The Time in Between A Novel

Chapter Sixty-Five

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Yes, Gamboa did indeed suspect something when he brought you the orchids. So he hid and waited to see who the owner of the hat was. And then he saw me coming out of your room. He knows me very well, I’ve been in the company’s offices several times. Armed with this information, he went in search of Da Silva, but his boss didn’t want to see him—he told him he was busy with some important business and that they’d talk the following morning. And they did talk today. When Da Silva found out what it was about, he flew into a rage, fired him, and began to take measures.”

“And how do you know all this?”

“Because Gamboa came looking for me this afternoon. His nerves are in shreds, he’s terribly afraid and looking for someone to protect him, which is why he thought he might feel safer approaching the English, with whom he used to have excellent relations. Even he doesn’t know what Da Silva is up to, because he hides things from everyone, including the people he trusts, but his current state made me fear for your safety. As soon as I’d spoken to Gamboa I went to your hotel, but you’d already left. I reached the station as the train was just pulling away, and when I saw Da Silva alone on the platform I thought everything was all right. Until the very last moment, when I saw him gesturing to two men leaning out of one of the windows.”

“What kind of gesture?”

“An eight—five fingers of one hand and three of the other.”

“My cabin number . . .”

“It was the only detail they were still missing. Everything else had already been arranged.”

I was assailed by a strange feeling—terror mixed with relief, weakness, and rage all at once. The taste of betrayal, perhaps. But I knew I had no reason to feel betrayed. I’d deceived Manuel, hidden behind an inoffensive, seductive front, and he’d tried to repay me in kind, without getting his hands dirty or compromising a speck of his elegance. Disloyalty in exchange for disloyalty—that’s the way things worked.

We continued along dusty roads, over potholes and craters, passing through sleeping towns, desolate villages, and patches of wasteland. The only light we saw in all that time was from the headlamps of our car opening a path for us through the thick darkness—there wasn’t even a moon. Marcus realized that Da Silva’s men would not remain at the station—they’d probably find some way of following us—so he kept driving fast, never letting up, as though we still had those two undesirables clinging to our tail.

“I’m almost sure they won’t dare cross into Spain; they’d be getting themselves into unknown territory where they don’t control the rules of the game. Of their own private game, that is. So we shouldn’t lower our guard till we’re over the border.”

It would have been natural for Marcus to question me further about why Da Silva was trying to get rid of me after treating me so deferentially only days earlier. He’d seen us with his own eyes, dining and dancing at the casino; he knew that I’d been going around in his car every day, receiving gifts from him at my hotel. Perhaps he was waiting for some explanation of the nature of our relationship, maybe some clarification of what had gone on between us, something that could throw a little light on the reasons for his brutal order when I was just about to walk out of his country and his life. But I didn’t utter a word.

He kept talking, without taking his attention from the road, making observations and proposing interpretations in the hope that at some point I might decide to contribute something. “Da Silva,” he went on, “opened the doors to his house wide for you, allowing you to witness everything that happened there last night, though I don’t know what that is.”

I didn’t reply.

“And you don’t seem to have any intention of telling me.”

It was true, I didn’t.

“Now he’s convinced that you got close to him because you were under orders from someone else, and he suspects that you’re not just a simple foreign dressmaker who showed up in his life by chance. He thinks you became friends with him because you meant to investigate his affairs, but he’s wrong in his assumptions about who it is you’re working for, because according to our tip-off from Gamboa, he incorrectly believes you to be working for me. In any case, he wants you to keep your mouth shut. Forever, if that can be arranged.”

Still I didn’t say anything; I preferred to keep my feelings hidden behind a front of feigned obliviousness. Until my silence had become intolerable for both of us.

“Thank you for protecting me, Marcus,” I murmured.

I didn’t fool him. I didn’t fool him, or soften him up, or move him with my false helplessness.

“Who is it you’re mixed up with, Sira?” he asked slowly, never taking his eyes off the road.

I turned and looked at his profile in the gloom. The refined nose, the strong jaw, the determination, the certainty. He seemed like the same man from our days in Tetouan. Seemed.

“Who are you with, Marcus?”

On the back seat, invisible but so close, we were joined by a third passenger in the car: suspicion.


When we crossed the border it was past midnight. Marcus showed his British passport, and I showed my Moroccan one. I noticed him looking at it, but he didn’t ask any questions. We didn’t see any sign of Da Silva’s men, just a couple of sleepy policemen who weren’t particularly keen to waste their time on us.

“Perhaps we should find somewhere to get some sleep, now that we’re in Spain and we know they haven’t followed us, and they can’t have overtaken us. Tomorrow I can take a train and you can go back to Lisbon,” I suggested.

“I’d rather go on to Madrid,” he muttered.

We continued driving, passing not a single other vehicle on the road, each of us absorbed in our own thoughts. Suspicion had brought doubt, and the doubt had led to silence: a silence that was thick and uncomfortable, pregnant with mistrust. An unfair silence. Marcus had just yanked me out of the worst fix I’d been in in my life and was going to drive through the night just to make sure I arrived safely at my destination, and I was repaying him by refusing to give him any information that might ease his mind. But I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t say any more to him. First I had to be sure about what I’d suspected ever since Rosalinda opened my eyes during our early morning conversation. Or perhaps I could say something. A fragment from the previous night, a snippet, a clue. Something that would be useful to us both—to him by satisfying his curiosity at least in part, and to me as a way of preparing the ground while I waited to confirm what I suspected.

We’d gone past Badajoz and Mérida. We’d been silent since the frontier post, dragging our mutual distrust along worn-out old roads and Roman bridges.

“Do you remember Bernhardt, Marcus?”

The muscles of his arms seemed to tense up, his fingers clinging more tightly to the steering wheel.

“Yes, of course I remember him.”

Suddenly the dark interior of the car was flooded with images and smells of that day we’d shared, after which nothing had ever been the same between us. A summer evening in Morocco, my house on Sidi Mandri, a supposed journalist standing by the balcony doors waiting for me. Tetouan’s packed streets, the gardens of the High Commission, the caliph’s band enthusiastically singing anthems, jasmine and orange trees, military stripes and uniforms. Rosalinda absent, and an enthusiastic Beigbeder playing the great host, still unaware that the time would come when the man to whom he was paying tribute would end up striking off his head and sending it spinning in the dirt. A group of German backs forming a ring around the special guest with the cat’s eyes, and my companion asking my help to get hold of secret information. Another time, another country, and yet, deep down, everything almost exactly the same. Almost.

“I was at dinner with him yesterday at Da Silva’s estate. Afterward they talked into the early hours.”

I knew that he was holding back, that he wanted to know more—that he needed information, details, but he didn’t dare to ask because he didn’t completely trust me yet either. His sweet Sira—I really wasn’t the person I used to be either.

Finally he couldn’t stop himself.

“Did you hear anything of what they said?”

“Nothing at all. Do you have any idea what they might have to do with each other?”

“None whatsoever.”

I was lying and he knew it. He was lying and I knew it. And neither of us was prepared to show his or her hand, but thinking about the past did loosen the tension between us. Maybe because it brought with it recollections of a past in which we hadn’t yet lost all our innocence. Perhaps because that memory made us recover a tiny bit of our complicity and forced us to remember that there was still something that bound us besides lies and suspicion.

I tried to keep my attention on the road and to remain fully alert, but the tension of the recent days, the lack of sleep, and the nervous exhaustion caused by everything I’d been through that night had debilitated me to the point of collapse. Too long spent walking a tightrope.

“Are you sleepy?” he asked. “Go on, rest your head on my shoulder.”

He put his right arm around me and I huddled closer to receive some of his warmth.

“Sleep. It won’t take long now,” he whispered.

I began to fall into a dark, troubled well in which I relived recently experienced scenes through a distorted filter. Men pursuing me brandishing knives, the long, moist kiss of a serpent, the wives of the tungsten mine owners dancing on a table, Da Silva counting on his fingers, Gamboa crying, Marcus and I running through the dark alleys of the Tetouan medina.

I didn’t know how much time had passed before Marcus woke me.

“We’re here, Sira. We’re arriving in Madrid. You have to tell me where you live.”

His voice pulled me out of my sleep. As I began to emerge slowly from my torpor, I realized that I was still stuck to him, clinging to his arm. Straightening up my stiff body and parting myself from his side was going to take an infinite amount of effort. I did so slowly: my neck was stiff, my joints numb. His shoulder must have been hurting, too, but he didn’t show it. Without saying a word, I looked through the side window while trying to comb my hair with my fingers. Dawn was breaking over Madrid. There were still some lights on. Just a few discrete, sad lights. I remembered Lisbon and its impressive display of nighttime brightness. In a Spain ruled by restrictions and wretchedness, people still lived in near darkness.

“What time is it?” I asked finally.

“Almost seven. You’ve had a good long nap.”

“And you must be aching all over,” I said, still sleepy.

I gave him my address and asked him to park on the far side of the street, a few yards away. It was almost day now, and the first few souls were beginning to come out onto the street. The deliverymen, a couple of servant girls, the odd shop assistant and waiter.

“What are you planning to do?” I asked, studying the activity through the glass.

“Get myself a room at the Palace for now. And when I wake up, first thing I do will be to send this suit to be cleaned and buy myself a shirt. I’m completely filthy from the cinders on the tracks.”

“But you managed to get my notebook . . .”

“I don’t know if it was worth it: you still haven’t told me what’s in it.”

I ignored his words.

“And after you’ve put on some clean clothes, what are you going to do?” I spoke without looking at him, still concentrating on what was happening outside the car, waiting for just the right moment to take the next step.

“Go to my company’s headquarters,” he answered. “We have offices here in Madrid.”

“And do you mean to escape as quickly as you did from Morocco?” I asked, my eyes sweeping over the street’s morning comings and goings.

He replied with a half smile.

“I don’t know yet.”

At that moment my doorman left the building, heading out to the dairy. The coast was clear.

“Just in case you do end up escaping again, I’d like to invite you up for breakfast first,” I said, quickly opening the car door.

He grabbed my arm, trying to hold me back.

“Only if you tell me what you’re up to.”

“Not until I know who you are.”

We went up the staircase together hand in hand, ready to call a truce. Dirty and exhausted, but alive.