The Awakening Aidan

Chapter Four


Aidan leaned back against the leather cushions of the whiskey-colored chair and rubbed his chest as he rolled his left shoulder, trying to relieve the pressure building in his torso. The movements didn’t help. He tried shaking out his arms. No dice. His beast wasn’t helping matters with its constant circling and sharp snapping of its tail.

The feeling had started the moment he’d left Jaylin yesterday.

Wincing, he rubbed his chest again. It wasn’t painful. Just suffocating. Like a fog had filled his torso and was cramming his insides together. Even his teeth felt on edge, ached. He ground them together, hoping to relieve some of the pressure.

He glanced at the clock over the fireplace. Jaylin was scheduled to arrive for Liam’s session in thirty minutes. He itched to touch her. To see her. He stood, placed his laptop on the chair, and paced the room.

She hadn’t been thrilled about awakening the Drall. Not that he really expected her to from the conversation they had the other day, but her reaction seemed over-the-top hysterical almost. As if she truly believed she’d ruined his life. He didn’t understand how. Realizing she was his mate had been the happiest moment of his life, had made everything clear.

It boggled his mind that it’d had the opposite effect on her. What had happened to her to make her so fearful?

Three sharp knocks came from the door. His head whipped toward the front entrance.

Early.

Could it be possible she now felt the same overwhelming need to be with him?

He ripped open the door. In a black pantsuit, her hair twisted in a tight bun, briefcase held in her hand, she looked up at him, steely determination glinting back at him. He didn’t like it.

Leaning forward, he was intent on taking her mouth in a deep kiss, wanting to wipe the expression from her face. She stepped back, hands held up. In a firm tone, she said, “Stop.”

He forced himself to obey with some major effort.

“We need to talk,” she said.

“Now you want to talk?”

A tight smile came to her lips. “You deserve an explanation, Aidan.”

She’d said his name. Again. And again it was in a tone he didn’t want to hear.

“All right. I’d like to know why you freaked out yesterday. Let’s go in the living room.”

She shook her head. “This is personal. Once I step into that house, I’m here for Liam. This needs to stay outside.”

“If that’s how you want it.” He motioned toward the porch swing.

As he sat down beside her, she pinned him with her stare. “That kiss should never have happened.”

He clenched his teeth. “Are you going to enlighten me on why? You’re my mate, Jaylin. It’s as simple as that.”

“No. It’s not.” She sighed. “I made a decision a long time ago that will affect your life permanently.”

He really didn’t like the direction this conversation was going. “Which is?”

“I will never bond myself to a shifter…ever.”

He swallowed, not expecting that. “Never is a pretty strong word, don’t you think? Especially considering you’re half shifter and you’ve seen how beautiful the connection is.”

“There is nothing beautiful about it. Just look at Liam. The Fewshon destroys.”

“How in the hell can you say that? Our Dea has given the gift of love for eternity, Jaylin, how does that destroy?”

Her lips pursed as an irritated look crossed her face. Had she really thought she could drop that bombshell and he’d just accept it?

“She’s given you and every other full shifter this gift.” She said the word gift with such contempt it shocked him. “It’s not a gift, and I’m so thankful our Dea had the sense to grant the woman the choice of reciprocating the bond. I have no desire to ever experience the grief the Fewshon creates, and I won’t unless I bond myself to a shifter, and since I won’t ever have an instinct pushing me to do so, I’m safe.”

He stifled a groan. “Is that how you see it? A gift of choice? Do I need to give you a biology lesson?”

“I know how we’re made,” she said through clenched teeth.

“Really? Doesn’t seem so. You say the Dea gave you a choice. I say the only reason you’re not bonding to me right this minute is because you don’t have a beast, therefore no Drall. Hell, Jaylin, none of the women we bond to have a beast or a Drall, they all have a choice. Shouldn’t there be a shitload more rejected shifters out there? But there’s not. Because the Drall brings the shifter together with his true mate. You’ve awakened the Drall in me, Jaylin. We are meant to be. You know that.”

“I also know what I’ve seen, spent years witnessing.” She sighed. “I didn’t decide to take my clientele to strictly human without reason. I specialize in Fewshon grief and have seen the destruction it causes. I don’t want that for you and I sure as hell don’t want it for me. I’ve told you from the beginning that I wasn’t interested, and that still stands.”

That she had, but he never expected this to be the reason. “Who do you expect to Fewse with, then?”

“No one. As a female half shifter I do not have the capacity to open the Fewshon in a human man, like you can in a human female. I don’t have an instinct driving me to bond. I don’t have to Fewse like you do. I can…will marry…a human. Their grief is horrible, but it’s not life-crippling like a shifter’s. If I marry a human male and something were to happen to me, he could, hopefully, find love again after he’s able to cope with my death. A shifter waits for death to rejoin his mate. What kind of life is that?”

“It’s not like that, Jaylin. Not at all.”

“Oh, really?” She gave a brittle smile. “My very human mother lost my shifter father when I was twelve. She was thirty-eight. In the prime of her life. It’s been almost twenty years since he died. If she’d married a human instead, she could’ve found love again. But no, she reciprocated the bond, Fewsed her soul to his, and what has she been left with?” She paused. “Loneliness. Twenty years of living alone in a huge house, never dating, never kissing, never being held again, just waiting for her time to be back with him in Anavrin.”

At least that gave him more insight into her thought process, but she was seeing it all wrong. “That’s the way it’s supposed to be. The bond is eternal. Have you ever talked to her about how she feels?”

“Of course I have.”

“Has she ever said she regretted her decision?”

She averted her gaze. “That doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter.”

“No. It doesn’t.” Her eyes locked with his again. “She doesn’t regret her decision, but I’ve seen the life she’s lived since his death. I do not want that. For God’s sake, I’ve had clients who lost their mates almost immediately after the ritual. Some failed to breed and are spending the rest of their lives completely alone. You can’t seriously tell me you want that?”

“I do if it’s with you.” He meant the words with all his heart. She was the link that would make his life complete. Only without her bond would he truly be alone. How could he convince her of the same thing?

Jaylin groaned, stood, and threw up her hands. “See! This damn Drall makes you oblivious to the consequences.”

Pushing to his feet, Aidan grabbed her by the upper arms. “I’ve seen the consequences, Jaylin, through Liam, through my brother. He lost his mate four years ago. Yes, the first couple of years were horrible, as it is with any death. But once the haze of grief lifts, and no matter what you think, it does lift, even for a shifter, he was able to concentrate on the peace that filled him. The place where his mate ran through his blood was filled with such harmony he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she waited for him on the other side, that she was happy where she was, and he would one day join her. An unbonded human can’t say that.”

Jaylin shook her head. “I won’t do it. I won’t bond myself to someone for eternity. You don’t have a choice, but I do, and all I can do at this point is keep you from becoming Liam, because if you Fewse to me that is exactly what is going to happen. I will reject you.”

Aidan released her and ran a hand through his hair. “I won’t wind up like Liam. You’re making it damn clear that you won’t reciprocate the Fewshon, so why would I do that to myself?”

At his words, his beast growled, baring his teeth, then lunged forward, sending a need to mate through him. Clenching his jaw, Aidan ignored the instinct.

A sputtered laugh came from her. “Oh my God. You think you can control it.”

“I can control it, just like you told Liam he could.”

“You’re a fool. The affects of the Drall are completely different from Dsershon. Liam is no longer driven to connect to his mate. He already is. That instinct is potent, unyielding. Who knows what will happen if you try to fight it. Kissing me was the biggest mistake of your life.”

Aidan grabbed her waist and jerked her to his chest. He had to prove to her that he could keep his instincts contained. He was stronger than they were. If he didn’t, he feared he’d never get the chance to break down her defenses, show her they were meant for each other—forever. The possibility of losing Jaylin scared him far worse than winding up like Liam.

Maybe he was oblivious to the consequences. Maybe he was a fool. But he was certain he couldn’t walk away from her.

She grabbed his biceps and leaned back. “You have to let me go.”

Never.

“Let me prove myself, Jaylin. Let me kiss you the way I’ve always wanted to. Let me show you the instinct doesn’t drive me.”

“But you’ve already shown me it does, when you kissed me yesterday. Your eyes were iridescent blue when you spun me around. The instinct was controlling you.”

“Do you see any blue in my eyes now?”

She swallowed. “No.”

“Let me kiss you as Aidan. Not as Mr. O’Connell, not driven by my instinct, but as me.”

He saw the indecision in her eyes, but she didn’t push him away. Didn’t step back. She wanted to kiss Aidan just as much as he wanted to kiss her. As Aidan.

“A kiss, Jaylin, nothing more.”

Slowly, he lowered his head. When she didn’t deny him, he brushed his mouth across hers. A warm, pleased sigh flowed across his lips. He gathered her closer, slanting his mouth across hers as her arms slid over his shoulders and around his neck. He licked the seam of her mouth. The honeyed scent of her arousal perfumed the air as her lips parted, allowing him access.

This was how he always wanted to kiss Jaylin. Slowly, thoroughly, exploring every sweet crevice of her mouth as she melted in his arms. He cupped the sides of her face as he lightened the kiss, nipping along her bottom lip, until she moaned and shifted closer, silently asking for more. He denied her, keeping it playful.

“Aidan, please,” she whimpered against his mouth as she rose on her tiptoes to get closer to him, her arms tightening around him.

Hearing her breathe his name in the way he’d craved, having her urge him to deepen the kiss, caused a rumble to quake in his chest as his beast made his presence known, insisting on more. Instinctively, he crushed her against his body, moving them backward until he had her pressed against the side of the cabin. His exploration became more frantic. His hands sought her ass, bringing her closer to his rigid cock. Her breathing quickened, and she hopped up to wrap her legs around his waist, her tongue just as frenzied as his. He’d finally broken down her wall. She clung to him, kissing him back with the same intensity he felt.

Yet he needed more.

He lowered a hand between their bodies, rubbed his thumb on the inside of her thigh. A feral growl ripped from his mouth. He wanted it there. Needed it there.

Bite. Mark. Bond.

She stiffened, ripping her mouth from his. The way she stared up at him, as if a wild animal now held her, let him know his beast proudly displayed itself in his eyes. Made its intentions clear.

He lowered her until her feet touched the ground, shocked at how the instinct had flared out of control so quickly, how easily he could still mark her right here on the porch without a care if Liam or the whole world was his witness. He stared at her lips, swollen from the aggression of his kiss, and it took everything inside him to back away.

“I knew—”

“Don’t,” he said, recoiling from the censure in her voice. He hadn’t proven anything. If anything he’d proven her right. “Don’t say a word.”

“But—”

“I mean it, Jaylin. Not. A. Word.”

She tilted her chin up and he watched the sensual woman he’d held a few seconds ago place every one of her barriers back up. “Is he here?” Crisp, in control, as if she hadn’t just been begging him for more.

He shoved a hand through his hair. “He promised he wouldn’t ditch you this time.”

“Maybe it’d be best if I gave Liam his therapy at my office.”

And give her another way to distance herself from him? Not a chance in hell. “He wants to be here.”

“Then you need to stay in your office.”

“I told you I would.”

She hesitated a moment before walking past him, and Aidan retreated, scared that if she even slightly brushed him, he’d snap completely.

His movement didn’t go unnoticed. The tension between them increased as she grimaced and sidestepped farther, as if she were scared he’d snap.

Fan-f*cking-tastic.

As they walked into the living room, Aidan went to his leather chair, placing his laptop on the table beside it, and sat. Frowning, Jaylin froze, then made a nasty noise as she shook her head. “One day I’ll learn. This is your office, isn’t it?”

He shot her a cocky smile he didn’t feel. “Work here a few hours a day, five days a week.”

“And what exactly is it you do?”

“I’m a consultant.”

He didn’t elaborate. If he made her too curious about what he did, it’d only take a quick Google search of his name for her to realize exactly who she was dealing with.

“What kind of consultant?”

He shrugged. “I have a knack for helping failing businesses turn around.”

“Really?”

She didn’t have to sound so damn surprised. Yeah, he’d embraced his laid-back persona pretty fiercely after he’d retired, but he wasn’t some shifter that flitted from job to job as she apparently thought. Man, she was going to be shocked when she learned exactly how much he was worth.

“Yeah, Aidan is pretty sought-after. Who wouldn’t want the bad—”

Aidan sent a warning look to Liam, who’d just come to stand inside the living room. Liam snapped his mouth closed.

“Bad what?”

Liam scratched his head. “The badass Aidan to work for them.”

Aidan suppressed a groan and rolled his eyes. Yeah, like that wouldn’t arouse some curiosity on her part.

Jaylin glanced between them before turning her attention to Liam as he lowered himself onto the couch. “I wasn’t aware that Aidan’s office was in the living room. Would you like to do this in your room instead?”

Aidan’s beast immediately growled, but he covered it with a cough.

“No. I’d rather do it in here. I’d prefer Aidan to stay anyway. I think he needs to hear this.”

Aidan scowled at his friend, understanding the hidden meaning in his last words—the warning.

Jaylin hesitated, but she eventually sighed and perched on the couch next to Liam, who situated his body on the cushions so he was facing her better. Aidan didn’t like how close they were, knees almost touching, but he clenched his mouth shut. No reason to be jealous over Liam. Besides, his friend had enough problems without adding Aidan’s irrational behavior to it.

“So where do we start, doc?”

Doc? He didn’t like the nickname either. Aidan rolled his shoulders, and again rubbed his chest.

“I want to ask a few questions first.”

“All right.”

“Right now what do you feel?”

“Nothing out of norm for a bonded shifter.” Liam looked down at the floor as he folded his hands together and let them hang between his knees. “No spikes. She’s just there, you know?”

Jaylin nodded. “Do you feel anything right before a Bahrraj episode?”

“No. It blindsides me. I’m sitting there and everything is fine, then I’m just lost in her feelings. I can’t stop it.”

Jaylin reached over and squeezed Liam’s hands. The growl from Aidan’s beast filled the air before he had time to cover it. Both heads slowly turned toward him with eyebrows raised. Liam tugged his hands out of Jaylin’s grasp.

“Are you serious?” she asked Aidan.

He shrugged, refusing to apologize. Liam scooted back a few inches from her, and Aidan’s beast sniffed in approval.

“Mr. O’Connell, I need for you to leave the room.”

He scowled at the use of his last name, but stayed sitting.

Liam shook his head. “I’d really like for him to stay, please.”

Pursing her lips, she studied Liam. “Fine.” She pointed at Aidan. “I hear that again and you’re out. We clear?”

He held his tongue, but he wanted to tell her exactly how she could stop the behavior. She had the ability to. She was just being a pain in the ass about it.

“Okay, Liam, from what I’ve observed, when in the throes of an attack, you’re oblivious to your surroundings, which means you’ve completely lost control. What we need to do is give it back to you. The first thing we’re going to work on is recognizing the feeling you get right before an episode happens.”

“I told you, I don’t feel anything.”

She shook her head. “You do, you’re just not aware of it yet, and it doesn’t give you much warning, a few seconds maybe, but those few seconds are crucial.”

“What does it feel like?”

“Every shifter is different. Some feel a vibration. Others feel something akin to a hot flash, while others get this butterfly effect in their stomachs.”

Liam’s eyes widened. “I’ve noticed this odd taste flood my mouth right before I black out.”

“Good. We’re one step closer. What you have to do now is use it to keep grounded. What’s happening is you’re being attacked by her emotions and you have no time to fight it. It’s not like a physical attack where you get hit from behind and stagger but can regroup and fight back. This is an emotional and mental abduction. Without preparing, you’re defenseless.”

“How am I supposed to prepare with only a few seconds as a warning?”

“It won’t be easy. In fact, it’ll be one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to master.”

Aidan grimaced, understanding somewhat better what his friend was going through. What he might go through if he wasn’t careful. That acknowledgment was exactly why Liam had insisted on him staying in the room.

“Will I always go into Bahrraj?” Liam asked.

“In some form, yes. What we need to work on is keeping you conscious enough to get you out of it quickly and hopefully by yourself. The warning helps you stay aware of your surroundings.”

“Wait. Are you saying I’ll eventually be able to work myself out of them?”

“Yes.”

Aidan was stunned at the true smile that turned Liam’s lips upward. For a moment, he saw his old friend. “Does that mean I can finally live alone again?” He glanced at Aidan. “No offense.”

“None taken.”

“You’ll be able to live independently one day.” She reached for Liam’s hand again, then stopped and slowly withdrew. “It won’t be any time soon, though. We have to make sure you have complete control first.”

“Doc, this is the best news I’ve had since this all started. When I first moved in here, I thought it would be temporary, but as the months went by instead of getting myself back together, I kept sinking further and further into this uncontrollable darkness. I’ve felt like such a worthless leech, and after the Bahrraj episode, I thought I was doomed to being babysat all my life. Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?”

“Would you have listened?”

“No…probably not.”

“And that is why I didn’t tell you. I learned very early in my career that Dsershon brings out a mistrust and hopelessness in a shifter that is very hard to get past. I wasn’t surprised when you didn’t show up for your first session. I had to earn your trust, which I did yesterday when I asked you about your beast. I’m telling you now, therapy will give you your life back. It won’t be the same as before, but you can have a life again.”

Aidan watched as the lines that had been present on Liam’s face ever since Ava’s Dsershon relaxed. Tension eased from his body. If his friend had any lingering doubt about getting therapy, it was now gone. Liam was ready to fight.

“Okay, let’s get back to the warning,” Liam said. “What am I supposed to do when I taste it?”

“Mentally prepare. Remind yourself that it’s her reality you are feeling, not yours. As her emotions overtake you, you hold on to that, repeat it, do not allow yourself to stray from it. Think of it as a life vest that will keep you from going under.”

“All right.”

“I’m going to have you bring on a Bahrraj episode right now.”

“I can do that?”

“You do not try this on your own. Only with me. It’d be very dangerous for you to do it alone.”

Liam nodded.

“Now concentrate on her bond. Think of nothing else but it. When you get that taste in your mouth, immediately tell yourself that you are feeling her, not you, and keep repeating that as the bond takes over.”

Liam cleared his throat and stared forward. Aidan knew the moment his friend entered Bahrraj. Jaylin shot to her feet and grabbed his shoulder and snapped her fingers. “Liam!”

He didn’t respond.

“Outside! Now!” She pointed at him without taking her eyes off Liam.

He didn’t question her demand and hurried out of the house. With the way his beast had thrashed around aggressively yesterday, he wanted as much distance between him and that device as possible. The flash filled the living room, spilling from the window. His beast’s reaction was instantaneous. Hissing, coiled tight in rage.

Seconds later voices came from the house and he reentered. Jaylin still knelt beside Liam, listening to his chest through her stethoscope.

“What the hell is that red flash thing you use?”

Jaylin glanced up at him. With a resigned sigh, she tugged the stethoscope from her ears and stood. “It’s called a Splycer. During a Bahrraj episode, Liam loses all connection with his beast. The Splycer jolts the beast back into place, disrupts the episode, and brings Liam back to consciousness.”

“Why does it piss off my beast?”

“We’re not sure. All we know is the flash does something to a healthy shifter’s beast—makes it irate. Male therapists have to use trained half shifters to perform a shock. They can’t even go near it. It’s why I keep sending you from the room when I need to use it.”

“I don’t think you’ve sent me far enough away. I still felt its fury.”

She placed the stethoscope and device back in the briefcase. “Not like you would if you’d been in the room. I’m genuinely sorry for the discomfort. I know it had to be disturbing.”

Discomfort? He’d take that in a heartbeat over the seething fury he’d felt from his beast. However, she had “disturbing” accurate. “Do you use it only on Dsershon patients?”

She lifted a brow. “Curious, aren’t you, Mr. O’Connell?”

Aidan ignored the use of his last name. “Call me crazy for wanting to know a little more about a device my beast gets all worked up around.”

A small smile came to her lips, almost as if he had actually amused her with his response, before she put back on her professional face. “Remember Dsershon is extremely rare, so we don’t actually use it for that as much as you think. The Splycer is mostly used on half shifters.”

Now that surprised him. “Half shifters? Why?”

“The females of our race may not have a beast but we do have latent shifter DNA, which, as you know, gives some of us special abilities. Unfortunately, rapid healing isn’t one of them. During life-threatening injuries, we have effectively used the Splycer to boost the genes to speed up healing. It can save a half shifter’s life when conventional medicine can’t.” Jaylin lowered herself onto the couch beside Liam. “Now do you have any more questions or can I get back to work?”

“No,” he said through clenched teeth and stalked back to the chair in the corner.

Jaylin turned to Liam. “What did you feel?”

“I did what you told me to do once I felt the taste and then I was in oblivion.” He rubbed his face. “She was pensive, agitated. Do fully Fewsed shifters go through this?”

“No.”

“Then why the hell do rejected shifters?”

Jaylin grabbed a notebook from her briefcase and drew two semicircles on a piece of paper. She tapped the pad with the end of her pen. “Think of these two halves as the two parts of the Fewshon. The shifter is one half and his mate is the other. When the bonding ritual is completed on both ends,” she drew a circle around both halves, “they become one and the effects of the Fewshon are constantly flowing between the two as they equally share it.”

“So what you’re saying is had Ava not rejected me, I wouldn’t be so clogged up inside. She’d be taking on her fair share of the feelings too.”

“Yes, exactly. Unfortunately, rejected shifters have only opened up one part of the Fewshon. This is not a circle, but a line with no outlet. A rejected shifter takes on both the female’s emotions and his own. Since the male has no way to get rid of the excess—no female to share the burden—the emotions back up with nowhere to go and eventually the victim is pushed over the edge, which is when a Bahrraj episode takes place.”

“Does it happen only when she has a spike in emotions? Is that why it comes out of nowhere?”

“From the shifters I’ve studied, it does seem to correlate to a spike in the mate’s emotions. It could be something simple like her watching a movie that makes her laugh or cry. However, I have found the more intense the emotion, the more the shifter is bombarded by it. You, however, are especially in-tune with your mate. More so than any other patient I’ve dealt with before.”

“Why did it take so long for me have my first Bahrraj episode? Over the last few months, I noticed I was feeling her more, but I’d never blacked out.”

“How long has it been since Ava rejected you?”

“Six months.” He looked away. “To the day.”

“She’s human?”

“Yes.”

Aidan knew that was one definite factor to her freak-out. Even though shifters lived among humans, they only revealed themselves to their human mates after marking them. While the bonding gave the gift of eternal love to a shifter and his mate, it also protected the shifter’s existence. Once marked, a shifter’s mate was incapable of verbalizing her knowledge of the shifter’s world. Perhaps Ava just wasn’t ready to learn the entire truth about the marks.

“When did you actually bond to her?” Jaylin asked.

“A week after we met. The night we kissed for the first time—our first official date.” A small smile played at his lips. “I’ll never forget the moment our lips touched. How perfect it felt, how I just knew.”

Jaylin’s gaze strayed to Aidan’s before sadness stole across her features and she shook her head. “How long ago was that?”

“A year. We were inseparable after our first date. So f*cking in love. Then she was gone. I—I never imagined this would be the outcome.”

“So you were bonded to her for six months before you told her about the shifter part of you? She never questioned the small circular bruises on her thighs?”

Liam shook his head. “I tended to bite her there a lot. She thought they were hickeys. She even joked about it, saying at least she didn’t have to wear a turtleneck to cover them up. I let her believe that. You know how a shifter can worry about exposing our world to a human. For most, it’s an unfounded worry, but in my case, I guess it was a premonition. The night I planned to propose, I told her everything. She freaked out when I explained the marks and Anavrin and refused to have anything more to do with me.”

Aidan clenched his teeth against rising anger. Liam shouldn’t have had this happen to him. A shifter was supposed to be secure in knowing that his human mate wouldn’t reject him. It was the entire purpose of the instinct—to find the one made for him, the one who would accept him and his world without reservations. And what had Liam been blessed with? The f*cking one percent kink with the gift? It was bullshit.

Yeah, he understood that it had to be hard to accept something that had only been reserved for fiction. Add in the Dea, Anavrin, and the eternal love bits and the human’s mind was completely blown. But still. The instinct was supposed to be accurate.

“I don’t understand something, though,” Liam said, his brows furrowing. “I was Fewsed to her for six months and never had this overload of emotions. Why isn’t it still like that?”

“Because her presence in your life kept you anchored. Talking to her, holding her, was a type of outlet. Once she was cut completely from your life, there was no way to relieve the pressure.”

Aidan sat up straighter. Was she saying what he thought she was?

Liam tilted his head. “Are you saying I could be a rejected shifter, but feel normal, if Ava was still in my life?”

Aidan leaned forward, his complete attention on her. Not that Jaylin refusing to complete the bonding was ideal, but, for now, he could compromise. She glanced at him again, as though she knew his train of thought.

She didn’t look back at Liam, but directed the words straight at Aidan. “When a shifter bonds himself to a female and she sticks around but refuses to reciprocate the bonding, yes, he can be happy…while she’s alive. If the bonding is not completed, when the mate dies, the ramifications hit tenfold.”

Liam shot to his feet. “What the hell do you mean?”

She grimaced at his outburst, and peered up at him. “I’m sorry, Liam, but when Ava dies, the connection you feel will be different from what a fully Fewsed shifter does.”

“H-how different?”

“Bonded shifters retain the connection with their mates after death, it changes, but the connection is not severed. Unbonded or rejected shifters are…empty.”

Liam’s eyes widened and he swallowed as he slowly sat back down. “Empty?”

“The Fewshon is a tether that brings you together in Anavrin. Without it, she’s lost to you.”

“I—I had no idea.”

“Since it is such a rare occurrence, most shifters are unaware of the full consequences of our bonding.”

Aidan shifted in his seat, unsettled by what he’d heard. “Does that include half shifters like yourself? You’re already part of our race. You’ll automatically go to Anavrin.”

“Do you know how many shifters are there?” she asked.

“All of those who’ve died.”

“Since the beginning of time, Mr. O’Connell. Without the bond, there is no guarantee a shifter will be with his unbonded mate.”

He noticed she didn’t say that he wouldn’t be with her. Kept it clinical, distant, letting him know his place. He sat forward. “What happens to a shifter who has found his mate, but never Fewses himself to her?”

If she wanted to keep things detached, he could too, but he really wanted to know what would happen to him if he never marked her.

“There is a possibility he can find someone else to care for.”

“Care for, but not love?”

“I’m sorry,” she said.

He shot to his feet. “You’re sorry? You’re my mate. I’m as certain of that as I am that I stand before a woman who is scared shitless to accept me as her mate.”

She stood, crossing her arms over her chest. “Scared isn’t even a factor here, Aidan. I’ve worked with the dark side of the shifter’s bond for years. I’ve already told you I want no part of it. None. If that means I refuse to allow you to bond to me, to keep you from living a dark and disillusioned life, then so be it. You can find someone else.”

“To care for! How could I ever care for another woman after knowing you are my mate? How could I ask another woman to be with me and not offer her the eternity I’m capable of giving?”

“I’ve seen it happen and the shifter lead a content life.”

“Content? I don’t want f*cking content.”

“It’s better than living your life struggling to stay sane. You should be thanking me. I’m keeping you from living hell on earth. I’m keeping you from becoming a walking carcass if I die.”

Liam jerked to his feet. Aidan blinked, having completely forgotten his friend in the room. “Liam. Man. I’m sorry.”

Jaylin gasped and spun around. “Oh God, Liam, I’m so sorry.”

His friend shook his head, waving his hand. “Stop. Just…stop.” Then he left the room, a door slamming a few seconds later.

Jaylin spun on him, her teeth bared. “You never should’ve been in here!” She snatched her briefcase off the floor.

He stepped toward her. “Jaylin—

“No!” She pointed at him. “I let you stay because Liam wanted you to, and he needs the support right now, not you. I should’ve known you’d somehow make this about you.”

It was all his fault? F*ck that.

“You come in here with your ‘rather be married to a human instead of bonding with me’ spiel and I’m not supposed to react when you tell my friend it’s possible for him to be happy with his unbonded mate. I’m not supposed to question it? I’m not a f*cking saint, Jaylin. You’re my mate. We’re supposed to be together.”

She was shaking her head before he’d even finished speaking. “We are not meant for each other.”

He scoffed. “You called me a fool earlier, but I only see one fool standing in this room, and it’s not me.” He closed the distance between them. “You want to hear the reality of the situation, Jaylin? The real horror? If I die, you can still marry someone else, have his babies. I can’t take that from you. But you know what you’ve taken from me?”

“N-nothing,” she said, stepping back. “I-I’ve taken nothing.”

“Yes, you have. I’m ruined for anyone else. How the hell is that fair?”

She choked on a sob, tears filling her eyes. “I tried my best to stop it! I didn’t want this!”

“Do you think I do? But I don’t have a choice.” Fury made him spit out the words.

She backed up a step, tears spilling onto her cheeks. She brushed them away, her body stiffening with that determination he was beginning to hate. “You have a choice, Aidan. You just don’t see it. I do. You can think of me as selfish, I’ll accept that, but one day you’ll see that all I’m thinking about is you.” She rushed to the door. “Tell Liam to call my office and speak with Pam. I’ll refer him to a more objective therapist.”

Aidan clenched his fists at his side as she closed the door behind her. If she wanted to believe she was the martyr in all this, sacrificing everything to save him, she was in for a rude awakening. He wouldn’t allow her to rule him or his future. If or when he bonded to her would be his decision.

The way he dealt with Jaylin was about to change.

He’d no longer pursue her, begging for scraps, a chance, like some lovesick puppy. No, it was his turn to have control in this power play.

And he knew exactly how to do it.

But, first he needed to check on Liam. He walked down the hall and knocked on the door. When he didn’t hear a response, Aidan tried the knob. Thankful that it turned, he poked his head inside. “Liam?”

His friend didn’t turn at his name. Just continued to stare out the window. Was he having another episode?

Aidan stepped inside the room. “Liam—”

“She’s right, you know. The bonding isn’t the magnificent place our families told us about. I used to watch my parents as a kid. The way they almost moved in sync with each other, listened to the story of how they’d met, saw the worship in my father’s eyes as he looked at my mother, and I was fool enough to want it.” He turned from the window. “I took it when it was offered to me, just like I know you want to take it. But look at me, Aidan, do I look happy?”

A rhetorical question best left unanswered.

Liam stepped toward him. “She’s your mate.”

Aidan nodded.

“Then run. She’s made it perfectly clear she’ll never accept you. Don’t end up like me. I’m begging you.”

“I can’t. She’s my mate. I can no more give up on her than I can myself. Make no mistake, I intend to fight and win.”

If that meant bringing back Aidan O’Connell, feared tycoon, then she’d be his next corporate takeover.

…

Liam tightened his grip on the steering wheel as he stared at the modest house with white siding, searching for any sign that she was home.

Her presence in your life kept you anchored.

Those simple words, followed by the dark ugly warning of living life empty upon Ava’s death, had taken root in his mind and refused to leave.

Everyone died. And one day Ava would.

He cringed at the thought, an ache forming in his chest. He’d given up too easily, should’ve pushed harder. Not that he hadn’t tried to win her back. She’d just refused to have anything to do with him after he’d confided to her about what he was, which he’d royally screwed up in explaining. Pretty much told the woman he loved that he owned her and those marks meant she was his.

In hindsight, he couldn’t blame her complete freak-out afterward. But as he’d laid his heart open, wanting to ask her to share her life with him, he’d felt her rejection. His beast had felt it too, and its possessiveness had roared through and messed it all up.

Now he had to get her to see the truth of the Fewshon, a truth he hadn’t been aware of until she was gone.

He didn’t own her. She wasn’t his. He was hers.

He opened the car door and slid out. Streetlights illuminated the deserted street in an orangey fluorescent glow. A wave of sadness suddenly hit him, and he tensed.

Not now. Please, not now.

No odd taste entered his mouth, and he relaxed, but he stood, staring at her house. She was inside crying. Over what?

Over who?

As he crossed the road and stepped onto the curb, a car flew around the corner. Headlights blinded him for a moment before the car screeched to a halt in front of her house.

A tall man with dark hair shot out of the car and hurried up the walkway. Halfway there, her door crashed opened and she sprinted down the stairs. The grief increased as she threw herself in the arms of another man, her sobs like punches to his gut, knocking the wind from him.

The guy shushed her, holding her close. When he kissed the top of her head in such an affectionate, loving way, Liam felt as if his world had been turned on its axis and he stumbled back.

This man loved her, and from the warmth that filled his veins—she loved him too.

“No,” he whispered.

The idea of Ava loving anyone but him felt impossible, especially when he’d always love her and only her.

He started to turn away just as the couple drew apart. Ava glanced at him, her eyes widening. Shock zapped his blood. She stepped forward. Then stopped. They stared at each other. He soaked in her beauty, the way her strawberry-blond hair hung free around her shoulders, a strand lightly flipping into the air as a breeze blew by. The way she still wore her favorite pajamas: an oversized T-shirt with a pair of men’s boxers.

Most of all he soaked in the way she looked at him, with awe, and could he believe it? Happiness? It was there in his blood too. Slightly. Just a tingle.

She took another step closer. Never saying a word, eyes locked on him. He stood frozen, willing her to choose him. To run to him and throw herself in his arms.

Let him be the one to comfort her, the way it should be.

The guy placed a hand on her forearm. Ava jumped, her gaze tearing from Liam’s to stare at the fingers on her arm. Slowly she lifted her head.

Liam’s breath caught, waiting for her answer.

His blood ran cold from her decision even before she turned away and walked arm-in-arm back into the house with the other man.

As the door closed behind them, Liam wished he was completely connected to his beast, could set the seething animal free, yet all he felt was numb. She’d rejected him. Again. But instead of running off into the night and refusing to see him, this time she’d stared him straight in the eye, turned her back on him, and willingly walked away with another man.

It was official.

He was doomed to hell on earth. All he could pray for now was that the afterlife might bring him peace.