bar. “You look great. You look young and happy, like the old fun Roxie again. How’s the list?” she asked while she shook up some watermelon juice martinis.

“It’s fine,” I said. I gave her a look that I hoped she would understand. It meant not to talk about the list right now.

She looked back at me like she didn’t understand. “There’s a photo booth over there,” she said. “You know, in case you need one.”

Ah ha. GLL Challenge #6 – Get your photo taken in a photo booth … Topless. And GLL Challenge #7 – Give the photo to someone.

“I got this,” I said. “Take care of my guy for me, will you? Don’t let him get lost.”

For the first two shots in the photo booth I tried to look sweet and innocent. For the third one, I flashed the camera and gave my best supermodel expression. In the fourth one, I was sweet and innocent again. Jake is going to love it, I thought, as I stepped out of the photo booth proudly. He loves the sweet and innocent girl turned naughty kind of stuff.

I handed it to him at the bar right in front of Hope who gave me a knowing smile. “I wouldn’t go topless for all of Facebook,” I told him, “but I’ll go topless for you.”

“You’re a tease,” he said smiling. “You can’t tell me you never want to have sex with me again and then give me a picture like this.”

I took it from his hands and stuck it in my purse for safekeeping. “I never said I didn’t want to. I just said I wasn’t going to.” Were we really having this discussion in public? In a loud bar where I needed to raise my voice to be heard? I must be drunk. As if passing around a topless photo of myself wasn’t my first clue.

“Maybe you can explain the difference to me later,” he said with a smirk. “After sex.”

I playfully punched him in the arm. “Not happening. Can we stop talking about it?”

He laughed out loud. “You’re opposed to uncomfortable conversations when you’re on the other side of them, huh?”

I rolled my eyes. “Are you having fun?”

He smiled at me and took my hand in his. “You know I am.”

I pulled my hand away. Being drunk around him was no good. When I was sober I could try to keep myself in check, but when I was drunk, the game was over. We needed to sober up a little before we went back to the Plaza, and we weren’t going to do it in a bar. Air. We needed air.

“We should probably start heading back,” I yelled over the music. “I’ve got that meeting in the morning.”

He nodded and took my hand again. I let him keep it this time since it was easier to get out of the crowd that way.

When we were back on the street I asked him if he got the pictures he wanted.

“I would have gotten better ones if I’d had my tripod, but I didn’t want to carry a bunch of gear around all night.”

I got an idea. “Hey, I know where we can go! The condo is only a few blocks away. You can set the camera down on the balcony and get some awesome pics. I still have my key and we haven’t rented it out yet.”

I started walking faster out of excitement. I couldn’t wait to show Jake my beloved terrace and its incredible panoramic views. Maybe then he could get to know the New York me.

He kind of pulled my hand back a little though.

“What?” I asked him.

He shrugged. “I don’t know. Are you sure? It won’t make you upset or anything?”

“No way,” I answered quickly. “I love my condo. I can’t wait to show you the views.”



I realized as soon as I opened the door that someone was living in the condo, the condo that I was still paying half the payments for each month. The empty beer bottles on the coffee table and dirty dishes on the counter gave it away. My first thought was that Caleb had rented it out and forgotten to tell me, in which case I intended on leaving immediately and praying that the tenant never found out I’d walked into his or her apartment, especially since there were noises coming from the bedroom that were of a private nature, if you know what I mean.

Caleb was as anal-retentive as they came. He wouldn’t ordinarily leave beer bottles and dirty dishes around. He preferred neat and orderly to chaotic and disorganized. Every night when he came home from work he took off his shoes, polished them with a special rag and lined them up evenly and neatly next to the other shoes on the mat. When I looked down, there they were; shiny and sharp and lined up as always.

I should have left. But I didn’t. I headed toward the bedroom. Jake put a hand on my shoulder to stop me but my adrenaline had kicked in and there was no stopping me. I moved fast and burst into the bedroom without warning. Afterward, I really wished I had knocked.

The first thing I saw was a blonde head, a cheerleader’s uniform and some pom-poms. Next, I saw a person sitting on the bed wearing nothing but a black, furry bear mask.

It all happened so quickly, but I really thought I had walked in on Rebecca Dunbar going down on my husband while he sat on our bed dressed as a bear. I mean, that would be kind of weird, right? And most likely traumatizing. And certainly vomit-inducing to the current-but-soon-to-be-ex wife who drank seven cocktails in the last four hours.

Except that’s not what I saw at all. It was way worse than that.

When the cheerleader turned around I saw that it was Caleb – wearing a cheerleader’s uniform and a wig – not Rebecca. And when the bear stood up and took off the mask, I saw it was Rebecca Dunbar ... wearing a strap-on.

I am not a prude. I can handle a little bit of freaky shit. But that was the melting pot of freaky shit. It was a pot of Freaky Shit Stew and they had thrown in a little bit of everything.

I didn’t make it to the toilet. I tried and I even covered my mouth but I didn’t make it. Oh well. Let them clean it up. I took off running, grabbed Jake’s hand and pulled him out the door with me. I was too scared to wait for an elevator because they’d likely be dressed and running after me before it arrived. I ran for the door to the stairs and slammed it open.

I quickly removed my heels and ran down the stairs, totally expecting Caleb to chase after me with a chainsaw and then throw it down at me like in the movie American Psycho. I had never been more scared in all my life.

I ran down four floors and when I didn’t hear anyone following us, I thought it was safe to leave the stairwell. I pulled Jake back into the hallway, closed the door to the stairwell and leaned against it so they couldn’t open it if they tried. It was now time for me to slide down the wall and put my head in my hands like they do in the movies.

“I don’t want to leave for awhile,” I whispered to Jake. “Just in case they come after me.”

“I’m starting to feel like I’m in a James Bond movie,” he whispered back.

“I’m starting to feel like I’m in a Tom Cruise movie,” I said. “A horror film starring Tom Cruise.”

He looked alarmed. “That does sound scary,” he said seriously.

I shook my head slowly. “You don’t even know, Jake. You don’t even want to know. I won’t even scar you for life by telling you.”

“That bad?”

“Worse.”

He sat down next to me on the floor and turned on his camera. “Then I won’t show this to you. But you might want to let your lawyer know you have it on camera.”

We waited in the hallway four floors down for about thirty minutes before I felt it was safe to take an elevator. I worried they’d be waiting for us in the lobby, but they weren’t. We escaped the building safely, and I found a cab right away, even at the late hour.

It wasn’t a surprise to me when my cell phone rang right after Jake and I got back to our hotel room.

“I just got an emergency call from the other side,” my lawyer told me. She sounded raspy, like she’d been woken up. “The meeting tomorrow morning has been postponed. He said he and his client have a lot to discuss before we meet. Do you have any idea what this is about?”

“Unfortunately,” I said gravely.

“Do you want to tell me?”

“I caught him doing some pretty twisted stuff with his coworker’s wife. I really don’t want to get into detail because it’s pretty, um, disturbing. But I have a picture.”

“Okay,” she paused. “This could be really good news for us, Roxie. He said he’d call me by tomorrow afternoon to reschedule. Why don’t you sit tight for one more day and I’ll see if we can get this taken care of quickly?”

“Sounds good. Talk to you tomorrow then.” I hung up and gave Jake a small smile. “I guess you get to spend some more time in New York.”

He put his hands just under my shoulders in that calming way he’s done before and looked me in the eye. “How are you feeling? Are you okay? I don’t want to be happy about staying another day if you’re miserable.”

I shook my head. “I actually feel kind of relieved because this explains so much.” I paused. “I wish I hadn’t had to see it firsthand, though. And how did you get the picture? I thought you stayed in the living room. I never saw you follow me.”

He shrugged. “I’m quick.”

I showered to get the smell of vomit off me, put on my pajamas and then came out to the sink to brush my teeth. Jake came over and started brushing his teeth, too. He gave me that “let’s f*ck” look in the mirror. I just laughed and showed him a mouthful of toothpaste.

“I’m going to bed,” I said when I was done. “Think about some places you want to see tomorrow.”

I got into the bed closest to the window and turned away from him. Mmm, aren’t hotel beds the best? He turned the lights off, and I heard him get into his bed, too.

It was about ten minutes later when he said, “You awake?”

“Yeah.”

“If it wasn’t money, then what was it? When I thought he was rich I assumed that was your motive. But now, with you telling me he was just some regular guy, I’m even more confused because the guy is a dick. He’s a sick dick. A sick dick who likes dicks. On chicks.”

I started laughing so hard I nearly peed myself. I knew it wasn’t funny, but I was glad I was able to laugh about it. I was laughing too hard to answer the question. I didn’t even know if there was an answer to the question. Why had I married Caleb? Why had I ever even gone out with him?

“I just can’t believe that’s the guy you chose over me,” Jake said quietly.

I turned around to face his bed. The room was not completely dark, but merely dim, thanks to all of the lights on the street. I could see the outline of his face. “Jake, stop saying that. I didn’t choose him over you. It’s not like someone said ‘do you want Caleb or Jake?’ I didn’t have you as an option. You weren’t there.”

“No, I wasn’t there. I was at home waiting for you to come back. I figured I’d been waiting for you for like ten years so what was nine more months?” He rolled onto his back and faced the ceiling. “I thought you were coming back. You know, just so you have your facts straight,” he mocked me. “And I was fine with you meeting someone else and falling in love—”

I snorted from the other bed at the thought of being in love with Caleb.

“—and getting engaged. I was too young to think of anything that serious. But I hated it that you never talked to me about it. You just sent me an invitation to your wedding. You weren’t just some chick I hooked up with one summer. You and your family were the only people I’d ever really had in my life. And you acted like I was never anything to you but a wedding gift. It was pretty shitty. So forgive me if I keep bringing up the past or asking you questions. I’m just trying to understand why it happened.”

Could this night get any f*cking worse? A winter storm advisory would have been appreciated. At least then I could have brought a jacket. I was totally not prepared for this snowball fight. It wasn’t like I’d had eight years to prepare or anything.

I rolled onto my back and sighed. Jake was right. The way I’d handled it was wrong. Even if he had told me he didn’t want a long-distance relationship, he had been my closest guy friend. We had been friends since I was three years old. He deserved a phone call or, at the very least, an email.

I turned over to face his bed again. “You’re right. It was shitty the way I did things. At first I thought it was too soon to talk to you about it. Then my mom sent the invitations out and I thought it was too late. And so much time kept going by, and I thought about you a lot, but I was too scared to talk to you because I thought you’d be mad. You know I don’t like confrontations. When even more time went by I figured you’d forgotten all about me by then.”

He didn’t say anything so I continued.

“And I can’t really explain what I was thinking when I started seeing Caleb. I was young and stupid, and here was this guy telling me he was moving to New York and taking me with him. He was so sure of himself, and in control, and I listened to him. You know I’d wanted to move to New York since I was little. And it was everything I thought it would be. Even when we were struggling, I was happy to be here. But I never meant to hurt you or screw things up with us, and I’m sorry for that. Do you think you’ll ever be able to forgive me?”

Even in the dark I could see him smile. “Of course, Little Girl. I already did. I just always wondered if maybe I did something wrong, if it was my fault. But I’m not holding it against you.”

“It wasn’t your fault, Jake. I promise.”

I heard his breathing change a little while later and knew he had fallen asleep. If only I was so lucky. I was too tired to deal with this, but I couldn’t seem to fall asleep. I kept imagining Jake getting that wedding invitation without hearing a word from me. He must have felt like part of his second family had abandoned him. He probably felt like he didn’t matter at all. I had felt like that before, several times, and I knew from experience that it was the worst feeling.

Knowing I was responsible for hurting him like that made me so angry with myself. I felt awful. I swear I could spend whatever I had left of my life making it up to him and I’d still feel bad about it.

It was hard to be so far away from him after what he’d just told me. I needed him to know how sorry I was. And that he did matter. A lot. That was why I crawled into his bed with him. I had no trouble falling asleep after that.

The next thing I knew, I was waking up to a bright and beautiful Manhattan morning. The sounds of traffic instantly made me feel at home. Jake was next to me in the bed – shirtless! – awake and smiling at me from under the comforter. I could smell coffee. I was pretty sure he’d been up for awhile which made me a little nervous. I liked to be the one who woke up first so I didn’t get caught drooling or farting in my sleep or anything embarrassing like that. But it was too perfect of a scene for me to care. The way his tan skin contrasted with the pristine white bedding, the way his 500-watt smile lit up the room, and the way the sun beamed in through the windows, it was like I was in my own fabric softener commercial.

There was a time when I didn’t think life got any better than drinking coffee on a beautiful summer morning in NYC. That changed when my coffee was poured by a smiling and shirtless Jake. This was the apex of mornings right here. There was no way it could get better – unless he kissed me good morning.

I couldn’t stop the images from running through my mind. Jake, me, soft fluffy comforter, two cute kids bouncing around on a huge bed; two cute kids climbing the Alice in Wonderland statue in Central Park while I freak out that they might fall and Jake laughs at my anxiety and takes pictures of us; the four of us plopping down on a blanket and having a picnic in the park. It was nice. I didn’t want to turn the reel off, but I had to.

“I hope you don’t mind,” he said, as he handed me the coffee, cream and sugar already mixed in the way I liked it, “but I ordered some breakfast from room service.”

I graciously accepted the mug and laughed. “Who is getting sucked into this world?”