The goals of companies and individuals striving for success are often expressed this way: “This goal represents where I want to go, and I’m going to be really unhappy and disappointed if I don’t arrive there. This is what I expect of myself, and if I don’t get there I will be a failure.”
Obviously this kind of thinking only introduces stress into the human system. It builds discomfort and unwanted pressure. Stress is not optimal for performance. This has been proven over and over in everything from free-throw shooting to spelling bees: Stress and anxiety have a profoundly negative impact on performance.
That’s why it’s more effective to use peaceful inner intention. One can more easily think, Well, that’s where I intended to go, but, oh well, I didn’t get there. It may sound weak, but it’s actually stronger, because from that relaxed place you are more likely to keep trying. You are able to say to yourself, Gee, it was just an intention, it’s okay that I didn’t get there. I’m going to keep working on it. I’ve got great new ideas. Instead of: I’m disappointed and angry with myself; I’m a loser, I can’t progress, and I can’t make it.
With intention you can be like the water Bruce Lee spoke about. Being like water, you allow your nature and your energy to flow along with your intention. With a stressful goal you’re always trying to push yourself uphill to finally “get to” the goal. But with an intention, there’s no place to get to. No hill to climb. The intention is in you already. You already have it. You just flow with it and use it as a directional monitor.
At its core, intention is a powerful place to come from inside you, and a goal is a hoped-for place outside of you to get to. The truly successful person has learned to get his or her hands off of future outcomes and just flow like a river.
Steps to hands-off success in your life
Three action steps to take after reading this chapter:
1. Rather than focusing on large, external goals that stress you out, keep your task list simple. List three action items you think are the most important to do today and then pick just one to do right now.
2. Once your first three priority items are finished (one at a time), you’ll feel a real glow inside, and you can turn to page two where you have other action items listed. Circle one more and do that immediately.
3. The next time you talk to someone, take time to really be there. Don’t multitask, check your smart phone, or think of other things. Just be in that conversation and create the relationship you are in. Slow down to the speed of life. Who you are right now is more important than some future visionary quest you’re obsessing about.
CHAPTER FIVE
QUESTIONS LEADING TO SUCCESS
Judge others by their questions rather than by their answers.
—Voltaire
The hands-off manager doesn’t spend a lot of time giving advice.
Instead, he perfects his ability to ask questions. Questions that allow success and fulfillment to happen. Questions such as, “What things come naturally to you? How comfortable are you doing this work? How easy is the workflow for you right now?”
We have been trained by the media, by our families, by our traditions, and by our culture to focus on the negative and try to fix it. We obsess over sins and shortcomings, trials and tribulations. We try to go outside ourselves to change the negative things. Then we try in vain to create an external situation that’s positive.
But none of that works, because the positive solution is on the inside. What we were seeking was already in us. No wonder we couldn’t find it out there.
And just how do you find these solutions inside you? Questions! Just start asking questions. And then listen. Take just a moment after you do something and question how it feels to you. You just sent an e-mail to a team member whose actions upset you. Do you feel a sense of satisfaction? Do you feel a sense of fulfillment? Could you say to someone, “I loved doing that. That was fun for me.” Or do you feel a sense of guilt and dissatisfaction?
Just listen to that feeling, whatever it is. With a little practice and discipline, it’s not hard to find a way to test all your actions against this inner knowing. To tune your instrument for excellence and efficiency. Soon your e-mails and other communications will be both compassionate and powerful. You will tune in to ways of communicating that are clear and satisfying.
I was talking to a manager named George about slowing down and listening to his inner, higher wisdom, when he finally said, “You mean I should love everything I do?”
“That would be ideal.”
“If I wanted to do that, all I would do is play golf!”