The Anti-Prom

I walk away from Meg feeling like a totally worthless human being. I didn’t mean to make her cry like that; I didn’t even mean to get so personal. I just wanted to give her a few social pointers, but something about the way she looked at me set me on edge — that resigned, victim expression in her eyes, like she’s curling up and waiting for it all to be over. The thing is, it’s never over; that’s what she doesn’t get. We have to fight for everything — status, popularity, whatever — and Meg might think I don’t understand what it’s like for her, but I do. I orbited on the edge of Brianna’s clique all through junior high, getting invites as an afterthought, tagging along after the others at lunch and to the mall even though they didn’t really care if I came or not. I was the new kid then, the outsider, but I didn’t give up like Meg. I decided I was going to belong, and I didn’t quit until I was right there in the middle of everything.

At least, I used to be. Before tonight.

Inside, the Loft is dark and noisy, with a grungy band onstage wailing about misery and alienation, and people mooching around, trying to look like they’re not having any fun. I’ve never been here before. This is freak central, a place for all the alt kids to drink bad coffee and plot against consumerist society, or whatever. No need for IDs or, you know, actual social skills — just torn-up couches and the sound of third-rate emo screeching from the sound system. I grimace, heading deeper in search of Jolene.

“Inside, I die, for you, tonight!”

A group of teenage boys is blocking my way, chanting along with the chorus. I try to edge through them, but they’re lurching around in a tight knot, and soon, I’m surrounded.

“Excuse me?”

They don’t move.

“Hello?” I try again with my elbows out, but they’re moshing, oblivious. Then one of them hurtles into me, crunching his ugly-ass boots on my bare toes. “Hey!” I yelp. And with Jolene’s pep talk fresh in my mind, I shove him back. Hard.

He knocks back against the next guy, who flails around until they both go crashing to the floor.

“What the hell?” He swears. “Crazy bitch!”

I leave them in a pile of bad hair dye and inner pain and head deeper into the crowd, hoping to just slip through and find Jolene without any drama. But everywhere I look, there’s nothing but suspicious stares and flat-out hostile glaring. A couple of pierced, rainbow-haired girls even start to move in my direction before I turn on my heel and flee. Why couldn’t Jolene need to stop somewhere normal? I’m used to being able to own whatever room I walk into, but I don’t think it’s just the fact I’m subverting their precious dress code that’s making me Most Hated around here. They know me, and clearly, I’m not welcome.

Finally, I spot Jolene down the back corridor, just inside a dim office. Dante waits in the doorway, a few steps away.

“There you are!” I head toward her, relieved. “This place is so lame. Can we get out of here —” I stop. A skinny boy is lounging at the desk inside, dressed — surprise — all in black with tiny loops pierced down the outside of one ear and a swoop of bleached hair falling over his forehead.

I feel a flicker of unease.

“Bliss Merino.” Eli sizes me up, already starting to smirk. “Wouldn’t have thought this was your scene.”

“Because you know me so well.” I roll my eyes, but inside, I feel . . . well, not exactly guilt. I mean, Brianna was technically the one who hit send on that video forward, alerting the entire school to his drag queen lip-synch act. And who films themselves doing that kind of stuff unless deep down, they have some subconscious desire for everyone to see it? So he got mercilessly bullied, dropped out, and became the joke of the entire Internet. . . . It’s not all my fault.

But from the look in Eli’s eyes, I’m guessing he doesn’t agree.

“Well?” I turn to Jolene. “Can we get out of here already?”

“Not yet.” She keeps her gaze fixed on Eli, unmoving. “I need something first.”

Eli shrugs. “And I’ve already told you: no.”

“I only need it an hour, maybe less!” Jolene looks strangely desperate. “Come on, Eli, what’s your problem?”

“My problem?” Eli leans back on his chair. He’s freakishly pale, like he never goes outside, and not even in a cute chiseled vampire way. “What do you think will happen when you get caught? They’ll take one look at the hardware and come right to me. You think I want the police crawling all over this place?” He gestures around. It’s not exactly a secret lair, just piles of comic books and some peeling Marvel posters on the wall, but who knows? Maybe he has other, more illegal stuff stashed away behind the Star Wars action figures.

“I’m not going to get caught,” Jolene insists, her face flushed. “I told you — I have everything to get me in there. I just need to disable the security feed.”

“Sorry.” Eli shrugs, sounding anything but. “No deal. This is proprietary tech, I’ve got to put my business first.”

Jolene swears. Her hands are clenched in tight fists by her sides, and for a moment I wonder if she’s going to snap and start trashing the place, but then she spins on her heel.

“Jolene —” Dante tries to stop her.

“Get the hell out of my way.” Jolene shakes him off, not even looking in my direction before disappearing out into the dim hallway.

“What’s going on?” I look around for answers. Jolene is freaking me out now — not so much vengeful and determined as slowly cracking up.

“She’s just PMSing,” Eli says smoothly.

Dante shakes his head, unreadable. “Don’t worry about it.”

“It’s kind of late for that,” I exclaim, but both of them refuse to meet my eyes. They idle there, not saying a word, as if whatever’s going on here has nothing to do with me. “I’ll go find her,” I say. They shrug, like they’re synchronized freaking swimmers or something.

Boys.

Jolene’s in the narrow storeroom, tearing into a pack of candy, when I approach.

“Hey,” I start cautiously, checking if she’s still ready to explode, but Jolene just sags against the ugly Formica counter top.

“Hi.” She exhales, worn out, so I figure it’s safe to come closer.

“Does Eli run this place or something?” I ask, trying to figure out his power trip.

She nods, gnawing on a hunk of red licorice. “He graduated early. Took his SATs and got the hell out.”

“To this?” I look around. “Isn’t the entire point of leaving high school to go someplace better?”

She gives me this ghost of a smile. “Are you kidding? He sits around all day playing Xbox and taking money from freshman Mountain Dew addicts. It’s like heaven.”

“Sure it is.” There’s a pause, the noise of that terrible band drifting loud from the main room.

I wait for a second, trying to figure out what to do next. Meg’s out crying in the car, Jolene’s fixated on getting this thing from Eli, and I’m no closer to my after-party and general normalcy. Perfect. For a moment I think about just calling a cab and bailing on this whole mess, but the idea doesn’t last long. Even I’m not that low, and something tells me Jolene likes to hold a grudge.

“So . . .” I reach over and take a thin ribbon of licorice, peeling off an even thinner strand to nibble. “What’s this thing all about?”

Jolene looks at me for a second and then relents. “He’s got this device that can jam transmission signals. Video feeds, radios, even cell phones if you set the right frequencies.”

“And?”

“And I need it,” she says simply.

I nod, beginning to understand. “To get into your dad’s office.”

“Yup. It’s kind of the electronic version of an invisibility cloak. In and out, no trace left behind.”

“Hmmm.” I twist the strip around my finger, watching the blood pool in the tip. “It’s a lot of effort, just to steal something.”

“Says the girl who had us dressed like a Victoria’s Secret catalog, like, an hour ago,” Jolene snaps back.

“Fair point.” I watch her, curious. “What did he do? Your dad, I mean.”

I expect her to clam up and get defensive, but instead, Jolene just exhales again. “He took something from me — the thing I wanted more than anything. So, I’m going to do the same.” She pauses. “At least, I was going to.”

“It’s not money, or anything like that?” I ask, struck with sudden panic.

“No. It’s . . . a painting,” she admits, her voice quiet. “Just a stupid painting.” But I can tell it means way more than she’s letting on, because her lower lip begins to tremble. She turns quickly and begins to rifle through the fridge, like she’s still pretending this is no big deal, but the careless act isn’t fooling me anymore.

This matters to her.

The strange and secret desires of Jolene Nelson should be the least of my problems, but despite all the glares, sarcasm, and general hostility she’s thrown my way tonight, I can’t help but feel some weird debt. She helped me out with my revenge, so aren’t I honor-bound to help out with hers? Besides: if I deal with this, she won’t ever tell about Cameron.

Sometimes, I hate my conscience.

“OK.” I decide quickly, figuring I’d better get moving if I’m ever going to see that after-party. “I’ll deal with Eli. You . . . just relax.”

“I’m fine,” Jolene mutters, glaring. “It’s just . . . all this, and Dante showing up, and —”

“No problem!” I back away. “It’s late, and we’re all tired. Find some caffeine!”

“So what’s it going to take?” I burst into Eli’s office without any warning, sizing him up over the three different computers he’s got lined up on the desk. He gives me a blank look. “For the gadget thing Jolene wants?”

Eli begins to smirk.

“A hundred bucks?” I offer, even though I have no idea where I’d get the money at this time of night. This isn’t exactly the kind of area I want to stroll around in search of an ATM. He doesn’t look impressed, so I try again. “One fifty?”

“No deal.” Eli leans back, clasping his hands behind his head. The red light behind him glows through his bleached hair, making it look as if he’s got a creepy halo. “You can’t just buy your way out of everything, you know.”

Taking a deep breath, I give him one of my most charming grins, “C’mon, Eli. . . . Don’t be like this. We really need your help.” I tilt my head down and then look up through my eyelashes, leaning over the desk a little. “There must be something.”

He looks me up and down, eyes lingering on my chest. “Maybe a couple of things . . .”

“Eww!” I cut him off before he can say anything else. “Not that. Seriously?”

“Depends how bad you want this thing.”

I shudder at just the thought of his pale, clammy hands on me. “I promise you, nobody will ever want anything that bad.”

It’s the wrong thing to say: right away, Eli’s face goes hard, and he narrows his eyes. “Yeah, it’s been kind of hard to get a girlfriend recently. They just google me and bam! Suddenly, they’re busy.”

“Hey, at least you’re famous,” I offer, trying to show him the bright side. “Some people kill for that kind of exposure. I mean, Licia Devlin’s been doing YouTubes of herself singing forever, but all she gets is creepy guys sending her naked photos. People all over the world know who you are.”

“I didn’t want it!” Eli scowls. “It was a stupid freaking dare, and now there’s no way I’m ever going to live it down, thanks to you and your stupid friends. Do you realize what you did to me?”

I pause. “Look, I’m sorry, OK?” I admit, reluctant. “But it’s not like I can fix it now. What do you expect me to do — wipe the Internet blank or something?”

“No . . .” Eli looks at me funny for a second, and then his thin lips spread into a truly evil grin. “But maybe it’s time you found out what it’s like to be a total joke, in front of everybody.”

I stop. “Wait, what?”

Eli laughs, almost to himself. “Yup. This is going to be good. Come on.” He rounds the desk and gestures for me to go ahead of him. I don’t move.

“I’m not going anywhere with you.”

“Then you don’t get this.” He takes a slim black gadget from his pocket and dangles it in front of me. “See, I figured out the price, what it’s going to take for you to earn it.”

“Asking nicely?” I suggest, already getting a sinking feeling in my stomach. “Pretty please, with a cherry on top?”

“Nope.” Eli has a smug expression in his eyes. Smug, and definitely cruel. “You’re going to grace us with a public performance. Maybe even a song.”

“No. Way.” I back away at the thought.

“Aww, c’mon. Kind of fitting, don’t you think? Eye for an eye, and all that.” Eli is still smirking, like he somehow knows exactly how much I don’t want to get up on that stage. There’s a reason nobody has ever heard me sing in public, and it’s directly related to a little something called my dignity. “But, hey, if you don’t want to, then my original offer still stands.”

“What, you mean . . . ?”

He looks at my chest again. “A date. With, you know, benefits.”

“Hell, no.” I think fast. “Come on, Eli, there’s got to be something else.” Something that won’t make me need to scrub my skin off, or require therapy after.

“Nope, that’s it.” The smile slips, and Eli looks at me, totally serious. “I’m done wasting my time with this. Either you pick one, or we’re done here. Your call.”

I gulp. There’s no way in hell I’m renting myself out, and failure isn’t an option if I want to get back to normal prom fun anytime soon, which leaves . . .

“Can I at least pick the song?”

I’m already regretting this when Eli interrupts the band and drags me to the edge of the stage. “Hey, listen up, everyone! We’ve got an extra-special performance tonight.”

I look out at the crowd. There are maybe a hundred or more scowling kids, all looking supremely unimpressed that we’ve interrupted their night. My stomach gives a nauseous lurch. Right now, seven minutes in heaven with Eli is looking way more attractive.

“Eli —” I start to panic, but he’s talking to the band, tapping microphones and checking wires. I feel a hand on my arm and turn to find Jolene.

“What are you doing?” She looks around. “We were going to be discreet, remember?”

My whole chest is closing off as I realize exactly what I’m about to do. “Eli . . . the deal . . . I have to . . .” I flap my hands uselessly.

Jolene grips my shoulders firmly. “Focus, Bliss! What’s going on?”

“He’s making me perform!” I finally get a full lung of air. “For the gadget thing. It’s his idea of, I don’t know, sadism and torture!”

Jolene brightens. “That’s great!”

“No, it’s not! I can’t sing!” Jolene rolls her eyes, thinking I’m just being dramatic. “No, really,” I insist, losing all sensation in my legs now. Any minute, I’m going to break out in some kind of rash. “I’m like, tone deaf. I can’t carry a single note!”

Jolene shakes her head. “You’ll manage. It’s only a couple of minutes, and if we pick the right song . . . something that’s mostly talking, OK?” She bundles me back to the middle of the stage, where Eli is waiting with a mic.

“Here she is, everyone,” he announces to the crowd. “Our star performer, Bliss Merino!”

“Give me just a second,” I hiss desperately as a spotlight flashes on. “I need to find the music, and —”

“Already taken care of.” He gives me a firm push into the middle of the space. “I chose a real classic. You’re going to love it.”

Oh God.

I try and remember how to breathe, surrounded by a mass of bored, hostile strangers. I can see it in their eyes, they hate me already — there’s no way I’ll ever be able to live this down. And then, when I think this can’t get any worse, the music starts. Three familiar chords that are burned into the brain of every teenager who has been remotely conscious for the last five years. “Hit Me Up.” The most annoying pop song known to man, even the singer needed auto-tune to get through it alive.

This is what hell feels like.

“Woohoo, go Bliss!” Eli yells, loving every minute of my pain. The first lyrics appear on-screen behind me but I turn to Jolene, looking for a last-ditch escape.

Instead, she stares at me, eyes wide. “Please,” she mouths. That’s when I know for sure I’m doomed. Jolene would rather die than even admit for a moment that she doesn’t have things under control, and here she is, begging me for help.

I grip the mic, say a prayer, and turn to my audience.

“Ooh, baby, I want you so bad.”





I’ve got to hand it to Bliss — the girl does nothing halfway. She may be tone deaf and unable to hit a single decent note, but she throws everything into that performance, prancing across the stage area and pouting like this is all just a big joke, and anyone who thinks otherwise isn’t in on the plan.

“Hit me up, don’t stop, I’ve got to get what you’ve got,” I sing quietly as we head toward the exit. That terrible melody is already carved deep into my brain, but I’m too wired to care. Because I’ve got it: gripped tightly in my hand, the last thing standing between me and that painting. A little black box of technological magic. “Tonight, make it right —”

“Please stop.” Bliss shudders. She trips out onto the fire escape, gasping for air. “That song is going to haunt me forever!”

“But it worked.”

“Mmmhmm.” Bliss sinks to the ground, perching on the edge of the metal staircase. She rummages in her bag and pulls out her lip gloss, swiping it back and forth over her lips as if it’s some sort of meditative gesture. Slowly, her breathing returns to normal.

I pause. For the first time, I realize that the panic and terror before weren’t just drama queen hysterics; Bliss is actually scared to death of singing. But she did it anyway. For . . . me?

“That was amazing,” I tell her, confused but grateful. “Thank you. I don’t know what to say.”

“That you’ll never tell another soul what I just did?”

“I think it’s kind of late for that.” She looks up at me, eyes wide. “There were some camera phones waving around in there.” I grimace. “And, knowing Eli, he’s got the whole thing taped.”

Bliss lets out a whimper.

“But, it’s fine,” I promise quickly. “You were hamming it up so much, you can just say it was a dare. Part of some scavenger hunt or something.”

She doesn’t look convinced.

“Nice show you put on there.” A voice from behind makes me jump. I turn to find Dante leaning in the doorway, grinning at Bliss. “I mean it — that was awesome. Next stop: Vegas.”

“Can you not do that?” I snap.

“Do what?”

“Lurk.”

His gaze slides over to me. “You said you didn’t want me getting in your way.”

“I meant at all.” I shift under his stare, self-conscious. For all my ice-queen act, this dress is a big flashing neon sign saying I showed up, that I remembered our plans. “Don’t you have anything better to do?”

“Nope.” Dante meets my eyes, unruffled. I always used to like his calmness, how nothing would ever shake that nonchalance. It made me feel safe when everything else was whirling in a riot, like the world could fall to pieces but he’d still be there to keep me centered, keep me from going too far. I’ve lost count of the times he’s pulled me back from making stupid mistakes with that look, the one that says, “I’ve got you.”

Now I know that look is a lie, I wish he’d break a sweat, just once. Just for me.

“Let’s get going,” I tell Bliss, turning my back on Dante and the way the shadows cut across his face. “I promise, I’ll have you at Brianna’s soon.”

She nods, slowly getting up. “Thanks.”

Dante follows us down to the parking lot, whistling some song I don’t recognize. I force myself not to turn, or even acknowledge his existence, but I can feel him behind me with every step. “Where are you heading?” he asks when we reach the car. Meg clicks off the central locking, looking miserable behind the wheel.

“None of your damn business,” I answer at the same time that Bliss says, “Her dad’s office.”

“Bliss.” I give her a murderous look, but she just shrugs.

“What? Maybe he can help.”

“I don’t want his help. I don’t want anything from him,” I lie, hurling myself into the front seat.

It’s too much. My dad, and Dante, and college, and Meg and Bliss. I can’t deal with them all at once. I don’t have the space.

“Are you OK?” Meg asks quietly.

“Sure,” I lie again. “Sorry we took so long.”

She nods, starting the ignition.

“Wait for Bliss,” I remind her. Meg scowls, hitting the horn in a sharp gesture. A moment later, Bliss slides in.

“I thought you were going to leave without me!” She’s breathless.

“Maybe we should have,” Meg murmurs through gritted teeth. She checks her mirror and then pulls away with an angry screech, faster than she’s driven all night. I don’t ask what’s wrong — I can’t find it in me to care. All I can do is lean my head to the window, the glass cool against my cheek as we speed back through town. I turn the remote over in my hands, tracing every smooth surface and pointed edge as I pull myself back under control.

“So, how do you know Dante?” Bliss finally asks from the backseat.

The streets rush by, dark and blurred. I close my eyes. “He’s just a boy I used to know.”

The industrial park is dark and deserted, and even I feel a flicker of unease as we roll to a stop, half a block away. The streets around here are full of warehouses and wire fencing; no warm houses or neat front yards to help me pretend this is just a crazy teen stunt we’re pulling. No, here there are only flickering streetlights and dirty concrete, and the low feeling in my stomach that this is somehow a mistake.

“You both stay here.” I decide suddenly. I’d planned to drag at least Bliss along for backup, but she’s put herself on the line already for me tonight. I’d rather not reward her with a misdemeanor charge. “I’ll check in on my cell and call if I need any help.”

“You’re sure?” Bliss looks fearfully around. “I mean, you’re sure you want to do this?”

It’s not so much a question of wanting to do this, as needing to get it done. I give her a smile, full of false confidence. “Are you kidding? It’ll be fun.”

She frowns. “Then, good luck, I guess.”

“Luck is for losers.” I switch on Eli’s remote, setting it to jam any surveillance. “This is all about skill.”

I grab my backpack and jog quickly toward the buildings, keeping to the shadows and out of sight. As much as I can, at least. I wish I were dressed better for this — some black clothes, boots I can run in — but maybe this is a good thing. You can’t claim innocence when you’re caught trespassing looking like a cat burglar.

McKenna Imports is on the far side of the lot, a modern, glass-fronted building with plush animals frolicking in every window and a cutesy cat logo above the door. Stuffed animals. I’d never have figured they were a booming market, but clearly, there are plenty of people willing to pay a hundred bucks for a giant pink bunny rabbit, if this place is any indication. I peer through the window and see dark reception area, full of potted plants and sleek couches. No sign of life.

There are two security cameras trained straight on the door, but I don’t have time to second-guess Eli. I pull out the key ring I swiped from the office back at the house, trying each in turn until both locks are open. I step cautiously inside. There’s no sound of sirens, so I cross straight to the alarm panel on the side wall, blinking red at me. 62–34–62.

Nothing.

I enter the numbers again, trying not to panic, but the system doesn’t disarm. 62–34–62.

Oh, crap.

A warning beep starts up. I’ve probably got another thirty seconds or so before it dials up the security company, then starts wailing so loud that every cop in the neighborhood will hear. Heart racing, I keep hitting the numbers, not even wanting to think about bailing before —

“You have to press star for it to register.” An arm reaches across me, inputs the numbers, and then hits the last button. The beeping stops, and the light turns green.

I exhale.

“Details, Jolene. What am I always telling you?”

“I don’t know.” I turn to him, pulse still speeding in my veins. “You don’t tell me much of anything these days.”

Dante doesn’t respond. He looks older than I’ve been remembering him: a faint shadow of stubble on his jaw, broader in the shoulders. Smarter, too, like he’s finally grown out of those grungy T-shirts and beat-up sneakers I used to tease him about.

God, I’ve missed him.

“Are you going to help, or are you going to stand around bitching?” I manage to sound casual, pulling a slim flashlight from my bag and closing the door behind me. He must have followed us from the Loft in that beat-up Camaro.

“I’m here, aren’t I?”

I ignore the soft resignation in his tone. Switching on the flashlight, I sweep it across the room. “It should be in his office, in the back maybe.”

“The Lorenzo?”

Of course he’d know what I’m here for. I don’t answer, crossing behind the reception desk and heading deeper into the building. The beam of light swings out in front of me, cutting through the dark and landing on neat rows of stuffed animals lining the hallway.

“Creepy.” Dante sounds amused, pausing to pick up a three-foot elephant. He wiggles it at me. “Your dad knows that half his customers are guys with weird fetishes, right?”

I keep walking, checking every room as we pass.

“Furries, I think they call them,” he muses, tossing the toy up in the air. “Or is that the people who like to dress up in bear suits? Maybe it’s plushies. Either way, his product isn’t getting tucked in at night with the kids, if you know what I mean.”

I don’t even break a smile at his joking — that would be too easy. He might think that we’re OK now — that he can just come back and throw some of that charm around, and I’ll forgive him, but he’s wrong. It doesn’t work that way.

I reach the end of the hallway and a door marked with a fancy metal animal plaque. The blinds are down, but I know this is the place; I just know it. I grab for the door, but it’s locked. I try each key in turn, but nothing works. I slam against it in frustration.

“Hey, calm down.” Dante reaches to stop me, but I step back, already looking around for other options. We’re deep enough in the building that I risk turning on the light, flooding us with harsh fluorescent from the strip above.

“Do you think there’s an air vent going in?”

“Not unless you’re starring in an action movie,” he jokes in reply. “And I don’t know if those ruffles will fit. . . .”

“Fine then.” I hoist a fire extinguisher down from the far wall and take a few practice swings toward the glass partition. Dante lets out a strangled yell and snatches it from my hands.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“Getting in.” He stares at me as if I’m insane. “You could do something, you know,” I add, bitter. “Instead of following me around and lurking in the shadows. Can’t you bust the door down?”

“Bust it?” Dante takes a sharp breath, like he’s trying to keep control. “What do you say we just get out of here,” he says instead. “I’ve got Xbox back at the house; we can go kill a few thousand zombies and drive my mom crazy, the way we used to.”

I feel an ache at the reminder, but it’s not enough to shake me. “I have to do this.”

“No, you don’t.”

I glare back. “Since when do you care what the hell I do?”

I’m expecting a fight, but Dante simply looks at me, his jaw set.

“You’re right,” he says eventually. “I can’t do this anymore.” He stares for a moment and then turns to leave. Because he’s so damn good at it.

“Fine.”

He stops.

“Fine?” Dante gives a twisted kind of laugh. “Jolene, we’re a lot of things, but we’re not fine.”

“And whose fault is that?” I whirl on him, anger hot in my chest. “Who just up and left without a single word? Don’t you dare make like this is my fault!” I’m shaking, a year’s worth of insecurity and anger pumping through me. All those months seeing his silent icon up on my chat window, before I broke and deleted him for good. All those months expecting him to call, and the bitter disappointment every time it wasn’t him on the other end of the line.

And all because of a stupid kiss I didn’t see coming.

“Did you care so much I turned you down?” I yell. “Did our friendship mean that little to you?”

There’s silence in the hallway, lights glaring overhead.

“You think it was about that?” Dante stares at me, a curious expression on his face. “You think I cut you out over . . . ? Jolene.” He stops, like he can’t even find the words.

“Then what?” I demand. “What did I do that was so bad, you couldn’t even send a damn e-mail? We were friends! You were everything!”

I catch my own words too late. Trust me to only realize what I’ve got when he’s gone, to ache for a boy I came so close to having. “Look, you don’t want to be here. You’ve made that clear,” I add, before he can register what I said. “Why did you even come?”

“Because someone’s got to keep you from screwing up your entire life.” Dante flings the words at me, accusing.

I gape.

“Jesus, Jolene, what the hell are you doing?” He gestures around angrily. “Breaking and entering — this is a felony. You’re not a minor anymore — you’ll get real time for sure!”

“My dad won’t press charges,” I shoot back. “And where do you even get off playing law-abiding citizen? I was right there with you for those stunts we used to pull.”

“I remember. What do you think I was doing all that time?” He’s mad now, for real: fists clenched by his sides and those dark eyes blazing. “Watching out, making sure you didn’t get caught, trying everything to keep you away from the real trouble.”

I blink. “What are you talking about?”

“You think I would have been pulling that crap without you?” He looks at me with a strange mix of exasperation and pity. “Sure, it was fun in the beginning, but we’re not kids anymore. I was trying to keep you safe.”

“So why did you shut me out?” I demand, spiteful. “Why did you start ignoring me like that? Did you want me to fall?”

“I wanted you to grow the hell up!” Dante yells suddenly. “You think I should have stayed, thrown my life away on you, on this?” He gestures around at the dark building on somebody else’s property. “I’m not some pretty white girl who can bat her eyelashes and get away with community service. Hell, I’m more likely to wind up in prison than ever get through college!”

I feel guilt slap me, hard. “You never said.” My voice shakes.

“I know.” He gives me this faint smile that almost breaks my heart. “I tried, so many times, but then . . .” Dante shrugs. “I can’t say no to you, Jolene. I just had to make it so you couldn’t ask me at all.”

I catch my breath, trying to understand, to rearrange all my memories to see this new version of things.

“I thought maybe, if I wasn’t around . . .” Dante starts. “If you had to deal with it all on your own . . . But you haven’t changed at all, have you? You’re still so self-destructive, you don’t care who you hurt.”

“I’m not hurting anyone.” I clench my jaw, my fists, my everything to keep it together.

“Oh, yeah?” Dante gives me a faded smile, and for a terrible moment, I can see myself from his perspective. Falling apart at the seams.

“It’s my life,” I manage to say, hating him. “I can do what the hell I want with it.”

Dante’s face changes. “But don’t you see — this is your shot now, your chance to get out, and you’re risking it all for what? Some meaningless payback that won’t change a thing.”

I shake my head. “You don’t know what he did.”

“I know he doesn’t love you.” Dante says it low and clear. “At least, not the way you need. I know he left, and let you down, but how is that ever going to change? You think you’ll hurt him, but you’re the only one getting hurt here.”

My mouth drops open. I’m coming apart; I can feel it — every word splintering into me until I don’t know how I’m still standing. It’s too much; I knew it was. It’s all too much.

“Jolene.” His voice softens and he pulls me closer. For a brief second, I’m in his arms, like I belong there. “You don’t have to do this,” he murmurs, holding me tight. “Every time he lets you down, you can just let go. Don’t —”

“Stop!” I break, pushing him away. “What the hell do you even care? I never asked you to do this, I never wanted you to save me!”

My words are sharp and fierce, echoing in the empty building.

Dante looks at me for a long moment. “No. No, I guess you didn’t.”

Something in his tone slices right through me.

“Go,” I say, because it’s just about all I can manage. “I’ll do this on my own.”

“Jolene . . .” His voice trails away.

We used to make plans together, laying out by the river on the far side of town. We plotted our escape there, tossing old soda cans into the water and imagining the world beyond state lines. New York. LA. Austin. Any town with a decent record store and a roller derby would suit us fine. But he’s gone now, living his life without a second damn thought to those hazy dreams. And me? I’m never getting out.

“Go.” I pick up the fire extinguisher and aim it for the glass with everything I have.

It smashes so loud, I don’t hear him leave.