The Year I Almost Drowned

Chapter 11

Sidney gave me a second chance. It was a quality that I liked about her–that she was willing to give me the benefit of the doubt. After we got to know each other better, her opinion of me changed from “Miss Anti-Social” to “Friendly Finn.” She blatantly told me that she didn’t care too much for me when she first met me.

“You were so emo-like. It was like living with my younger sister all over again. She’s all into depressing music and just walks around the house sighing all the time, giving people dirty looks. Know what I mean?” she had said to me one day.

Going out with Sidney and her friends, who had become mine as well, became part of my normal routine: wake up; go to class; study and do work to maintain scholarship; nap; go out; sleep. That’s what I did on a regular basis. I still frequented the Pillow Room, but I didn’t live there anymore. I finally made my dorm room my home.

I had misjudged Sidney. She was fun to be with and was always upbeat–the perfect remedy for getting over a break-up. I missed Hannah and Meg, though, especially Meg. They were just closer friends. They got me. But I wasn’t in Graceville anymore and knew the only way I could adjust was to open myself up to making new friends.

We made plans to go to a party our friend Aaron was having. Aaron was a student at Georgia State–the nearby co-ed college. He and I had met at Jenny’s Casual Cafe. He worked there, and since I ate there at least four to five times a week, we had gotten to know each other pretty well. Most of our conversations were surface, focusing on movies, books, or any other basic stuff. Aaron was a nice guy, and I enjoyed his company, but there was no spark. He was just a friend.

During my senior year of high school on my campus tour, I remember one of the girls asking the tour guide if it was hard to meet guys being at an all girls’ school like Harrison, and the tour guide actually laughed at her. She told the girl that with the other college nearby there were plenty of guys to go around. Sidney was evidence of that. She always had a date and seemed to have a knack for meeting a different guy each week.

I wasn’t really looking. That was the furthest thing from my mind. Breaking up with Jesse was like a five-step grieving process. I had gotten past anger and denial, as well as bargaining. Where I was now was somewhere between depression and acceptance. Within a few months, I hoped to be at acceptance.

Sidney wasn’t a fashion queen like Meg was, but she was all about wearing labels and dressing in expensive, well-made clothes. Her parents had money growing out of their ears and had no qualms about giving Sidney her very own credit card so she could be a spending fiend. She got dressed up for the party and decided to wear a light blue dress. I looked plain next to her in my jeans and lime green short-sleeved t-shirt. The weather was becoming warmer. It was spring, and my coat had been packed away in the closet.

“You can borrow a dress of mine if you want,” she offered. “I’m sure Aaron would like you dressed up.” She gave me a mischievous grin.

“That’s okay. I’m good in my jeans. Thanks.”

She rummaged through her purse. “Ugh! I’m out of condoms,” she said. She looked in my direction. “Do you have any?” I blushed, which told her my answer in so many words. “Wait. You mean you and that ex of yours never did it?”

“That’s personal,” I answered. My arms folded against my chest in a defensive position. Hearing “ex” out loud still stung a little. In a late sleepless night, Sidney and I had shared some secrets–her more than me–a lot more than me. But I did open up about Jesse, about how we had dated most of the summer up to the holidays and then how it ended.

“It’s okay, Finn. I just assumed...”

“Well, we didn’t okay?”

She shrugged. “Don’t get mad. You take things slow. I get that. I wish I had waited a little longer my first time.”

“You do?” I unfolded my arms.

“Yeah, of course. It was awful. Imagine your senior prom, a night that is supposed to be epic, and you’re in the parking lot losing your virginity in the backseat of some piece of crap car with a guy that smells like weed.” She sighed and made a disgusted face. “He dumped me like two weeks later and found some other sucker.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It made me stronger. I was hurt for a little bit and then found there are a lot better guys out there.” She curled her lips to a smirk. “Guys are a dime a dozen.”

I didn’t agree with everything she said. There were other guys out there, but that didn’t mean I was willing to just go out with them for the sake of going out with them, or lose my virginity just for the sake of losing it. I needed to feel a connection, or at least something that resembled love.

“Just make sure when you do finally do it, that you’re ready to handle all the consequences.”

“Consequences?”

“I can tell you’re the type that gets attached. I don’t, but someone like you does. Just make sure that you’re one hundred percent sure you’re ready to give yourself completely,” she said. She grabbed her purse and pulled my arm. “Let’s stop at CVS before we go to the party. I need me some condoms.”

Aaron’s apartment was in an old complex that was a little run down and very dated. It was within minutes of Georgia State’s campus, which meant most of the people living there were college students who didn’t care about its shoddy appearance. There were probably twenty to thirty people squeezed into the small two-bedroom apartment that he shared with his roommate, Doug. Doug was Sidney’s latest conquest. Poor Doug didn’t stand a chance. I don’t know what Sidney’s secret was, but she could wrap any guy around her finger. And they fell hard for her instantly. She was always the one to break their hearts. She broke it off before too many strings were attached. I didn’t envy her for any of it.

It wasn’t a huge party; it was more of a gathering. A group of people sat around a large round table playing poker, others lingered in the kitchen drinking. The rest were spread out throughout the apartment talking and hanging out.

“Finn,” Aaron said to me as Sidney and I entered. “Glad you came.” He smiled. Aaron was cute even if I wasn’t into him.

“Thanks for inviting me,” I said.

“See you guys later. There’s Doug,” Sidney said and left us there alone.

“Do you want something to drink?” he asked me.

“Do you have Coke?”

“Uh yeah.” He ran his fingers through his unkempt hair and gave me a perplexed expression. “Look, if you want a beer, I’ve got beer.”

“I’m the designated driver tonight,” I said, jingling my keys. I placed them in my purse. I had volunteered to be the DD. There was no way I was going to have a repeat of the awful party I had gone to almost a year before where I was too drunk to drive home and almost got assaulted by slimy Dylan. If Jesse hadn’t come to rescue Meg and me, things would’ve turned for the worse.

“Oh.” He nodded. “Coke it is.” He handed me a cold can of Coke.

“Thanks.”

“Do you want to go outside?”

“Sure.” I followed him through his living room and to the glass sliding doors that led to the outside. He slid them open. His back yard was basically a concrete slab with a few lawn chairs and one tiny, beat-up grill. The view–was an ugly chain link fence that faced a retention pond and nothing else. His apartment complex was within the direct flight path of the airport. Planes flew in the sky constantly. It was hard to hear anything except the roaring jet engines overhead.

It was just him and me outside. We both sat down on the lawn chairs, sinking low to the ground. He drank his beer; I sipped my Coke.

“You look nice tonight,” he said.

I looked down at my blah outfit and then said, “Thanks.” I pictured Aaron’s dad telling him when he was growing up, “Compliment girls, son, because they like it.” I enjoyed getting compliments, but generic ones like that meant nothing to me.

“Are you going anywhere for spring break?” he asked.

An airplane flew over head. “To Florida,” I answered after it passed. Spending another activity-filled week in Florida didn’t sound appealing to me. I hoped my mom didn’t get the same bug to go out all the time, like she had before when I visited.

“That’s cool. I’m going back home, too,” he said. Then he did something I did not expect or ask for. He ran his fingers through my hair. “You’re hair is so soft. I love red hair,” he murmured. I shifted and moved my head away from his fingers trying to give him a subtle yet polite hint but he didn’t seem to be getting it. “I like you, Finn.”

Oh no. That was not what I wanted to hear. I didn’t want him to like me. I didn’t want anyone to like me. I tried to give a sympathetic expression before I turned him down, but he took it the wrong way. He read me all wrong. He leaned in and placed his lips on mine and began to kiss me. It was so unexpected, I didn’t have time to react, to move my face so his lips would smack my cheek or the air instead of my tightly closed lips. I could feel his tongue touching my lips. I quickly pulled away. “Aaron, no,” I said in the most gentle tone I could muster. He wasn’t a bag guy; he just didn’t know the first thing about me or women for that matter.

“Why?” he asked. “I thought you liked me, too.”

“My boyfriend and I broke up a few months ago. I’m still not over him.”

“I can help you get over him,” he said. I glared at him. “Sorry.”

“Can we just be friends?” I asked.

He twisted his lips and pouted. “Yeah. I guess.”

“You’re a nice guy, Aaron. I’m just not ready to date anyone yet,” I said. I didn’t tell him that I’d never want to date him. Rejecting him once was enough for the night.

“Kissing is not dating, Finn,” he teased. I rolled my eyes at him and then laughed because I knew he was joking. “Yes, we can be friends,” he said and smiled.

***

I went back to Florida for spring break. Thankfully, my mom didn’t take any days off of work, so my days were relatively peaceful and free of strenuous activity. I slept in, watched TV and worked on some projects that my professors had assigned to do over the break. That was what I wanted, an uneventful week.

The weeks passed so quickly. Before I knew it, finals week had arrived. The semester had flown by. Everyone was stressed out and studying–even Sidney. My grades were good, so the pressure of doing well on my finals wasn’t hanging over my head. Sidney’s preference for partying had gotten the best of her and put her in her present position–studying for hours on end and hoping to pass each exam with a decent grade or else she would end up on academic probation and have to attend summer school.

We had decided to share a dorm again the following year. She wasn’t difficult to live with and had become a good friend. I didn’t want to deal with the painful process of trying to acclimate to a new roommate’s habits and peculiarities. We had finally meshed.