The Back Road

3

It was late by the time they made it to bed, but Leo was glad that she had managed to conquer her anxiety and finally set foot over the threshold. It was so good to see Ellie; she’d stayed away for far too long. It had always seemed better to meet up in Manchester or Chester for the day, or invite the whole family over to her place. But tonight she’d done it. She had fought her demons and won. Now all she had to do was prove that she could sleep here. No doubt the wine would help.

She was sleeping in Ellie’s old bedroom, and the tiny box room that used to be hers was now a perfect en suite. Everything had changed in there; the old door from the landing had been plastered over with a new door opening from the bedroom into the shower room. The modern white fittings looked bright and shiny against the dark grey tiles, and twinkling spotlights reflected off the huge mirror that hung behind the sink. No old memories here.

Leo hadn’t been allowed in Ellie’s room when they were growing up, although both girls had sometimes risked incurring the wrath of Ellie’s mother by disobeying. But Leo had never broken the rules when it really mattered – when Ellie had needed her. From the night Ellie realised that their father had gone for good without a word of goodbye, she had grieved alone in the privacy of this bedroom. Leo had lain in her own bed, listening through the wall to the sounds of her sister crying, knowing that she should try to console her. But she didn’t know how. Ellie couldn’t understand Leo’s indifference to his departure, but Leo truly believed that in the last few years of her life in this house she had become devoid of emotion. She had spent so many lonely nights after her arrival here. She had been the one sobbing herself to sleep then, and her father had done nothing to help her. It was contempt for him that had driven Leo to withdraw from others.

Unfortunately, Ellie had this ludicrous notion that once he realised his wife was dead, he would miraculously reappear like the prodigal father. And now that she lived in this house, Ellie believed he would know exactly where to find her.

Leo had to do something about this. She had to find out what had really happened to him.

She thought about her sister. Lovely, bubbly Ellie, she’d heard Max call her - and that was exactly right. There were moments tonight though, when the sparkle had faded slightly, and Leo hoped that her arrival hadn’t somehow put a dampener on anything.

‘Are you sure you’re okay, Ellie?’ she’d asked again. ‘You seem a bit preoccupied.’

Ellie had leaned forward with a frown, while studying the contents of her wine glass and fishing something invisible out with her little finger.

‘Me? I’m fine. Really I am. It’s all been so exciting for the past few months with the renovation and all the changes. Now it’s over, perhaps the adrenalin is fading away. I’m probably just tired, but I’m completely fine. Really.’

That was two ‘reallies’, and two ‘fines’. But it made sense that she was tired. With the work on the house to oversee, five year old twins and still working a few days a week, it was more than enough to wear anybody out.

Unusually for Ellie, though, she hadn’t even given Leo the customary lecture about ‘letting down her barriers’ and finding herself ‘a good man’. Leo knew that her past had left deep scars and some serious issues, but she had long ago come to terms with her own limitations. They were part of her. But neither Ellie nor Max seemed inclined to accept that.

She grabbed her laptop and balanced it against her raised knees. She needed to write today’s blog post before she went to sleep, but for some reason the words wouldn’t come. Since becoming a life coach, Leo had tried to use ideas from her own experiences each day to write a brief post for her clients. She might be inspired by an article on the news, a conversation overheard in the supermarket, or simply by observations of people’s behaviour. But tonight her mind was blank – or rather it was filled with a nagging concern for Ellie. In the end, she gave up and picked up a magazine that Ellie had thoughtfully left by the side of the bed.

Sleep proved elusive, so it was after midnight before she was able to switch off the light. But only moments later the sound of a telephone ringing roused her from the beginnings of sleep. Leo’s room was across the hallway from Ellie’s, and she could hear the quiet murmur of her sister’s voice, and then a clear note of tension. Ellie sounded as if she was saying ‘no’, her voice rising in pitch. That was the only word that Leo was able to make out, but Ellie seemed distressed and she wondered if she should check that everything was okay. She had just resigned herself to getting out of bed when she realised that Ellie had stopped speaking. A couple of minutes later, she heard a creak and knew that it was the second step from the top of the staircase. Clearly they had failed to fix that small detail in the renovations. Ellie must be going downstairs. Then there was the distinct sound of the front door closing very quietly, and moments later the low hum of Ellie’s brand new Mercedes four wheel drive.

What on earth could she be doing going out at that time of night?

Leo felt a momentary disquiet, but brushed it off. That was the house talking to her, casting its evil magic over an event for which there was undoubtedly a perfectly reasonable explanation. Nevertheless, she switched on her lamp and jumped out of bed to open the door slightly. She needed to listen for the twins in her sister’s absence, which made it all the more strange that Ellie had said nothing.

Resigning herself to the fact that there would be no sleep for her that night until Ellie was safely home, Leo returned to bed, picked up her laptop, and started to write.





A Single Step : the blog of Leo Harris

Searching for your rainbow

I woke up this morning to the sound of rain beating relentlessly on my window, and I thought of tears and sadness. A rumble of thunder and my mind turned to anger. A flash of sunlight, and I believed in joy all over again.

But what of the icy winds of winter that chill your flesh through to the bone? The snow that looks so beautiful but hides treacherous paths beneath; the stunning stalactites of ice that hang down from gutters that can pierce your heart without a second thought?

Which of these is a reflection of your relationship?

What is your reaction when your loved one walks through the door? Has the sun come out, or do you hear distant rumbles of thunder? Does cold ice settle around your heart, knowing that the road ahead is going to be fraught with slippery patches, or can you lean back and enjoy the sunshine?

Think of your heart and your soul as the weather, and listen to what they’re telling you. You are entitled to feel the heat of the sun’s rays, but getting to that warm place may mean you have to survive some rainy days first.

“When it rains on your parade, look up rather than down. Without the rain, there would be no rainbow.” Gilbert K. Chesterton