The B Girls

Proper Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance





Jane and Mae pounced on Lucy the second she walked in the door, anxious to show off the supplies they'd purchased for their trek into the cave.

"We tried to do some research on the internet before we left but it seems serious cavers aren't interested in helping amateurs strike out on their own," Mae said.

Jane made a rude noise. "Imagine people who know what they're doing not wanting to give the rest of us schmucks enough rope to hang ourselves. The guys at the outfitters said experienced cavers don't like having to rescue idiots or retrieve bodies."

Lucy shivered. She really didn't want to be reminded just how dangerous caving could be. "Oh that's reassuring."

"Don't worry we charmed them into telling us what we'd need," Jane said. She batted her eyes. "Even twenty-somethings can't resist my charms."

"Did you find out anything interesting?" Mae asked.

Lucy shook her head. "Not really. Dr. Dawson hasn't been paying Perry much attention lately. His wife's been sick." She related her meeting with Ryan at the Varsity.

"You should have shot Gary's dick off," Jane said.

Lucy could only laugh. "I agree. At least I'm not going to jail. But we're wasting time. Show me what you bought."

They started with clothes.

"According to our rugged outdoorsy sales guys, temperature in a Georgia cave is probably going to be somewhere in the sixties and the cave is liable to be wet and muddy," Mae said.

Jane held up something large and red. "So we have these ugly ass coveralls to go over our clothes. They recommended layers."

"And we bought hiking boots."

Jane reached into the pile of supplies and waved a hard hat at Lucy. "Helmets. And we bought lights that attach to them with lots of extra batteries."

Extra batteries were a good thing. Lucy didn't even want to contemplate being in a cave without light. Lot's of light. "What about the climbing stuff?"

"Wait 'til you see," Mae said. "I couldn't believe the cool equipment."

Jane showed off mechanical ascenders that took most of the skill out of climbing--at least for short distances. And another piece of equipment designed to let an idiot rappel down a cliff without killing herself. Of course there was rope--lots of rope. And harnesses--that made your ass look ten times normal size--to hook all the stuff to.

"And we bought new packs," Mae said. "Bigger ones. And I bought stuff to make a big batch of Gorp."

"Gorp . . . I seem to remember something about that from my own Girl Scout days," Lucy said.

"Well, my version has peanuts, and M&Ms but I used Craisins instead of raisins. I also put in some espresso beans and pretzels."

"Okay." Lucy wasn't sure how much enthusiasm she was supposed to muster for snacks but the fact that it included chocolate was promising. "What else did you get?"

"More water bottles, wet wipes, Off, Chapstick, protein bars, whistles, Bic lighters, Swiss Army knives, flashlights, rain ponchos and one of those solar blankets for each pack."

Lucy was impressed but--"A blanket?"

"Not a regular blanket. This one's more like a tarp but it's designed to keep in body heat if you wrap it around you. It weighs next to nothing and folds up small." She shook her head. "You wouldn't believe the high tech stuff you can buy to go 'primitive' camping."

Lucy wasn't real clear on what camping had to do with anything. She certainly had no intention of spending the night in a cave. Even if the thought wasn't completely horrifying, they only had until tomorrow night to get the Declaration back to civilization. "What about the whistle?"

"In case we get separated. You just stop where you are and blow the whistle until someone finds you," Mae said. "I remember that from one of those 'what should you do?' shows on the educational channel."

"So we're set to go treasure hunting."

"Just like Lara Croft," Mae said.

"Bad example," Jane said.

Mae frowned at her. "Haven't you ever wanted to have a big adventure? Be a super hero?"

"Sure I'm all for being rich, beautiful and uncovering fabulous artifacts. It's the being shot at, chased by hordes of bad guys and nearly killed part I have a problem with."

"Well, I doubt there are going to be hordes of bad guys. Although obviously there is at least one bad guy since he has Belle," Lucy said and promptly burst into tears.

Mae and Jane exchanged a "what the hell is going on look" before Mae jumped up to put her arms around Lucy.

Lucy cried and tried to put some sort of coherent thought together. She didn't know what brought this on but she didn't like it. Crying wasn't something she did well. Neither was accepting comfort.

That was what finally brought her back, the vaguely smothering feel of Mae's well-intentioned hug.

She sniffed back the last of the tears and stepped back to loosen Mae's hold.

Mae let her go with a pat. "Are you okay now?"

Lucy nodded. "I think so. I don't know what brought that on."

Jane shook her head. "Even I know a woman who's three days from her husband leaving, less than twenty-four hours from finding out her favorite aunt has been kidnapped and the ransom is a priceless document missing for more than two hundred years is entitled to a good cry."

Mae smiled. "Maybe it's worse when it's happy, sad and mad crying all at once."

Lucy swiped the back of her hand across her eyes. "That's just what it was. My feelings just got completely jumbled 'til I didn't know if I was happy Gary left me and sad Belle had been kidnapped or mad about the kidnapping and guiltily pleased about the adventure of finding the Declaration or maybe none of the above." Lucy blinked back new tears. "And I still don't have it all sorted out."

"And you probably won't for a while," Mae said.

"But we promise not to have you committed so we can get control of your money," Jane said.

Lucy laughed with humor this time. "That's good to hear since I don't have any money."

"Now that's settled let's study that map and see if we can get some idea what we're up against," Jane said.

The study session was short. The map was more of a diagram than a detailed map. It gave directions, presumably at decision points showing the tunnel going up or down or straight, connecting larger rooms, but no distances were marked and there weren't any notations about how difficult the climbs were or how long it would take to reach their goal. Lucy pictured something like a mine with large smooth tunnels between room-sized openings. Who knew what the reality would be?



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Lucy spent the rest of the night gathering up more obscure information about caving than any human could possibly need. Especially a human who had no intention of ever going back into a cave after today's adventure.

Still, some of the information was helpful. They should be careful not to disturb natural rock formations any more than absolutely necessary since clumsy humans can snap off decades of nature's work with a single heavy-handed gesture. It was bad form to leave anything behind in a cave including marks to show direction. And if one came across marks left by cavers in an earlier time they would point the way out of the cave not further in.



###



"This GPS is the greatest invention since sliced bread," Lucy said. She double-checked the coordinates of the cave and let the arrow do its work. "We should make good time since we know exactly where we're going this time."

"Unless we run into another bear. Or a wild pig," Jane said.

"Pessimist."

"What if we really need more supplies? Like those carbide lamps?" Mae said.

"If we get in there and find we need more equipment or preparation we'll leave." Lucy tied her last boot knowing damn well they couldn't turn back. Belle's life was at stake. "Everyone ready?"

Mae and Jane chorused an affirmative and they were off.

The hike back to the creek went without a hitch. It's amazing what a pair of hiking boots and appropriate clothes could do to for a girl's comfort level.

The downside was the weight of the extra equipment.

For Lucy, the result was a slight net positive.

"You sure you don't want to wait here?" Lucy asked Mae as they stood looking up at the rock formation.

"I'm sure."

"Just remember not to look down," Jane said. She started up first.

Lucy waved Mae to the hill. "You next. Just follow Jane. I'll be right behind you."

"Piece of cake," Mae said. She started up the hill.

Lucy ignored the fact that Mae's voice was a little shaky and watched while she got started. Lucy was impressed. Mae wasn't going to break any speed-climbing records, but once she started up she kept moving at a steady, careful pace.

"You're a champ," Lucy said as she started to climb after Mae.

Jane, on the other hand, slowed then stopped altogether near the top. "Did you hear that?"

"Hear what? The only thing I hear is Mae muttering under her breath and you sounding a little paranoid."

"I heard something and it sounded bigger than a squirrel."

"Well, I didn't hear it. Maybe it's a deer. There are supposed to be lots of them up here. Whatever it is, it can't be all that close. Not enough cover for anything too large to hide in."

"Fine, I just hope you're right."

"Mae? Are you okay?"

Mae's nose was even with the heels of Jane's hiking boots. She wasn't moving and she hadn't contributed anything to the conversation.

She didn't respond to Lucy's question.

"Mae?" Lucy said it a little louder hoping to snap her out of her trance.

"Wh-what?"

Lucy breathed a sigh of relief when Mae answered. Her voice was soft and hesitant, almost a whisper but at least she was speaking.

"Are you okay?"

Lucy saw Mae's shoulders rise and fall as she took a deep breath.

"Can we just keep moving? If there is another bear around here I'd rather not meet it while my butt's hanging over eternity. I'd rather face a bear than stay on the side of this hill with my ass in the breeze one second longer than necessary."

Jane snickered from above. "Glad your cheerful button still works."

"She has a point, Jane. You're holding up the works. Move it," Lucy said.